Daltrey (Pushing Daisies Book 4)

by Heather Young-Nichols

  That night we were once again sitting on the couch with the TV on talking.

  “You two almost done?” Van asked.

  “Why? Where’s Lexi?” It was me who asked the questions because Ella still stayed out of family talks for the most part. Unless someone directly asked her a question.

  “Sleeping. Tired her out.” He fucking winked at Ella, probably to mess with me.

  He would’ve known that winking at her would piss me off even if I’d denied having any feelings for her.

  “We’re talking,” I told him.

  Van folded his arms over his chest. “You can talk over at the table.”

  “It’s more comfortable here and if you’re in your bunk, it’s also more private here.”

  “We can move,” Ella said, hopping to her feet before I could object.

  “We really don’t have to.”

  When she offered me her hand, I couldn’t reject it. There weren’t many times that we made physical contact, so I wouldn’t turn it down when offered. We may not have known each other long, but we’d become friends in our time together. Had to have, given the number of hours she was with me.

  Ella pulled me through the bus then hopped up into her bunk, which made me stop where I was. I rested my arms on the edge of her bunk and dropped my chin on top. I had the squat down to do it.

  “You’re going to bed?” I asked.

  “No.” She giggled. “Come on in. We can keep talking here.” She tucked a piece of errant hair behind her ear and bit her bottom lip. I wanted nothing more in this moment than to be the one biting that bottom lip. “Unless being in here with me makes you uncomfortable.”

  “Not at all.” I hopped in and pulled the divider closed. The thing is, I’d lied to her. She’d asked if this made me uncomfortable. It did, but not for the reasons she was thinking. The only part of me that was going to be uncomfortable was in my pants.

  Ella had changed into her pajamas a couple of hours ago and neither of us still had shoes on. We were on the road headed south to our next city. Dallas, I thought.

  The problem was, the bunks were rather small and that made it difficult to keep an appropriate distance. I moved one way, she the other. We kept bumping into each other.

  “You’ve shared a bunk with someone before, right?” she asked as she laughed at our inability to find a position that worked.

  I hated that fucking question, though, because thinking about anyone else I’d been in a bunk with felt just wrong with her beside me.

  “Was it this complicated?” she asked.

  “No.” At least on that, I could be honest. “But we were trying to—”

  “Is there a way to make this work without one of us lying on top of the other?”

  Fuck. My dick got hard just from her words. “There is.” I slid down onto my back then pulled her up so I could slide my arm around her and tuck her into my side. “How’s that?” Because for me, it was the most comfortable I’d been since being on this tour.

  “Good. Comfortable. Is it OK, though? It’s kind of… close.”

  “I’m good with it if you are.”

  “I am.”

  We lay there for a few minutes and I thought she’d fallen asleep, but then she asked, “So why don’t you have a girlfriend when most of your brothers do? And your sister. Have you seen the way Lawson watches her? It’s kind of hot.”

  I groaned. “I try very hard not to notice anything between them other than him holding her hand.”

  She snickered. “Sorry. I don’t have any siblings, so I forget you all have boundaries.”

  “We barely have boundaries.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t have a girlfriend because I haven’t found anyone I’ve wanted to be with like that.”

  “But sex is OK?”

  “More than OK.”

  “You haven’t been with anyone since I got here. I thought you were banging someone new every night.”

  “Not every night.” I shifted uncomfortably. “But again. There hasn’t been anyone I’ve wanted to be with.”

  She shifted so she could look up at me and seeing those damn green eyes had me wanting to drown in her ocean.

  “Listen.” I ran my free hand over my face while my other one was resting on her hip. “Most of that shit I was doing while I was drinking. I don’t do it in that quantity if I haven’t had a bunch of drinks.”

  “Got it.” She slid back down and burrowed into my side.

  I couldn’t help myself. I let my fingers trail up and roll a lock of her hair between my finger and thumb.

  “What about you?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t hear the thickness in my voice or feel the thickness in my pants.

  “What about me what? I already told you I don’t like hookups.”

  I gave that hair a tug. “I meant boyfriend.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Not in a while. Something I inherited from my mom is picking not-so-nice guys. So for a long time, whenever I liked someone, I tried to deny it and go in the opposite direction. Well, that ended up with me dating guys who weren’t really for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The ones I liked weren’t good guys. The ones I dated were great. Just boring or we didn’t really mesh well.”

  I hated all the bastards. The ones she’d liked and the ones she’d dated.

  We lay there like that and talked for who knew how long. Long enough for her to fall asleep.

  I could’ve left as soon as I knew she was out, but I pushed it. Lying there pretending that she could see me as something other than a job was almost torture.

  Finally, I slinked off back to my own bunk, where I tortured myself some more.

  11

  Ella

  Things were going well on the tour. I’d been here a while and so far, there had been no issues, though it was clear that Daltrey didn’t feel like himself in his own skin.

  I still didn’t know why, though. There was something off, but he hadn’t opened up to me with that yet and I wouldn’t force him. He’d do it in his own time, but I’d bet that he would feel better once he did. I hoped it would be soon.

  “Ella!”

