Home to Montana

by Charlotte Carter

  Jolene squeezed her hand. “All we have to do is figure out a way to get him to stick around and get some help. He’s not the first veteran to come home from a war with his head all messed up.”

  “So what do you suggest? Lock him in the toolshed until he comes to his senses?”

  Jolene’s lips twitched into a smile. “That might be worth a try, but I’m not sure it would work.”

  Then what? Alisa wondered, picking up another puzzle tile. She didn’t have a dungeon handy. And she didn’t think starving him into loving her would be the answer.

  She only knew that he was the best, most honorable man she’d ever met, a true hero, and she didn’t want to lose him. That’s exactly what would happen if he walked away now.

  The only thing she could do was hope that somehow he’d recognize that Bear Lake was where he belonged before it was too late.

  * * *

  Nick didn’t know how long he lay curled up on the floor. The lick of Rags’s slobbery tongue and a soft whine roused him.

  His limbs heavy with remorse, it took all of Nick’s strength to stand up. Rags’s tail started to wag as if he was the happiest dog in the world to see his master up and moving again.

  “I’m sorry, Rags. Forgot about feeding you, didn’t I?” He found Rags’s dog food and opened a can, dumping the contents into his dish. He’d failed Rags along with everyone else. “It’s time for us to move on, boy. I hurt her last night. I’m not going to risk hurting her again.”

  Then he took a shower. He let the hot water pound on his head full force until it turned icy cold. Shaved and dressed, he went downstairs. His leg hurt with each step he took. He hadn’t put the boat trailer away when they’d returned from their picnic. Rags dogged his footsteps as though afraid he’d be left behind.

  “I’m only putting the boat in the shed. No need to go nutso on me.” Rags had been abandoned once. Maybe he still remembered being alone and hungry without his owners.

  Climbing into the truck cab, he backed the trailer toward the shed. Jake Domino came out of the shed carrying a toolbox.

  “Hey, Nick. You need some help?”

  “No, I’ve got it.” Just like he had his PTSD under control. Until he didn’t anymore.

  “Looks like you got some rainwater in the boat. We ought to drain that out before you put it away.”

  Jake was right, of course. Nick hadn’t been thinking straight. Another residual problem of flashbacks.

  Sniffing all around, Rags acted like he wanted to help, too.

  “Stay clear, boy.” Nick climbed up into the stern of the boat. A good three inches of lake water and rain had accumulated in the bottom of the boat. He reached down into the water to twist the drain plug. The old plastic handle broke off in his hand. Nick winced.

  “That don’t look good,” Jake said.

  No, it didn’t. “Give me a hand. We’ll tip the water out.”

  Nick loosened the stern tie down, Jake took care of the bow.

  “Heard you had some problems in the kitchen last night,” Jake said.

  Nick froze, his hands wrapped tightly around the gunnel on his end of the boat. “Yeah, we did.” He’d messed up big time.

  “Lot of guys came back from ’Nam all messed up. Nobody knew what was wrong with ’em and didn’t much care. I hear things are better now.” Jake grabbed the gunnel in front of him. “Ready to roll her over?”

  “Yeah.” What Nick didn’t like was everybody and his cousin knowing about his PTSD and acting like the cure was easy. “One, two, three...”

  Together they rolled the boat up on its side until the water spilled out, nearly catching Rags in the waterfall. They lowered the boat back on to the trailer.

  Jake peered over the side. “Looks like we’ll have to drill out that old drain plug and get a new one.”

  Great! At this rate, Nick would never get out of town. “Does the general store have boating equipment?”

  “Nope. Gotta go to either Kalispell or Polson. Polson’s closer.”

  “Right.” Nick leaned his elbow on the frame. “Have you got time to drill out the plug? I’ll drive down to Polson.” He couldn’t leave the boat without a drain. Alisa might try to take the boat out on her own. Or Greg.

  “Sure, I can do that.”

