by Laura Iding
"If I see you down at the precinct, I'll take your badge." The flash in the captain's eyes told Grant he wasn't kidding.
Helplessly, Grant watched as the captain trudged down the driveway to the front curb where he'd parked his car. The older man slid behind the wheel and drove off, without so much as lifting a hand in a wave.
Grant gripped the door frame so tight the wood cut into the palm of his hand. Didn't the captain understand his heart and soul ached to help his comrades? Keeping the innocent of the city safe from scum like the Hombres was what he lived for. What was left if he didn't even have that?
The trauma ICU was hopping when Serena entered a good fifteen minutes before the start of her shift. She hadn't even gotten a chance to look up at the assignment board when the charge nurse called her name.
"Serena? Thank God you're here early. Punch in. There's a fresh trauma on the way back from the OR and I don't have anyone to admit her."
She was already swiping her badge as Tess spoke. "What is it?"
"Pedestrian versus car, but the woman was pregnant. They took her for a crash C-section. We've slotted her for bed ten."
Swallowing her dismay, Serena quickly readied the room. Moments later the patient arrived, surrounded by the whole trauma team.
"Get the level-one rapid infuser set up, she's going to need fluids." The trauma surgeon's grim expression made Serena's spirits sink even lower.
She quickly hooked her patient up to the bedside monitor as the tech ran for the equipment. There wasn't time for a full-blown assessment but she already knew the worst.
The patient was still hemorrhaging badly. Serena opened up all the intravenous fluids to the fullest. "How much blood do we have on hand?"
"There's six units of O-neg here and six more on the way up from the blood bank." The tech wheeled in the equipment and Serena didn't waste any time connecting the lines. Working quickly, she and the tech checked off the blood and primed the infuser.
"What about the baby?" Serena couldn't help but ask.
"The baby didn't make it. The neonatal resuscitation team is bringing the baby in for her husband."
Oh, God. The room spun madly, much like the night she'd admitted Grant. Another stillborn baby.
The alarm from the overhead monitor snagged her attention. Her gaze snapped up. "Blood pressure is down, her heart rate is dropping. She should have enough volume on board. What's her neuro status?"
"Not good before surgery, but we took the chance on being able to save the baby." The trauma resident looked as sick as Serena felt.
Serena pried the woman's eyes open to do a quick neuro exam. Her patient's pupils were fixed and dilated. She flashed the penlight into the woman's eyes again and again, but there was no response.
"Dr. Jerron, you'd better take a look at this."
Serena grabbed the trauma surgeon's arm. "I think I know what's causing her blood pressure problems."
He performed a more' comprehensive neuro assessment, checking for other basic reflexes. Then the patient's heart rate dropped further.
"Dammit! I think she's brain dead." The trauma surgeon pounded a fist on the bed. "We didn't think she was stable enough to go to the CT scanner first. I can't believe we're going to lose them both."
Serena glanced up at the monitor again. Her patient's blood pressure continued to drop. Dr. Jerron glanced at the numbers and sighed. "In the OR her blood pressure was going up and up. Now she's crashed. I think she's herniated her brain stem. We'll take her for flows to make sure, but I'll need to prepare her husband for the worst."
Serena continued to titrate the vasopressor medications, although she knew that the situation was hopeless. There was nothing they could do to repair the damage caused by too much swelling of her patient's brain.
The woman's heart rate continued to drop and her blood pressure remained non-existent. Serena almost lost it when the neonatal staff brought the dead infant in with her patient's young husband. The tiny baby looked so much like Daniel she couldn't bear to look. The patient's husband broke into heartfelt sobs, leaning over the bed in an attempt to hold his wife and stillborn child.
Serena silently cried with him. The grim truth hit her hard.
Heroes weren't the only ones who died.
Sometimes the innocent died, too.