  My name caught me off guard, but the urgency with which it was yelled freaked me out.

  I scurried over to the window and peeked out. I’d gone back to the bus because I’d wanted a minute to call Emery. I’d just ended that call moments before, after ignoring all of her demands to know every detail about Daltrey. There was no way I’d ever betray Daltrey’s confidence by telling Emery or anyone else what he said to me. Mack hadn’t even asked.

  The door to the bus flew open as I stood there waiting with a slight panic creeping through my veins.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Daltrey,” Mack tells me. His skin moist, which meant something big had happened or he’d been running out here. The weather was hot as balls, so it could’ve been either.

  “What about Daltrey?” I slid my phone into my back pocket. “He’s been fine since I got here. Not drinking at all.”

  “I still don’t think he’s drinking, but he is freaking the fuck out.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You two have gotten close. I thought maybe he’d listen to you.”

  “Let’s go.” This was technically part of my job, but even if it wasn’t, I’d go. My concern for Daltrey grew with each second we weren’t wherever he was.

  “He’s locked in the dressing room,” he told me on the way to the venue. “No idea what tripped his wire. Did he say anything to you?”

  I shook my head as he flung open the door. “The only thing I told him was that I’m not coming to the show tonight. Usually, I watch from the side stage and I said I was going to do something else tonight.” I sighed. “I wanted to hit the bookstore down the street. Thought during the show would be the easiest time.”

  “That shouldn’t have caused this.”

  We stopped at the dressing room door and there were too many people gathered around this part of the hall.
/>   “Can you…?” I waved behind me so he’d know what I meant without saying it.

  Mack, Van, and Bonham jumped into action getting people to move away. Finally, we were alone in the hall, so I knocked.

  “Daltrey,” I called out. “It’s Ella. Can you open the door?” He didn’t say anything back to me. “I just want to see what’s going on. I’d rather not yell through the door.”

  It seemed to take forever, but eventually, he cracked the door open so I could get in, but I gave his brothers a look that I hoped conveyed that I was doing this on my own.

  When I got inside, I shut the door behind me, but I didn’t lock it.

  “Hey,” I said gently. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” He paced back and forth in front of me, running his hands through his hair a bunch.

  “Something.” I reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him then slid in front of him so he wouldn’t have much choice but to focus on me. Actually, he was pretty tall. Over six feet, I was guessing, so he could look right over my head, but I didn’t think he would. “Do you want me to go?”

  “No.” He was shaking, more like vibrating, against my hand.

  Whatever was going on with him was a big deal and I was starting to have some guesses. I’d seen this in friends in high school as well as friends now. It was common if I was right.

  “I don’t perform sober,” he finally spat out.

  I scrunched up my eyebrows. “You have all week. Why’s this different?”

  “I need a few drinks to take the edge off so I won’t think about it so much.”

  “Think about what?” I pressed.

  “I don’t think I can go on stage tonight.”

  “OK, stop.” I slid my hands into his. He intertwined our fingers as we faced each other. “What’s different about tonight, Daltrey? You’ve been fine all week.” I took a deep breath. Now was the time to dive deep. “Or have you not been fine?”

  His dark eyes settled on mine. “I have been.”

  “So talk to me.”

  His tongue ran back and forth across his bottom lip. “You aren’t going to be there tonight.”

  Well, that wasn’t what I’d been expecting. “That’s not… Wait, what?”

  Daltrey released my hands then dropped into the closest chair. “You’ve been at all the shows and I don’t know. It’s kept me calm. Having you around keeps me calm.” Now we locked eyes and I could see the pain. “You aren’t going to be there tonight.”

  “Daltrey,” I said gently as I dropped down beside him on my knees. “You could’ve just asked me to come.”

  “I can’t monopolize all your time. You deserve to do some things for yourself.”

  “Yeah, but this is what I agreed to and, Daltrey, you’re my friend. I want to be here for you if you need me.”

  “Fuck,” he muttered as he set his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

  I covered them with mine. If I kept him calm, then this should help. “Can you please tell me why you need someone to keep you calm?”

  He blew out a quick breath and began bouncing his leg. “I don’t know. Ever since we came on tour, there’s been this crushing weight on my chest. The constant fucking reminder of how big of an opportunity this is. How I’m going to blow it for them. It’s hard to take.”

  “So you have anxiety.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. I’d seen this before.

  “I didn’t say—”

  “You have anxiety, Daltrey. It’s not something to be embarrassed about. Lots of people have it.”

  “I’ve never had it before.”

  “But this is a big deal and there’s a lot of pressure. That can bring it out. Before, you were kind of just doing it for fun.”

  He watched me but didn’t say anything in response.

  “How about this… I’ll stay for the show and if you make it through sober, I’ll tell you one of my stories. Something about me. You know you love those.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah. OK. That sounds good. A bedtime story?”

  As I bit back a smile, I said, “Sure. Whatever you want.”

  “Oh, baby, don’t say that.”

  Now I fully laughed. “One thing. Can I talk to Mack about this? He wants to help you. This is something that’s treatable and you’ll feel a lot better.”

