Wildest Dreams

by Rosanne Bittner

  Luke shook his head. "Lettie—"

  "No! I don't want to hear it. All we can do now is pray that if Half Nose or some other warrior has Nathan, they will treat him with love, take good care of him; and pray that he never forgets us, that somewhere in his memory when he's grown, there will be a place for us."

  "Lettie, we found his clothes by the river. We actually found Half Nose, and he told us the boy drowned."

  "Did you find his stuffed horse?"

  The words ripped at his insides. "No. Half Nose said it was lost along the way."

  "You know Nathan would never let go of that horse, especially if he was afraid. He is alive and he has that horse with him. I know it, and that's why I'm never leaving Montana."

  Luke stepped a little closer. "What about us?"

  Lettie frowned, confused by the question. "I don't know what you mean."

  "Lettie, every bit of this is my fault. I'd understand if you didn't want me around."

  She closed her eyes. "Oh, Luke, I need you now more than ever." She looked up at him then. "And you are the father of my other two children. I married you for better or for worse, Luke. I married you because I love you. We can't always control the things that happen, and we can't let fear of what might happen stop us from living. Just don't ever try to tell me again that Nathan is dead. I can't and won't believe it. He is alive, and someday he will come back to us."

  Luke looked into her green eyes, ached at the deep sorrow there. If it helped for her to believe Nathan was alive, then so be it. He looked past her at the valley below, at the few horses that were left. The two new men were herding those he and Will had brought back into a corral. It was a beautiful day, warm, sunny, flowers blooming in the foothills, bees buzzing, birds singing. All his buildings were still intact, and he held a healthy new son in his arms. He looked back down at Lettie. "You really want to stay?"

  She took the baby from him, kissing its forehead. "Yes."

  Luke took a deep breath. "All right. We stay. I want you to know that from here on there will be no more broken promises. You'll have everything you ever wanted if I have to work myself into the grave to get it. No man, red or white, is ever again going to get the better of Luke Fontaine or try to steal anything from me. If a man has to set his own laws out here, then that's the way it will have to be—no room for pity, no hesitation. On Fontaine land men will live by Fontaine law. And no one will ever hurt my wife or any of my children again! No one!"

  "No one but God himself can make such guarantees, Luke."

  He pulled her and the baby into his arms. He wasn't sure anymore if he even believed in a God who would let a sweet child like Nathan be carried off by savages. Out here a man had only himself to depend on. Out here sometimes a man had to play God himself.

  "I'll find some way to make up for all the hurt, Lettie."

  She did not answer. There was an emptiness in her heart now that nothing could ever fill, no matter how many more children she had, no matter how wealthy they might become. The only way to bear that emptiness was to believe that someday, somehow, she would find her son, hold him again, bring him back into the fold of her arms and tell him he was always loved, never forgotten.

  PART TWO

  We hold that happenings which may even compel the heart to break, cannot break the human spirit....

  —May Kendall

  The New Joy of Words

  CHAPTER 11

  August 1872

  Lettie ran out of the house after the hired hand told her who had come visiting, driven to the ranch in a buggy by Will Doolan. "Mama!" She reached up for the woman before Will could even bring the buggy to a halt, then ran alongside it until it stopped and Katie MacBride could climb down. "Oh, Mama, I don't believe it!"

  The two women embraced, laughed, cried. Lettie's sister, Louise, also climbed out of the buggy, followed by a slender man of perhaps thirty, wearing eyeglasses and a neat suit. Louise joined in the hugging while Lettie's several children gathered around to stare at the visitor.

  "It must be our grandma," eight-year-old Katie told her sister, Pearl, who was five. Two of their brothers also watched curiously, seven-year-old Tyler holding the littlest brother, Paul, only two, while four-year-old Robert ran off after one of several dogs that roamed the Fontaine ranch. For several minutes the MacBride women clung to each other. As they finally pulled apart, they were all wiping at tears. It had been nine years since they had last seen each other on the Oregon Trail.

  "Well, this is quite a reunion," Will said with a grin. "Too bad Luke's not here."