CHAPTER NINE
Serena's shift didn't get much better. After taking her patient for brain flow studies and finding them non-existent, life support was discontinued. Then, on a more positive note, two other patients were unexpectedly transferred out of ICU. Since she wasn't needed for patient care, she was allowed to leave early. She was grateful to go. In the privacy of her apartment, despair and rage spewed like molten lava from a disturbed volcano.
Unfair! That the mother and child should die was just so unfair. She punched her pillow and cried for the poor husband who'd lost his wife and infant child. Then she cried for herself and the tiny baby she'd buried a year ago.
Slowly her anger ebbed away, leaving a sense of helplessness behind. Still the tears continued to fall. Through her sobs she thought she heard her door buzzer go off downstairs. She ignored the sound. Until there was a loud pounding on her apartment door.
Serena was tempted to ignore that summons, too, but then she remembered Marta and Rico. Sniffling, she wondered if something was wrong. Had Rico taken a turn for the worse? Dragging herself off her bed, she swiped away the signs of her tears the best she could and blew her nose hard before she opened her door.
"Marta? Oh—Grant." She ducked her head, hoping he wouldn't notice her face, blotchy and swollen from crying. She stared at the worn carpeting at his feet. "I...er, wasn't expecting you."
He remained silent and Serena knew he was hoping to be invited in. But she couldn't do it. No way was she in the mood for visitors tonight.
"Serena? What's wrong?" He brushed a damp strand of hair from her cheek. "What has you so upset?"
His quiet kindness was almost too much to bear. She wished he would leave, but at the same time she didn't want to be alone. Her resolve broke. "I— My patient died."
"Come here." He came forward and drew her into his arms, then eased her backward a few steps so he could shut the door behind him. She buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder, muffling her hiccuping sobs against his shirt. Grant didn't seem to mind. He cradled her in his arms and stroked a soothing hand down her back.
"Shh, it's OK. Sometimes that happens. You've been a nurse long enough to know that sometimes patients die."
"She was pregnant. We lost both of them, mom and baby. Her poor husband just stood there and cried." Even now she could still remember the anguish in his voice as he'd told his wife how much he loved her and the kiss he'd bestowed on his dead daughter.
Grant's arms tightened around her as if in understanding. Serena was reminded of those first few days after Eric's death. Grant had held her the same way. He'd been a rock of strength and support. She wouldn't have gotten through Eric's funeral without him.
But for Daniel's funeral, she'd been alone.
"I know, sweetheart, I know. It's OK." He repeated the words over and over until she managed to get herself under control.
She took several deep, calming breaths. Her crying jag was over but she still couldn't seem to make sense of what had happened. "Why? Why did she and the baby have to die?"
"I don't know, sweetheart." He gently reached up to cup Serena's face in his hands. Through her sorrow, her body responded to his touch. Her heart rate quickened when his thumbs stroked her cheek. "I'm sure God has a reason but I just don't know what to tell you."
She turned her face into his hand, pressing her mouth against his palm in a soft kiss. Grant probably hadn't come here tonight just to comfort her, but she'd needed him more than he could ever know.
"Serena," he whispered, turning her face so that he could look at her. She met his gaze, knowing that her need to be with him was clearly reflected in her eyes. His smoky gray eyes darkened with desire. He
pulled her insistently closer, giving her plenty of time to back away if she chose to.
Heaven help her, she didn't.
His gaze dropped to her mouth and she eagerly parted her lips in a wordless invitation. As his head bowed toward hers, she met him halfway, claiming his mouth in a mind-numbing kiss.
God, how she'd missed him. His taste was better than the finest champagne and went straight to her head. She melted against him, yearning for more. No man's arms had ever made her feel as safe and secure as Grant's. She silently rejoiced when his mouth plundered hers, his tongue delving deep.
Logical thought fled, replaced by addictive desire. He never let up on the sweet ravishing of her mouth even as she vaguely realized he was steering her down the hall toward her bedroom.
She didn't summon the strength to voice a single protest when he eased her into the bed beside him. His fingers tugged the band out of her ponytail and fanned the silken strands over her shoulders. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply.
