The Rules of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 1)

by C. T. Phipps

  “Wow,” I said. “My secret identity didn’t last long.”

  “It rarely does for supervillains,” Diabloman said. “One of the hazards of frequent arrests.”

  “You know us?” Mandy asked.

  “I do,” Sunlight said, putting away his mask. “I’ve been watching you, along with other exceptional civilians of note, for a long time. It’s part of the duties I do for the S.O.S as a retired superhero. It helps keep me sane, knowing I’m doing at least some small part to fight evil.”

  “This sounds ominous,” Cindy said, checking her stolen loot. “Do you get your kicks off spying on Jewish couples?”

  “Mandy’s Wiccan,” I corrected. “And about as gentile as they come.”

  Mandy clutched me tight, making a ‘zip it’ gesture with her fingers. “Let Sunlight finish.”

  “I heard about the death of the Nightwalker the day it happened,” Sunlight said, sounding regretful. “He and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but he was a great warrior against evil. Some days, I might have even called him friend. All of them, I called him family. So, I came down here to guard his legacy. Falconcrest City was always a den of inequity and predators who made lives miserable for the common folk. However, the Nightwalker was a symbol that evil didn’t always prosper. He was a torch in the night and it wasn’t right for him to fall with no one to pick it up.”

  For a moment, a very brief moment, I regretted I, instead of a superhero, was the one wearing the Reaper’s Cloak. Still, if he was going to ask me to join the Boy Scouts then I wasn’t biting. “Yeah, he was all sorts of awesome. Listen, Sunlight, I’m a supervillain. It wouldn’t work out, you trying to teach me to be a good guy. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to help myself to your friend’s secret headquarters and equipment. Show yourself out and we’ll call it even.”

  “Oh yes, that’s going to convince him,” Cloak muttered. “Brilliant.”

  “Hush you,” I snapped. “I’m trying to avoid setting the old guy on fire. I have a ‘kill only one senior citizen a day’ rule, at least as of today. Now, are you going to leave me alone or not?” There was no way I could continue to use the Nightwalker’s base, not with the fact Big Ben’s goons knew where it was and however many other people he’d sold it to, but I could take everything here to a secure location and repurpose it.

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Sunlight said. “All of this equipment belongs to the chosen heir to the Reaper’s Cloak.”

  “What?” I asked, shocking out of my fantasy. “I didn’t know there was a chosen heir.”

  “There isn’t,” Cloak said. “I’d know.”

  Sunlight nodded, heading over to the huge computer in the middle of the room. “According to the Night Computer, there was one person in the whole of Falconcrest City worthy of receiving the power of my mentor’s mystical cape. By feeding all personal data about the citizenry into the computer, I was able to deduce an appropriate heir and send them a disguised set of packages. These packages would give them everything they’d need to know to begin their superheroic careers.”

  A cold chill ran up my spine as I realized where this was going. There was only one reason someone would drop a package containing the Nightwalker’s cloak on Mandy and my front doorstep. “Oh, really?”

  “Gary?” Mandy looked to me.

  Sunlight started typing away at the keyboard before a number of flashing lights blinked. The whole thing looked more like a movie prop than an actual supercomputer, which tended to be on the small and unimpressive side if my trips to Washington D.C. were any indication. A second later, a small white card popped out of the machine’s side.

  “Behold!” Sunlight said. “The identity of the Reaper’s Cloak’s heir!”

  “Yeah,” I said, looking at my feet. I felt gut sick. “We already know who it is.”

  “We do?” Cindy asked.

  “Mandy Summers Karkofsky!” Sunlight declared, holding the card up in the air.

  “Oh, for Death’s sake. You have got to be kidding me.”

  “Tell me about it!” I said.

  Diabloman, who had been watching the entire discussion with a faint aura of amusement, burst out laughing. “By the Seven Lords of Nightmare, that’s hilarious! The husband takes the wife’s mantle! Brilliant!”

  “Alright, it’s time for you to leave,” I gestured to Diabloman. “Get him out of here.”

  “Listen here—” Sunlight started to say.