  Henny climbed down from the two-seater buggy Will had rented in town to bring Lettie's mother and sister to the ranch. She had come along just to see the joy on Lettie's face. A round of introductions followed, then laughter when Lettie realized her mother had of course already met Will and Henny.

  "We never would have survived those first two or three years without Will and Henny," Lettie told her mother. "Out here, dependable friends are worth more than all the gold most people come to Montana to find." She hugged her mother again. "Oh, Mama, why didn't you tell me you were coming? After all the letters... you should have written. Luke would so much have wanted to be here. We would have told you to come earlier in the spring, or later in the fall. In the summer Luke is gone on the cattle drive to Cheyenne."

  "I know, dear, but..." Her smile faded. "I had a special reason for coming now."

  Lettie studied the woman, her hair so much grayer, her skin more wrinkled, but it was the same beautiful face, her lovely complexion as pretty as ever against the soft pink dress she wore. She saw the deep sorrow in the woman's dark eyes then, and she realized what her father's absence must mean. "It's Father, isn't it?"

  Katie nodded, unable to speak.

  "Daddy died about six weeks ago, Lettie," Louise told her quietly. "Mother thought, after all these years... well, we'd been meaning to visit anyway. She thought it might be easier just to come here in person and be together, rather than write you the news in a letter."

  Lettie felt a terrible sorrow. It had been nine years since she had felt her father's embrace, and now she would never do so again. What hurt the most was that she could hardly remember what he'd looked like except for the red hair and the green eyes so like her own. A whirlwind of joy and sorrow, hellos and good-byes, that's all life was. "Oh, Mama," She fell into her mother's arms and the two wept again.

  "James wanted so much to come, too," Louise told Lettie, referring to their brother. "But he had to take over

  Father's stores, and he's so busy. His wife, Sara, just had a baby girl. That makes three children for them, two nephews and one niece you've never seen, and of course my own two daughters. They're too small for such a rough trip so we left them with James and Sara." She turned to the man who had come with her. "Lettie, this is my husband, Kenneth Brown."

  Keeping an arm around her mother, Lettie wiped tears from her eyes and studied her brother-in-law. A banker, Louise had explained in letters. It was difficult to think of her little sister as married, the mother of two daughters already. But Louise was twenty-three now, a grown-up woman, and their brother was twenty-eight. She was twenty-seven herself, and Luke thirty-seven! It seemed impossible. "Hello, Kenneth."

  Louise's husband smiled and shook her hand. Lettie was surprised at how soft his hand was, how limp the handshake. Accustomed as she was to the burly, rough, rugged men on the ranch, Kenneth looked small and delicate to her and his suit and spectacles were a strange sight. It hit her then how much she had changed over the years, for there had been a time when most of the men she knew wore suits and drove fancy buggies. "I'm glad to meet you finally, Let-tie," Kenneth was saying. "We've all tried to imagine what it's like here, tried to picture the ranch, the house. Your letters have taken us on some wonderful adventures!"

  Lettie laughed through tears. "Yes, life certainly is that here. One adventure after another." Her smile faded as her thoughts turned to Nathan. He had not been found or heard from in seven
years. Maybe he really was dead. "Some more exciting than others." She nodded toward the sad little shack that sat farther up the hill. "That's where we spent our first terrible winter. We use the shack now to store feed."

  "Dear Lord," Louise whispered.

  Lettie gave her mother a squeeze. "Mama, I want you to meet your grandchildren. Ty, run and get Robert and bring him back here."

  After setting little Paul on his feet, Tyler ran down the hill past a wandering milk cow to chase after his brother. "Robbie, get over here. Our grandma's here," he shouted.

  Lettie picked up Paul. "This is Paul Lucas, Mama. He's two. He's the only baby I had who was delivered by a real doctor. Billings finally got a doctor three years ago, and it's a good thing." Her smile faded. "It was a very difficult birth. I almost died, and probably would have if Dr. Manning hadn't been there. He ended up having to operate. I can't have any more children."

  "Oh, I'm sorry, Lettie," Katie said sympathetically. "You should have told me in your letters."

