Broken Angel

by Lee Heaven

  “Well it does make getting dressed a little easier afterwards. One less thing to worry about putting on.” I giggled a little more.

  As I pull my yoga pants back on, I wince as they graze my hip. Looking down I see four finger shaped red marks on each side of my hip. I smile and rub my fingers across them.

  “What you smiling about?

  Turning I show Decker my hips.

  “Oh, baby. Did I do that? Why didn’t you tell me I was hurting you? I never want to mark you.” Dropping to his knees, Decker kisses and rubs the red welts trying so hard to make them go away.

  “Decker, look at me,” I said while pushing his chin up with my fingers. “These marks.” Pointing to my hip. “I don’t mind, in fact I love them. It shows how much I turn you on. I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never felt wanted or sexy. It’s when people like Shawn leave marks like these,” I said, pointing to my face where the now turning yellow bruises had started to fade away a little bit. “These are the marks I hate. These marks show hate. I don’t like hate. I don’t like how it looks on me. But I like how your marks look on me. Please never feel guilty about marks you leave on me when we make love. Love marks have a place on me.”

  “Baby, I don’t ever want to hurt you.” He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his face in my stomach silently begging for my forgiveness for hurting me.

  The sadness in his voice almost broke my heart. This giant of a man who looks so tough on the outside is a just one big gigantic teddy bear. The thought of hurting me has actually brought him to his knees and tears to his eyes.

