At Your Most Beautiful

by Harper Bliss

  “No. Fucking. Way!”

  “I know.” Quinn hadn’t really allowed herself to give the whole thing too much thought—perhaps for exactly this reason. If she did start thinking about it in earnest, she was afraid of where her mind would go next. “We went for coffee and had a really great talk. Nothing flirty or anything like that. More like catching up. Her son’s married to Beth Robbins, by the way. They just had a child.”

  “The Beth Robbins of CNN?” Unlike Quinn, Griff could be glued to the TV news for hours on end. “Quite the good-looking family then.”

  “At least the women are,” Quinn joked.

  “What else do we need?” Griff gave a hearty chuckle. “So, your possible rebound lady is a granny?”

  “A very young grandmother,” Quinn corrected her friend. “Tommy’s not even thirty yet. Who has children at that age these days?”

  “Beth Robbins must have felt her clock ticking. If I’m not mistaken, she’s in her early thirties.” Griff rarely got it wrong. “If they want more than one bambino, it makes sense not to wait too long.”

  “Tommy likes older women as well,” Quinn mused.

  “I don’t think Beth being a few years older than him compares to your over-sized mommy complex.” Griff fancied herself an armchair psychologist at times. After Quinn and Morgan had broken up, she’d given Quinn a long speech on why she believed Quinn liked older women so much.

  “Down, girl.” Quinn hadn’t really listened to Griff’s explanation at the time. She’d been too upset to analyze herself for too long because she already felt like such a loser after allowing Morgan to trample over her heart. Griff had warned her about that too; luckily, she wasn’t the type for obnoxious I-told-you-so’s.

  “So…” Griff rubbed her palms on her jeans. “What’s the plan? Do you have one?”

  Quinn shook her head. “Maya’s not interested in me in that way.”

  “How do you know?”

  “She very specifically told me she wants to date women her own age.”

  “I’m not talking about dating, Quinn. You’re looking for a rebound person, remember?”

  “There wasn’t that kind of vibe between us this time.”

  “Have you made plans to see each other again?”

  “Not as such, although I did invite her to my show next month. And I’ll need to be in touch with her once I’m done retouching her picture. There are options, I guess.” Quinn couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. Seeing Maya had shaken her, which was perfectly understandable, but did she really want to go down that route with her again? On the other hand, there wasn’t any harm in it. So far, Maya was the only woman Quinn could even consider looking at in that way after Morgan, who was by all Quinn’s standards and definitions the hottest woman she’d ever laid eyes on—the cruelest too, as it turned out.

  “Indeed, girl, let me lay out your options for you.” Griff tapped her fingers together the way she did when a plan was coming together for her. “Either you listen to what Morgan has to say to you, which I would not recommend. She had her chance. She blew it. She’s out.” She huffed out a breath. “Or you impress the hell out of Maya with the art you’ll make of her, which will also give you the perfect excuse to contact her. Seeing herself in one of your compositions can make a lady go a little weak at the knees, we know this.” Griff winked at her. “Or, you do nothing. Which is also fine. Personally, I have no moral objections against the latter two options.”

  “Or we go to Marnie’s tonight and see what the night has in store for us.”

  “Ugh, Quinn, don’t drag me out to Marnie’s tonight with your emotional blackmail.” Griff pushed Quinn’s knees out of the way and sank into the couch next to her. “I had a big night of staying in planned.” She gave Quinn a look. “Besides, when have you ever found anything resembling love at Marnie’s?”

  “I won’t ask you to go with me, but I might just go and have a look myself.” Quinn knew Griff was probably right. The crowd at Marnie’s was not usually her taste—too young, too post-woke, too Gen Z.

  “You do what you got to do, girl.” Griff patted Quinn’s knee. “Hopefully, you’ll be wiser tomorrow.”

  Chapter 15

  Angus mixed a rum and diet Coke for himself and a vodka and soda for Maya—she needed something to take the edge off, even though it was only early afternoon and she was due at Tommy’s in a few hours.

