Lawson snorted. “Well—”
“No way,” Barrett said, cutting him off. “You don’t know what it’s like to see women throw themselves at your man.”
That was right. She was Dixon from Courting Chaos’ girlfriend as well as Lawson’s assistant.
“Ah, excuse me?” He pointed at Daisy, who was next to a male fan right then.
I guess I could see what he meant. Daisy was incredibly popular with all genders.
Lawson and Barrett were chattering back and forth, so I turned back to Mack. “But everything’s good now with Daisy?”
“Yeah. He was arrested. She’s fine now, but it highlighted a few things and we’re all pretty careful not to give anyone the wrong impression.”
“The wrong impression?” I didn’t know what he meant.
“Yeah. Daisy didn’t do anything and this guy thought they were together, so we’re all careful not to accidentally give someone that impression.”
“Got it. Makes sense.”
I couldn’t imagine that. Having strangers want a piece of you or think you’re already theirs. Having them stalk you. That must’ve been really scary for her. Yet here she was giving them genuine smiles as if she didn’t have a care in the world.
Though I still wanted to know what had really happened with Daisy, I didn’t think now was the time to ask.
“And as you said, most of the guys have girlfriends.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. Bonham and Jurnie are together. Lexi and Van. Daisy and Lawson, though she’s not one of the guys. Just leaves Daltrey.” I glanced up at him. “And you, as far as I know, but I just meant them.” I waved my hand over in the general direction of the band.
“Definitely not me, but doesn’t Daltrey have a girlfriend?”
I searched my memory, running over every word he’d ever said to me. Nothing I could pinpoint exactly. Add to that the fact that I spent most of his free time with him, I couldn’t figure out where he could fit one in.
“Not that I know of.”
He raised an eyebrow. “OK.”
It took a minute for me to realize what he was alluding to. He meant me and it wasn’t like that. “Mack, I told you nothing is going on between Daltrey and me outside of being friends.”
He shrugged. “Must be my wishful thinking then.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but he walked away before I could and I noticed the band was done as well. Instead of tracking him down, I shook my head and made my way over to Daltrey.
12
Daltrey
I didn’t think I’d ever wanted a woman the way that I wanted Ella. It was how she’d been there for me whenever I’d needed her, but fuck, I hated needing her. Deep down I realized that she was paid to be with me all of those times but while she’s been here, I’d gotten to know her and truly believe that she’s still do those things even if she wasn’t paid now that we’re friends.
Ella Matthews kept up her work and stayed the whole time with me, even though she’d wanted to go down to the bookstore while we were on. Which meant I needed to take her to the bookstore.
When she slid in beside me, I dropped my arm around her shoulders the way I had a hundred times now. It was seen as a friendly gesture, but I wanted it known that she was mine, even though she really wasn’t and I didn’t care if that made me a neanderthal.
“Hey,” I said when she didn’t pull away. She hadn’t done that once, either. “What time does your bookstore close?”
“My bookstore?” She looked up at me with her brows scrunched in confusion. “Oh, the one I was going to go to. Like ten, I think. Why?”
It was almost nine, so there was plenty of time. “I thought we’d go down there now since you couldn’t go earlier because of me.”
“We don’t have to.”
I squeezed my arm which was still around her shoulders, bringing her closer. “I know we don’t have to and it’s only an hour, but I’d like to go there with you.”
Her face lit up with a great smile. “Yeah. That’d be great,” she told me.
The guys and I had showered off quickly right after our set but before the meet-and-greet. I was set to go.
“I’ll just grab my purse,” she told me.
“Where are you two going?” Bonham asked as he joined us with Jurnie by his side. Their hands were folded into one another and it was the first time I was jealous of such a middle-school thing. They were easy. They were natural. But I couldn’t pass holding Ella’s hand off as being friendly, which meant it was off the table.
“Bookstore,” I told him.
“We’ll come with you?” It was a question and I hadn’t extended the invitation, but when Jurnie and Ella started chatting excitedly about which books they were most looking forward to picking up, I knew I couldn’t tell him to fuck off.
If my girl wanted his to go with us, I wasn’t going to try to stop that.
My girl. I was referring to her like that more and more lately when I knew damn well that she wasn’t my girl. Might never be my girl, but damn did I want her to be.
The bookstore was just down the street a couple of blocks and since Courting Chaos was still on stage, there was very little traffic of any kind out here. We were able to make it there quickly.
“You know, Bonham and Jurnie met in a bookstore,” I said. Ella was thumbing through some titles on the romance shelf.
“She told me about it. That’s the cutest story ever.” She tucked two paperbacks under her arm then went looking for another, so I took the two from her and held on to them.
“Yeah.” There was more I wanted to say, but I didn’t think now was the right time or place. After all, she’d promised me a bedtime story.
I didn’t care what we did as long as she was with me. She’d been my calming force since she’d arrived. She was comforting and whenever I felt myself start to panic, I’d find her and the feeling would go away.
