by Amity Cross
I allowed myself to smile, and he dropped his hand, my skin still tingling from his touch. “Okay.”
“Yeah?” His eyebrows rose, and his own smile tugged at his lips. “Do you want to watch something?”
“Okay.”
He smiled and tilted his head to the side.
“What do you like?” I asked. “Popcorn, chips…”
“I’m a dude, Vee. I’ll eat anything you put in front of me.”
I squirmed at the fact he’d called me Vee. “I just thought, with your diet and all…”
“Violet. I’m cool with whatever. A night off from the bland shit I usually eat ain’t gunna kill me.”
“Then pick something.” I pointed to the remote.
He smiled then, a wide, shit-eating grin that made his singular dimple appear in his cheek. “You’re giving me control of the remote? Fuck.”
“You did save me from that spider.” The words were coming easier now, and it felt good.
“Any requests?” Sitting down on the bed, he grabbed the remote.
“Surprise me.”
He winked, and it made my insides flutter. “You got it.”
Rounding the bed, I made my way down to the kitchen, my entire being beginning to awaken. Grabbing a bag of popcorn from the cupboard, I shoved it into the microwave and pressed start, watching the bag inflate as the kernels began to pop. Lincoln Hayes was on my bed. Fucking hell. It was a momentous occasion, and all it had taken was a lone Huntsman spider and a can of hairspray.
I felt like a fucking idiot, and he didn’t care. He didn’t care, and he wanted to stay. Be careful, I thought to myself. It’s just as friends, so don’t get carried away.
The microwave beeped, and I pulled the bag out and dumped the popcorn into a bowl before heading back upstairs.
Lincoln was sitting back on the bed, his back against the headboard, his feet bare. He looked pleased with himself and pointed to the TV. “Good?”
“Forrest Gump?” I asked, pulling a face. I sat down beside him and put the popcorn between us.
“What’s wrong with Forrest Gump? Everyone likes Tom Hanks and it’s chick friendly.”
“Chick friendly?” Ugh. Snatching the remote from his hands, I began pressing buttons, pretending not to realize our fingers just brushed, and it didn’t feel weird. Well, it did, but the good kind of weird.
“There,” I declared.
“Iron Man?” Lincoln said, his mouth falling open. “Fuck, I’m in love.”
It was just an expression, but I felt my face heat. “It’s my favorite.”
“You’re shitting me?”
I shook my head. “Two was okay, and three was just a giant CGI show off. One is more…real, I guess. I like the origin story.”
Lincoln smiled at me like he knew a secret I didn’t and shook his head.
“What?”
“See?” he asked. “You do know how to talk to me.”
Sliding underneath the covers, I said, “I guess.”
Holding up the remote as I settled back against the pillows, he asked, “Ready?”
“Yep.”
He hit play, and the movie began. We didn’t talk as we watched, we just sat together, and I wondered if he was doing it on purpose to allow me to get used to him being there. After a while, it began to work because I was totally focused on the movie, watching as Tony Stark became Iron Man and made his triumphant return to win back Stark Industries from the bad guy. I was so comfortable I fell asleep somewhere between the part where Pepper Pots was kidnapped and the identity of Iron Monger was revealed.
When I finally woke from a fitful dream, I was disoriented for a moment. I raised my head, trying to shake off sleep, my gaze colliding with Lincoln. He was sprawled out beside me, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling with each breath. He was asleep. Totally dead to the world.
I took in his features, committing every single part of him to memory. He was peaceful, his expression calm and his lips parted. He wasn’t even snoring, which kind of made him perfect.
I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep, but he’d stuck around regardless. It didn’t escape me that he’d left the lamp on so I wouldn’t freak out when I woke to find him still there. The thought of waking up to find a man in my bed… He got it, and I was glad he’d stayed.
I’d been crushing on the man for as long as I could remember, but in that moment, I think I actually began to fall for him.
Fall, as in the L-word.
13
Lincoln
Watching a movie with a woman wasn’t something I was used to.
It was friend zone to the max, but I wasn’t sure where Violet went anymore. Friend, lover, girlfriend—I didn’t know what I wanted.
A layer had been peeled off her hard exterior, and I’d caught a glimpse of the real Violet…and I liked what I saw. Really fucking liked. Underneath her fear, there was a woman I could get to know. Not just the good parts, meaning the physical, but all the bits that made her tick. She’d let me in just a fraction and placed her trust in me and I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve it.
I was in big fucking trouble.
One, I’d fucked Andrea. Two, I’d slept with Violet. One of those things was not like the other.
I was treading a very dangerous line.
Opening my eyes, I blinked hard. Violet was still asleep, her eyelashes looking longer than usual against her cheeks. We’d left the blind open last night, and sunlight was streaming into the room, lighting everything in a warm glow. I’d turned the lamp on in case she woke in the middle of the night and found me still there while she slept, and it was just as I’d left it too. Violet’s face was wreathed in shadow—my shoulder was blocking the sunlight from hitting her face, which was why she was still asleep. Fuck, she looked so innocent…
I shifted and turned off the lamp, the shadow I cast moved and her face was illuminated. Damn it.
