The Rules of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 1)

by C. T. Phipps

  “It’s going to take a while to adjust my mental image of you to include badass commando, Ultragoddess, and my geeky ex-girlfriend. You’re like Sarah Connor meets Willow Rosenberg meets a black Michelle Rodriguez who can fly.”

  “Thanks...I think.”

  “So, how is the prison escape?” I asked, wondering if we were chatting things up as things continued to go to hell.

  “Thwarted, so far,” Gabrielle said, frowning. “There’re dozens dead. Maybe as many as a hundred and they were people we knew. Casualties could have been much worse but there’s at least one advantage of being in a place filled with superheroes and that’s people who look after civilians first. More than a few prisoners are missing, though, including Tom Terror. There’s missing equipment, too, though nothing too big. Security systems are down, though.”

  I cursed, hating the fact Tom had probably gotten away with his plan. At least he hadn’t gotten the Power Nullifier he’d sent me to fetch. “I’m sorry that bastard got away.”

  I regretted ever agreeing to team up with him.

  I bet most villains felt the same way after they did.

  Why did he have such luck recruiting them again?

  “Because you’re criminals who never learn from your mistakes,” Cloak said.

  “Hush you,” Gabrielle returned. “It’s possible Tom hasn’t gotten away, actually.”

  “Oh?”

  “Light manipulation is one of the powers granted by the Ultra-Force, Gary,” Gabrielle explained. “Tom Terror could have used it to fly out into space and down to Earth at any time, but that’s not who he is. He thinks he could have conquered the Earth and turned it into the capital of a vast interstellar human-o-centric galactic empire by now, if not for my father.”

  “Mostly because it’s true.” I pointed out. Tom Terror was fully capable of toppling alien empires and building his own. He was just too stubborn to realize it would be better to operate on another world than keep trying to hash it out on the one planet which had the brainpower and muscle to stop him.

  “I think he’s probably still around,” Gabrielle said, looking around. “Invisible and cloaked from all forms of detection. He won’t try to leave until he’s taken a shot at trying to kill my father again.”

  “Or his loved ones,” I said. “He almost killed you while you were fighting Magog.”

  “Almost,” Gabrielle said. “Which, with a dollar, will buy him a bag of chips. He’s smart enough not to come at me directly. Unlike my dad, I’d send him on a one-way-ticket to Hell. Something he richly deserves.”

  I couldn’t disagree with her there. Ironic. “So, what’s my situation? Am I to go back to my cell?”

  “My father would insist,” Gabrielle said. “So would the rest of the Society’s Inner Council. Which is why I’m going to authorize you to go anywhere you want to go in New Avalon, including my father’s room. There, you’ll find a teleporter which will take you straight down to Earth. It’s his private one, separate from all the locked down ones which run off the central power grid.”

  She was sending me to the same one Tom Terror had intended to do so. “Thank you, Gabby. That’s not going to stop your father from picking me up tomorrow, though. I’m not sure I know where to hide on Earth that is far enough away from your father.”

  “Nowhere,” Gabrielle said, chuckling. “He’s kept an eye on you since we dated. Moses checks in on you once a day. I think he may have had Isis cast a tracking spell on you too.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “That son of a... no wonder he found me so quickly!”

  Cloak laughed in my head.

  I really wished I was back in the mists, so I could punch him in the face.

  “That’s a fair cop.”

  “I’ll talk to the Inner Council about it. You saved a lot of lives here and that’s going to count for a lot. There’s also the fact half of the city just watched you kill a Nephilim. We may be a group composed of heroes but no one here is stupid either. Between those who are grateful for what you did and those who think you’re out of their league, I doubt many superheroes are going to want to come down to capture you personally. You may still be on the books as a criminal but I imagine they’ll leave it to local law enforcement.”

  “I can deal with that,” I said, nodding.

