Max Rage: Intergalactic Badass!

by Jake Bible

  “Tatti? That the vampire?” Mosh asked.

  “You know her?” Rage responded.

  “Did some work for her cousin a long time ago,” Mosh said and shrugged his metal shoulders. “He tried to eat me, but his fangs broke on my skin. Paid well. What Tatti got to do with this?”

  “Some goddess cult thing,” Rage said dismissively. “I don’t know. Don’t really care. As far as I can tell, everyone has a hard-on for this goddess, so adding a space vampire pirate into the mix is no big whoopty fucking doo.”

  “The job,” Watchdog said.

  “What are you thinking, Bolt Butt?” Rage asked. “I’m sure you have this all figured out.”

  “I have the framework figured out, yes,” Watchdog said. “But the details will have to be worked out once we reach the station. Too many variables to plan for now.”

  “Lay the framework on us, then,” Rage said.

  “My lady?” Watchdog asked.

  “Go ahead,” Lisha said and snapped her fingers. A bot appeared at her side instantly. “Bloody Mary. Extra large. No celery. Double black pepper. Anyone else?”

  “Sure,” Neela said

  “Sounds good,” Mosh said.

  “Blood?” Fig asked.

  “I’ll take whiskey,” Rage said. “Leave the bottle.”

  “You are no help to us drunk, Rage,” Watchdog snapped.

  “Bolt Butt, relax. I can handle my liquor. Strong metabolism.”

  “My lady?” Watchdog protested.

  “Let the man have his drink,” Lisha said. “He’ll be fine by the time we leave in the morning.”

  A bot set the bottle of whiskey down next to Rage. He barely had time to realize that the whiskey cost more than he made at the bar in a year before Lisha’s words hit him.

  “We?” Rage asked. “What’s this we crap? You ain’t coming with us, lady.”

  “Oh, but I am, Max,” Lisha said. “You can’t get on the station without me. Once we have docked, you can lead the team to our goal, but I am the only one that has a way to keep from being blasted to tiny bits by the station’s defenses.”

  “What would that way be?” Neela asked.

  “I’m insanely rich and went to college with the head of security,” Lisha said. “I’m kind of a regular on Horloc Station. No one will even bat an eye when I show up.”

  “Oh, do we get to fly in that amazing ship of yours?” Fig asked. “It looks so marvelous and comfortable. The shuttle I took to the rendezvous point where I met your bots to bring me here was a little…sketchy? Yes, I believe that is the word. Sketchy.”

  “Bummer for you,” Rage said. “Anyway, that changes things. Now I have your tight ass to worry about too.”

  “Stop with the flattery, Max,” Lisha said and waved Rage off. “I’m kidding. Keep complimenting my ass. But, to address your worry, I can handle myself. I’ll be with the head of security of Horloc Station. No harm will come to me and he’ll be occupied obsessing over me while you all work. I would think keeping a person in that position occupied would be a benefit, yes?”

  “She’s not wrong there,” Neela said. “If she has security covered, then we can concentrate on the strip club and not worry about the station’s personnel coming down on us. Makes the job easier.”

  “Ain’t nothing easy on Horloc,” Rage said. “Don’t no one get comfortable thinking that.”

  “We know how to work,” Mosh grumbled.

  “Which strip club is it?” Rage asked Watchdog.

  The holographic image zoomed in, rotated, turned upside down, then froze on a specific sector of the station.

  “You have to be kidding,” Rage said.

  “There?” Neela exclaimed.

  “That is not a nice place,” Mosh said.

  “What? What am I missing?” Fig asked. “What’s wrong with that area?”

  “Sector 42,” Rage said to Fig. “You want to die a slow, painful death? Yeah, you go hang out in Sector 42.” Rage rubbed at his temples. “That means the strip club is Roger Morlaw’s place. Roger fucking Morlaw…”

  Fig blinked several times in confusion, his eyes looking to anyone for answers.