Her eyes fluttered open as the sunlight coaxed her awake, and her gaze settled on mine. I didn’t know what I was expecting her to do when she saw me there, being daylight and all, but she smiled.
“Hey.” Her voice was all husky from sleep, and fuck it to hell it was sexy.
“Hey.”
“Sorry.”
I frowned.
“For falling asleep on you,” she murmured.
“S’okay. I fell asleep too.”
“What time is it?”
“Just after six.”
She burrowed into the pillow, her face screwing up. She wasn’t a morning person.
I didn’t know what to say, so I asked, “Do you want a lift into Pulse later?”
She buried a little deeper into the covers. “No. It’s okay.”
“I don’t mind.” It was an excuse to spend a little more one-on-one time with her.
“You’d just have to drive me home again.”
That didn’t bother me either, but she obviously didn’t want me to. Best not to push my luck.
Sitting up, I stretched my arms over my head. “I better get going then. I’ll see you at work.”
She went to get up, but I shook my head. “It’s super early. I can see myself out.”
She hesitated a moment, then her expression softened. “Okay.”
Hauling myself to my feet, I pulled my boots on and shuffled to the door. As I glanced back at the bed, she turned to watch me. “See ya.”
Violet smiled, something that was becoming more and more frequent, and I found myself dazed for a moment. Turning, I left her room, went downstairs and let myself out. It wasn’t until I was outside and in my car that I realized I should’ve said something like ‘I had a good time’, but I didn’t say anything.
I just drove away.
Days had passed since the night I’d stayed over at Violet’s, and things were a little better. She didn’t shy away as much, and I actually saw her leave the office once in a while.
I’d taken to coming in early because sitting at home didn’t float my boat,
and it afforded me peace and quiet to work on the exercises the physiotherapist gave me without eyes watching. I was pretty easy going, but I took pride in my fighting, and being sidelined because of a stupid mistake fuckin’ hurt. Didn’t need an audience for that.
My phone began to ring, muffled inside my gym bag, and I put down the weight I was working with and fished around for it. I saw Dean’s name on the screen, and I pressed my finger on the answer button.
“Hey.”
“Hey, bro. How’s the shoulder?”
I kinda missed my brother. We’d never spent this much time apart before, and he was my other half. Split in two in the fuckin’ womb. Maybe that’s why we were so different. I got one half of the brain, the logical part, and Dean got the artistic side. It would account for a lot.
“Much the same,” I replied. “How are you goin’?”
“Haven’t you been watching? I’ve been kicking ass.”
“I haven’t got time to sit around and watch your stupid ass on TV,” I said petulantly.
“Oh, that’s right, you’ve got a job.”
“Fuck off.”
“How’s it going there? Any hot chicks?”
I frowned, glad he couldn’t see me. Hot chicks would be the motherfuckin’ death of me.
“Dude.”
“Shut it, Dean,” I snapped.
“Dude, you need to get laid.”
Little did he know I already had, but unfortunately, it was with the wrong woman.
“The job’s going fine,” I retorted. “I’m helping train two up and comers and Ash’s gone away and left me in charge.”
“Ash fucking Fuller left you in charge?”
I shook my head. “Why are you so surprised? You know I’m the brains of this outfit.”
“Never thought I’d see the day.”
The sound of the back door slamming drew my attention, and I glanced up, hoping it was Violet coming in early. “How’s Josie?”
There was a pause.
“Dean?”
“She’s cool. You know how she gets. Slave driver to the max.”
I stilled as Violet came into view. She looked pretty today in a black blazer and little skinny jeans, her hair out and wavy, spilling around her shoulders and down her back. Her lips were red with lipstick, and my mind instantly went to the gutter.
“Linc?”
I sat up straight, blinking hard. “Huh?”
“Are you sure you’re good, bro?” he asked as I glanced back toward Violet.
She stilled as she heard my voice, and our eyes met. For once, she didn’t turn and flee up the stairs at the sight of me. She paused and raised her hand, her lips curving into a smile. Fuck.
“Yeah, I’m cool,” I replied, giving her a small wave in reply. I was going to add that I was eager to get back to Sydney so I could fight, but I wasn’t so sure I was in such a hurry anymore.
She disappeared upstairs, and a moment later, the office light flicked on.
“Listen, I’ve gotta go,” I said, standing. I had to shake this shit off and get with the program. “The guys will be here in a few.”
“Yep, me too. Gotta get into the gym before Coach has my ass.”
“Right.”
“Later.”
I hung up the call and tossed my phone back into my bag as the front door opened, early morning sunlight reflecting off the glass. Andrea appeared and waved in my direction before disappearing into the women’s change room. Shit, I was such a fucking idiot. My cock was controlling my every move. She’d been a good fuck, but maybe that was only because I was picturing someone else.
What was I supposed to do? I’d be going back to Sydney before too long, and where would that leave everyone in this place?
Violet wouldn’t come with me, she was afraid of pretty much everything and asking her to get on a plane and go interstate? It would be a big deal. Fuck, why would I even think that? She wasn’t mine to ask. I couldn’t start that when I couldn’t finish it. She deserved more than that.
Andrea, on the other hand, she was a bit of fun. She knew it was a limited time offer.