  “Out.” Diabloman walked up to Sunlight and grabbed him by the back of his tights.

  Dragging him to the elevator, as Sunlight struggled against the super-strong warrior, Diabloman summoned it and proceeded to toss the superhero in the moment the doors opened. Reaching in, Diabloman hit the button for the basement and I watched the doors close before Sunlight could get to his feet.

  “Thanks, D.” I felt a headache coming on.

  “Gary?” Mandy asked.

  I didn’t respond. Instead, I headed to the center of the Night Tower and plopped down on the throne-like chair. Placing my elbows on the arm rest, I held my head and stared at my feet.

  “God, I can’t believe this. I ended up stealing my wife’s destiny as a superhero,” I said. “I am worse than scum. I am...something worse than scum.”

  “The scum of scum!” Cindy said, trying to help.

  “Thank you,” I said, sullen. “I am the scum of scum.”

  The initial shock of Sunlight’s revelation, surreal as the circumstances of it may have been, had worn off. Now, the horrifying implications of what he was saying were sinking in. I’d stolen my wife’s destiny as a hero.

  All three of my companions looked unsure about what to say or do. Mandy, of course, was the one who approached me. “Gary, I—”

  I looked up and into the eyes of my beautiful wife. “I think you would make a tremendous superhero.”

  Mandy looked down. “Thank you. I mean that.”

  My wife and I kissed, our lips pressing together for close to a minute. It was the best kiss we’d had since our honeymoon.

  “Geez, guys, get a room,” Cindy said.

  “There is nothing more pleasing than two people in love united by the sanctity of marriage.” Diabloman sniffed. “Well, except perhaps the sacrifice of an enemy to the Lords of Nightmare. Married love may still edge it out, however.”

  My henchmen, people. You gotta love’em.

  “Cloak, is there any way to, I don’t know... transfer my powers to my wife?” I thought towards my cape.

  “You’d do that?”

  “Yes,” I said, waving to the side. “She’s the most important thing in my life. Besides, I do think she’d be a better superhero than I could ever be a supervillain.”

  “I’m afraid the transformation is permanent. However, you’re more…complex than other supervillains. You’re not the worst person the Reaper’s Cloak could have fallen to.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment but it doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “You have managed to acquire yourself a new headquarters and a significant amount of new equipment, Lord Merciless. May I ask what you intend to do now?” Diabloman said, curious.

  I contemplated acquiring one of the Reaper’s Cloaks for Mandy. “I have a few ideas.”

  Cindy, meanwhile, was playing with an aerosol can marked ‘Memory Erasing Gas’ as she stood over the body of the unconscious hood. “Yeah, we’re still going to be bad guys, right?”

  “Yes, yes we are,” I said, smiling.

  Mandy coughed. “Yeah, about that. Could we have a moment?”

  Uh-oh.

  Chapter Twelve

  Where My Wife Reveals Her Dream

  Mandy took me by the hand toward the back of the Clock Tower to a set of shelves devoted to the occult arts. It was out of hearing range for Cindy and Diabloman, which bothered me to no end.

  What was it that she wanted to discuss they couldn’t hear?

  I hoped she didn’t want me to turn on them.

  I ow
ed them too much.

  “You really don’t,” Cloak said.

  “Gary, how are you feeling?” Mandy asked.

  I blinked. “Fine. Why?”

  “You just killed people.”

  I stared at her. “That’s really not bothering me.”

  Mandy looked at me. “It doesn’t bother you, does it?” I couldn’t tell if she was disappointed or not. Saddened, definitely, but I’m not sure if she was disappointed.

  “They were bad,” I said, saying it like it justified everything. “Really bad.”

  Mandy looked down. “I suppose they were.”

  I blinked. “They were?”

  “They came here to murder us, Gary,” Mandy said. “Have you ever read The Ethics of Post-Humanism?”

  I had actually. “Yeah, it’s that book by Ultragod where he spells out his artificial and nonsensical rules for being a superhero.”

  Mandy glared.

  “Which I suspect you really ascribe to,” I said, grimacing.