  “I got this,” Neela said. “Roger Morlaw is a pile of skin. He’s had so much work done on his body that pretty much everything collapsed and there hasn’t been a doctor in the galaxy that can put his ass back together. And he won’t go synthetic, so…”

  “So, it makes him the meanest son of a bitch around,” Rage said.

  “That is saying a lot when coming from you, Rage,” Watchdog said.

  “Oh, Roger isn’t that bad,” Lisha said.

  “He smothered a litter of kittens with his ass flaps once just to prove a point about the lack of breathability through his skin despite the porous nature of flesh,” Rage said.

  “The guy sucks,” Mosh said.

  “And that ain’t just a strip club,” Rage added. “That’s a snuff club. People go there to watch beings get butchered on stage. There’s some dancing in between, but the main show is hack and slash.”

  “Which is why no one complains when they get ripped off,” Neela said. “Even for Horloc, that place is a little much. You may visit Sector 42, but you don’t really talk about it later on.”

  “Oh, I see, I see,” Fig said. “What happens in Sector 42, stays in Sector 42. That it?”

  “What happens in Sector 42, scars you for life so you lock the horror away in your brain and pray you never think of it again,” Rage corrected. He pointed from Fig to Lisha. “You sure this guy is going to be able to handle surveillance? He’s gonna see some shit. Like some serious shit.”

  “I am more than capable of handling anything that is thrown my way while I work,” Fig said. “I may seem timid, perhaps meek, but I am the professional you want when dealing with surveillance systems or operations. Nothing gets by me and no one will detect you once the job is underway as long as I am controlling the systems, thank you very much.”

  “Pinky stepping up,” Rage said. “Alright, kid, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Kid? You presume, Rage,” Fig said. “I am older than you.”

  “Hard to tell when I can’t see your chewy insides through your hard outer shell there,” Rage said.

  “May we continue?” Watchdog asked.

  “You bet, Bolt Butt,” Rage said. “Here’s where we’re at: Lisha gets us onto the station and keeps security occupied. Pinky makes sure we aren’t discovered on any of the station’s systems and keeps us hidden when we make our move. Neela is going to have to shift to something that will get her into Morlaw’s club where she can search for the goddess’s name. Mosh and I’ll pretend to be patrons and hang out in the club, ready to snatch the goddess once we have the name.”

  “And what if I can’t find the name?” Neela asked.

  “Then Mosh and I come and help you,” Rage said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “If Morlaw is the only one that knows the goddess’s name, then Mosh stands guard while the two of us work him over. Morlaw is mean, but he feels pain like anyone else. Give me a few minutes with some of those skin flaps and he’ll be singing the goddess’s name.”

  “What if he doesn’t?” Lisha asked.

  It was an innocent question, but the steely look in her eyes gave Rage pause.

  “Any reason you can think of as to why he wouldn’t?” Rage asked.

  “He’s Roger Morlaw,” Lisha said. “The man can be stubborn even when facing excruciating torture. Do not underestimate his tolerance for pain.”

  “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience there, boss lady,” Rage said.

  “What are you going to do if Roger refuses to give you the name?” Lisha asked again.

  “Then we snatch him with the goddess and bring them both,” Rage said.

  “Uh, Rage, she’s a goddess,” Neela said. “It might not be that easy.”

  “Never said it would be easy,” Rage replied. “What’s our other option? Quit and walk away?”
r />   “That is not an option,” Lisha stated. The implication in her tone was obvious. “I’ve brought you here to do a job. That job will be completed. One way or another, I expect to have that goddess in my possession.”

  “There we have it, folks,” Rage said and stood up. He grabbed his bottle of whiskey and nodded at everyone. “Enjoy your bloody drinks or whatever. I’m going to take a walk by the lake, finish off this bottle, then pass out in whatever bedroom I stumble into.” Rage held up a finger before Lisha could respond. “Alone. See you all in the morning bright and early so we can go steal a goddess from her stripper job in a snuff club. Ah, nothing like a Tuesday to get the blood pumping.”

  “It’s Thursday,” Fig said.

  “Thanks, Pinky. Good to know.”

  Rage walked off, leaving the rest to stare after him.