  "I didn't want to worry you. Luke feels it's probably for the best. This last birth gave him quite a scare."

  Katie studied her handsome grandson. "He has his father's dark hair and your green eyes," she told Lettie. "Oh, let me hold him."

  Paul went to her readily, as though he'd always known his grandmother. He rested his head on her shoulder while Lettie introduced the rest of the children.

  "This is our oldest, Katherine Lynn," Lettie told her mother. "She's named after you, of course. She's eight years old already."

  "And tall for eight years old!" the elder Katie said with a smile.

  "She takes after her father in build, has his dark hair, too, but her eyes aren't green or blue."

  "I have hazel eyes," the girl spoke up, holding her chin proudly. She gave her grandmother a smile. "I'm glad you came, Grandma. Mother has told me all about you, and what it was like back in St. Joseph. Will you tell me all about Denver?"

  "Oh, it's a big city and growing bigger every day. There are even some buildings four and five stories high, hotels, theaters. They've even built a railroad from Denver to Cheyenne. That's how we got here. We took the train first, then a stagecoach from Cheyenne to Billings. It was quite an exciting trip, and it's all such beautiful country."

  "Hi, Grandma!" A very pretty, fragile-looking little girl with braided red hair and green eyes interrupted the conver-

  sation then, offering her grandmother a kiss. "I'm Pearl Louise. I'm five years old!" she said proudly. She turned to Lettie's sister and kissed her, too. "I'm named after you, Aunt Louise."

  "Pearl is a bold little thing, and you should hear her sing!" Lettie told them, touching her daughter's hair. "Almost every night after supper she sings and dances and does anything she can to entertain us. I'd like to try getting a piano someday, find a way to give her lessons. I think she's very musically inclined."

  "A piano! Can you get a piano clear out here?" her mother asked.

  "Where there is a will, there is a way, Luke always says. He says if I want a piano, he'll get me one." Her heart ached at the words. Ever since Nathan was taken away, Luke had worked like a demon to build the ranch and give her anything she needed. She knew he had never stopped blaming himself for losing Nathan.

  Tyler came running back to them then, dragging Robert with him.

  "Oh, look at you two!" Lettie exclaimed. "All dirty and sweaty. What a way for your grandmother to see you for the first time!"

  "Robbie kept running away from me," Tyler answered. "I got hot chasing him." He wiped at his sweaty face with his shirtsleeve.

  "Oh, I don't mind how dirty they are, Lettie. I'm just so happy to see my grandchildren finally."

  Lettie smiled and took Paul from her. "This is Tyler," she said, indicating the handsome boy who was already becoming a replica of his father in size and coloring. "He's seven, but anyone who doesn't know him thinks he's at least ten. He's going to be a big man some day, like Luke. And look at those blue, blue eyes. Just like his father's."

  Tyler grinned. "Pa's going to take me with him on the cattle drives as soon as I get big enough," he told his grandmother. "Someday I'm going to help run this whole ranch."

  Katie smiled indulgently. "I'm sure you'll do a good job, Tyler."

  "His middle name is James, after his uncle James," Let-tie reminded her. She set down little Paul and picked up the one remaining child, a boy with his mother's dark auburn hair, but his father's blue eyes. "This is Robert Henry. He's four already."

  They were surrounded then by barking dogs, and Tyler scolded one of them for jumping up on Louise. "The big yellow one is called Pancake," he told his grandmother. He picked up the small black-and-white mongrel that had jumped on Louise. "This is Pepper. The beagle over there is Jiggles."

  "This is Smoke," young Katie told her grandmother, petting a huge, shaggy black dog. "That over there is Wolf. His daddy is Bear, Uncle Will's dog."

  "Uncle Will?" the elder Katie asked. She eyed the huge, wolflike dog that young Katie had pointed out. It hung back from the others, looking less receptive of strangers.

  "All the children call Will and Henny aunt and uncle," Lettie explained.

  "Well, they're like family to us," Will put in with a hearty laugh. He growled playfully and chased after Pearl and Robert, who screamed and ran from him.

