by Ellis Leigh
Pumping my hips, grunting with every stroke, I let my mind conjure up how it would feel to push inside my mate. Tried to imagine what all that soft, warm, wet flesh enveloping mine would be like. The base of my spine started to tingle, and my arms shook. Fuck, I wanted her. Wanted to know every part, to discover ourselves together in all ways. She’d been my first kiss, my first love. She was mine, but sex meant something more to a shapeshifter like my Angelita. It meant mating, claiming, and—if she lost control—biting. I couldn’t wait for that day. Angelita was too afraid of the bite to be as excited as I was. It was a point of contention with no compromise, and one we’d been discussing for months.
“Please, Julian.”
Angelita’s breathy plea brought me back to the moment. I refocused on her, centered myself, and picked up my pace. My girl was needy, shaking beneath me as she climbed toward her release. I wanted to give that to her. Needed to. Those moments when she cried out her satiation were some of my favorites and, knowing I did that for her, some of my proudest. I growled low and dark, dropping my head to her shoulder. Fuck, I was going to come in my pants, without anything more than a bump and grind. I tried to stop, I really did, but she felt so good. So warm. And I knew she was so wet for me.
“I can’t…” The words wouldn’t come. I wanted to tell her I couldn’t wait, couldn’t last. Couldn’t resist her. Luckily, she knew. She always knew.
“So close.” She growled darkly, her hips pressing against mine. Her entire body wrapping around me as her nails dug into my back. I knew her tells, could feel her growing tight and fluttering where I pressed against her. Not long now. I had to hold on. Had to get her there. Fuck, I had to make her come first. Always.
Digging deep for any wisp of control I had left, knowing she liked it when I talked a little dirty to her, I whispered, “C’mon, Leelee. I want to know how wet you’re going to get tonight. Let me feel you come against my cock.”
She gasped, her muscles clenching, her entire body going stiff as pleasure broke over her. I froze for just a moment, sinking into the sensations of her orgasm. The sound of her stuttered breath, the near pain of her claws slipping out and pressing into the flesh of my back, the pulse of her pussy against me, the scent of her slickness teasing me with what I wanted to feel and taste. Glorious. Perfect. Fucking mine.
I thrust against her one last time and followed her over that edge. Grunting through my own release as I pressed her into the mattress. There was no stopping, no holding back. I came hard and long, collapsing just to the side of my girl as I finally came back from the depths of pleasure.
Angelita curled around me when we were quiet once more, her body warm and pliant beneath my hands. “We really should do that without clothes in the way.”
I chuckled and sighed. “You know we can’t.”
“We can,” she said, running her nose along my cheek. “I want to.”
“But if you lose control and bite me—”
“We’ll be mates.”
“Right, but that’s not enough.” I ran my hands over her curves, wishing she’d see things my way just this once. “We’re mates now, and I know claiming each other is the next step. But then what? I stay human and get left behind?”
“I wouldn’t—”
“Mean to. You wouldn’t mean to, but you would. Every time you went for a run in the woods, every time you shifted wolf in your sleep like you do. Every single moment of your life you’d be different from me because of your wolf side, and I don’t want that. I want to know my forever is the same as yours.”
“Julian—”
“I want you to turn me into a wolf shifter.” The words escaped without thought, without care. My biggest want, my most desperate need, laid bare before Angelita. And I knew exactly how she’d answer.
As expected, Angelita stiffened, trying to pull away. “I can’t.”
“You can,” I said as I gripped her, refusing to let her back away from the conversation we needed to have. “I know you can.”
Her hands pulled me closer, tugging hard at my shoulders. Fear making her grabby. “I can’t lose you, too. I won’t do it.”
Pain. Dread. Those were the things holding her back. I understood her reservations—she’d watched her entire family, her entire pack, be slaughtered. She’d lost everything. I understood, all right, but that didn’t make her refusal any easier to accept. “You won’t lose me, Leelee. I’ll come through and be just like you.”
“You could die or go mad. I won’t do it.”
I pulled back, my forehead against hers. Wishing I could see her face as I whispered, “It’s what I want, Lee. It’s the future I’ve chosen for myself.” Time to show my hand. “If you won’t do this for me, I’ll get Gates or one of the other guys to do it.”
I smelled her tears before I heard her gasp, knew she was crying by the way her body went soft even before that.
“You won’t lose me,” I whispered, holding her tighter. “Trust the fates to keep us together forever.”
Angelita shook her head. “The fates did nothing to save my family. I can’t trust them.”
“Trust me, then.”
She lay silent for a long time. I could almost sense her eyes on me, could imagine her watching me as she contemplated our future. I tried to stay calm, to remain steadfast, but this issue always upset the two of us. There was no middle ground for us. She wanted me human, and I didn’t.
“I don’t know if you can beat death,” she whispered, her tears coming harder.
