by Leah Holt
“Okay! Light it up!”
It's Tyler.
Bright Christmas lights popped on, covering the front bushes and around the windows. I watched as the rest of her family came out of the house, all of them unaware of the lingering eyes in darkness. Gwen came out last, causing my chest to tighten and my stomach to clench.
She was just as beautiful as the last day I saw her.
Her curly brown hair flowed like silk over her back, her smile was huge, lighting up the yard more than all the hundreds of Christmas lights put together.
I'm so sorry, Gwen. I really am.
Tapping my fingers against the wheel, all I could think about was jumping out of the car and running to her. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, feel her against my chest, smell her skin and touch her body.
But I didn't move.
She was clear the last time we talked. Gwen was done with me, it was over.
I had one phone call after I got arrested and I chose to call her. She wouldn't listen to a word I had to say, she refused to let me speak. And she was so upset that I didn't even try to calm her down. I let her be mad, I let her crush my heart in her palm and hang up on me.
I gave up on us.
Starting the car, I turned on the lights, pulling a u-turn in the street and driving away. Seeing her brought back all the emotions I thought I had left in the past.
I tried so hard not to love her anymore, but it just didn't work.
Chapter Six
Gwen
Standing in the darkness, I heard the faint rumble of an engine. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched a car as it made a sharp turn in the road and headed away from us.
The taillights flickered like a fireflie on a hot summer night, dancing against the horizon until they finally disappeared.
“Gwen?”
“Hm?” I said, turning to look at my brother.
“What are you looking at?” he asked, searching the darkness behind us.
“Oh, uh, nothing. It was just a car, probably one of the neighbors or something.” I wasn't sure why, but even as I said it, I didn't believe that it was just a neighbor.
There was a feeling sitting in my chest, like that car had been watching us. Looking back over my shoulder, I stared into the empty street, expecting to find more than just silence.
“Okay, well you coming?” Tyler asked, starting for the door. Rubbing his hands together, he blew hot air into closed fists. “It's cold as hell out here.”
“Yeah, I'm coming.” Stepping into the house, the smell of gingerbread filled the air. Taking in a deep breath, I followed it into the kitchen. “Gingerbread, now it really feels like Christmas.”
“You can't have Christmas without Gingerbread,” my mother said, slipping her hands into the potholders, and opening the oven.
Leaning against the door frame, I tucked my hands into my pockets. “I'm sorry it took me so long to come home, Mom.”
Resting the cookie sheet on the stove, she looked at me over her shoulder. “It doesn't matter, you're here now. You found your way back to us, that's all that counts.” Smiling, she waved her hand over the silver tray. “So, how about some cookies?”
* * * *
My father stood at the stereo, turning up the music as my mother walked through the living room, carrying a tray of appetizers over to the table.
People were starting to filter into the house for the party, causing the room to explode with laughs, smiles, and stories from the past. My uncle Jeff started with his tall tales of the days he spent traveling around Europe. . .
My mother's brother was a compulsive liar, he had never left the country, but no one ever called him out on it. We all smiled and nodded, letting him talk himself into a slurry of nonsense.
In reality, the closest he ever came to being in another country was visiting Epcot every summer for the past twenty years.
“Did you know that in France they consider a grilled cheese with tomato a delicacy?”
Sipping my beer, I tried to sound interested. “No, I didn't know that.” Backing away slowly, I quickly said, “Excuse me, Uncle Jeff, the ladies room is calling.” Walking away, it didn't take him long to rope in another set of ears.
Crossing the room, I smiled at familiar faces, never once giving anyone the opportunity to speak to me. I needed a break, a moment to myself to collect my thoughts.
I thought I'd be able to handle this, but it was a little overwhelming. My mind was starting to wander to a time where I was happy, where my smiles were real and heartfelt. Back when I had everything I ever wanted.
You need to let go, Gwen.
Turning the corner that leads into the hall, I was looking at my feet, trying to avoid the eyes of everyone around me. Hitting a wall, I took a quick step back, and looked up.
“Hi.”
My eyes expanded to the size of saucers as all the air in the room seemed to get sucked out. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I couldn't move.
Forcing myself to breathe again, I blinked rapidly. “Hi.”
That was all I could get out, one simple word to match his. Yuri had taken my breath away, the same as he always had.
Smirking, he raked his fingers through his hair, his eyes twinkling with little fireworks. “How are you?”
Swallowing hard, I didn't answer right away. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. My brain fired off in a million directions, but only a few words came out.
“What are you doing here?” Stepping backwards, I put some distance between us. He was too close. I could smell his cologne, I could feel the heat off his body, I could hear the air as it seeped into his lungs.
And all of that did things to me that it shouldn't anymore.
Yuri let his gaze drift around my face, riding the length of my body. “God, you're still just as beautiful now as ever, Gwen.”
The compliment seared my ears, making my blood bubble with a strange mix of excitement and anger. I wanted to scream at him to leave, I wanted to hug him and feel his arms engulf me.
There was pull, a magnetic sensation that kept tugging on my muscles, trying to force me into his grasp. It was wrong, a trick of lost time and unfinished business that wanted to build a new foundation.