  Sixteen

  Rage woke up with mud in his mouth and a wicked headache. He should have burned off the whiskey, but he’d tempted fate and fetched six more bottles once he’d downed his first one.

  He pushed up and narrowed his eyes as the planet’s six suns crested the mountains around the lake. They were little suns, so the glare wasn’t too bad.

  “Finally decided to wake up,” Neela said.

  Rage looked about, but didn’t see her. He sighed and got up onto shaky legs.

  “You that rock there?” he asked and pointed at a large boulder. “Or are you that log over there?”

  “Lake grass,” Neela said and the strands of greenery that were waving in the shallows of the lake solidified into one form and that shape became Neela’s usual humanoid persona. “The water here is crystal clean. Rare in this galaxy. I wanted a dawn soak before we get dirty on Horloc Station.”

  “And dirty we will get,” Rage said. “When was the last time you were on Horloc?”

  “Been a minute,” Neela said. “Wasn’t pleasant.”

  “Horloc never is,” Rage said and slowly twisted his back from side to side. The cracks from his vertebrae realigning caused some lake fowl several yards out in the water to take flight. Rage sighed. “What do you think our chances are?”

  “With the job or with surviving once the job is done?” Neela responded.

  “You’re thinking the same way as me,” Rage said. “That woman is going to have her bots kill us the second she has the goddess.”

  “Maybe,” Neela said. “I haven’t gotten a read on her yet.”

  “Nothing to read,” Rage said and watched the water fowl disappear in the glare of the suns. “I know psychopaths, been one most of my life, and that woman is Grade A psycho. She gets what she wants then she kills anyone that can possibly take away what she wants.”

  “So why did you take the job?”

  “Earth Corp,” Rage replied with as much disdain as his hungover brain could muster. “Got myself framed for the murder of Lisha’s husband.”

  “The Charbeshun? You killed him?” Neela asked.

  “No. What part of frame don’t you fucking understand?” Rage snapped.

  “No need to be an asshole,” Neela responded, amused. “Not that you can help yourself.”

  “That’s the general consensus,” Rage said. “Anyway, Earth Corp had the Greenville PD book me then pressure me into taking down Lisha. They said she’s one of those black widows that marries rich then kills her husbands. Earth Corp wants her taken down because she’s messing with fortunes that are aligned with their business interests.”

  “You don’t believe a word of that,” Neela said.

  “Not now, no,” Rage said. “Earth Corp wants the goddess too.” Rage shook his head and took a deep breath. He was already feeling better. The fresh air coming off the lake breeze was helping. A lot. “Second I found out about this goddess heist was the second I realized just how big of a pawn I was. That’s why I made the deal with Tatti too.”

  “I’m sorry, did you say you made a deal with a pirate space vampire that has tried to kill you more times than I have fingers?” Neela exclaimed. “And don’t forget that I can make as many fingers as I want.”

  “Space vampire pirate. And she’s only tried to kill me because we’ve been on opposite ends of specific goals,” Rage said. “This time, we’re on the same side.”

  “Which is?”

  “Keeping my ass alive. We steal that goddess, survive whatever double cross Lisha has in store for us, and hand the goddess over to Tatti and we’ll have a ride off of Horloc Station. A ride I can trust to get us past the armada of Earth Corp fleet ships that will be waiting to take the goddess from Lisha.”

  “What about your deal with the Greenville PD?” Neela asked. “You’ll still be framed for the murder of the Charbeshun.”

  “Probably,” Rage said. “That’ll have to wait until I’m back on Earth and dealing with it. One bullshit scenario at a time.”

  “Why are you trusting me with all this?” Neela asked. “It’s been a long time since we were on the same side.”

  “Fuck sides.”

  “Totally agree, but still, Rage, I could tell all of this to Lisha and you’d be fucked. Why are you trusting me?”

  “Who says I am? I wouldn’t be surprised if this entire shore is wired for sound. That piece of shit bot could be listening right now. Maybe what I’m doing is implicating you in my shit so when push comes to shove at the end of this bullshit job you’ll be forced to help me out because there is no way you can trust Lisha or that bot.”

