by Patti Larsen
Not even Dominic had anything to say to that.
“And your original spell?” Mom asked them. “What exactly were you working on?”
“Closing down the garden for the fall,” Martin said. “Clean earth energy, nothing more.”
“Miriam,” Erica said, “if this was an attack…”
“Now, now,” Batsheva waved Erica’s fear away as if she could banish it with such a simple gesture, “no one said for certain it was. Even the Vegas couldn’t tell.”
“No one knows it wasn’t, either,” Erica responded, frowning. She leaned back again. Jared’s arms went around her.
“It could be something as simple as left over magic,” Batsheva addressed Mom. I’m pretty sure she meant it as a snub to Erica. “We have no idea what kind of old power could be under the ground here.”
“Except we check when we move in, Batsheva,” Mom said.
“Of course,” Batsheva said. The frowning Vegas processed the insult. “But sometimes things are missed. By the best of us.”
“We’ll look into it,” Mom said.
“As for Syd,” Batsheva smiled at me but this time I knew she didn’t mean it kindly, “I think we can all agree something must be done. Yes, she saved the day, I for one admit it, but we can’t have her spreading her abilities about willy-nilly can we?”
An unspoken question hung in my mother’s eyes.
I tried to look away but couldn’t. How much did that suck?
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll do what I have to do to control it. I’ll take lessons, learn to keep it quiet. But don’t ask me to participate anymore. And I still want to do everything I can to get rid of it someday. Okay?”
Mom took a big breath. I know she would have agreed to any terms if only Quaid Moromond had kept his stupid mouth shut.
That would be way too much to ask.
“I think we’re past that,” Dominic said, still angry. He had one hand around Quaid’s arm, pulling his son forward. The smirk on Quaid’s face told me he was about to stab me square in the back. The jerk.
“Tell them,” Dominic shook Quaid a little. I couldn’t believe he took it. Inches taller than his portly father and much stronger, I could tell Quaid still toed the family line. When I caught the flash of rebellion in his eyes despite the grin, I willed him to shut up.
His cynical expression slipped. I think he felt bad about what he planned to do to me. But another shake from his father silenced his will. He shrugged, mostly to free himself from Dominic.
“Syd’s been dropping power at school,” Quaid said.
A whisper of air ran through the kitchen as the witches collectively drew breath and held it. Everyone stared at me like I killed their favorite rock star.
“Syd?” Mom made my name a question.
I squared my shoulders under the weight of their disapproval, defiant.
“It’s true,” I said.
The collective breath released. Now the attention focused on my mother.
“Have you hurt anyone?” She was very serious. I felt like telling her to lighten up. Somehow I didn’t think it would go over very well. For once, my mouth and my mind stayed in synch.
“Of course not,” I said. “My aura’s stronger than usual and the normals pick up on it.”
Quaid rolled his eyes at me.
“So you didn’t call your demon today at school?” Dominic challenged me.
I made a face at Quaid.
“Jerk,” I muttered.
He looked away but not before I saw real regret in his eyes. Didn’t make up for it, oh no. But at least I knew he had a soul after all.
And now they all stared at me again. Great.
“I was attacked by a girl in gym class,” I said. “She pushed me and I skinned my knees.”
“So you say.” Dominic was becoming a pain in the butt.
I yanked up my jeans over my scabby knees. “Yeah, wanna see?”
They all checked to make sure I told the truth. This was getting to be too much.
“So what did you do?” Mom asked. Her voice was still quiet, not a scream in sight. I wasn’t sure how to take that.
“I didn’t fight back,” I said, “if that’s what you’re worried about. I never fight back, are you all happy? I take their crap and let them torture me and never once have I used my magic to make my life easier. Not once.”
I was getting really pissed off, the urge to hit something rising.
“Syd,” Mom said again. “What did you do?”
“I think my eyes changed,” I said. “For a second.”
“Did she see?” Erica sounded disappointed. They had no idea, seriously.
“Yeah, she saw, there was nothing I could do about it. I’m sick of being pushed around.”
I slumped with my hip to the counter, arms crossed over my chest, scowling at the tile floor, my whole body screaming for someone, anyone to get it. I couldn’t take it any longer.
I felt Mom’s hand as she slid her arm around my shoulders.
“Does this mean we have to move again?” Sandra Crossman, eight months pregnant, slid her hands over her huge belly, worried hazel eyes fixed on my mother. She glanced over at her young husband, James. He placed his own hand over hers.
“I don’t know if I can go through another move right now, Miriam,” James’ expression grew anxious behind his glasses, “not with the baby due...”
Mom held up her free hand. Silence fell.
“No one is moving.”
“She flashed power in public!” Dominic was determined to ruin my life. “In front of normals!”
Part of me wondered what was in Mom's eyes that silenced him so fast.
“I highly doubt a change of eye color constitutes a move at this point,” Mom told the group. “And since Syd has agreed to work with us to learn to control herself, I see no reason why we can’t go back to life as usual. That being said,” she turned to me, “Syd, it is now your responsibility to make sure you keep yourself in control at all times.”