  “Don’t underestimate them,” Gabrielle said, offering her hand to me. “As much as I hate to say it, there’re superheroes who sympathize with the Extreme, and would call me a hypocrite for believing in lethal force but not their way of unlimited total warfare against supervillains. That’s not even covering the government super-soldier and anti-terrorist teams they’re building. You need to be careful they don’t start raining down black ops against you or your family. Make friends, bribe someone, or learn to lay low.”

  I took it and the two of us stood up. I was still a bit winded from my exertions fighting Magog but I’d felt worse even before getting superpowers.

  “You’re telling me to be paranoid about the government?” I asked, looking at her.

  “Gary, I used to think you were the kookiest conspiracy theorist this side of Fox Mulder,” Gabrielle said, pointing at my chest. “Now? After five more years of being a fully active S.O.S. operative? I don’t think you were paranoid enough.”

  Okay, that was... terrifying.

  “I’ll watch for drones and missile strikes,” I said, crossing my heart. “Also, giant robots who might smash their hands into my bedroom window at night.”

  “I hate those things,” Gabrielle said, in all seriousness. “If you’re genuinely happy about being a supervillain, Gary, I support you as your friend and hope you’ll carry it out with the same good heart I know you bring to everything else. I may even have some team-ups for you in the future, if you want.”

  “Really? You support me that much?”

  “Of course, I think this is a blindingly stupid idea and you’re throwing your life away,” Gabrielle said, crossing her arms. “Seriously, you could do so much more on the other side of the law.”

  “See? That’s more the reaction I expected.”

  “The sane one?”

  I paused. “Perhaps. Still, I’m not quite ready to hang up my Reaper’s Cloak just yet.” Not that I could if I wanted to.

  Gabrielle just shook her head. “Do you want me to give you a lift over to the residential quarters?”

  I looked from my position there. There weren’t a lot of civilians or superheroes nearby. “Nah, I think I can make it. Besides, I want to avoid being spotted in a too friendly position with one of the world’s most beloved superheroines. They might get the wrong idea.”

  “And what idea is that?” Gabrielle joked.

  I paused. I couldn’t let that go. I had to answer her other question.

  “You asked me if I was happy with my marriage to Mandy. The answer is yes.”

  Gabrielle was silent. “I see.”

  “It’s not perfect. We’re not perfect. God knows, I’m not perfect. However, we’ve had a good five year run. Which is better than most nowadays. She’s a hero, too, though she hasn’t gone out to get any spandex just yet.”

  “You realize superheroes don’t actually wear spandex, right? We wear alien polymers which provide protection against the elements while also capable of being covered in illusion spells that make it look sexy.”

  “Really? That’s why everyone looks like they’ve gone to the gym or had plastic surgery?”

  “Quite often. No one wants to look unattractive when the eyes of the world’s population are upon you,” Gabrielle said, looking down at her chest. “There’re other methods too. This is mostly a wonder bra.”

  “I seem to recall...” I bit my tongue. No, Gary. Bad. “The thing is, though. Yeah, I’m happy.”

  “I’m glad,” Gabrielle said.

  She was lying.

  I understood her feelings.

  But they didn’t change anything.

  “Has there been anyone else for you?” I asked, hoping she�
��d found some measure of love and affection since our breakup.

  “I almost married a space prince of the Thran Empire.”

  “Oh, really?” I asked, surprised and pleased. A little bit jealous, too, since human emotions are messy complicated things.

  “Yeah, it turned out he was actually a robot constructed by Emperor Tyranax to seduce me so I could have my brain removed and replaced with a computer after the wedding.”

  “Ah,” I said, not sure how to react, and really annoyed with the slight bit of pleasure I got from that. “That’s terrible.”

  “Yeah, it was, but the sex was good.”

  I blinked, then gestured over my shoulder to the residential quarters. “Okay, then. I think I’ll just be going then.”

  Gabrielle stopped me by taking my arm, she turned me around and gave me a short kiss on the lips. She looked at me, then down at the ground. Ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry.”