  “You didn’t hurt me. I’ll let you know if you do. But come, we need to go get Josie. She has a busy day starting her new school tomorrow and it’s getting late.” I bend and capture his lips letting him know that his marks on me are loved and wanted, letting my kisses sooth away his worry, letting him know that I want him.

  ~~~

  Sitting cross legged in the middle of Decker’s bed wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket, I’m on the phone with my mom. “Mom, Josie and I are fine. Stop fussing so much.”

  I think if I have to have this same conversation with her anymore and say that same line for the hundredth time it will be the only words that I’ll ever say again. It’s the third day that we’ve had this same conversation.

  I get that she’s my mom and she worries. Especially after my past and everything that I’ve been through, but I’m a grown woman and it’s time I did something for myself and not everyone else around me. It’s time I took charge of my own life again.

  “Why couldn’t you just work this out with Shawn? Did you even try counseling?” There she goes again, thinking all I need is counseling because I can’t see things from someone else’s point of view and I need to change and be more accommodating. It’s the same story every time Shawn and I had a fight.

  “Mom, how could you even ask that? Did you see the picture of my face? He beat the shit out of me. You can actually see where his fingers gripped my neck and choked me. Why would I even consider staying with him? I will not go through what I did seventeen years ago with Brian again with any man. I can’t believe you would even ask that of me.”

  “But, honey, what about Josie?”

  “Josie loves Decker already. She loves being here in the city and can’t wait to go to Central Park. She starts her new school tomorrow and its right down the street. She’s so excited to walk to school. She’s a strong little girl, Mom. She’ll survive. I’m not going to deny her right to see Shawn, he can have her whenever he wants or she asks. I just can’t be there anymore.”

  True to my mother she rambles on about how I could have made this work for Josie’s sake and I should just forgive Shawn, it was a moment of weakness, my actions over the weekend probably set him off. Once again everything was my fault and he’s just stressed because he works and I didn’t until a few weeks ago, and I can’t possibly understand the stress he feels.

  Hell, raising a family with step-kids who hate me, taking care of a house, cooking, and cleaning up after everyone because no one else will, that’s not a job right? I’m sorry that I didn’t get a paycheck, no stay at home mom ever did get a paycheck, but that’s the life we choose to live. You think she would remember that being she didn’t work when my siblings and I were younger.

  “Mom, this is the best. Why don’t you and Dad come over for dinner on Saturday? You guys can see where I’m staying and meet Decker before he leaves for spring training on Sunday. I don’t know if I’ll have Josie, but Decker and I would love to have you either way.”

  “That sounds lovely. What time should we come?”

  “How does six-thirty sound?”

  “That sounds great. I’ll see you then. I’m here if you need to talk, Sarah.”

  “I know, Mom. Please just be happy for me. I need this. I need to find me again. I’ve been lost for so long.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I’ll try and be happy. I just worry. Try and stay out of the press.”

  “I’ll try, Mom. Go to bed its late. I’ll see you Saturday. I love you.”

  “Love you too, sweetheart.”

  Hanging up the phone I press the Facebook app. It’s just more of the same. Everyone wondering what’s going on or if I can get them tickets, a picture, or bring them to meet Decker. I change my relationship status from in relationship to single. I check all the pictures I’ve been tagged in. Pictures of me from the night Shawn hit me, entering court, leaving court, moving boxes out of the house and one of me flipping my middle finger to a hound that just wouldn’t leave me alone. That one was my favorite. I couldn’t help it I just had to make it my profile picture.

  I ignored all the friend requests, all one hundred forty-six of them. I knew they only wanted it because of who I’m now associated with. I check my messages, basically the same as before. There’s another one from Kevin.

  I know you saw my last message. Please don’t ignore me. I just want to talk. Please call me 908-555-5029. Let’s just talk. Kevin

  He is never going to leave me alone unless I respond to him. Is he even going to leave me alone then or will I have to meet him? I decide to just send him a message.

  Kevin, please leave me alone. The time to talk was fifteen years ago, even seven years ago. I have nothing to say to you. I will not meet you today, tomorrow, or even ten years from now. Please leave me alone.

  I close the app just as Decker appears from the bathroom, shirtless and workout shorts hanging vicariously from his toned body. That sexy V muscle that guys get was just screaming to be licked. He smiles at me. “Everything ok with your mom?”

  “Yeah!” I whispered as I stared at his muscular torso glistening with water droplets. “She and Dad are going to come to dinner Saturday night. I hope that’s ok? I want them to see Josie and I are ok and to meet you.”

  “That’s fine. What else is wrong? Don’t lie to me I can see it on your face.”

  I roll my eyes at him. I’m going to have to learn my poker face again because obviously I’m not hiding anything from him.

  “Kevin sent me another message asking to meet him again. I sent him a message back asking him to leave me alone and I had nothing to say to him.”

