by Leah Holt
Pausing, I hung my head, looking down at my feet.
“Go on,” she said, her tone soft, almost motherly like when I was younger.
Looking back up at her, I searched her face for understanding. “I took the blame for it, I let them arrest me so Ares could go free. I told them I convinced him to come and he had no idea what I was going to do. He was only a kid, I thought he was just being stupid and I wanted to protect him. But he learned nothing, that fear didn't stay with him and now he's in prison for the next twenty years for a rash of robberies.” Dragging my hand across my jaw, my voice lowered. “And I lost everything to save him.”
“Are you really being honest right now, Yuri?” she asked.
“Yeah, Mom. I never told you because Ares was seventeen, I thought I could protect him. But then I saw on the news that he was arrested last month for a string of robberies up in Providence, and it cut me like a serrated blade. There's no point in me carrying this secret anymore, I did it all for nothing.”
Standing up, my mother stepped to my side, resting her hand on my shoulder. “I'm sorry for putting this on you all these years, Yuri. You're my son, and I love you, that never changed. I've just been angry, an anger that as a mother, it hurts to the point you can't even imagine. But I never stopped loving you, and I'm so sorry I've been treating you the way I have. I haven't handled any of this the way I should, I should have been there for you no matter what, and I wasn't.” Squeezing my shoulder, she kissed the top of my head. “I just wish you had told me sooner.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, falling onto my arm.
“I did it for my little brother, but when I saw Gwen yesterday, she made me realize how much I really lost not being honest in the first place.”
Arching a brow, she tilted her head. “You saw Gwen?” Pulling a handkerchief from her pocket, she wiped her eyes.
“Yeah, I did.”
“I wasn't sure she'd actually come. When her mother told me she was coming, I almost didn't believe her, then again, I didn't expect you to show up either.” A small smile teased her lips as she said, “Sounds like fate to me.”
“Fate—I don't think she sees it that way.”
“You still have feelings for her?” Squinting her eyes, my mother smiled the first smile I had seen in almost a decade.
“It doesn't matter, what I did screwed up any chance with her at all.”
“How do you know that? Have you told her the truth?”
“No, I wanted to tell you first.”
“I think you should tell her, she deserves to know the truth too, Yuri.”
“What does it matter? She hates me because of it.” Looking up at my mother, her eyes softened as her smile spread. “Why are you smiling like that?”
“Because you don't understand women.” Standing behind me, she curled her arms around my neck, hugging me and whispering in my ear. “If there's one thing I know, that girl still loves you.”
“You can't know that.”
“That's why she hasn't come home in years, Yuri, because she still loves you and everything around here reminds her of you.”
“How do—”
“Go talk to her, tell her everything, you'll see.”
It felt surreal. I was sitting with my mother getting lady advice just like when I was a teenager. We hadn't had an actual conversation in years, she hadn't given me more than one word answers or plain shit before right then.
I felt like I had my mother back, I felt like a small piece of my world was falling back into place.
But I still didn't have what I wanted. I just wasn't sure she'd ever be able to see me again, to see me as the man I've always been. Because I didn't change, I only got lost for a little while.
There's only one way to find out.
Pressing the doorbell, I rubbed my hands together anxiously. Not wanting to wait, I knocked hard, making sure it was loud enough to be heard throughout the house.
I heard footsteps as they approached, the door cracking open, then opening wide.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Tyler was holding the handle, knitting his brows together. “You're not welcome here, get the hell off out property.”
“I need to talk to Gwen, is she here?”
“I said get the fuck out of here.” Letting go of the door, Tyler lunged forward, shoving me back. “Go! Get out of here!”
“What's going—” Mrs. Lieheart stopped short, cupping her hips. “Yuri, what's going on? What is this?”
“It's nothing, Mom, he was just leaving.” Tyler veered his stare, growling under his breath. “Right, Yuri?”
“Mrs. Lieheart, I need to talk to Gwen, is she here?”
“Is everything alright? Is your mother okay?”
Tyler kept his eyes on me, but I ignored him. “She's fine, I just, I really need to talk to Gwen, it's important.”
Softening her eyes, she gave me a light smile. “She isn't here, she's on her way back to New York.”
Dipping my head into my chest, I raked my hand through my hair. “So she's gone gone, huh?”
“I'm sorry, Yuri,” her mother said, leaning against the door frame. “But. . .” Pausing, she checked her watch. “Her flight doesn't leave for another hour and a half.” Smiling, she winked at me.
“Mom, why are you telling him that?” Tyler asked through gritted teeth. “Gwen doesn't want anything to do with this asshole, you know that.”
“Shut it, Tyler, you don't know what Gwen wants. Only Gwen knows what she wants.”
“No, he's right, she probably doesn't want to see me.” Taking a step back, I tucked my hands into my pockets. “Thanks though.”
Gwen made her choice. If she wanted to see me again, she would have.
We weren't meant to be, I had to just live with that. There was nothing I could to make her love me again, there were no words I could give her that would make this right.
Even the truth might not be enough for her.