  “Yeah, you’re not that deep.” Neela smirked.

  “True.” Rage rolled his shoulders and eased the tension from his neck. “You got handed a shit sandwich and was forced to take a bite just like me. Thought you might like a chance at not being forced to eat seconds.”

  “So…you’re doing this to be nice? I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Yep. That’s puke sitting at the back of my teeth.”

  “You don’t have a stomach for puke to come out of.”

  “I do in this body.”

  Rage laughed. “No. I’m not doing this to be nice. I’m gonna need backup when the time comes, and you’re the only one I can even consider trusting to have my back when it all falls apart. You’ll want me to have your back too, right?”

  “Wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

  “Then there you have it. My motivation is completely selfish.”

  “What about the other two? Mosh and Fig?”

  “What about them? I don’t know those assholes from shit.”

  “But they’re on our team. They’re gonna get double-crossed too. Might help to have a couple more bodies covering our backs.”

  “They’re on their own. I’ve risked more than I like just telling you what’s what. No way I’m sharing with Tin Man and Pinky.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  “Don’t you tell them, either. Hear me, Neela? Keep this shit between us locked down tight. If by the end of the job they have proven they’re worth saving, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, it’s you and me and no one else.”

  “You’re the team leader,” Neela said with a shrug as she started to walk off. “You lead, I’ll follow. Just make sure you lead me to an outcome where I’m still alive.”

  “That’s the goal,” Rage said and followed Neela as the two headed back up to the mansion.

  When they reached the bottom of a set of stone steps, Neela paused. Rage looked past her and was not surprised to see Watchdog standing a few steps up.

  “I have been looking for the both of you,” Watchdog said. “You have wasted my time.”

  “Good morning, Bolt Butt,” Rage said. “Ship all loaded up and ready to go?”

  “Yes,” Watchdog said. “An hour ago. May we leave and get on with business or is there more idiocy to be had this morning?”

  “You tell me,” Rage said as he started up the stairs, pushing past Watchdog. “You know more about idiocy than I do.”

  “I hardly find that true, Rage,” Watchdog said as he made way for Neela to pass. “Your idioc
y knows no bounds.”

  “You’re thinking of my bravery and ability to kick ass,” Rage said. “Easy mistake for an overgrown sparkler to make.”

  “Overgrown sparkler? What does that even mean, Rage? A sparkler is a child’s amusement item that emits sparks when lit. I do not see how I resemble that in any way.”

  “Think on it for a while and let me know what you figure out,” Rage said.

  “You’re going to fuck with him the entire job, aren’t you?” Neela asked when she caught up with Rage at the top of the stairs.

  “Yep,” Rage replied. “Gotta at least make this job fun while I wait for it to go south.”

  “You really think this is going to go down the way you expect it to,” Neela stated. “You’re not even giving any thought that maybe we can do this job and get paid then walk away clean.”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re that confident?”

  Rage smirked. “You ever know me to be anything but confident?”

  “Hello! There you two are!” Lisha called from the balcony of the mansion’s veranda. “Were you being naughty down by the lake? Ah, nothing better than early morning lake sex, I always say.”

  “Rage was passed out drunk,” Neela called up to her. “I had to go wake him up.”

  “I wasn’t still drunk,” Rage said. “Passed out, yeah. Ship ready to go?”

  “Did Watchdog not alert you?” Lisha asked.

  “He mumbled something, but he’s hard to understand with all those bolts rattling around in his butt,” Rage replied.

  “I despise you,” Watchdog called from a few yards behind Rage and Neela.

  “The ship is ready, Max,” Lisha said. “Time to get to work.”

  Seventeen

  The ship was different, yet not different. It was pissing Rage off that he couldn’t figure out what had his hackles up.

  “Are you alright, Rage?” Fig asked as he sat down next to Rage on one of the lounge’s couches, a fizzy green drink in his hand. He sipped from the straw and smiled. “This is yummy. You should have one.”

  “Does it have any alcohol in it?” Rage asked.

  “Some,” Fig said.