  “So her name’s Beverly.” Angus offered her the drink, sat, and slung one leg over the other. “Are you going to show me her picture or do I need to beg to lay eyes on this hot piece of lesbian ass?”

  Maya showed Angus Beverly’s picture on her phone.

  “Hm,” he emitted a low groan from the back of his throat. “Is that what’s got you so agitated? She looks fine, but in my very, very humble opinion, you can do so much better.”

  “You’ve only seen her picture.” Maya had known Angus for a mere few months, since she’d moved into the apartment across from him, but she knew him well enough to not take his superficial judgements too seriously. “We’ve been chatting. She comes across as very sweet.”

  “Sweet? Is that really what you want?” He fixed his dark gaze on her. “Girl, you want someone to blow your mind.” He huffed out some air. “Someone you’re not likely to find on an app like that.”

  “Anyway.” Maya put her phone away. She wasn’t going to let Angus ruin her date before it had even happened. “That’s not the reason why I might appear a little tense this afternoon.”

  “You should take her out dancing.” It took a while before Angus could settle into listening mode—like many men, gay or straight, he was rather fond of the sound of his own voice. “See what she’s made of.”

  As soon as Maya had told Angus she was a dance teacher, he had pushed his living room furniture to the side and demanded she take him for a spin around the floor. He turned out to have a fabulous sense of rhythm and excellent knowledge of ballroom steps. “Don’t date her if she can’t dance, Maya. It will kill your beautifully free spirit.” Maya was quite taken with Angus’ flair for exaggerated dramatics. He was most certainly a high-maintenance man, but he also made her laugh like no one else had in years.

  Maya waited patiently for Angus to catch up on what she’d admitted a few seconds earlier. She took a sip of her drink, which he always made too strong. She didn’t mind today.

  “Do tell,” he nodded, and fell silent.

  “I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell you.” She swallowed hard. What would it feel like to give voice to what she had experienced with Quinn ten years ago? There was only one way to find out. “I slept with another woman for the first time ten years ago. It was a one-night thing because that’s all it could be.” Maya took a breath. “Yesterday I saw her again. It was completely unexpected and since then I haven’t known what to do with myself. It’s like seeing her has… I don’t know. Awoken something in me? I can’t really express it in words yet.”

  “Back up a little, Maya.” Angus’ thoughtful voice was low and soft. “I was under the mistaken impression that loving the ladies was a new thing for you, but now you’re telling me that your first time with a woman happened ten years ago.” He pulled at his earlobe the way he did when considering something deeply.

  “Correct.”

  “What happened in the ten years since?”

  “Nothing.”

  “What do you mean, nothing? Ten years make for a lot of days and nights to fill. How can nothing have happened? I know for a fact that the ‘burbs aren’t half as uneventful as they’re made out to be.”

  “After… Quinn.” It felt so good and so bad at the same time to say Quinn’s name out loud in this context. “I didn’t know what to do with myself for a long time, so I did nothing. I worked, which has always been a great source of satisfaction for me. I saw my friends. I did all the things I usually do. I even went on a few dates.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “With men only. Life just passed. The days and then the mon
ths and years just went by, as they do. Until they didn’t, I guess. Until I saw Beth and Tommy’s pregnancy as the perfect opportunity to make this big change in my life.”

  “Until you finally gave yourself permission to date women,” Angus said.

  “Yes.” Maya paused to gather her thoughts. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and what I think happened is that after that night with Quinn I felt so… guilty—perhaps even a little disgusted with myself—that I couldn’t let myself be the kind of person who dates women. Not after Quinn, because…” Maya expelled some air.

  “What was so awful about this Quinn?” Angus asked.

  “Oh my god, Angus.” Maya buried her face in her hands.

  “Hey, this is me you’re talking to. I’m unshockable. I’ve seen it all, darling.”

  From the tales Angus had told her, Maya knew he had seen much more of a certain side of life than she had.