Clutching his shoulders, she welcomed every caress, arching her back to mold her breasts more firmly against his chest. Nothing had ever felt this good. His mouth possessed hers again and she met each thrust of his tongue with an eager response of her own. Suddenly, Grant broke off the kiss, his breathing harsh with the effort it took for him to pull away, even for a moment.
"Serena." His voice was thick with desire and he threaded his fingers through her hair. "I need you. Tell me now, if this isn't what you want."
"I— We shouldn't." Helplessly, she stared up at him. She hadn't been intimate with a man since Grant. Had never wanted to. But she needed him now. Her body had instantly come alive under his touch.
"Don't tell me we shouldn't. Tell me what you want." Every muscle in Grant's body was tense, as if bracing himself for her refusal.
"You." She couldn't lie to him, not like this, surrounded by his strong arms and every one of her nerve synapses sparking with anticipation. Slowly, she reached up to unbutton her blouse. He brushed her fingers away and performed the task himself, taking his sweet time.
When he finally finished, Serena arched her back to assist Grant in removing the barrier of her shirt. A deft movement of his hands and her bra followed. He pulled her close. Flesh met flesh and Serena sucked in her breath, drowning in pure sensation. Grant stared down at her, his gaze intense.
A sharp talon of embarrassment stabbed through the haze of passion. Grant looked at her with such an odd expression on his face, she wondered if he'd guess her secret. Had her body changed dramatically from seven months of pregnancy? Would he notice her scar?
For a moment she held her breath, then she cried out as Grant bent his head to take one taut rosy nipple into his mouth, nipping at the bud with his teeth. Serena moved restlessly beneath him, wanting to feel every inch of him against her. Grant must have understood her wordless plea because he yanked open the snap of her jeans and pushed the rough denim down the length of her legs. Serena helped him to remove his as well, taking extra care with the area around his thigh incision. Underclothing followed, until they were both hotly naked against the coolness of the sheets.
The years fell away. When they came together, it was as though they had never been apart. Serena reveled in stroking his chest, the hitch in his breath encouraging her to move her hands lower, then lower still. He groaned when her fist closed around him.
His fingers moved over her, seeking then finding the place she ached to be touched. She bit back a moan. She didn't know where he'd found a condom but she took it out of his hand and put it on him. Grant eased her thighs apart, then covered her mouth with his as he thrust deep, the hardness of his body welcomed by her liquid softness. He groaned against her lips as his hips retreated, then stroked again and again. Serena grasped his shoulders, her legs clamped around his waist as she strained to meet him. Instinctively, her pelvis rotated wildly in response to each thrust.
Serena threw her head back with a wild cry, her body tightening around him as she met her own release. Grant seemed to hold his breath, staring down at her, watching her come. Then he quickened the pace until, with a gasping cry, he slumped against her. Breathing heavily, he buried his face in the tangled curls of her hair, his massive shoulders shaking with the aftermath of emotion. Serena clung to him, her fingers stroking the corded muscles of his back, reveling in the heaviness of his body against hers.
They stayed like that for a while, each enjoying the closeness of the embrace, until Serena was forced to move or suffocate completely under his weight. Grant sensed her struggle and rolled over. He brought her with him, though, tucking her snugly against him before pulling the covers over the growing coolness of their sweat-dried skin.
Serena reveled in the musky scent of Grant surrounding her. In the aftermath of passion she could face the truth. She hadn't gotten over him in the past eighteen months since their break-up. She hadn't gotten over him at all.
She was still in love with Grant Sullivan.
A muffled cry woke him up hours later, and Grant lifted his head from the pillow on Serena's bed where they'd both fallen asleep.
He pushed himself to his elbows, glancing wildly around the room, his cop instincts sensing something amiss. Within moments, he realized that the source of the noise was Serena. She thrashed on the bed.
"No; please, don't die. Daniel..." The sheer anguish in her voice squeezed his heart.
He reached for her. "Serena—dear God, Serena wake up."
