Broken Angel

by Lee Heaven

  Decker swooped. Sealing his mouth to mine. Forceful and taking control. Stealing the bad memories of my nightmare. Bringing me back to the now.

  “Decker,” I let out breathless moan as he hits my throat with his tongue. I arch my back and my hands wrap around his shoulders. “Decker, touch me.”

  He levels his body over top of mine. His hand slides up my thigh, leaving those trails of fire along my leg. His fingers slip under my panties and touch the folds of my sex. I quiver and moan at his slight touch. His one hand leaves my hip and grabs the top of my panties, the other grabs the bottom from inside. In one fluid motion he pulls in opposite directions and shreds them. Then he has two fingers buried in me moving in fluid tempo massaging my g-spot while his thumb circles of my clit. My sweet cream flows over his fingers and down my thighs.

  Between his mouth, his fingers and thumb it didn’t take long. Thunder rolled in my ears and flashes of color burst in my eyes. It was like the Fourth of July. I exploded into the most awesome orgasm I have ever had in my life. Before even coming down all the way, Decker was balls deep slamming into me.

  Pounding hard into me again and again, his balls slapping against my ass, and the bed pounding into the wall. A scream stuck in my throat. The thunder started rolling and fireworks exploded again. I faintly hear Decker grunt out his orgasm as he slams into me one last time.

  Falling back to earth Decker has me pressed to the mattress. I moan because it’s the only coherent sound I could possibly make. My body has turned to mush and all thought has left.

  “That good, baby?”

  Giggling I responded, “I have never had anything like that before. It was…amazing.”

  He pulls out and his cum leaks down my leg. I gasp as my hand flies up to cover my mouth.

  “What?” he asked concerned. “Did I hurt you?”

  “You didn’t use a condom,” I gasped out in a surprised tone.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t wait. You are protected aren’t you?”

  I turn my face to try and hide the flush spreading across my skin.

  “You’re not?” I hear the surprise in his tone. I’m half waiting for the moment he freaks out because of the unprotected sex.

  “No. In the past fourteen years I’ve only been with one man. On top of that, Josie is a miracle. I was always told I couldn’t have kids. When I got pregnant the doctor was just as surprised as I was. It’s been five years since she was born and I haven’t gotten pregnant since. I normally don’t think about birth control.”

  “Baby, you can’t have any babies of your own?”

  Holy crap I really just told him. I can’t believe I did that. Just a few hours ago I was trying to hide that fact and asking Tobias to keep my little slip up with him a secret. Now I’ve gone and told Decker one of my horrible secrets.

  “I have Josie. But the chance of me having another is less than two percent.” I can’t believe I’m telling him this. He’s not going to want to stay with me knowing I can’t have a baby of my own again, that I can’t have his baby if he ever wanted to have one.

  “Why?”

  “Scar tissue. Nothing for an egg to grab onto. Does that bother you? I know we’re nothing, but when people learn I can’t have babies it changes everything in someone’s eye.”

  “Nothing can change how I see you. I see a beautiful young lady who has struggled with so much in her life that it just makes her stronger and more beautiful. Who knows where the future will take us but we’ll take it day by day.”

  I think my heart just skipped a beat and I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with this man. I can never let him know how much I need him. I can never tell him how much I love him. Loving a man has always ruined everything in my life.

  “Where were you fourteen years ago?” Tears form in my eyes.

  “I’m here now, baby. Come put your head down and sleep. It’s late,” he said, swiping at a tear that escaped and ran down my cheek.

  Cuddled up next to Decker, his arm around my waist holding me close to him I drift into the most wonderful peaceful sleep I think I ever had.

  Chapter 5

  Stretching I reach for where Decker was sleeping. He’s not there. I crack an eye and look at the clock.

  “Crap its eleven o’clock. Why did he let me sleep so late?” Grabbing a pair of pants he must have left on the edge of the bed for me, I fling them on. I head to the living room to see what was going on. I stopped dead in my tracks. There sitting on the floor was Josie playing Barbies with Decker.