  “Superhumans shouldn’t execute criminals who fall into their hands,” Mandy said, removing her hat and putting it on a shelf next to a skull with glowing eyes. “They also shouldn’t casually kill those they could use their powers to safely apprehend. Life is precious, even that of criminals.”

  “Even,” I muttered.

  Mandy continued, “But exceptions can and should be made in the context of whether a subject is deliberately endangering the life or lives of innocents or in self-defense. There’s also a wartime proviso. This is all spelled out in the Society of Superheroes charter, even though they go out of their way to save supervillain and enemy combatant lives whenever possible.”

  “Still too cop-like for my taste.”

  “Is that so bad?”

  I thought of Shoot-Em-Up. “I am not the greatest fan of cops.”

  Mandy blinked. “I suppose you wouldn’t be.”

  “What’s this about?”

  “I’m not going to lose any sleep over Big Ben’s death or the man I killed,” Mandy said, pausing. “Or, if I do, I shouldn’t.”

  “That’s the spirit,” I said, half-heartedly. I had a feeling a shoe was about to drop.

  “That doesn’t mean Sunlight isn’t right.”

  “Any sentence which involves Sunlight and right automatically gets my skepticism. Did you see that lunatic?”

  Mandy nodded. “I saw a man trying to help. A man who believed I had the potential to help this city.”

  Aw crap. “Yeah, a destiny I stole from you. I’m sorry.”

  “Gary, you didn’t steal anything,” Mandy said. “Who leaves a powerful magical artifact and equipment on someone’s front doorstep with no instructions?”

  “Those who believe in destiny,” Cloak said, grumbling. “He doesn’t realize the cloak answers to Death and she has a sense of humor.”

  “Well you certainly don’t,” I muttered.

  “What?” Mandy asked.

  “Sorry, talking to the hoodie,” I said. I then grimaced. Dammit, now I was doing it. “I mean hooded cloak.”

  Mandy grinned, her expression turning serious. “Gary, I’d like to be a superhero.”

  I blinked. “Could you repeat that?”

  Mandy looked around the Clock Tower. “This place is full of devices with uncertain super-technological properties taken from supervillains, plus the Nightwalker’s own equipment. That’s not counting all of the books on arcana and mystical bric-a-brac lying about. I’m a religious Wiccan, rather than the sorceress kind but I know the latter who could arrange me to get training in it. Combined with my childhood training and a refresher course, I could defend this city.”

  I stared at her. “You want to be the Nightwalker?”

  Mandy stared at me. “There’s only one Nightwalker.”

  I opened my mouth to speak.

  “I would be the torch in the night Sunlight spoke of. The one who burns away the darkness and pursues the criminals who afflict this land,” Mandy said. “I would be the Nighthuntress.”

  “Nighthuntress?” I asked.

  “What’s wrong with Nighthuntress?” Mandy said, frowning.

  I made a wavy gesture with my hand. “It’s not really doing anything for me.”

  “Says Merciless of the Redundant Sobriquet.”

  “Hey, hey, let’s not get nasty.”

  “I like it,” Cloak said.

  I took a deep breath. “Are you really comfortable being married to an unredeemed supervillain?”

  “Like we’d be the first superhero and supervillain in love.” Mandy smirked.

  She had me there.

  I was surprised she continued, though. “I won’t lie to you, Gary. I’m not as morally upstanding as this city perhaps needs. My father was a spy and he worked with criminals, murderers, terrorists, and worse in order to make sure worse didn’t destroy civilization. The Ice Cream Man, Typewriter, and Big Ben deserved to die but they didn’t emerge in a vacuum either. Supervillains arise because people need them, want them to exist, or can’t stop them. Who do you intend to target when you start your career?”

  I looked to one side and scratched the back of my neck, through the cloak. “I may have a list of about one hundred and thirty-two businessmen, politicians, and so on who need a swift kick in the ass as well as removal of worldly assets. Assets I intend to redistribute with a healthy collector’s fee.”

  Mandy raised her eyebrows at the collector’s fee. “I won’t try and stop you. This city also needs its organized crime, if for no other reason than someone needs to negotiate a truce for the people the city turns to because the cops are worse than the mafia. You remember what they found outside the city limits in Savage Swamp.”

