by Ellis Leigh
I shook my head. “No.”
“He wants this,” Rebel said. “And I want the two of you to have a long, happy life together.”
“We can do that as mates, without turning him.”
“No, you can’t,” Bez said. “Not if he wants more than that.”
Rebel nodded. “He’d do anything for you. Why won’t you do the same for him?”
I stared, shocked. I loved Julian…how could they possibly doubt that?
“What if he dies?” I finally asked, my voice weak even to my own ears. My biggest fear laid out before them.
“He won’t,” Bez answered, so solid and sure.
“But how do you know that?”
He tilted his head, his eyes swirling a bit from blue to silver as only the Dire Wolves could do. “You have to trust, Angelita. Trust in the fates, in yourself, and in your Omega wolf. You are more powerful than you think.”
I stood, itching to run again. Wanting to escape from the conversation. From the possibility of losing Julian. “Yeah, well, trust doesn’t come easy.”
Sariel opened the door then, looking me over quickly before smiling my way. “Angelita? Breakfast will be ready soon. Do you want to go grab Julian?”
“Sure.” I thought I caught a ghost of sadness on her face as she turned away, but I didn’t take the time to examine that. I wanted my mate and was beyond ready to be done with the two meddling father figures. What the hell did they know? They’d never lost their family. They’d never been safe and warm one minute, then afraid they wouldn’t survive the next. They had no idea how hard this would be on me if I messed up. If I lost Julian.
I could not lose him.
I rushed up the stairs, my heart aching for my mate as my emotions roiled inside of me. I had to see him, needed to touch him, to know he was safe. Hell, I craved the very sight of him. My wolf wouldn’t settle until I was able to feel that he was whole and healthy still. Irrational, maybe. Excessive, absolutely. Stoppable, not in the least.
The stairs were no match for my speed. The door sat unlocked, the room still dark beyond it. I didn’t even pause in my quest, though. My eyes adjusted to the lack of light before the door had swung closed. Julian. He lay sprawled across the bed, hugging my pillow in a way that made my heart trip. My mate slept peacefully, all blissfully rumpled and relaxed. An irresistible sight.
I stalked across the floor as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb him. Yet. My wolf whined in my head with every step. She wanted our mate too. Wanted to sniff and touch and rub up against. She wanted contact, physicality, something tactile to prove he was okay. But most of all, she wanted to claim him as ours. A fact that made my body shake with the fight to restrain her.
As I reached the bed, I dropped my cloak. This was my mate, my Julian. The only man I’d ever wanted and would ever want. I didn’t need to cover myself around him. I slipped under the covers and pressed my body to his, sighing as the warmth of his skin seeped into mine.
He was safe.
“Good morning,” he mumbled as his hands began to trail lazily over my bare back. I pressed my ear to his chest, relishing every thump of his heart, every rise as he breathed. Safe, safe, safe. And so very mine,
We lay like that for a while, Julian stroking my back, me draped across his chest. The way the sunlight peeked behind the blinds brought a golden glow to the edges of the room, the quiet of a morning in the woods blanketing us. I could have stayed like that for days. Weeks, even. But not Julian.
“You smell like the forest,” he said, sounding far more awake than I wanted him to be. “You’ve been running?”
“Yeah. Rebel and Bez joined me.”
“That must have been fun.” His sarcasm didn’t escape my notice.
“Not. But I won the race back, so it was worthwhile.”
I bit back anything about the bear shifter. It made no sense, really. I told Julian everything. But not this time. I needed to plan a little more, to have a solid path going forward for us. I needed to keep my cards close to the vest before I dragged Julian into anything.
And that need to protect, to keep something from my mate, was a far better wake-up call than anything could be.
“C’mon,” I said as I untangled myself from Julian’s hold. “Sariel said breakfast would be ready soon.”
He didn’t move, though. Didn’t roll away or make an attempt to get up. “Everything okay?”
No, not right now. “Of course. I’m just hungry.”
“Okay.” He rolled off the bed, heading for me the second his feet hit the floor. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, enveloping me in his scent and warmth once more. I sank back, melting against him. Letting the feel of his skin be my anchor.
“I love you, Juls.”
“I love you too, Leelee.” He nuzzled into my neck, kissing the length of it before he rubbed his lips against my ear and whispered, “I’ll let you hide from me right now because it feels like you need to, but we’ll talk about it later. Now, let’s get dressed so we can join the family for breakfast.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I nodded. Later. I needed to think up a plan to find the bear shifter later. I needed to…do something. I just wasn’t sure what yet.
SIX
Julian
There should have been something soothing about sitting on the couch in Charlotte and Rebel’s house. Something familiar. I’d taken up that particular post since the day my sister and I had packed our stuff and moved in with the guy. Wolf. Whatever. I’d sat in that exact spot while they talked about their days, while they planned their futures, and while they argued. And man, could they argue. Sometimes Rebel’s eighteenth-century ideals clashed hard with my sister’s twenty-first-century ones. Still, they worked things out and stayed together, building a team of two that could weather anything life threw at them, it seemed. And they’d always included me in their discussions and plans.