  Decker was actually playing Barbies! My heart began to pound. A smile played across my face. Shawn never played Barbies, in fact most the time when Josie asked he would take the doll from her and throw it across the room. But here was Decker sitting on the floor with her playing.

  I stood watching for a minute before Decker noticed me. He tapped Josie on the knee and pointed. She turned her head and screamed, “Mama, Mama guess what, guess what.”

  “What, baby?” I said as she jumped into my arms.

  “Decker took me down the street and let me pet Mr. Bob’s horse. I fed her carrots too. Oh she was so pretty, Mama. Mr. Bob said we can come back any time and feed her more carrots and go for rides. Can we go now, Mama, can we can we?” she rambled off as she hugged me tightly.

  “Really, Decker, took you to see Mr. Bob’s horse! That must have been so exciting. I don’t know if we can go now. It’s late and I just woke up and I have to be somewhere in a couple of hours,” I said as I hugged her back and tears of joy slid down my cheeks.

  “Decker and me are playing Barbies wanna come play?”

  “Can Mama get some breakfast, take a shower and get dressed then if there’s time I can play. Ok?”

  “Ok, Mama. Did you see the big park outside? Decker said we can go play there sometime,” she said pointing to the window with a smile bigger than I ever saw on her face.

  “I know, baby. I’ve seen it.” Kissing her on the cheek as she climbs out of my arms and crawls back to her Barbies.

  “Ok, Mama, go eat. Ms. Maggie’s in the kitchen cooking. Come on, Decker, let’s play more.”

  Walking into the kitchen, Maggie is standing at the stove. “Why are you still here? Why didn’t you go home this morning?”

  Maggie giggled. “Did you think I couldn’t hear you last night? My room shares a wall with his. You had a late night. Plus after what happened at your house, I thought I’d give you the morning off.”

  “Oh my God, Maggie, you heard us?” Flames of embarrassment shot up my cheeks turning my face red. I didn’t realize how loud I was.

  “Sarah, I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole building heard you two. He was pounding you so hard I thought the bed was going to come through the wall.” She laughed.

  “Oh my God that’s so embarrassing.” I dropped my head into my hands trying to hide.

  “No it’s not. It’s so well deserved. You’ve lived with a selfish asshole for fourteen years who only cared if he got off not you. Decker gave you two and one before he even started banging you.”

  She hands me a bowl of the soup she has cooking on the stove. “Wow, Maggie, this is good. I should have let you come in earlier and then you’d have to make him dinner.”

  “He loves your cooking. He wouldn’t have it any other way,” she counters.

  “To tell you the truth, Maggie, I hate cooking. I can’t stand it. But for some reason I love cooking for Decker. I don’t mind. And unlike when I cook at home he never argues about what I make or asks me to make something else.”

  Besides baking I really did hate cooking. Even before Shawn I hated cooking. You wanted bread or cake or cookies go ahead and ask, but if you wanted food the best I can give you was something frozen out of a box. But when it came to Decker I found myself looking through recipe books just to cook something nice for him.

  “Doesn’t that tell you something? You actually like doing something for this man. And look he’s in there playing Barbies with your little girl. He took care
of her all morning with no help from me. He got her dressed. He fed her breakfast. He took her to see the horse. Me, those things scare the crap out of me I would have ran the other way.”

  “Oh, Maggie. What am I gonna do? I’m so out of his league it’s not even funny.”

  It’s true. I’m nothing. I barely have any money in the bank and this man has millions. I was a nobody who had no ties to anyone famous or rich, where all his friends were rich and famous. He was gorgeous and fit and in shape and I was plain, chubby, and curvy.

  “Honey, if he wants you in his league then that’s where you’ll be. Look at some of those other players. Their wives are no ones. Why couldn’t you be too?”

  “But look at who he’s dated. How can I compete with them?” I knew I couldn’t compete with any of them. They were all like him rich and famous. Tall and beautiful and exotic. I was a nobody from some little spit town and carried a load of baggage so big I needed a freight train to carry it all.