  I nodded. “You’d think the police would be better at their job if they were killing people who bugged them and dumping their bodies.” And people wondered why no one but the rich called the police in this town.

  “Watkins is a good man,” the Nightwalker said.

  “I’m not so sure,” I said back, telepathically.

  “You really need to work on thinking to yourself,” Mandy said. “You realize once we both start to have success in our respective endeavors, neither the Society of Superheroes or the criminals of this town will understand.”

  “I’m not married to them.”

  “Nor am I married to the other heroes,” Mandy said, taking my hands. “Then we’ll go down together.”

  I shook my head. “We’ll triumph, over the entire world if we have to. Falconcrest City is just the beginning. We’re going to FIX this planet.”

  “I agree,” Mandy said.

  “That’s not an unsettling promise,” Cloak muttered.

  I raised a fist. “Soon, the world will tremble at the mere mention of the name MERCILESS: HUSBAND WITHOUT MERCY!”

  Mandy raised a finger in the air. “And Nighthuntress: Huntress of the Night!”

  I frowned. “Yours sounds cooler.”

  Mandy gave me another kiss. “Ultragoddess doesn’t know what she’s missing letting you slip away.”

  I blinked, confused. “What do you mean?”

  Mandy stared at me. “Really, Gary? You never figured it out? The Black Witch found out her secret identity like six times. Ultragoddess just kept brainwashing it out of her. She never thought her girlfriend would know.”

  I stared at her, stunned. “You mean you know Ultragoddess’ identity? Who?”

  Mandy’s mouth hung open.

  “Yeah, who?” Cindy said, popping her head through one of the shelves.

  Mandy jolted backwards. “What the hell?!”

  “Oh, sorry,” Cindy said. “I was eavesdropping.”

  There were some days I really wanted to strangle Cindy. “You really shouldn’t do that.”

  Mandy’s face went through various emotions. “You’re okay with me being a superhero?”

  “Absolutely,” Cindy said. “We need superheroes. If you’re not there to punch Entropicus in the face, then he might destroy th
e world and then where would we live? Worse, without superheroes, we might have to do something about it.”

  I’d never thought about it that way. “You raise a good point.”

  “Anyway, I’m just glad to be a part of this group.” Cindy smiled. “Gary is the best boss I’ve ever worked for.”

  “Surely, you exaggerate,” I said.

  “Gary, do you want sexual favors?” Cindy asked.

  “No,” I said, offended.

  “See? BEST BOSS EVER.”

  “I am actually kind of horrified,” I said, looking at her. “And worried.”

  “You do have a rather glamourized view of the superhuman underworld,” Cloak said. “But I think we all knew that.”

  “It’s only glamourized because I’m seeing how I’m going to be running it in five years,” I said, smiling. “I’ve already got my whole plan for after the world’s governments are torn down for socially free and economically prosperous communes. With blackjack, hookers of both sexes, and superpowers for all.”

  “I approve!” Cindy said.

  “My husband, the King of Anarcho-Communist Vegas.” Mandy chuckled. “Well, as long as you don’t shoot anyone in it just to watch them die.”

  “No promises.” I then sighed. “Well, we should probably get back to the control room. It’s not going to take long for Sunlight to climb back up the elevator shaft even if Diabloman has locked down the controls.”

  “I don’t think he’s going to bother us anymore,” Mandy said. She looked over at the fallen Nightcar and the dead bodies underneath. “I think he’s made his point. This town is suffering badly.”

  “When has it not been suffering badly?” Cindy shrugged, picking an occult tome off the shelf and flipping through it. She paused on some illustrations of a naked witch’s Sabbath and turned the book to one side. “Hope is for people who live in other towns. I prefer money.”

  Mandy put her hand on Cindy’s shoulder. “Help keep my husband safe.”

  “Sure,” Cindy said. “Whatever you say.”

  I was interrupted from having to answer by the Night Computer starting to blare like it was a fire alarm. Mandy ran over to it and started working the controls.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, jogging up behind her.