I kissed her lips and wiped away the wetness on her cheeks. As frustrating as it was to be caught within her fear cycle, I could never blame her. I would always take care of her. “And that right there is why we can’t go further, Lee. You don’t trust me enough, which means there are cracks in our connection.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Yeah, it is.” I rolled off the bed, heading for my dresser to grab a clean pair of sweats. “I want you, Angelita. Every day. Forever. I don’t want to miss a single experience with you. I want to laugh with you, want to be intimate with you, and yes, I want to run in wolf form with you. I want to be able to take adventures with you. But you just want to keep me in a box, all locked up and as safe as you can make me.”
The bed squeaked behind me, and the sheets rustled in a way that told me she was sitting up. “Why is it wrong to want you safe?”
“Because life isn’t safe, and I want to live it. You lost your family, and so did I. Yes, I got to keep my sister, but I lost my parents. I lost a lot of my independence too. But I refuse to give up or give in.” I headed for the bathroom, needing a break. Needing a moment. But not before I said my piece. “There is nothing we can’t do so long as we’re together, Leelee. I just wish you had enough faith in me to believe that.”
I shut the bathroom door behind me and stood there, listening. Trying not to feel the crushing disappointment that conversations about sex and mating and changing always brought on. The sense of failure. My hands in my hair, I tugged and bit back the tears burning my eyes. Someday, she’d trust me. Someday, she’d hear me.
Someday, she’d love me enough to want to keep me forever.
FIVE
Angelita
I raced through the woods, following the coast of the little island the local Feral Breed called their own. The supernatural population of the place had been growing for a couple for years at that point, creating an almost private reserve for themselves. The guys had bought as much land as they could, making sure property lines butted up against one another and stretched from the water inland. Each lot differed in size and shape, each house unique, but the overall sense of the place was one of wilderness and privacy. There were acres to run on and huge plots of land where no outsiders ever seemed to come. A shifter and witch sanctuary surrounded by nature. I liked it. I liked it even more that Julian lived there. What I didn’t like was crossing paths with other shifters while out.
I ran the length of the properties, trying to clear
my head. Needing to shake off the dread I’d felt after my conversation with Julian the night before. We’d gone to bed together, even cuddled like we normally loved to do, but I hadn’t been able to sleep. So I’d crawled out of bed at the ass crack of dawn and headed into the woods. I wanted to be alone to think, but that wasn’t an option, apparently. Before I’d even reached the first property line of the forest, two wolves appeared from the dappled shadows under the trees. Two I recognized well. Rebel and Bez ran with me, one on each flank. Following me down the path and through the trees. Keeping pace with me but not coming too close. Guarding me. Their positions didn’t help calm me a bit. I didn’t like people trying to sneak up on me, and my wolf didn’t like to be followed. Luckily, we both liked to compete.
As we circled around at the shore and began the trek back through the forest, I picked up the pace, pumping my legs faster, harder. I’d taken this from a leisurely run to a race, and there was no way I’d lose. My wolf wouldn’t allow it.
I growled as I passed over a trail through the middle of the property, one leading from Phoenix’s cabin to Beast’s. I didn’t turn, though. I kept running south, heading for Rebel’s home. For Julian. The man who probably didn’t want to talk to me after last night.
Why did things have to be so complicated? We’d struggled since meeting just to be able to spend time together, and now that we were old enough to demand freedom, we couldn’t find a middle ground on what the future should be. I wanted to exchange mating bites, but he wanted more than that. To be like me. And as much as I would have loved that, would have been completely blissful running in the woods with my wolf mate by my side, the idea of him being turned—of killing his human side and giving him an inner wolf to share his body—terrified me. Some humans made it through just fine—Rebel himself had been born human. Others…they lost memories, like Phoenix had. For years after his turning, he couldn’t remember his own surname. I knew of Anbizens who’d damn near lost their minds, becoming hardened and crazed. Thirsty for blood. I couldn’t let that happen to my sweet Julian. I wouldn’t. But how to stop him from pursuing something so dangerous?
Too lost in my thoughts to pay attention to my footing, I scrambled across the gravel as I came onto Rebel’s property, following the driveway toward the garage. The two wolves ran in right after me, breathing hard, snappish with each other as they battled for second place. Typical males.
As soon as I rushed through the open garage door, I shifted human, smirking to cover my heavy heart, and grabbed one of the cloaks Rebel kept on the workbench at the back. Being around humans meant covering up our nakedness as often as possible, something still slightly foreign to me, having grown up in a pack. Nudity and shifters went together. It was a simple fact of life. One I was still learning to ignore.
“Fight all you want, boys. Second place is really just the first loser.”
“You’d fit with my clan well. They all fight to win.”
I spun, crouching and growling as I faced the stranger in the shadows. But as he stepped forward, the fact that he wasn’t truly a stranger caught me off guard. The bear shifter had come back.
“What do you want?” My heart jumped, but not in fear. No, I wasn’t afraid. I was excited. He came back, which meant he was desperate. No shifter would ignore the order of an alpha wolf on his own turf. Not without damn good reason. Wolves were territorial and dangerous when threatened, especially ones as strong as Rebel. This boded well for me, but I’d need to get the bear away from the others. Somehow.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Rebel asked as soon as he shifted human, his voice pure warning.