  “Because, Sarah. You have the wings of an angel and you were meant to save him and he was meant to save you.”

  “Those aren’t my wings on my back.”

  “Are you so sure?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.

  If she had asked me this anytime before last night I would have said yes I was sure. Now asking me I just don’t know. I have lost all concept of how my life was supposed to go. Once again I need to start over and I have no idea how or where.

  “Maggie, I don’t know.”

  “Just take it one day at a time. You’ll find your place on this Earth whether here with him or where ever it’s suppose to be. In the mean time, go shower and get dressed. I pressed a Prada skirt and shirt for you. It’s hanging in your bathroom. Put on some sexy shoes and you go show Shawn what he’ll be missing. Take Decker with you, plus I don’t think he’ll let you go alone. Tobias is coming over to help me watch Josie.”

  ~~~

  Looking in the mirror I groan. “I don’t think even make-up will cover this,” I said out loud. My eyes are bruised, my lip is split, there’s a gash on my forehead, my chin is bruised, and there are finger shaped bruises on my throat. “You know what let him see what he did to me.”

  I get dressed and damn even with the beat up face I look sexy. I choose the black Louboutin shoes. The blood red under the shoes makes the whole black outfit stand out and look good. I grab my purple and black wool coat off the rack and find my Coach purse on my bed. The blood is all gone. “Lee, I owe you a kiss,” I said to the ceiling and head out to find Decker so we could leave.

  “Baby, you be a good girl for Ms. Maggie and Tobias. Ok?” I said, squatting to talk to Josie.

  “Toby’s coming over? Yay!” Josie squealed.

  “Baby, its Tobias not Toby.”

  “No, Mama. He told me to call him Toby.” The smile on her face was like Tobias was her best friend in the whole world.

  “Ok, baby, then yes Toby is coming over. You be good for them and when Decker and I get back we’ll have some dinner.”

  “Decker, can we go to that diner where they sing on the tables?” Decker had told her about Ellen’s Stardust Diner. The wait staff sings and puts on a show.

  “Sure, sweetie, as long as your good for Toby and Ms. Maggie,” Decker told Josie.

  “Come give me a kiss and hug,” I said to her as I get my coat on and get ready to go.

  Josie comes over and wraps her arms around my neck. “You look very pretty, Mama. Tell Daddy I’m mad at him for yelling at you and giving you those boo boos.”

  “I will, baby girl. Now you be a good girl.”

  In the car on the way back to Jersey for my court appearance Decker is driving. God knows there’s no way I’m missing this day, I don’t need any charges against me or against Decker. I look at Decker and he looks at me sideways with a crooked little smile.

  “What is it, baby? What’s on your mind?”

  “Why did you hire me?” It has been bugging me ever since the day he called to tell me I had the job and asked when I could start.

  “I thought you were best qualified of everyone who applied,” he said without taking his eyes off the road.

  I had to laugh. There was no way I was the best qualified. I was smart enough to know better than that.

  “Don’t lie to me. I know there were other people out there who were more qualified then I was. I never even had a job in home care. I hadn’t worked for seven years and all of the sudden you hire me. Come on what really made you hire me? What made you choose to stay here instead of going to your house in Florida for the winter?”

  “I looked in both places. Everyone who showed up at the door was dumb-struck by me or trying to sleep with me right there in the interview. When you came it was like you didn’t even know who I was. You were different. You were innocent. All you really stared at was that painting I have on the wall in the dining room. You didn’t even bat an eye lash when I said you would need to help me bathe and get dressed. There was something about you. Even after you left I couldn’t get my mind off of you. The thought of you woke me in the middle of the night that night. I had to have you around.”

  “I was dying the first time I met you. Staring at that painting was the only thing that kept me from falling over. I mean I grew up a Yankee fan. How could I not know who you are? I would have given anything for you to have seen me. In fact, there was one night back in 2001 where we somehow wound up at the same party. I prayed that you would look at me. You never did. And now, every time I had to dress you or bathe you I had to think of my grandma in a bikini just to keep from showing any desire.”

  “Baby, I had no idea.” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips.

  “I know that’s how I wanted it. I finally felt needed and wanted. I was afraid that if I showed any emotion you would send me away. As the weeks went on it got easier. Being with you was like being where I finally belonged. I was accepted for me and all my flaws without anything ever being thrown in my face. Why did you keep me around after I had my panic attack? Most people send me packing because they don’t know what to do with me.”

  “Watching you during that attack scared the living shit out of me. I had never seen anything like it. I felt so helpless. I was stuck on that table with that fucking cast making it so I couldn’t move. I was so helpless; I couldn’t even get down to help you. I was afraid you were gonna stop breathing you were gasping so badly. And that stupid fucking nurse. She knew nothing, had no idea what was happening. If I didn’t hit that doctor with my shoe when he walked by who knew what would have happened. That doctor knew how to get answers from you with just you blinking at him. He had those ear buds in you within sixty seconds. I swore that day that I would protect you with all I could. I never wanted to see that again. It broke my heart. I needed to protect you.”

  “Decker, don’t walk away from me. Not yet at least,” I cried out, tears running down my cheek.

  “Baby, why would I walk away from you?” He raised his hand and cupped my cheek running his thumb back and forth swiping at my tears.

  “Shawn, he’s gonna say some nasty things. It’s who he is, how he operates. I don’t know what he’ll say that’s true or what he’ll say that’s not true. Just promise me you won’t turn from me yet.”

  “Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