But it wasn't real.
“I asked you a question.” Letting my arms dangle at my sides, I looked around to see if anyone else noticed the intruder. “What are you doing here?”
Yuri took a soft step forward, his eyes never leaving mine. “I'm here for the party.”
The way he said it sent my body up in flames. His tone was deep, husky, playing every muscle in my body as if he owned them.
He did own them, once upon a time.
“You should go.” Darting my eyes between his, I tried to figure out why he would just show up here this way.
“I saw you the other day in town.” His feet brought him closer, making me all too aware of my own body and the rush of adrenaline that had started to pump through my veins.
It wasn't my eyes playing tricks on me.
My heart was beating erratically, my chest was tight, my nipples hardened as the space between us dwindled down to nothing but a few inches.
Yuri lifted his hand to my face, sweeping his thumb across my jaw. “You know I never stopped thinking about you all these years, Gwen, not once.”
Tipping my head into his hand, I closed my eyes instinctively. It was a reflex, something I had done so many times before. I felt his lips as they traced the shell of my ear, making goosebumps explode over my skin.
You know who he is, you know what he's done. . .
Don't let him do this.
Opening my eyes, I peered up at him under hooded lids. “But you didn't think about me that night.”
“You have no idea how much I regret what happened. But we can start over, right here, right here now. A new beginning for both of us.”
“It doesn't work that way, Yuri.”
“It could if you let it.”
“Is this why you came here? Bec
ause you saw me in town and thought that you could get a do over?” Pursing my lips, my brows furrowed. “There is no second chance here, there never will be. You made a choice, and I won't ever be able to forget it.”
His thumb drew light circles across the curve of my throat, causing my breath to hitch. “I'm not asking you to forget, Gwen.”
“Then what are you asking?”
Thinning his lips, his large palm scooped my cheek. “Look up.”
“What?”
“Look up.” His gaze shot to the ceiling, returning to my face. “Go on, look up.” Tilting my head back, I eyed the mistletoe above us. “I want you to know that I understand. If you want me to leave, I will. But I want my kiss before I go.”
My eyes danced between his and the mistletoe. There were two voices in my head. One telling me to just turn and walk away, the other telling me take this kiss as a parting gift, to accept it and kiss him one last time.
No, he doesn't deserve it.
“I'm not kissing you, Yuri.” Pulling his hand off my face, I folded my arms across my chest. “What we had was a long time ago, it's over now.”
“Is that right?” he asked, his smile turning into a wolfish grin.
Flaring my nostrils, I rolled my eyes. “You chose prison over me, so yeah, I'd say it's done.”
“It was nothing like that.”
“I don't want to get into this right now, I think you should just go.”
Leaning forward, he let his lips hover dangerously close to mine. “I'm not leaving without my kiss, it's bad luck to not give a kiss under the mistletoe.”
Our eyes froze on each other, his sultry and dark, mine wary and confused. “If I kiss you, do you promise to leave and never come back?”
Holding his hand to his heart, he quietly whispered. “I promise to leave, but I can't promise I'll stop trying to win you back.”
Memories of how his mouth felt on mine, of how his hands possessed my body, of how he controlled the pleasure that surged through my veins came flooding back.
Yuri had been my first everything. There's something about your first that sticks with you. But it's more when all you ever wanted was that first to also be your last.
His breath washed over my face as his lips softly grazed mine. Sucking in a gulp of air, my body began to shake as he closed the final gap. Pressing his lips to mine, my body took control, willingly accepting his kiss as if I had been suffocating and he was the air I needed to survive.
The tip of his tongue teased the slit of my lips as his hand swept around, capturing my nape and holding me in place. I didn't fight him, I didn't try to stop him, I didn't tell him no.
Every muscle in my body turned to mush as the years between us seemed to wash away, bringing me right back to where we left off eight years earlier.
I couldn't smell the food anymore or hear the other people at the party, I was numb from the neck down.
Yuri's kiss deepened, my lips parting to make room for his tongue. He tasted sweet, like honey and Bourbon. Our tongues twirled and licked, turning a simple kiss into something more.
My stomach tumbled with butterflies as his fingers worked their way into my hair, digging at the roots. Pushing his lips harder onto mine, Yuri wrapped his other hand around my waist, pulling me in.
Taking strong steps forward, he walked me backwards into the laundry room and closed the door behind us. Our mouths never broke apart, they only devoured more.
My brain had shut down, being run on pure need. I had needed this for a long time, even if I didn't want to admit it.
It always felt like we were never truly done, no matter how much I tried to convince myself we were. Yuri was on my thoughts constantly, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about him several times.
Some days it was anger that fueled my thoughts, other days it was sadness or wonder, but he was always there one way or another.
“I've wanted this for years, Gwen,” he said between kisses as his hands held me tight. “I don't think I ever really let you go.”
My fingers found his back, digging into his muscles. Raking my nails down his jacket, I gripped the arms and pulled it off.
I didn't speak, simply letting my body do the talking for me. I was needy, lost in him and the moment. Driving my lips harder onto his, I threw his jacket to the floor. Yuri's fingers traced my spine, sweeping around and squeezing my breasts.