“I know,” I said.
“And if we don’t trust her?” Dominic snapped.
Mom turned on him so fast I felt her nails dig in to my shoulder for support.
“You are welcome to sever your ties with the Hayle coven and move on,” she said.
That was the end of that.
The kitchen emptied of all but Erica and Jared. I glared at Quaid as he left. He had the nerve to flash me a wave on his way out. I was so going to figure out a punishment for the traitor, involving acute embarrassment and a couple of days in the hospital.
“First thing tomorrow,” Mom said to Erica, “we dig into the Vegas’ property and see if we can find what triggered today’s incident.”
Erica agreed while Jared winked at me.
“So Syd,” he said, “what would you like me to teach you?”
I stuck my tongue out at him, annoyed at the whole thing, wanting to retreat to the solitude of my room for some peace and quiet.
“I think her dad and I can handle Syd’s education,” Mom said.
“If you change your mind,” Jared grinned, “I’ll do my best to whip her into shape.”
Hmmm. The possibilities of working with handsome, hot-body Jared actually appealed. And, no, I had no interest in Erica’s boyfriend. Not only was he taken, he was 32. Way too old for me. But, still, eye candy for a teacher? I think I was lost in the thought for too long, because Mom and Erica both laughed. Jared wiggled his eyebrows at me.
I hated it when I blushed.
After they left, I stood in the kitchen with my mother and fought the urge to run. She very slowly approached me, but didn’t touch me. When she spoke, her voice came soft and hesitant. I tried my best to not take anything she said the wrong way.
“You did very well today,” Mom said.
I was shocked. A compliment? From my mother? Where were the flying pigs?
“Thanks,” I said.
“You have no idea, do you?” She pushed a stray piece of hair
away from my face. “How powerful you are? How much potential... Syd, do you realize you single handedly did what the entire coven couldn’t?”
“I just did something different,” I said.
She laughed and I saw pride in her eyes. Wow, would wonders never cease.
“Syd, with only raw power and no training, you examined the problem, decided on a course of action no witch would ever consider and saved the day. That’s pretty amazing, demon child.”
Demon child. She hadn’t called me that since I was a little girl. She always used it like it was a term of endearment but I stopped taking it that way a long time ago so she stopped using it.
“I guess,” I said.
She very gently took my shoulders in her hands and shook me a little.
“We’ve said and done a lot of things to each other in the past few days, haven’t we? Some hurtful. Some not. Syd, I feel like I’m making a mess of everything with you.” She let me go and sank into one of the kitchen chairs. “I want things to be different but I don’t know how.”
I sat next to her.
“Stop trying so hard,” I said, and meant it.
“What?” She didn’t get it.
“Mom,” I said, struggling to explain, “you try way too hard. The cookies, the battles, the soccer mom clothes, the girly stuff. I’m not any of that. Except maybe the cookies,” I said.
She laughed a little and I did too.
“Look,” I said, “I know I’ve spent most of my life blaming you and Dad for what I am but I think I’m finally realizing I’m just as responsible. If I stop fighting so hard and do what I can to control the power, I can do whatever I want, even if that means leaving you.”
“If you promise to try,” she said, “I will too.”
“What do I have to do?” I asked.
“Study, practice, practice some more,” she answered. “And for once, trust us.”
“I do trust you,” I said, while the little voice in my head screamed, “LIAR!!!”
She must have heard it because she made a face.
“Syd, one of the things your father and I love the most about you is your independence. We raised you and your sister to think for yourselves, to make your own decisions, take your own chances. I tried to give you the life I never had the opportunity to experience. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, but no matter what, everything we did, I did, was to help you grow and be a better person.
“The trouble is, we’ve given you so much freedom, you don’t trust our judgment anymore, don’t think we understand. But we do, Syd,” she leaned closer, taking my hands in hers. “And the things we don’t get, we want to understand. But you have to let us in so we can. We want to be there for you but we can’t if you keep slamming the door on the offer.”
I felt crappy, but not guilty, so it was a start.
“Okay, Mom,” I said. “From now on I’ll trust you and listen to everything you say.”
She smiled and kissed me.
“Sure you will, Syd,” she laughed. “And I’ll never yell at you again.”
We grinned at each other. Yeah, right. The lies we tell the ones we love.
***
Chapter Nineteen
Despite the family’s fears and my own reservations, life returned to normal. We ordered pizza for supper and hung out watching re-runs of our favorite sit-coms in our pajamas. I felt like the pressure was off. I think the fact I made a decision to do something proactive for myself instead of whining about it all the time settled my mind and gave me some peace.
I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to Uncle Frank about the previous night but I knew he already heard about our little agreement from Mom from the thumbs up and grin he gave me before going out with Sunny for the night.
One of those times I was going to ask him where they went.
I was almost scared to go down to the basement with my mother, but I went anyway.
“I’m not sure where to start,” Mom admitted, taking a seat in the pentagram. I folded down across from her, chin on my knees.
“That sounds encouraging.” Oh snap. But Mom only smiled at me.