Her arms flailed wildly against him. She jerked from his touch, frantically pushing the covers aside as if searching for something beneath the folds. Grant tried to calm her down, but the throes of the nightmare held her captive.
"Daniel...no, don't die."
"Serena, I'm here. You're safe now, sweetheart." Grant dodged her pummeling arms and pulled her against the solid wall of his chest, praying she would wake up soon. She stopped fighting, burrowing her face into his shoulder. He continued to talk soothingly, hoping to reach her subconscious. Grant held her tight, shaken at the sight of her tear-stained face pulled into an agonizing mask of pain. She kept sobbing the name Daniel over and over again, even as she hung onto him with a vise-like grip.
Grant rocked her back and forth, smoothing a hand over her long, unbound hair. Slowly Serena's sobs trailed away to a few uneven breaths as she let go of the last vestiges of her nightmare.
His body instantly reacted to the way Serena pressed her bare body against his chest. With a grimace, he acknowledged the bad timing and ignored his body's basic instinct. Apparently her nightmare had passed but, loath as he was to disturb her, there was a burning question he just couldn't ignore.
"Who's Daniel?"
Immediately, every muscle in her body tensed and a horrible sense of dread settled in his gut. Here was her secret. Was there a man in her life after all? Someone with whom she planned to share her future? Dear God, another death she'd been forced to deal with?
"Our son."
Grant blinked. No, that couldn't be right. He must have heard wrong. Grasping her shoulders, he eased her away, staring down at her damp face and tangled red-gold hair. He could barely see her distraught facial features in the early dawn light. "What did you say?"
Serena dropped her gaze guiltily from his. "Our son. When we broke off our engagement, I discovered I was pregnant."
"Pregnant?" He swept his gaze over her body, looking for any signs that she'd borne a child. His hand dropped down to her stomach and he smoothed his hand over the soft curve, feeling the slight indentation of a scar. Had she miscarried? Or had she given the child away? Panic clutched him, even though he knew Serena well enough to know she wouldn't have given their child away.
Would she?
He braced himself. "What happened?"
"During my seventh month, I went into labor unexpectedly. They gave me medication to stop the labor but the baby's heart rate dropped. They did an emergency C-section, but it was too late. He ... Daniel was stillborn."
&nb
sp; There was a strained silence. Grant struggled to grasp the concept. He'd had a son who'd died? For a moment the picture of Ben flashed into his mind and he felt a piercing pain in the region of his heart. A child. A baby. He'd always wanted a son. Or a daughter.
He could barely force the question past vocal cords gone frozen. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. The flash of guilt in her eyes told him she knew there wasn't a good reason for her to keep such a secret. "I didn't want you to come back, just for the sake of the baby."
"I'd say that was a pretty damn good reason." Grant drew away from her, stifling the urge to smack his hand against the mattress. There wasn't anything he could do now but, dammit, she'd hidden the truth from him. "A son. You should have told me, Serena. I had a right to know."
"Would it have made a difference?" She tilted her chin, silently challenging him now. "Tell me the truth, Grant. Would knowing about your son have changed your mind about quitting the force?"
"No." He climbed out of bed and reached for his discarded boxer shorts. Pulling them on, he raked a hand through his hair and let out a harsh laugh. "Knowing about our son wouldn't have made me quit the force, Serena."
"See? That's why I didn't tell you." Her eyes were twin blue pools of despair. He steeled himself against her imploring gaze.
"Don't you get it? I'm a cop. I'll live, breathe and die a cop. There isn't anything in the world that can change that."
"Why?'' Anguish filled her voice. Fresh tears glistened in her eyes. "Why, Grant?''
"Do you realize that's the first time you've ever asked me that?'' He crossed over to her bedroom window, turning the blinds to allow additional early morning light in because he didn't trust himself to be near her. A lie of this magnitude would be difficult to forgive. But when Serena filled his arms, his common sense took flight. He'd likely forgive her anything. Especially if she'd give him a second chance. All of him. Including the career that was so much a part of him.