  Decker’s face doesn’t change expressions, but I can see his jaw tighten and his arm muscles flex as his fists clench and then unclench. For some reason this slight movement turns me on even more. Maybe it’s because something that hurts me hurts him. That it shows he actually has feelings for me. That for once someone else cares about what happens to me and how I hurt.

  I’ve never had time to heal from any of my horrible past. After my attack I jumped to Kevin hoping to hide behind him. After Kevin I jumped from one man to another for nine months, never finding anything but more heartache as each one just laughed even harder at my scars. Then finally meeting Shawn, he didn’t care about the scars. Not at first at least.

  But now, now I stand here with Decker who is begging to know about my past. Who wants to help with the pain
and all I can do is hide it from him. Too afraid he will run and laugh like the rest of the world has done.

  “That’s good. Do you want me to have Jason draw up a letter to send to him asking to leave you alone or we’ll pursue a legal way?”

  “No, hopefully just my message will get him to leave me alone.” I smiled up at him, “I do have a thank you gift for you though. Just to say thank you for everything you have done for me over the last four days. ”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Decker answers with a devilish grin.

  I stand in the spot I was just sitting still wrapped in the blanket. “Now it took me a long time to pick this gift out, so once I give it to you there’s no giving it back. Ok?”

  “Yeah, baby. Give me my gift already.” He takes two steps toward me.

  Taking two steps on the bed I move closer to Decker. I smile and drop the blanket that was wrapped around me. There I stood in black lace boy short undies and a black satin and lace corset.

  Decker’s throat twitches and he swallows hard. His tongue runs around his lips to add some moisture to his much needed suddenly dry lips. His eyes sparkle and I can feel the heat from his body across the room.

  The look on his face sends shivers of heat up my spine. Dropping his shorts to the floor, he walks toward me. I’m amazed that my legs haven’t give out I’m so dazed and heated. I wanted to giggle as he prowled closer to me.

  “Oh, baby, that is the greatest gift I have ever received and nothing, do you hear me nothing would make me give it back,” his rough voice rasped full of lust.

  Reaching the bed Decker grabs my ankle and yanks so I fall onto the bed. Crawling up my body and settling in between my legs his hard cock pushing at the lace barrier in its way. Running one hand up my leg he grabs the wet crotch of my panties “Oh, baby. You’re already wet and ready for me. I love that.”

  Running one of his long skilled fingers underneath the material, touching me from the of top of my wet slit to the bottom and shoving a finger in allowing it to do a strong little dance while his tongue danced all over my neck.

  With one swift motion Decker had ripped the material in half and two piece of lace lay wrapped around each leg. “You are so gloriously wet. I bet you taste better then honey.” His head dips and he laps at the sweet cream that is running down my legs. Slipping a finger inside, again he rubs my g-spot as his tongue plays with my swollen clit. Licking, biting, and rubbing my juices flowing over his fingers and face, pushing me higher and higher.

  With one last flick of his tongue I arch my back off the bed, digging my heels into his back Decker brought me to nirvana. Before I even started to leave nirvana he slammed into me. Not allowing me to come down as he slammed balls deep over and over again. Slowing his pace he allowed me to come back down and join him in this world.

  “How was that, baby?” he asked as he slowly glides his cock in and out rubbing his rock hard veins against the bottom wall of my vagina.

  “Oh God, that was beyond words. I…can’t…even…think…yes, like that,” I panted as his hips slides along mine as he pressed in deeper and deeper into me.

  Decker picked up his speed and power. Slamming into me so hard, the bed is slamming into the walls. Without even pulling out of me he flips me over and pulls my ass into the air tucking me knees underneath me. Slamming into me harder he reaches around and flicks my clit with his thumb. With two more hard thrust he sends me to nirvana again. Holding me there as he thrust out his own orgasm.

  Collapsing on top of me, Decker and I float back to Earth. Drawing circles on my back with his fingers Decker kisses my neck and says, “Spend the night in my bed. Don’t go back to your room.”

  “What if Josie comes looking for me? How do I explain to her that I’m already sharing a bed with you?”

  “We’ll deal with that if it happens. Maggie set a monitor up in her room, so if she starts to cry or gets up she’ll hear her.”

  “Decker, that’s not Maggie’s job. She shouldn’t be getting up with her if I can do it.”

  “Baby, please it was Maggie’s idea. She wants to do it. She already loves that little girl. We all do. Tobias is head over heels for her. We’re not even allowed to call him Toby and we’re all like family, but he allows her to. Even his nieces and nephews call him Tobias.”

  “I’ve just always raised her myself. Shawn never wanted to help. He got mad every time I woke him up for help. I remember my first night home from the hospital, she just cried and cried. She wouldn’t go to sleep. I was so tired. I was sore. I was balling my eyes out and he just slept. When he finally got up at six, he looked at me and was like why are you crying? When I explained to him he just looked at me and said get used to it, then got in the shower and went to work. It’s been like that ever since. The kids get sick, it’s my job. There’s no school, I have to drive them everywhere. I have to clean and cook and do laundry. Everything was on me. I had no sick days. Once I got the flu and had a one hundred-four fever and he comes home, wakes me up and asks what I’m making for dinner. When I said nothing I’m too sick he got mad.”