I lost her, I lost her long before I was ready.
Chapter Ten
Gwen
“Now boarding group three.” The woman's voice crackled overhead, barely audible.
Grabbing my bag, I pulled out my ticket and got in line. Turning my phone onto airplane mode, I waited for the line to move forward.
I was so ready to get the hell out of that place. I had enough emotional trauma to last the rest of my life. Yuri had done a number on me, making it almost impossible to function.
After leaving the woods, I went home to my mother's house and cried. I cried harder and longer than I had in a long time. My poor mother couldn't figure out what was going on, all she could do was rub my back as I sobbed uncontrollably.
I tried to tell her what had happened, while leaving out the part about him taking me in her laundry room and under the cover of trees.
Her advice; 'Life doesn't always make sense, Gwen, you just have to find a way to understand it. And once you do, you'll know what you want.'
She asked me if I still loved him, and I couldn't give her an answer. I wanted to say yes and I wanted to say no. I was screwed in the head. When I couldn't tell her straight out what I felt, she told not to think about it and to just spit out the first answer that came to my mind.
I said yes.
But my time was up, it was time to go home.
It didn't really matter what I felt, I had to get back to reality. And my reality wasn't here with him.
Taking a step forward, I fiddled with the ticket as I looked out the giant glass window, watching the planes as they took off.
“Gwen! Gwen!” His voice struck a chord, making my heart stop in my chest.
Spinning around, Yuri was standing in the center of the gate, his eyes filled with sadness. His arms were hanging by his sides, his expression pained.
Everyone around me stopped what they were doing and stared at us. The voices slowly turned to murmurs as eyes scanned and whispers floated through the air.
Stalking towards me, I stepped out of the
line, walking to him until we were inches apart. My lips parted to speak, but he held up a finger, hushing me silent.
“Don't say anything, I just want you to listen.”
Sucking in a gulp of air, tears were already filling my eyes, teetering on the edge of my lids. “Okay.”
Taking my hands, he braided our fingers together. I watched him take in a deep breath as his eyes settled on mine. Licking his lips, he swallowed hard. “I lied to you, I lied to everyone. I couldn't tell you the truth because I didn't think I could tell anyone, and when I needed to tell you, I couldn't because I thought my mother should know first.”
Yuri told me all about that night and what really happened, how he was protecting his brother and how he lost so much to save someone who ended up being unsavable.
I felt stupid for thinking that he was anything other than the man I had loved. He wasn't the person I had created after that, he wasn't a criminal. He was still my Yuri, and he gave up his life to help someone he loved.
That was the man I knew.
His thumbs traced my knuckles, making the blood rush through my veins. His touch was electric, it made me feel alive. I hadn't felt that alive in years. I had been sulking through life, walking around like there were cement anchors secured at my ankles.
Lifting a hand to my cheek, he grazed his knuckles across my skin, scooping his fingers around my nape.
“You deserve to be happy, Gwen, but I want us to be happy together. I don't want you getting on that plane, I don't want to think about my life without you in it. It took me almost ten years to tell you the truth and if I have to spend ten more trying to prove to you that we're meant to be together, I will. . .” His voice trickled off into air as he kissed my forehead. “I'd do anything for you.”
My heart swelled in my chest as tears I couldn't control streamed down my cheeks. “I've missed you, Yuri, I shouldn't have doubted you.” Wrapping my arms around his sides, I laid my head on his chest.
I listened to his heart, the beating loud as it thumped against my ear. “You hear that?” he asked, pressing open palms against my back. “It beats for you, it's always beat for you. I love you, Gwen, and I'll love you forever.”
“I love you too.” Tipping my head up, Yuri pressed his lips against mine.
I lost myself in that kiss.
But in the same breath, I also found myself again.
Epilogue
Yuri
Six months later
Resting my head in my hand, I peered down on Gwen as she slept. Her hair was tousled to perfection, thick locks of brown curls twisted and draped across her face. Softly caressing her cheek, I smiled to myself as she closed her mouth and began to make this rumbling noise in the back of her throat.
I tried not to laugh, but it was funny to me that she still made that same noise in her sleep after all these years. The laugh came out as more of a cough, causing her to open one eye.
“What's so funny?” she asked, her voice dry and cracking as she rolled on her side to face me, snuggling up against my chest.
Wrapping my arm around her, I rubbed her back. “It's nothing.”
“It must be something.” Speaking into my chest, she wriggled herself closer.
Running my fingertips up and down her spine, she moaned softly. “It's nothing, I swear.”
“I was croaking again, wasn't I?” Tipping her face up, the corner of her lip lifted into a smirk.
“You were, yes.” Holding in my laughter, I did my best to not bust at the seams. “But it's so cute, I can't help that it makes me chuckle.”
Slapping my chest, she rolled away from me. “Do not call me toad. If you do, I promise you won't see my vagina for a month.”
“Is that right?” I said playfully, pushing my body over hers and poking her in the ribs. “You do realize that you'd be hurting yourself too, right?” Pressing my morning wood into the small of her back, I rested my chin in the crook of her neck. “You would be missing out on all of this.”