  They tied down the boat again. Nick backed the boat into the shed and unhitched the trailer.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  * * *

  From the upstairs window, Alisa saw Nick’s truck pull out of the parking lot. She drew a painful breath. Was he leaving? Without saying goodbye?

  With the crazy thought that she could stop him, Alisa ran downstairs. She burst out the kitchen door only to realize he was already gone. Breathing hard, she pressed her lips together. She never should have let her heart lead her head.

  Rags leaped up on to the porch and nuzzled her. “Did he forget you?” That hardly seemed possible. Nick loved Rags. In some ways, they’d been soul mates. Two lost souls.

  Her hand idly petting Rags, she walked down the steps and stared up at Nick’s room. Had he cleared out his things? Or was he coming back? Maybe he had an errand to run. Maybe to talk to Pastor Walker. She prayed that was the case.

  The shed door was standing wide open. The buzzing of a drill drifted outside. Sounded like Jake was at work. She strolled inside and found him squatting in the stern of the fishing boat.

  Jake stopped the drill, lifted his head and gave her a grin. “If you’re lookin’ for Nick, he’s gone after a new drain plug for the boat in Polson. The handle on this one broke off.”

  The tension in her shoulders relaxed. “Thanks, Jake.”

  “He’ll be back in an hour or two.”

  Back to stay? Or back only long enough to put in the new drain plug?

  * * *

  Nick stopped to get a burger in Polson before he headed back to Bear Lake with the new plug. He hadn’t had breakfast, and his stomach had been rumbling.

  Fortunately, being out on the road had cleared his head. It might be years before he stopped having flashbacks. No way could he stay anywhere permanently. He couldn’t get involved with the lives of other people. The only safe recourse was to keep moving on.

  The thought tightened in his gut. He tried to swallow his last bite of hamburger. It went down like a giant wad of cotton.

  He reached Bear Lake and turned off the road at the diner, driving all the way back to the shed. Rags came trotting over to greet him. It stunned Nick that he’d left the dog behind and hadn’t even tied him up.

  “You sure picked the wrong master, boy,” he said as he climbed out of the truck. If he could forget his dog in the haze of a flashback and its aftereffects, he could just as easily abandon Rags at a rest stop and not even remember he’d left the dog behind. Like Rags’s prior owners had.

  Rags deserved better than that.

  Nobody was around, and it didn’t take him long to install the new plug, even with Rags hanging only inches away from him as though he was afraid Nick would leave him again.

  Going to his room in the motel, Nick packed his duffel bag, grabbed his bedroll and left his key card on the dresser. Better to make a clean break than go through a lingering goodbye.

  Just as he tossed his duffel and bedroll into the truck, Greg arrived home from school. Rags raced over to greet the boy, giving him happy licks in the face.

  “Hey, Nick. What’re you doing?” Greg trotted over to the truck with Rags beside him.

  Nick stalled, trying to figure out how to get away without telling the kid he wasn’t coming back. But that didn’t seem fair to Greg. The poor kid had been sucked into hero worship, which had been a bad idea from the start.

  “I’m getting ready to leave,” he said.

  Greg’s mouth dropped ope
n and his eyes widened. “Where’re you going?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll drift awhile, see where I end up.” Ending here in Bear Lake was a mistake. He’d hurt Alisa. He wasn’t going to risk doing that again.

  “When are you coming back?”

  Nick rested his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He tried to keep his voice steady. Sympathetic. But he wasn’t too successful. “I’m...not coming back, son.”

  Tears glistened in Greg’s blue eyes. “Are you taking Rags with you?”

  Man, the kid really knew how to get to him. Tears. A trembling lower lip. His eyebrows flatlined.

  “Actually, I was thinking...” Nick looked down at Rags and gave him a pet. His own eyes teared up and he cleared his throat. “I figured I’d leave Rags with you. I know you’d take good care of him.”

  “But you’re not going to stay?”

  “Nope. I can’t.” Every boy needed a pet to love. He could do that much for Greg.