Just a bit of fun.
14
Violet
For days after the fact, I clutched onto the memory of Lincoln falling asleep next to me.
It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me outside of Ash’s sacrifices, and I wondered what Dr. Ormond would make of it at our appointment tomorrow.
Work kept us both busy and for once, I found myself not afraid of running into him. Things were becoming easier, and as the days went by, I found myself leaving the office more and more. It was simple things that I saw an improvement in. Eye contact, smiling, saying hello. People didn’t scare me quite as much, and it had sparked a newfound sense of confidence in me. Lincoln had shown me he cared, and that meant everything.
Andrea, on the other hand, I avoided like the plague. Her claws were constantly out, and a smackdown over a guy was something I was definitely not ready to deal with.
Lincoln and I were just friends. Just. Friends. I was sure if I kept repeating it to myself, like a mantra, it would come true, but something had changed that night. Crush to something I didn’t quite understand.
I sat in the office at Pulse, furiously trying to get on top of the paperwork that the gym created. It was a never-ending cycle, and I hadn’t realized exactly how much Ash and Ren did before they went away. Glancing at the postcard that had arrived in the post that morning, I smiled. It was a picture of a white sandy beach with a temple superimposed along the skyline with gold metallic letters that said ‘Thailand’. From the two sentences that Ash had managed to scrawl on the back, they really sounded like they were having a great time, even if they couldn’t get any mobile reception to call me.
Glancing at the clock on the computer, I saw it was almost seven pm. Shit. I hadn’t realized the time. There was no class tonight, so it was quiet downstairs. I wondered if Lincoln was still here. No doubt he would’ve seen the office light still on if he was. It was company policy to lock the doors as everyone left for the night, and I knew he had keys just like I did.
Thinking nothing of it, I picked up the phone and called myself a taxi. This was the next stage in my ‘getting out there’ plan. Talking to a taxi driver and letting a little of my control go. Having someone drive me home was letting a whole lot of that go for me.
The dispatcher told me it’d be fifteen minutes, so I packed up the office and decided to wait downstairs. Threading my arm through the handle of my bag, I turned off the lights and headed down, listening, out of habit, for anything that might be lurking. A muffled sound echoed through the empty gym, and I paused on the bottom step.
“Hello?” I called, but it came out as a tiny squeak.
I stepped down into the gym and couldn’t see anyone, so I moved over to the front door, unlocking it so I could make a quick getaway if I needed to. A loud female moan split the silence, and I turned sharply. It had come from the change rooms, I was sure of it. Another moan echoed through the cavernous space, and I felt my cheeks begin to heat. Someone was having sex back there.
A slew of emotions rushed through my body, and I wasn’t sure if I should be horrified or not. Who was it? There was no one else here, so it had to be Lincoln…and Andrea. That’s the kind of woman he wanted. Perfect, not afraid of a bit of cock, beautiful, vocal… Suddenly, the thought of touching myself and thinking about him seemed foolish. I was a fool.
My cheeks flared red, and I didn’t know what to do. Should I go outside? Glancing out at the dark street, I didn’t like the idea of that. Anybody could be lurking out there. An image of Hammer flashed into my mind’s eye, and I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the door. My chest began to constrict, and I sucked in a deep breath, trying to block out the over-the-top moaning. It sounded like a bloody porno, and it wasn’t helping. None of it was fucking helping to dispel the panic attack it was conjuring.
The grunting and moaning began to accelerate, an
d I closed my eyes, my heart shattering. He wasn’t mine. He could fuck whomever he wanted to. He wasn’t mine. I’d wanted him, but I hadn’t realized how bad until I heard him getting what I couldn’t give him from another woman. A vapid, self-absorbed, beautiful woman. She wasn’t afraid of a man’s touch, she wasn’t afraid of her own shadow. She was everything he wanted. I’d never be enough, would I?
She cried out his name, and then everything was quiet. There was the calm before the storm, and then there was the silence after the destruction had been wrought and the clouds had faded over the horizon. This was the destruction part, and the debris left behind was my heart. All the progress I’d made felt like it had just disintegrated, flinging me back to square one.
I wasn’t good enough.
I’d called him to come and get a spider from my roof, and he’d slept next to me. He hadn’t touched me or made any promises. He’d said he’d help me, but not with this—this was all me. It was all my fault.
That’s when I looked up and saw the reflection of two people leaving the change rooms. I’d known all along who was fucking out there, but seeing it was like driving a poisoned dagger through my heart.
Lincoln and Andrea.
This was the moment in all those romance novels where the woman caught the guy cheating or screwing her over in some heinous way. She’d break it off with him and be all depressed until the guy made some grand declaration of love. All through the story, he would tell her how much she meant to him but never say those three little words…not until he had to fight to get her back. The difference between them and me? One, they were fucking fictional, and two, Lincoln was never mine to begin with.
Headlights lit up the window as the taxi came into view, and I snapped back into reality, but it also drew their attention. I saw Lincoln pause, his expression falling as he realized I was standing there, but I also saw the smug look of satisfaction on Andrea’s ugly-beautiful face. Both of them knew I’d heard.