Hidden in the darkness of the room, he kept pressing us in deeper, until my back hit the washing machine. Scooping me off my feet, Yuri set me down on top, spreading my legs open with his waist as his lips found my neck.
Nibbling the delicate skin, his hard bulge pressed against my sex, making it throb. Working his hands up my thighs, he pushed my skirt up, exposing my panties. I felt his thick finger as it slid down my slit, teasing my clit.
Growling, he placed his mouth to my ear. “You're so fucking wet, I love that I still make you so fucking wet.” The tip of his finger teased the seam of my panties as his teeth gently plucked at my lobe. “You've always loved a little danger, like that time we fucked in the pool during a cookout.” His finger slipped beneath the fabric, gently spreading my juice up and down. “And that time we made love in my car at the drive-in.”
Moaning as his finger found my clit, Yuri pressed the sensitive button with his thumb as he slid a single finger into my pussy. Rocking his hips, his hard cock pushed against my inner thigh.
My moan grew louder as he drove his finger in faster and harder. Gripping my head, he pulled it against his chest. “Shh,” he said, slipping a second finger inside. “We don't want to get caught.”
His hand moved faster, his thumb swirled and stroked my clit, causing my belly to swell with need. I couldn't see him in the pitch black room. It was as if my other senses had shifted into high gear.
I could hear him, I could smell him, and I could feel him. His breathing was heavier, his heart was pounding like a drum inside his chest. His skin was hot, beading up with sweat as his hips gyrated.
The sound of metal pinged in the air, and I knew exactly what it was. Lowering the zipper on his jeans, Yuri curled one hand under my ass and moved me to the very edge of the washer.
Pushing my thighs open wider, he moved my panties to the side. I felt the tip of his cock as he slipped the crown up and down over my lips, soaking it in my arousal.
“Have you thought about me all these years? Have you thought about how good we were together, how great it felt when we were together?” Tracing the shell of my ear with his tongue, he followed the curve of my jaw, licking down my throat. “Because your pussy has been all I could think about.”
With one hard push, Yuri drove his cock deep inside. The hair at the base tickled against my skin as he paused, staying still for a brief moment. I felt his cock pulse as my walls gripped his shaft, refusing to let him go.
Grunting, he pulled back slowly, then thrust back hard. Curling my legs around his waist, I buried my face in his chest, doing my best not to scream.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I met his pace, rocking my hips so my clit hit his lower belly. I could feel the orgasm as it started, a tingling in my core that turned into an explosion.
Goosebumps jumped across my skin, my muscles shook and trembled. Biting his neck, Yuri groaned as he thrust once last time. Stilling, his cock jerked inside my pussy, filling me with warm come.
Leaning his head against mine, we were both breathing hard, our chests rising and falling in unison. Sitting up straight, I ran my hand through my hair, unable to really grasp what had just happened.
I felt like I was in one of my dreams and at any moment I would wake up in my bed in NY, hundreds of miles from this place. Pinching myself, I quietly said, “Ouch.”
“Are you alright? What happened?”
“I'm fine, I just pinched myself.”
“Why the hell did you do that?”
“To make sure I wasn't dreaming.”
Chuckling, Yuri helped me off the washe
r, making sure I was steady on my feet before letting go. “You're definitely not dreaming.” Buttoning his pants, I could hear him feeling around on the floor for his coat.
I could see shadows in the room now from the slight light that was creeping in from under the door. Reaching my arm out, I touched his face as he stood back up, softly running my fingers over his jaw.
“So what now?” I asked, allowing myself a second to just touch his skin.
“Now I get you back to your party.” I could tell by his tone that he had a smirk on his face. Even after all these years, I felt like I still knew him.
But you don't, you don't know him.
Walking to the door, I opened it slowly, peeking my head out and checking to make sure no one was around. The light from the hall was bright, forcing me to blink several times to adjust.
“It's all clear.”
Turning to face him, I curled my arms around my ribs, just peering up at him. I wasn't sure what to say to him. This had all taken me by surprise. His being here, my feelings out weighing rational thinking, it was too much to process.
None of this was supposed to happen.
His eyes penetrated my body as he took a firm step forward, wrapping his arms around my waist and yanking me in. Pressing his lips to mine, he kissed me one last time.
And as quickly as it all happened, it was over.
Yuri unlatched his arms from my body and took a step back. Running his fingers across his lips, he smiled. “I'm pretty sure an angel just got their wings tonight.”
I tried so hard not to smile, but I couldn't stop it. “I bet you're right.” My lips folded up as the kiss we shared spread down my muscles, making my body warm and tingly.
“See ya around, Toad.”
“Don't call me that,” I said, holding up my finger in protest. The smile still kept spreading, making its way down to my toes. “You know how much I hate it.”
“I thought you loved the little nickname?” he asked, his tone playful.
“You know, I thought if I saw you again that you'd be different. But you haven't changed at all, have you?”
“I've changed a lot, Gwen, but that doesn't mean the person I was is gone.” Yuri kept his eyes on mine as he gave me one last smile. “Tell everyone I said hello.”