  As the children ran off to play, Henny joined Lettie and her family, putting an arm around her friend.

  "Doesn't your daughter have beautiful children?" she asked Lettie's mother. "I helped deliver every single one of them, but thank goodness we had the doctor here for the last one. I can't have children of my own, so being a part of this family has been the next best thing. I was so happy when Lettie and Luke first came here. I had a woman I could share things with, visit with, someone who didn't wear red dresses and paint up her face, if you know what I mean. That's about the only kind of woman you ever saw around here before Lettie came. Now more families have come in. Lettie is thinking of forming a women's circle, some way we can all meet together at certain times."

  "Except in winter," Lettie reminded her. "Most winters there are a couple of months when we can't get into town at all."

  "Yes, I've read about that in your letters," Katie said, her gaze still on the children. "You have a handsome family, Lettie. Of course, with a father like Luke and a mother like you, how could you have anything but bright, handsome children?"

  Lettie smiled. "Luke is such a good father, Mama. He's so proud of them. He wanted a big family. I'm glad I have as many children as I do, but I would have dearly loved two or three more." Her smile faded. She and her mother looked at each other, both of them remembering another child.

  Katie grasped her daughter's hands. "You never hear anything?"

  "No. Luke believes Nathan is dead, but I just can't get over the feeling he's alive, Mama." She turned to look out over the valley and to the mountains beyond. "He's out there somewhere. I just know it. He'd be eleven years old now. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think about him, pray for him. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but this one will never heal."

  Katie led her away from the others so that they could talk alone. "Is everything all right with Luke now, Lettie?"

  Lettie's eyes misted. She nodded toward the playing, jabbering children. "See for yourself. A woman doesn't have that many babies without everything being all right with her husband."

  Katie smiled softly, thinking how pretty her daughter still was, even with her hair piled into a plain roll on top of her head. She wore a light green calico dress. "You hinted in your letters that first year after Nathan was taken away that things were pretty strained. After that you didn't say much about it any more."

  Lettie breathed deeply to keep from breaking down. The pain of losing Nathan suddenly seemed as keen as it had just after it happened. "Things were strained for a long time, not because I blamed Luke for any of it, but because he blamed himself. He has never quite stopped suffering over it, Mama. He works so ha
rd building this ranch, building our wealth so he can give me all the things he thinks I should have, building me a big house, giving me a life better than anything I had before. I know he thinks it can make up a little bit for losing Nathan, but nothing can take away the pain."

  "Of course it can't. It's too bad Luke blames himself as he does. He's a good man, Lettie. I remember that about him. He loved you so much."

  Lettie nodded. "I've never doubted that love. If anything, it's even stronger. For months after Nathan was taken, Luke didn't even sleep with me. He thought I wouldn't want him in my bed, and both of us were hurting so much on the inside that we had no desire for..." She blushed. "Things finally got better." She laughed nervously. "As you can see." She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "Things are good now. We've both resigned ourselves to the fact that we'll probably never know what really happened to Nathan. We pray for him, pray that if he's dead, he didn't suffer; and if he's alive, God is watching over him, and that he's happy. We thank God we have each other and that we've been blessed with five more healthy children."

  She waved her arm. "Look out there, Mama. As far as you can see, that's what Luke owns. I'm not sure about the legalities of all of it. Luke has learned that out here men set their own laws, their own boundaries. That's just the way it is. He needs the land, so he's laid claim to it, thousands of acres and thousands of head of cattle, most of the herd built up from cattle he brought here from Oregon. Every summer he drives cattle down to Cheyenne to be loaded onto the Union Pacific and shipped back East, mostly to slaughterhouses in Omaha and Chicago. He gets top dollar because his cattle are fattened up on some of the best grass in this country, right out there on his own land. He has ten men working for him year-round, hires more in the summer to help on the cattle drive so that some can stay here and watch the ranch. Those six cabins out there to the south belong to the families of some of the permanent men. It all seems so big to me already, but Luke says it will get much bigger— more land, more cattle and horses, a bigger house."