  He thought it over then nodded. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

  “OK.” I patted him on the back then stood up. “We have to let your brothers in. I won’t go anywhere, though.”

  As I hovered in the corner while they went about their normal business, I caught Daltrey glancing at me every now and then, like he wanted to make sure I was still there. I wasn’t going anywhere, but damn, this job had just gotten heavy.

  It was a weird thought that I was his calming thing. Some people had rituals that calm them, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He hadn’t acted like he even wanted a drink since I’d shown up. That wouldn’t be the case with someone who had a true drinking problem. A real alcoholic would crave it no matter how much someone else meant to them. Didn’t mean they couldn’t get over it. It just wasn’t that easy.

  But Daltrey didn’t have a drinking problem. He had an anxiety problem. A self-medicating problem. That was different and I couldn’t wait to talk to Mack once they were on the stage. I’d stay. I just needed to talk to Mack too.

  “Time to go,” Mack said so suddenly, it was like he’d yanked me from my thoughts physically.

  The four of them created a ruckus as they filed out of the room. Daltrey was last and I went with him.

  “Hey. I want you to know I’m here and I’ll be here, but I’m going to step backstage to talk to Mack while you’re on. That OK?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Yeah. Just knowing you’re here seems to do the trick.”

  I gave him the best smile that I could. “Good. I’m here for you.”

  He wet his lips and his eyes dropped to my lips like he was thinking of kissing me. I wanted him to, but that would make everything weird, I thought. Not to mention the idea of losing this job wasn’t all that appealing. But I’d started to imagine what it’d be like to kiss Daltrey enough that it was like I already knew what it’d be like. Yet I hoped I was wrong and it’d be even better.

  Once they got into the second song, I tapped Mack on the arm and silently asked if he’d follow me. It wasn’t until we were through the door and it was shut to muffle the music that we spoke.

  “What the hell was that?” Mack asked. “Did he tell you?”

  “I think it’s anxiety. That’s why he was drinking so much. It was self-medicating, but I think today was a panic attack.”

  “Seriously? But why has he been fine without the alcohol all week?”

  My stomach turned. This, I didn’t want to answer in case it meant we were getting too close and Mack would want me out of there. “He says it’s me. That I’m calming to him and the idea of me not being here tonight freaked him out. That caused the panic attack.”

  “Fuck.” He was louder than he’d probably meant to be. “By bringing you here, did I make my brother codependent?”

  “No.” I laughed. “I don’t think so. I’m just a replacement for the alcohol, though I swear to you nothing has happened between us. All the time we spend in the bunks, it just talking.”

  “I don’t care about that.” He brushed a hand through the air. “Fuck. You’re good for him. I wouldn’t care at all if you two got together, but I wouldn’t want to put the burden of being with him twenty-four hours a day on you.”

  “It’s not that much of a burden.”

  One corner of his mouth ticked up. Gah. That sounded bad when I said it out loud.

  “I’m going to call our dad. He’s a doctor. He’ll know what to do.”

  “Good idea.” Convenient having a doctor as a dad, but I could see where that could also add to Daltrey’s pressure.

  While he did that, I returned to my spot next to the stage and p
ut the earplugs back in. Daltrey had told me one night that wearing the earplugs was a must. It was so loud and the decibels so high that I could damage my hearing if I didn’t wear them.

  After the show, the band had a meet-and-greet before we were to hop on the bus and head to the next city. I tucked myself into a corner of the room, a place where I knew Daltrey would be able to see me if he needed to. If I could bring him comfort, I was willing to do it.

  He was at ease throughout the whole thing. Interacting with the fans as if he didn’t have a care in the world and he was born to do this. Daltrey was also incredibly careful about the way he touched the fans. There was actually very little contact and the more I watched the whole band, I began to notice that all the guys did that. Daisy didn’t. She’d wrap her arms around someone in a genuine hug or set a hand on her shoulder when they were taking a picture. At least she did it with the female fans. She still did it with the male fans but was more careful.

  I felt like there was a story behind this.

  “Mack,” I said without taking my eyes off the band. He was standing next to me, so I knew he’d hear me. “Why are the guys so careful when it comes to touching the fans? I mean, obviously, they wouldn’t get handsy. They all have girlfriends except Daltrey, but they’re, like, incredibly careful.”

  “There was an issue a while back,” Lawson, Daisy’s boyfriend, answered for him. My head swung to the other side where he was standing, super tall with his dark hair and dark eyes. Lawson also wore a suit, though I didn’t know why he always did.

  “What do you mean?”

  “With a fan and Daisy. He was stalking her.”

  “Oh, that sucks. But he’s not a problem anymore?”

  “He’s not a problem anymore,” Mack confirmed. “But it made us all realize how little things can get out of hand. My brothers were never really handsy with fans, but that made everyone a little more careful.”

  Barrett, Lawson’s assistant, was there with us too. She was shorter, like me, with dark hair and she was incredibly beautiful. I’d talked to her a few times before, but I didn’t have a lot of interaction with Courting Chaos and their people because I was always with Daltrey. “Plus, Jurnie almost killed Bonham when she saw a fan hanging all over him. Can’t blame her for that.”