“You underestimate my inner strength.”
“No, I just know your hormonal sex drive wouldn't stand for it.” Cupping her belly, Gwen twisted her head and eyed me with a sleepy gaze.
“Just because I've had a higher sex drive lately, does not mean that I'm pregnant.”
Smiling, I bit my lower lip and bounced my eyebrows against my hairline. “I think you are.”
“Are you saying I'm getting a belly? Do I look like I've put on weight to you?”
Shaking my head no, I made sure to choose my words carefully. “That's not what I said at all.” Tracing a single finger up and down her arm, I kissed her softly. “You've been different lately.”
“Different how?” she asked, stretching her arms over her head and yawning.
“What did you have for lunch yesterday?”
“A sandwich.”
“And how did you make that sandwich?”
“What are you getting at?” Furrowing her brows, she eyed me curiously.
She really couldn't see the differences I could.
“You just threw the mustard right on that shit, and then you gobbled it down without your ritual of eating the crust first.”
“So?”
“So?” My jaw hung open, waiting for her to put the pieces together. “That's not how you do it. And then, you cried last night when I forgot to make garlic bread.”
“I think you're reaching here, Yuri.” Smirking, Gwen turned to look out the window.
A glimmer of sunlight was creating bright yellow arms as it stretched between the buildings, making the New York City skyline glisten.
Gwen didn't get on that plane that day, we got the next flight we could together. I couldn't love without her, not ever again. Even the thought of it hurt. I had spent too many years without her already.
“Will you just take a test to see?”
“Yuri, I'm not even late yet.” Swooping her arm up over her head, she gently stroked my jaw. “It's too soon to know for sure.”
“I don't think it could hurt to try anyway.”
We decided together that if she was meant to get pregnant, we'd let it happen. We weren't taking any precautions to prevent it, and we didn't want to. I had never felt so certain about something in my life like I did about Gwen.
I wanted a family with her, I wanted to get married and live our happily ever after. For the first time in years, I could actually a see a future for myself. She was my everything, we were meant to find each other in this fucked up world.
After getting to New York, Gwen made a few calls to some lawyer friends she had, trying to see if she could get my record expunged. But it would be a long process. It was going to require a lot of work and a confession on my brother's part if I wanted to clear my name.
So far, all I had done was right him a letter asking for him to tell the truth. I hadn't heard back from him yet, and I wasn't sure I would. All I could do was hope that he at least had a fraction of compassion for what I had done for him, that he felt some remorse for letting me take the fall and then going on to ruin his life anyway.
Only time would tell if he had the ability to be give when all he knew how to do was take from others.
Gwen flipped onto her back, her eyes soft and slightly sad. “I did take one, it came back negative.”
“What?” I asked, darting my eyes between hers. “When? I thought we said we were doing this together?”
“I know.” Pulling her eyes off of mine, she looked up at the ceiling. “I was thinking I was too, and I thought if I found out I was pregnant, I could surprise you with the news. You know,” she said, allowing her eyes to drift back to mine. “Just like those people that serve baby everything for dinner or a present that's a baby outfit or tiny shoes.”
“Babe, I love that idea, I think it's really nice. So. . .” Climbing on top of her, I brushed her hair out of her face. “Lets keep practicing to make sure we're doing it right until it does happen.”
Taking in a deep breath, her nipples p
oked through the fabric of her nightgown, making my cock thicken. “You want to practice?” Her hands worked their way up my back, curling around my neck.
“Practice makes perfect—isn't that the saying?”
Gwen let out a coo that made my heart speed up and my dick turn stiff. Running my hand down her thigh, I squeezed her hard, leaving fingerprints in her skin.
Like a wild animal, I drove my lips onto hers, kissing her with every emotion I felt inside. I loved this woman. I never stopped loving this woman. She owned me; mind body and soul.
And as we made love, I knew the child we would have one day would be blessed with parents that loved each other unconditionally.
We were going to create one hell of a life together.
Thanks for reading!
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CHAINED: A Bad Boy Romance
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MY SOLDIER: A Military Romance
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BODY LOCK: A Bad Boy MMA Romance
BAD BEHAVIOR: A Dark Mafia Romance
DIRTY BEHAVIOR: A Dark Mafia Romance
SWEET VIRGIN
BEG ME ANGEL: A Dark Romance
PUSHED: A Dark Romance
KEEP ME: A Dark Romance
REDD: A Dark Romance
BEAUTIFUL LIE
ALPHA ON TOP: A Bad Boy Romance
ALMOST GLASS
QUEEN OF PENTACLES (Cards Of Love)
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About Leah Holt
Growing up in a small town, Leah Holt's imagination was able to run wild. She loves to write romance that is always bad and always dirty.
Having three children of her own, life is filled with far too many cartoons and not enough bad boys.
Writing has become an outlet for her to let out all of the dirty, forbidden thoughts inside of her head.
If you want to chat with her, you can email [email protected] , or click the mailing list link below to receive information on her new releases!