  “Baby, you have me and Maggie now. We’re here to help. Between the three of us we’ll all have a hand in raising her.”

  How do I hand over some of the control I’ve been so used to having? How do I let someone help with something I’ve never had help with before? Can I even do this? How do I live this life that Decker has so generously laid out for me?

  “I don’t know, Decker, I’m so out of my league here. How can I ever fit into your world?”

  “If I want you here and in my world you will be it’s as simple as that.”

  “What am I gonna do when you leave next week? I hate that you’re gonna be gone for almost two months,” I whisper as I turn onto my side to look at him.

  “Come with me,” he says as he wraps his hands around my face drawing his lips to mine for a sweet, soft, chaste kiss.

  Sighing. “I wish. But I can’t leave, not now. Shawn would jump all over that and take me to court for custody. Plus she needs me right now. I can’t turn from her.”

  “I know. No problem in wishing. Come cuddle next to me and close those eyes. We’ll work everything out.”

  I lay in his arms knowing that everything would work out in the end. No matter what the future brings to us we will face it together.

  Chapter 7

  It’s only been a four days but Josie loves the city. She loves seeing Bob and his horse. We bring carrots over every day after school. She loves Central Park. And like me she loves the pretzels from the street carts.

  What I love is that she loves her new school and is blooming and learning so much. Dropping her off in the morning she barely hugs me before running off with her friends.

  “Daniel, can we go to Screamin’ Beans? Decker is out doing foundation work this morning and I just don’t want to go back yet,” I ask my ever present security guard as we walk home from dropping Josie off. Daniel is actually one of Decker’s bodyguards but ever since moving in Decker has him fallowing me around.

  I hate being in the apartment by myself. It’s so big and doesn’t really feel like my home yet. Plus being on the street is so mesmerizing. The hustle and bustle, the huge glistening buildings, the constant movement and noise, even the horns blowing, it’s how I always wanted to live. I love the excitement that the city brings every day.

  “Yeah we can do that. I could use a caramel coffee,” he says as we walk across the street toward Screamin’ Beans.

  Inside I grabbed two tables next to each other and Daniel orders a hot caramel apple cider and a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich for me and a caramel coffee and spinach and feta wrap for himself.

  He always sits at the table next to me. He will never sit with me. He thinks it’s unprofessional. I laugh at him all the time and tease him about it saying were more friends than anything else, but he won’t listen.

  So there we sat at two tables looking like complete strangers. Both looking at our iPhones while sipping o
ur drinks and eating breakfast. I had to laugh as I continued to get tagged in pictures that were being taken of me. Just walking Josie to school fifty cameras would follow us down the street.

  “Why won’t you return my messages or talk to me?” I hear a voice ask.

  Looking up I see the face of Kevin Reed. I groan very loudly. “Go away. I have nothing to say to you.”

  “I’m here willing to talk to you. Can you please just give me five minutes?”

  I groan and look back down at my phone. I didn’t want to have any conversation with him. “Kevin, go away. You should have talked to me years ago. Now it’s too late. Please go.”

  Daniel stands to deal with him. I place my hand on his shoulder and shake my head no. Returning to his seated position he locks Kevin with a stare that could break anyone. Kevin gives Daniel a look that is supposed to say ‘mind your own business,’ but Daniel doesn’t break his stare.

  Looking from Daniel and back down at my phone not giving him the advantage of having my attention, I blandly say, “Kevin, this is Daniel. He’s my security so stop giving him that look, he’s not going anywhere. Unlike you. I have nothing to say to you please leave.”

  Of course Kevin being Kevin doesn’t listen and sits down across from me. Both hands pressing flat into the table. Slowly his hands slide across the table inching closer to mine. I pull my hands off the table and he stops his in from of my sandwich, he starts to pick at it and eat it like it was his own.

  Looking up I give him the stink eye. “Just to let you know if you plan on staying I will not be talking to you. Plus Daniel here is ex-Marine and ex-CIA so I’d watch your step and words, he knows a hundred ways to kill you without anyone knowing.” I look back down at my phone and scroll through my Facebook not really seeing what I was looking at.

  “Sarah, I just want to apologize. I was a shithead at eighteen and an even bigger one at twenty-six. I never wanted to hurt you. But I didn’t know how to react when I saw your scars. Laughing and being an ass was all I knew. Fuck I was eighteen, I was a kid, what kid knows how to deal with any of that? Over the years I played out how if I ever saw you I would apologize. I never grew a pair of balls to actually come see you and do it face to face till now. I was just waiting for you to appear at the supermarket or a restaurant or somewhere, but I never saw you. Then all those years later when I saw you sitting on Dave’s couch crying it just took me right back to years earlier when I left you crying in that damn parking lot. I lost my balls all over again and all I could do was turn and walk away because I hated myself for leaving you that way.”