  “Quinn was my next-door neighbors’ daughter.” Maya peeked through her fingers. “She was only twenty-four at the time and… it shouldn’t have happened, but it did. And the worst part is that it was absolutely divine. Like nothing I’d ever experienced before or since.”

  “For crying out loud.” Angus brought his hand to his chest. “She was twenty-four!” he cried out. “So fucking what, Maya?”

  “I knew her parents very well at the time. After it happened, I kept wondering how I would react if I found out Quinn’s mother had spent a night of passion with Tommy. Or even Quinn’s dad.” Her hands still half-covering her face, Maya shook her head.

  “That’s a lot of useless guilt to carry around for all those years,” Angus said, a sudden sharpness to his voice. “For something that happened between two consenting adults.”

  “I’ve tried to assuage my guilt by repeating to myself that she came on to me. She straight-on seduced me. But it’s no excuse. I should have known better. I should have been stronger and I should have said no.”

  “Why?” Angus made a tsking sound with his lips. “If a horny twenty-four-year-old came knocking on my door, I wouldn’t dream of saying no, Maya. I would throw that door wide open.”

  “Even after all these years, it still doesn’t feel right. That’s why I never told anyone, and I asked her to do the same.”

  “Big mistake, darling. By not talking about it and keeping it bottled inside of you all this time you’ve given that stupid guilt of yours a powerful set of wings and let it wreak havoc inside you for years on end.”

  Maya finally dropped her hands. “Maybe.” She hoped so. She had long ago surrendered to never receiving absolution for what she did that night—no matter how amazing it had been—but maybe there was hope in that department yet.

  “And now you’ve seen this Quinn again and you’re all out of sorts.” He tilted his chin. “No fucking wonder.”

  “The oddest thing about seeing her again was that…” Maya couldn’t help but smile. “It was fun. Yes, that’s exactly the right word for it. Quinn was a lot of fun ten years ago, making it impossible for me to resist her. And she’s still fun now. She’s just so vibrant and alive and confident. A real joy to be around.”

  “Uh-huh.” Angus tapped his fingers on the tabletop. “I can tell. Your eyes are sparkling.”

  Maya waved off his comment. “She’s a photographer now.” As if she’d told her only yesterday, Maya remembered how torn up Quinn had been about the breakup with her former photography teacher. “She’s all grown up.” Oops. That probably came out wrong. But Angus truly was un-shockable. “I mean that she has made a life for herself here and she’s doing well. All of that.”

  Maya wasn’t so sure about Quinn’s emotional well-being, what with her recent breakup, but she sure as hell looked good—and had been totally in command of the photo shoot. Even though Maya hadn’t seen Quinn for ten years, she’d always figured Quinn Hathaway would turn out as someone who preferred giving orders rather than receiving them. What didn’t make sense to Maya was how Quinn could have given four years of her life to a woman who was married to someone else—who didn’t exclusively choose her.

  “And yet, you’re going on a date with what’s-her-name—Beverly.” Angus stroked the beard he kept at a perfect quarter-inch length.

  “What?” Maya shook her head. “That’s got nothing to do with Quinn.”

  “The hell it hasn’t.” Angus was very skilled at rolling his eyes—he’d had a lot of practice. It was his preferred way of letting you know he was seeing right through you. “If you were to ask me—”

  “Which I’m not.” Maya had an inkling of what Angus was about to say and she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want someone saying the words out loud. She herself had already said too much in this conversation.

  “I’ll say it anyway,” Angus continued, as expected.

  “Of course you will.”

  “Maybe instead of going on a date with Beverly, you should ask Quinn out.” Angus stated it so matter-of-factly, it almost sounded plausible. Almost.

  “I’m not going on a date with someone twenty years younger than me.” Maya could sound very resolute as well—decades of teaching had made it easy.

  “Why not?” Angus waggled his eyebrows.

  “I didn’t tell you about Quinn because I want to go out with her, Angus. I only wanted to share this with someone who wouldn’t judge me.”