  “Why are you going? Don’t you like me anymore?” His voice trembled.

  “I like you a lot, buddy. But I did something real bad last night, and I hurt your mom.”

  The boy’s eyes narrowed. “Did you do it on purpose?”

  “No, it was an accident.” He’d lost control, which was almost the same as hurting Alisa on purpose.

  “Was Mom mad at you this morning?”

  She should have been. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got to leave.” What if he’d had a flashback and hurt Greg? Alisa would never forgive him for that.

  “I don’t want you to go!” Greg threw himself at Nick, wrapping his arms around him and held on tight.

  Hesitantly Nick returned Greg’s hug. “I have to, son.”

  “No, you don’t!” His voice was muffled against Nick’s chest. “You could stay here forever. Mom would let you.”

  Yeah, and she’d be a fool to do so. “I’m sorry, sport.” Gently, he eased Greg’s arms from around him. “Let’s get Rags’s leash. You can tie him up so he won’t try to follow me. Then he’ll be your dog.”

  “No!” Greg screamed. “I don’t want Rags. I want you to stay here with me.” Sobbing, he raced away toward the kitchen door.

  Nick grabbed Rags before he could follow the boy, thinking it was a game of chase. “Come on, fella. You’re gonna like it here much more than bumming around with me. Better chow and everything.”

  He tied the leash to the back porch railing, got the remaining cans of dog food out of the truck and piled them on the steps. “Stay, boy. Stay with Greg.”

  His footsteps hurried, he climbed into the truck. This was for the best, he told himself. Best for Greg and Alisa. That’s what mattered.

  * * *

  Greg came flying upstairs screaming. “Mom! You gotta stop him. He’s leaving.”

  Alisa leapt to her feet. Her heart raced. “What are you saying?”

  “Nick’s leaving. Right now.” Greg’s eyes were red-rimmed, tears streaming down his cheeks. His breath came in hard gulps. “Please, Mom. Stop him!”

  Her heart sank into her stomach. “I don’t think I can.”

  “You have to, Mom!” he wailed.

  She could try. But after her talk with Nick this morning, she knew it would be an exercise in futility. And painful.

  Greg thundered down the stairs ahead of her. They burst outside. He stopped on the porch. “His truck’s gone!”

  Tied to the railing, Rags lunged at the length of his leash trying to follow Nick’s truck that had just turned onto to the highway.

  “Nick must be coming back,” Alisa said. “He wouldn’t leave Rags.” He’d leave her and her son, but not his beloved dog. And then she spotted the cans of dog food.

  “No, Nick said he wanted me to have Rags. But I want ’em both to stay!”

  Heartsick for her son, Alisa didn’t know what to say or do. Nick had made an enormous sacrifice by leaving Rags behind. If only he had asked for help, talked to Pastor Walker. Anyone. He might not have needed to leave.

  One last lunge, and Rags broke free. He raced toward the highway to follow Nick’s truck, four feet of leash flying out behind him like the tail of a kite.

  “Rags, come!” she cried.

  Greg took off after the dog. And Nick.

  “Honey, come back. You can’t catch him.” She started running, too, but knew she’d never catch up with Greg until he ran out of gas. Please, Lord, help me to help my son.

  * * *

  Nick clamped his hands hard on the wheel. Tourist traffic was as heavy as midsummer. People gawking as they drove through town on a bright autumn day. Cars moving at the speed of desert tortoises.

  At this rate, he’d never get out of town. Much less far enough away to forget Alisa and her son.

  He clinched his jaw against the urge to give up. Go back. He’d made his decision.

  Glancing in the rearview window, he frowned. A familiar-looking dog was racing along the side of the road. Not far behind him, he spotted Greg trying to catch up.

  He wheeled off the road into the dirt. Of all the dumb, stupid... Why hadn’t Rags stayed like he’d told him to?

  Reaching across the cab, he popped open the door.

  Rags leaped into the truck first. He came at Nick with his tail wagging and his lolling tongue.