  I stared at her, then started walking away much faster. I didn’t say any parting words to her and hated myself for it. In the distance, on another rooftop, I saw the Black Witch. She was standing next to a laundromat’s neon sign which read, “We Do Capes.” The Black Witch was far away but I knew she was watching me and had probably seen everything. Given she was a witch, she’d probably heard everything too. I could only imagine her feelings.

  I probably agreed with them all.

  “You should tell your wife about this encounter,” Cloak said.

  “No kidding,” I said, levitating away. I was fully charged now and didn’t feel in the least bit worried about using my abilities. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”

  “Oh?”

  “See? I’m getting better at lying to you all the time.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Oh Come on, There’s More? I Thought the Big Monster was the Climax

  The residential quarters were, bluntly, a mess.

  You’d think the majority of supervillains in a riot would be interested in getting their freedom and would go about in some manner of orderly fashion of doing so: they’d take hostages, go for the hangar bay, seize the teleporters, or even arm themselves. Plenty of them did, don’t get me wrong, but a staggering number of them made a b-line right for the rooms of the Society’s heroes.

  Given a choice between freedom and the slight chance they could catch their enemies sleeping so they could murder them, they chose the latter at least half the time. As such, the residential area looked like, well, a riot had gone on in it.

  There were regular intervals of bodies, mostly janitorial staff and maintenance personnel. People murdered for no other reason than the majority of heroes didn’t actually live on New Avalon. It was like a Fireman’s Station, really. People kept their stuff here but no one actually wanted to take up permanent residence.

  Plenty of rooms had been forced open and it was interesting to see the temporary quarters of Earth’s finest. A few of them were easy to recognize at a glance like ones filled with Egyptian-themed stage magician paraphernalia, medieval weaponry, baseball trophies, and so on. I won’t lie to you, I broke away from my escape to search through several of them. I stole a mint condition autographed Babe Ruth trading card, a copy of Action Comics 1#, the copy of the Declaration of Independence given to the Society at the time of writing, and the Hand of Infinity.

  Which I’m fairly sure should have had better security.

  “I can’t believe you just risked your life to save this place and now you’re taking time to rob the Society,” Cloak said, genuinely appalled.

  “Why does it surprise you?”

  “I’m saddened I have no answer to that.”

  “I’m just glad the cloak has extradimensional pockets. This opens so many interesting new opportunities.”

  Ultragoddess hadn’t been kidding about the fact the security systems were down and I was permitted damned near everywhere. There were a couple of survivors I chanced upon but I just turned intangible and walked through them. Weirdly, this resulted in the majority confusing me for the Nightwalker and the rest just left confused. Which was fine by me. I didn’t want to hurt anybody and I was well and truly done with this place.

  “Now, where is Ultragod’s room,” I muttered, disliking the fact the maps weren’t labeled in the residential area.

  “Gary, we should talk about that deal you made with Death.”

  “Where I more or less pledged my body and soul?”

  “Yes, that one.”

  “It’s a bit late to worry about that now, isn’t it?”

  “All magicians who want to proceed past the earliest levels of magic must have a supernatural patron to provide them with access to greater supernatural resources: angels, demons, gods, Great Beasts, or Elder Ones. To gain the highest levels of sorcery, one must humble oneself tremendously and become less of an instrument of your own will than a tool or avatar of your divinity.”

  “Yeah, it works like clerical magic in Lances and Labyrinths. I get that.”

  I could hear Cloak clench his nonexistent teeth. “...yeah, okay, let’s go with that. That fire you created back there? The magic you unleashed? That is only available to the most powerful servants of Death. The ones who are living avatars of her will.”

  “So, you’re saying I’m awesome?”

  “I’m saying she shouldn’t have given you that.”

  “But she did and I’m grateful.”

  “There will be a price. You need to be prepared for it. Death gives nothing away for free and to save one today is to lose everything tomorrow.”