  “I’m not judging, darling. Nu-uh.”

  “I know you’re not, but you are insinuating something.”

  “I just call it as I see it. Maybe that’s why you chose to tell little old me.”

  Maya couldn’t think of anyone else she might have told. She might let Tommy know that Quinn was the photographer for the Acton shoot, but that would be the full extent of the information she would share with her son.

  But Angus had been right about one thing. Ten years was a very long time to hold on to all the guilt being with Quinn had instigated within her. Maybe, at the very least, it was time to let go of that. From the way Quinn had behaved the other day, Maya could only conclude that it hadn’t affected her life in an obvious negative way. On the contrary, because Quinn had been the first one to refer to their long-ago night together.

  “I’m going on a date with Beverly and that’s that,” Maya said.

  “Do you have a picture of Quinn?” Angus fixed his eyes on her.

  “Why would I have her picture?”

  Angus shrugged. “What’s her last name? I’ll Google her.”

  “Hathaway,” Maya said on a sigh, because even though she had lightened her emotional burden by sharing her secret with Angus, she knew it would be a very long time before she heard the last of this from him. It was the price she had to pay for telling him.

  “Let’s have a look.” Angus picked up his phone and typed in Quinn’s name—an action Maya had stopped herself from doing a few times over the years. It didn’t take long before Angus showed her his screen. “Is this her?” In the picture he’d found, Quinn’s blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Her blue eyes seemed to glitter with some secret delight. All of Quinn seemed to be utterly elated about something, judging from the sparkling smile on her full lips.

  Maya nodded.

  “In that case, Beverly’s got her work cut out for her,” Angus said drily.

  Chapter 16

  Retouching the image of a person was always an intimate act, but working on Maya Mercer’s picture was a never-ending flashback.

  It wasn’t that Quinn hadn’t thought about Maya over the years. Of course she had. Quinn had reminisced about their night together often, but while doing so, she had only relied on memories. If she wanted to, she could make Maya look exactly like the memory she had of how she was ten years ago, but Quinn didn’t want to do that at all. She found herself staring into Maya’s dark-brown eyes for long stretches of time, not getting any work done—mesmerized by how she looked now.

  The concept for the final image she wanted to create had come to her much quicker than usual. Maybe
because where any other subject was concerned, Quinn had to do some hard graft to make them part of a magical looking scene while with Maya, there was something naturally spellbinding about her. In the elongation of her arm and the curve of her fingers. In the stretch of her neck and the flow of her hair. The red dress she wore in the picture lent her the aura of a proper movie star from a long-gone era.

  Fucking hell, Quinn thought, as the cursor moved over Maya’s face without altering anything about it once again. Maybe Griff had a point. Maybe Maya was the key to unlock Quinn’s romantic future. Not in the sense that she and Maya would fall in love and live happily ever after—nothing as ludicrous as that—but in the sense that Maya turning up in Quinn’s life like that, now of all times, was a golden opportunity to get double closure—for two defining experiences in her life. To look Maya in the eye again and simply have a conversation about the night they’d shared would already be a win. While doing so, Quinn could remove herself—her heart and her soul—from Morgan a few inches farther. From previous bouts of heartbreak, although none as gut-wrenching as this one, she knew all too well that getting over someone was a slow process. To get over someone like Morgan, someone she had foolishly staked her future on and had given so much of herself to, would take a very long time. Unless Quinn could find a way to speed things up. A blast from the past might be just what she needed. Something so powerful it couldn’t help but snap her out of her post-Morgan funk. Because that night with Maya had been quite something.

  Quinn still had no idea how she had managed to keep it a secret from every single person she knew. She hadn’t even told Morgan, with whom she’d shared so much. She had told absolutely no one, simply because Maya had asked her not to. There wasn’t anything else she could ever do for Maya, except keep their secret. So she’d done just that. Until she’d told Griff last night. After seeing Maya again, it was no longer an option to keep it to herself. That’s what being in the same room with Maya had done to her.