  Avoiding a face lick, Nick shoved him into the backseat. “I told you to stay,” he said gruffly. Rags didn’t appear the least contrite.

  A long thirty seconds or so and Greg climbed into the cab, his face red from exertion, his chest heaving.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Nick asked.

  “Rags broke his leash.”

  Yeah, right. Maybe with a little help from Greg. Or God? That didn’t make any sense. Why would God be so all-fired anxious for him to stick around Bear Lake?

  Now, however, Nick had no choice but to take the boy and his dog back to the diner and Alisa.

  Dread filled his chest as he realized he’d have to explain himself.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Alisa ran out of breath after less than a city block. Frantic to catch up with Greg, she slowed to a walk and kept going. An ache developed in her side. How far ahead of her was he? She’d lost sight of him.

  She glanced at oncoming traffic and halted abruptly. Was that Nick’s truck? White with a camper shell on the back. She couldn’t be sure. There must be hundreds of pickups just like his.

  She caught a glimpse of his dark hair and his profile. “Nick!” she screamed, waving to attract his attention. She started jogging toward him. “Nick! Do you have Greg?”

  He glanced across the road in her direction and frowned. “I got him.”

  Thank You, Lord!

  She continued to shadow Nick’s truck as he drove back toward the diner. She caught a glimpse of Rags, his face pressed against the window, but she couldn’t see her son. She had an urge to shake some sense into Greg. He should have known he couldn’t catch up with Nick’s truck.

  But apparently he had.

  Maybe she’d be better off to shake some sense into Nick.

  He parked the truck by the kitchen door and climbed out. Greg came around from the other side of the truck. Rags stayed inside keeping a close eye on his master.

  Rubbing her side, Alisa beckoned Greg to her. “You know that was a foolish thing you did, running after Rags.”

  Hanging his head, he scuffed the toe of his shoe in the dirt, kicking up puffs of dust. “I didn’t want him to get lost.”

  “We’ll talk about it later. Right now I want you to go upstairs and wait for me. You may have a snack if you want one. I have something to say to Nick.”

  Greg looked up at Nick as though seeking his permission to stay.

  “Do what your mom says, sport.” He
cocked his head toward the door.

  With a quick, mutinous look toward Alisa, Greg trudged up the steps and into the diner.

  “I tied Rags up to the porch railing,” Nick said. “I didn’t expect him to get loose or Greg to come after him. Or me.” A defensive note sharpened his words.

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Did it even occur to you that if you had told me you were leaving, I could have prepared my son? Going off like that, running away—”

  “I wasn’t running away. I never promised I’d stay here forever.” A muscle jumped in his jaw.

  “By running away you’ve hurt my son. He’d begun to count on you as a friend.” More like a father figure, but surely Nick had understood what was happening. He should have understood what was happening between her and Nick as well, if he’d had any sense. Apparently, if he did recognize her growing feelings, it didn’t matter to him. “Friends don’t do that to friends. They explain things. They don’t go off without saying goodbye.”

  “I did explain to Greg. I told him I’d hurt you. I had to leave.”

  “You had a flashback. You couldn’t help yourself.”

  “Which is exactly why I’m leaving.” He ordered Rags out of the truck and unhooked the trailing leash. “I want Greg to have Rags.”

  “You love that dog, and you’re going to leave him?” Her voice rose incredulously. Did love mean so little to him? “Don’t you know it will break his heart if you leave without him?” Just as it was breaking her heart now. She rubbed the heel of her palm against her chest as though she could ease the pain.

  “It’s better for him to stay here.”

  “He’ll try to come after you again.”

  “Then tie him up good.” He started to climb up into the truck, but Rags scooted past him and jumped in first, hopping into the backseat.

  Nick mumbled something under his breath.

  Behind Alisa, the kitchen door opened. Hector stepped out on to the porch.

  “It’s time to start the prep for dinner,” he said. “Do you want me to start the dumplings?”