  ~~~

  “Your Honor, I really don’t want to press charges against Shawn. I just want to get all mine and my daughter’s belongings from the house and move on.”

  I really didn’t want to press charges. I just wanted everything to be done and over with. I wanted to move on past what my life was and start a new one. I wanted to just move on!

  “Ma’am, are you sure? From the look of your wounds he did a number on you. Are you sure?” the judge asked his voice trying to coax me into pressing charges.

  He really did do a number on me. My face was a mess, black eyes, busted lip and a gash on my forehead. I had bruises on my ribs, arms, and legs hidden by my clothes. But i
t wasn’t as bad as what had happened to me the last time a man, or should I say boy, had put his hands on me.

  “Yes, sir. I went through this same thing seventeen years ago and came out on the worst end with post traumatic stress disorder that I’ve had to live with and I just don’t want to deal with again.”

  “Ms. Starr, that is not this case and it holds no bearings on my decision,” the judge said with a stern voice.

  “Sir, I understand that but if you don’t mind can you please drop all charges. I just want to move on. Seventeen years ago was very brutal and I know this isn’t the same but in my mind it is. Plus I don’t want my daughter to be affected by this.”

  I really just hoped that Shawn and I could put whatever happened behind us and move on for Josie’s sake. She was only five years old and should never have to deal with any of this. I would do anything to shield my daughter from any hurt. Even if that meant forgiving Shawn and letting him off on something that he should be held accountable for.

  “Where will you be living?” he asked.

  “Mr. Jensen.” Turning and pointing to Decker. “Has provided me and Josie with a place to stay until I can find a job and a place of my own.”

  “And that is in the New York City correct?”

  “Yes, sir. I have been working as a home health aide for Mr. Jensen for the past three months. We have formed a great friendship and he has been kind enough to provide us with a place.”

  “Do you have a job or job interviews lined up?”

  “I still have employment with Mr. Jensen till the end of next week. After that I will be applying for jobs around the city. I would like to stay there as there are more job opportunities for me in the city then if I were to stay here.”

  “What about schooling for your daughter? I understand she is attending the pre-k program at the local Catholic school.”

  School is the number one thing in my daughter’s life. I will never put anything above her learning ability. I want her to be able to become anything she wanted with nothing holding her back. I want her to go to any college she wanted. I didn’t want her to suffer as I did. I wanted her to be better then what I am!