  “I’ll give everything of myself. I’m not afraid.”

  “You—”

  “Please don’t say I should be. That’s so damned cliché.”

  “Fine.”

  I didn’t get a chance to say anything more because I saw a glowing psionic boomerang coming straight at my head.

  “Crap!” I said, jumping out of the way, only to have my right arm cut at the shoulder. It wasn’t bad but it hurt like hell.

  That was when I saw Psychoslinger step out from one of the nearby rooms. “You left me to die, Merciless. That was very rude!”

  I thought he did die! I, immediately, retaliated by unleashing a fireball about a dozen times larger than the tiny ones I usually unleashed. It was closer to using a flame thrower than before, but my sheer hatred for the man gave me a boost.

  The flames washed over Psychoslinger with to no-effect.

  Well, crap.

  “Nothing to say? That makes it worse!” Psychoslinger shouted. “I mean, if I wasn’t able to reconstitute myself from death due to being a psionic being then I might actually have died for good! Which would have sucked.”

  He started hurling more boomerangs, not really aiming but trying to make me jump up and down. I turned insubstantial for good measure but when another grazed my leg, I ended up hitting the ground from the injury. It seemed Psychoslinger could penetrate my intangibility too.

  Way, way too many bad guys could do that.

  “Tell me about it,” Cloak muttered. “It made my power flat-out useless at times.”

  “Not helping!” I shouted.

  I switched to ice, this time, freezing Psychoslinger’s legs to the ground, then his arms, and then covered his entire body in a gigantic block of the stuff like the Chillingsworths often did. Psychoslinger then disappeared from inside it and appeared outside of the ice block, unharmed. I blinked, wondering if he could teleport or if he could just regenerate himself that fast. Either way, this was getting worse all the time.

  “I am getting really-really upset!” Psychoslinger shouted, lifting up his fingers and pointing like they were hand-guns. “Pew-pew-pew!”

  I almost laughed even as psionic bullets shot out of them and exploded against the wall behind me. He wasn’t aiming at me this time, otherwise he could have taken me out. Even so, I used my insubstantiality to move underneath the ground and behind him. I should have run away, but hindsight is twenty-twenty.

  I pr
epared to try to put something in his head when Psychoslinger spun around and conjured a psionic bat he clocked me in the head with. It would have killed me if not for the durability the cloak provided, but it still hurt like hell. He then kicked me, struck me in the chest with his bat, and then hit me again across the back for good measure. I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

  That was when Psychoslinger grabbed me by the hood of my cloak and held a psionic shiv to my throat. I found, much to my surprise, I couldn’t turn insubstantial while he held it. However the supervillain had gotten his superpowers, I had to give him credit. He’d won the superpower lottery. He was not only immune to everything I could throw at him but effectively immortal.

  “No one is immortal,” Cloak whispered. “Remember how you controlled him last time!”

  I questioned Cloak’s definition of control but it seemed Psychoslinger was a pathologically impulsive manchild, and that gave me some insight into handling him. “All right, all right. You pass the damned test.”

  “Test?” Psychoslinger said, snorting.

  “To join the Fraternity of Supervillains, obviously,” I said, sighing bored. “Tom Terror set up the whole business with the Deathmonger. I was to see how you dealt with it, whether you attempted to finish the mission, and then gage how you reacted to the perception of betrayal. Congratulations, you passed. Albeit, you took longer than I expected to get here.”

  “Bullcrap!” Psychoslinger hissed, showing the first sign of genuine anger I’d seen from him.

  “Oh, come on, Psychoslinger, did you really think it’d be that easy?” I said, sighing. “You’re here, though, which shows you’ve got some initiative.”

  It was a ridiculous assertion, except for the fact Tom Terror wasn’t exactly known for his fatherly treatment of subordinates. He was a terrible boss, one of the worst, yet people kept flocking back to him. I had the suspicion it was because supervillains were like pack animals and flocked to the biggest source of power they could perceive.