The more I thought about what she’d said about anxiety, the more I knew she was right. Mack had sent me a text telling me he’d reached out to Dad and Dad would be calling me to get this figured out.
So I had that to look forward to in the morning. However, if this really was the issue, then it was for the best. Relying on Ella couldn’t be my solution because eventually, she might leave. As much as I thought of her as mine, she wasn’t.
“What’s going on?” she asked, suddenly much closer than she had been.
“Nothing.”
She pursed her lips then said, “Don’t tell me nothing. You look pretty serious right now.”
“Oh.” I adjusted my weight uncomfortably. “Mack told me Dad’s going to call in the morning to talk about this anxiety stuff.”
“Oh. Good.” Her shoulders relaxed and she went back to looking through the bookshelf. “Why does that make you look so serious?”
“It doesn’t. Or I didn’t mean for it to. I just haven’t talked to anyone about this but you.”
“It’ll be fine. Your dad loves you, right?” she asked. I nodded. “Then trust him, Daltrey. That way, you can feel better and won’t need me anymore.”
That was like a punch to the gut. “I think I’ll still need you.”
She smiled shyly, which led me to believe she understood what I was saying. “But then it’d be a choice, right?”
“Yeah. It’d be a choice.”
Somehow, I knew that I’d always choose her.
Jurnie and Ella walked in front of Bonham and me as we headed back to the venue and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I was beginning to feel like a creeper.
“You’re falling for her, aren’t you?” Bonham asked quietly. The girls gave no indication that they’d heard him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bullshit.” He chuckled. “We all like her, Daltrey, so we’re kind of pulling for you on that.”
“You’re out of your mind. We’re just friends.”
“The way you’re watching her ass has me believing that yo
u want more than friendship.”
I raised my eyes so I wasn’t looking at her ass. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He laughed louder and both women turned to look at us over their shoulders.
“Sure you don’t.”
“Listen.” I stopped and again the women didn’t notice. “This is her job. She’s my friend. Eventually, she’s going to go home and that’ll be the end of it.”
He brought his hand down onto my shoulder. “Only if you let it be.” Then he jogged to catch up with his girl, looped an arm around her neck, and pulled her away from Ella. They were giggling and calling out to each other as space separated them even further.
“What was that about?” she asked with a wide grin. I loved seeing Ella in every way, but this happy, stress-free, unconcerned look was my favorite. I wanted her to look at me that way.
I shrugged. “Probably wants to get her naked.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t go back to the bus then. Give them privacy.”
“Nah. They have his bunk. They’ll be fine.”
Maybe it bothered her to think of people on the bus having sex, but it didn’t me. I was used to it and it wasn’t like any of us were obnoxiously loud. Fuck. Maybe Ella was and now that was all I could think about.
“Why don’t you get changed and come to my bunk?” I asked when we were about to get back on the bus.
“But nobody’s—” She pointed at the living area.
“It’ll be more comfortable.”
Ella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and her breathing sped up. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was thinking dirty thoughts. Fuck, I wanted her to be thinking dirty thoughts.
“OK. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As I watched her walk to her own bunk, there were all kinds of thoughts running through my head, only for those to be interrupted by a call from my dad. I thought he’d be calling in the morning but apparently, he’d changed his mind.
He didn’t waste any time getting down to business and wanted to know what had been going on. After I explained it all, he was quiet for what I thought was too long.
“I wish I would’ve known how you felt after you had the problem before, but you seemed fine,” he told me. My dad was a big guy like the rest of us, but he was as gentle as could be. As a doctor, he always said he needed to balance his size with his personality so patients wouldn’t be afraid of him.
“I was fine. It wasn’t until all of the pressure of this tour kicked in that it was a problem.”
“It happens that way sometimes. Listen, I talked to a friend of mine today. He’s a psychiatrist and I explained everything. He’s willing to prescribe you something that will help with the anxiety if you agree to meetings with his in-office therapist. You’d have to see him once in a while too, but mostly the therapist.”
“Can’t you just prescribe me something?”
Dad sighed. “You know I can’t.”
He never stepped out of the boundary of the oath he’d taken to become a doctor. Part of the rules was not prescribing medications to family.
“How would I meet with a therapist? I’m on the road.”
“It’d be a telehealth appointment, probably just once a week to start, then she would determine if you need more, but I think you’d be able to go as needed as soon as your anxiety is under control. Daltrey, there really isn’t a discussion. You can’t keep drinking and you can’t get the meds without these appointments.”
He was right. It was what I would have to do. “Yeah. OK.”
Dad sighed in relief. “I’ll have him call in a script in the morning. Mack gave me a copy of your schedule, so I’ll let you know which pharmacy to get it at in Oklahoma City—I think it’s where you’ll be tomorrow.”
“It is.”
“Then I’ll schedule everything else and send you the times.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“You’re welcome. This is part of my job as your father, but Daltrey, next time something is going on, come to me right away. Let’s not let it get out of control again.”
“I will. I promise.”
“Now tell me about this woman Mack mentioned. Ella? Is that her name?”