“First things first,” she said, sitting up so straight I immediately did the same. “It’s been quite some time since I had a look inside your power. You’ve obviously developed past my previous examination.” Her irony wasn’t lost on me. I think I’d been twelve or so when I let her poke around in my head for the last time.
I held my breath then forced myself to let it out. “Okay,” I said. “I’m ready.”
Her power reached for me, just a thin thread at first, sliding inside my mind and connecting with my magic. My demon squirmed away from her, as uncomfortable with this as I was, even as the nausea rose in my gut from the wrongness of how it all felt.
“Relax, Syd,” Mom’s voice reached me. Only then did I realize I’d closed my eyes.
I tried, I really tried. And I knew how hard this was for her. She’d just been through a massive ordeal herself. Her power was soft around the edges as if she was having trouble keeping the thread solid, her weariness an undercurrent inside her magic.
It felt like fingers in my mind as she allowed more power to flow. Mom was very good at this, I knew from experience. She had a great talent for exploring and uncovering problems in other witch’s magic. So I trusted that at least if something was wrong, she’d find it.
My demon snarled and complained but finally complied when Mom invaded her space. My mother eased my demon’s anger and had her purring in moments, fed by the warmth of the family magic.
I felt Mom glide through all of the facets of my power, from my telekinesis to my powerful telepathy, the energy that controlled my link to fire and the earth magic that grounded me and fed me strength. She even uncovered air power I didn’t know I had, and enough water connection that I could probably make waves on a still pond without much effort. But it was my spirit energy that shocked me the most. The white flames burned inside me, surrounding everything.
If you learn to tap into it, she said in my mind, you will never be powerless. It will feed you and keep you whole even in the most terrible circumstance. Was that a touch of envy I felt? Maybe some fear? It couldn’t be. Mom was the powerhouse, not me.
When I felt her brush against the edge of my discomfort and found myself squirming away.
Mom finally sighed and retreated, her power leaving love behind as it left me.
“You’re perfectly fine,” she said. “I can’t see anything that would prohibit you from full control of your abilities.”
“I’m still having the same feelings,” I admitted. “Upset stomach, dizziness. There has to be a reason.”
Mom nodded. “I might know what it is. For some reason you and your demon have never fully integrated.”
That was news. “What do you mean?” Even my demon was listening.
Mom shrugged. “I can’t explain it,” she said. “I can only tell you what I felt. Whether because you decided not to accept your magic or from a more natural cause, you aren’t able to fully access and control your demon power.” She looked deeply troubled. “That is the source of your lack of control and probably the cause of your discomfort when you try to use magic.”
Something inside me disagreed but her reasoning seemed logical so I ignored it.
“So now what?” I assumed she had a game plan. Mom smiled, but it was a tired smile and I suddenly felt terrible for putting her through this tonight.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said. “For now, your priority is to work on building your shields. Controlling the flow of power past them.”
Shields. I could do that. I'd been building them my whole life. Was now an expert.
I carefully erected the walls around my mind again while Mom observed, linking each layer of power to the next as I’d been taught as a child. It was the only kind of magic I ever willingly learned and the only kind that didn’t trigger my nausea.
By the time I was done, Mom was smiling at me
with much more enthusiasm.
I guess that meant I passed.
She assured me we’d have another lesson the next night to work on control just before kissing and hugging me and sending me to bed.
I felt good climbing between the sheets, like I’d finally done something right. My demon’s grumbling was fainter now, and I understood I may have known how to build shields but never did so with conscious determination. Focusing on it made them stronger.
Good to know.
Even Sass settled on the comforter with a contented sigh. Oddly for him, he was still fast asleep next to me the when the sun woke me up.
I lay there for a little while, breathing in the peace of the house, comfortable wrapped up in my quilt. I felt rather than heard my sister wake up, realizing it was my power that felt her and Mom as they stirred to face the day. I held very still and let the magic flow around me, not fighting it, for the first time accepting it for what it was, not really sure what changed but more willing than I thought I would be to explore what having that power meant.
Until the sickening feeling came back and I had to pull away. Maybe Mom could figure it out. As for me, I just couldn’t catch a break.
Sassafras stretched and studied me with one huge yellow eye.
“Finally caving, are we?”
My walls snapped up and the spare pillow slammed down. Sass leapt from the bed, hissing and spitting. He tore for the door, fluffy tail streaking behind him. He disappeared around the corner a second before the pillow hit the exact spot he had been.
Smart-aleck Persian. But his comment knocked some sense into me. It was going to be harder than that, after all. I was not going out easy, and I was most definitely not going to turn into my mother.
I made it to school with minutes to spare. Funny how being less concerned about your appearance can give you so much extra time in the morning. My locker was still clean, and no attempts were made to trip me up or dump my books on the floor. The looks I received weren’t nearly as friendly as they had been on Wednesday after the whole Alison incident, but at least the bullying stopped.
That was all I asked for.
There wasn’t even any backlash about the whole gym thing, which surprised me more. No freak comments, no notes with ‘weirdo’ passed in class. Nothing. Nada.