One the bear chose to ignore. “I came to try my luck one more time.”
“I told you. We’re not—”
“I know.” Bear-man put his hands up, his eyes darting my way a few too many times to be casual. “It’s not normally what you do, but we’re desperate. My clan needs that statue.”
A chill went up my spine. Desperate…just as I’d expected. This was it. My chance. But how…
Bez slipped closer to me, guarding as always and silent as a snake. “The man said no already and asked you to leave his property.”
The bear’s eyes seemed to glow with something close to anger. Irritation, maybe? Frustration? “Yes, I remember.”
“Then perhaps you’d better take his dir—”
“What does the idol do?” I asked, too caught up in the gold of the bear shifter’s eyes to ignore him. How did humans think that was normal?
Those weird, yellow eyes turned my way. Focusing hard. Devouring me in a single look. “It’s a fertility goddess.”
“Oh.” I crept past Bez, ignoring his low growl as I moved out of his range. “And why do you need it so badly?”
The bear raised his arm to straighten his collar, and I flinched. Ready to run away. It wasn’t often another shifter could make me feel like prey, but this one did. His bear outweighed my wolf for sure, my size almost a joke in comparison to his. But there was something else about him. Something dangerous and deadly. Something that made me more cautious around him.
His head cocked, his eyes completely locked on me still. “Without the idol, we can’t complete our matings. Our pairs end up in a limbo the fates never intended for them.”
Sounded a lot like Julian and me. “That sucks.”
“Yes, it does,” he said, a slight smile tugging on one side of his mouth. “Especially when you consider that we can’t breed without being mated.”
Rebel’s angry face fell, and even Bez seemed concerned as he asked, “How long since you’ve had it?”
“Sixty-five years next week.”
“Holy fuck.” And here I’d been complaining about the few years Julian and I’d had to wait. Sixty-five? That sounded tortuous.
“Yeah, that about sums it up.” Bear leaned against the workbench, crossing his legs at the ankles. “Sixty-five years of a cubless clan. It took us decades to figure out where the damned thing was, and now that we know, we need to get it back. None of my clan is skilled in such delicate matters, though. So you can understand my desperation to find someone to assist me in my retrieval.”
“I can,” Rebel said. “But it’s not what my guys do.”
I caught Bez’s eye, matching his raised eyebrow. That job sounded like something his guys, the Dire Wolves, would do. Why he wasn’t jumping in to help, I had no idea.
“I don’t like your answer, wolf, but I understand it.” The bear sighed again and pushed off the workbench, making the whole thing creak under the strain. “I’m staying at the Grand Hotel if you change your mind.”
Rebel nodded once. “I won’t, but if I hear of anyone who can help you, I’ll send them your way.”
“Much appreciated.” His gold eyes met mine once more, and his lips twisted into a smile that made me want to recoil. “Be safe, little wolf. And take good care of that baby I heard crying the other day.”
Before Rebel could rip the man’s throat out for bringing up his son, I jumped in with, “It’s not mine.”
The bear only shrugged. “It takes a clan to raise a cub. Not that we’d know much about that anymore.”
He left with little fanfare, trudging down the driveway toward a minivan that definitely didn’t scream dangerous predator or paranormal phenomenon. What a way to blend in.
“Why won’t you help him?” I asked Bez as soon as the bear had driven off.
“He’s not one of us.”
“So?”
“So, bears can’t be trusted.”
“Neither can wolves.”
He twisted his lips into a deadly smile, probably knowing I was simply repeating back what he’d told me a million times over the years. “True, but I can kill a wolf easily enough.”
“You’ve killed werewolves and vampires. I’m pretty sure you could kill a bear.”
“I’m sure, too. But I don’t want to have to, so I avoid them.”
The men followed me to the porch. Dawn had barely broken, a
nd the humans were sleeping. I could hear Sariel in the house, probably in the kitchen preparing something for breakfast as she waited for little Elijah to rise. She loved that baby, loved taking care of him and doting on him. She’d been the same way with me when I came to live with her. She was a natural mother, one who couldn’t have children of her own.
Just like those bear shifters.
“So,” Rebel said as he settled on a chair against the railing, pulling me from my heartbreaking thoughts. I curled up in the corner of the porch swing, watching him, as Bez leaned on the railing. “What’s the plan?”
“What plan?” I asked.
“The plan for turning Julian.”
And there went any thoughts of babies or bears. “I won’t.”
Rebel’s eyebrows dropped, furrowing in what appeared to be confusion. “Why the hell not?”
“Uh, because it’s dangerous? Because the transition could drive him mad? Because I could lose him?”
Rebel sat back, dismissing me with nothing more than a frown. “You won’t lose him.”
“How do you know?”
“Because Julian not making it through would kill my mate, and that’s not about to happen. I have to put my trust in the fates to pull him through the turning.”
I pulled my legs underneath me, shaking my head. “What if I can’t do it?”
“Then I will.” Bez met my eyes, his hard and sure. “I’m stronger and more wolf than most because of my Dire lineage. I’ll be his wolf giver if you won’t.”