A smile played on my lips. Sure, I could’ve been mad about Mack talking about my love life to my dad, but that was normal in our family. We all did it. “She’s a friend.”
“Mack seems to think she might be more.”
“I hope so. Eventually.” From the moment I’d verbalized even a small part of what I was feeling for Ella to Bonham, I knew I wasn’t going to deny it to anyone. Even her. But I hadn’t decided if telling her was the right thing to do yet. She was working for the band and I didn’t want her to feel obligated to reciprocate because she didn’t want to lose her job.
After ending the call with my dad, I quickly slid off my jeans and yanked my shirt off. I slept in my boxers and that wasn’t going to change just because Ella was going to hang out with me for a little while. I yanked the blanket over me before she knocked on the divider.
“Are you decent?” her sweet voice called out.
No. No, I wasn’t decent, but all the important parts were covered. The indecent thing was all internal.
In my bunk, I had a small fan that was running because I was always hot and if I was staying below the covers, I was going to need it.
“I am,” I told her.
The divider slid back then Ella climbed into my area. It wasn’t the easiest thing for her to do since she was so short and I was on the top bunk, but she made it and didn’t even fall.
She slid right under my arm like she always did when we lay around together. It really was the most comfortable way to lie here. The bunks were roomy, but when you got two people in there, it could get tight. Plus, I fucking wanted her close the way she was. Ella had changed into a shorts and tank top pajama set with a unicorn on the shirt. It read, “Don’t wake me. I’ll poke you with my horn.”
Guess she wasn’t a morning person any more than I was.
“This is more comfortable than it should be,” she murmured and I couldn’t miss the way her breath spread across my chest or the fact that her hand rested on my ribs against my bare skin.
It was an innocent touch, yet it shot right to my dick.
“It’s exactly as comfortable as it should be.”
“Eventually, you’re going to bring someone back here and I’m not sure she’ll appreciate you finding it this comfortable with me.”
“You’re the only one I want in here.”
Her breath caught, but then she blew it out and it skittered across my skin again. There was only a small light on in the bunk and I hadn’t bothered with the TV, but it was just enough that when I looked down at her, I could see the creamy swells of her breasts and I knew if I looked, her nipples would be pebbled and poking out of her shirt because of the fan I had on. She wasn’t wearing a bra, so there was nothing to hide it.
This was my best and worst idea ever.
“So.” I blew out my own shaky breath. “You promised me a story of yours. I made it through the show and didn’t drink.”
“What do you want?”
“Something real. Normal. Something good.”
She chuckled. “I have something real. Does one out of three work for today? I’m not sure I have stories from when I was a kid that are all three.”
“Real works.” But my gut clenched knowing how she’d grown up. I promised myself I wouldn’t make her live through that again. “Before you begin, I don’t really want to talk about this, but I do want you to know. My dad called. I’ll be starting medication tomorrow and seeing a therapist.”
“That’s really good, Daltrey. I think it’s going to make all the difference.”
“OK. Now go.”
“Can I ask you a question first?”
“Shoot.”
She pulled my arm across my chest, letting her finger trace the biggest tattoo on my forearm. “Why this dog?”
“He was our dog when we were kids and was the best dog. When I was getting these done, I tried to pick things that meant something to me or that I didn’t want to forget. I didn’t want to forget him.”
“That’s very sweet, Daltrey.”
“Might have to get your portrait on the other arm.” I bit back a smile because human portraits usually looked awful. At least when you were trying to have them look like the actual person.
“Oh god.” She groaned. “Don’t ever do that. It’s creepy.”
Now I laughed because that’s exactly what I’d been thinking.
Ella didn’t begin to speak right away and instead, she took a minute. I wasn’t sure if it was to compose herself or what and I was thinking about taking my request back.
“My mom used to bring random men home for the night. But when I was little, it freaked me out. Having someone I didn’t know staying in my house. When I was like seven or either, I knew why he was there and what they were doing when most of my friends didn’t even know what sex was yet.”
Fuck. I hoped this didn’t go somewhere dark with her because I didn’t think I could control myself if it did. If someone touched her… I was going to lose my shit.
“Most of the time, she didn’t even know their names, as far as I could tell, but they’d do what they were going to do and they weren’t quiet about it. During these times, I really wished I had a sibling to go through it with me, but then I felt selfish because why subject another kid to this shit?”
“So you wouldn’t be alone,” I told her quietly as I squeezed her tighter to me.
“Yeah, but that wouldn’t have made a difference. And honestly, it would’ve been someone else for me to take care of, and I was already taking care of my mom.” She took a breath and started trailing her fingertip in the dips of my ribs. I don’t think she realized she was doing it and I sure as hell didn’t want her to stop. “Whenever she brought someone home, I would hide in my room, which wasn’t a big deal because she was always drunk when she did it. She preferred that I stay out of her way when she was like that. I’d climb into bed and pull the blanket over my head to shut the world out then sing myself a song over and over until I fell asleep. I did that until I was in high school. It was like the song was calming.”
Daltrey (Pushing Daisies Book 4) Page 10