I’d sat in my spot when they told me Elijah was coming—a nephew that I would never see but would still love with all my heart. I’d sat in that spot when they’d told me about mates and claimings and what my bond with Angelita meant. And in the last couple of years, Angelita had sat right at my side as my family and hers grew more entwined because of us. I’d sat in that spot through some of the biggest moments of my life.
So I should have been comfortable and at peace. Instead, I bounced my leg and picked at what felt like a ridge of fabric under my arm. I couldn’t sit still. Something was up with Angelita. She’d been distracted for days, ever since the morning run she’d taken with Rebel and Bez. Not just distracted…distant. Not physically. No, that aspect of our relationship was as strong as ever. The more emotional stuff was there, too. But the rest…the talking. The attention. The feeling that I knew everything about her…gone. Something was wrong.
“Where’s Angelita?” Charlotte asked. Elijah squeaked and squealed, which meant he was about to be fed. The kid seemed happiest when he got to eat. Hell, he was just plain happy most of the time. Me…not so much.
“She went to the city with Bez. Something about a used bookstore she wanted to visit.” Distance.
“I’m surprised you didn’t go with her.”
I grunted, avoiding that topic. I’d wanted to go, was more than willing to stumble around after her. But she’d wanted to spend time with Bez. Another thing that didn’t sit well with me—she never wanted to spend time alone with Bez when she visited me. Not that I blamed her or would have gotten in the way—he was the closest thing she had to a father these days. No, it wasn’t that I wanted to stop them. It was more that she seemed determined to get away from me this morning, and that fact had been eating at me for hours.
“Do you ever—” I froze, unable to say the words. Or unwilling.
But my sister wasn’t really one to let people get away with hiding. “Do I ever what? Need space from Rebel?”
It was irritating how smart she was. “No. Do you ever feel left behind by him because you’re not…like him?”
/>
She went silent. Elijah gurgled and made smacking noises as he ate whatever she was feeding him. The wind whistled past the windows, and the sound of a dog barking somewhere too far away to worry about punctuated the otherwise still house. Too still. Too empty, as well.
“You want her to change you into one of them,” Charlotte said. Not asking.
I nodded, wishing for the first time in a while that I could actually see her face. That I could gauge her reaction with my own eyes.
“Are you sure you want that commitment?”
There was only one answer. “Yes. I’m not worried about my commitment to her. I love her, she’s my mate. That’s not the issue.”
“So then, what is the issue?”
“She doesn’t want to turn me.”
Charlotte hummed. “She’s afraid of losing you.”
“Yeah.”
“You understand why, right?”
“Of course.” And I did. It was something we’d talked about a hundred times—her losing her family and me losing most of mine. “But I’m more fragile as a human.”
“Except during the turning.”
“I’ll make it through.”
“And if you don’t?”
Her simple question pulled me up short.
“Julian, not all humans have the strength to live through that, or they finish the turning and their minds and personalities have completely disintegrated.” She made a cooing noise and something rattled, which probably meant Elijah was done eating and she was setting him up for playtime on the floor.
“Bring him to me,” I said, craving a distraction. Elijah’s warm weight landed on my lap a few seconds later, and his sweet baby smell filled my senses. “Hey, buddy. Did you have a good snack?”
“He did,” Charlotte answered for him as she moved away from me. Probably heading to the chair closest to the windows. If this was my spot, that was hers. “He’s a good eater. Reminds me of you when you were little.”
“You always say that.”
“And I always mean it.” She grew quiet again as Elijah grabbed hold of my face and pulled me closer.
I kissed his nose, smiling when he giggled. “She’s going to remember every little thing about you, kid.”
“Just like I do with you,” Charlotte said. “And just like Angelita will as well.”
“She’s my mate, not my family.”
“Yes, but she loves you. My memories come from that place—both the good ones and the bad ones.”
“Char—”
“Do you know how hard it was to watch you suffer?”
I couldn’t answer her, a fact she seemed to understand because she certainly didn’t stop.
“I’d just lost Mom and Dad, and I was so relieved that I at least got to keep you. But then the doctors started trying to explain what was going on and what you’d lost. You nearly died twice while I watched.”
“But I didn’t.”
“Right. But you’re not the same boy I knew. You never will be.” She sighed. “Julian, you are so strong. Fiercely independent and smart in ways that eclipse me. But there are still times when I miss pieces of you that we lost that day.”
“My sight.”
“No, not that. You’ve never let your blindness get in your way. More your easy laugh and carefree attitude. You were so confident and free before the accident, but afterward, a lot of that disappeared.”
“And you think that’s why she’s reluctant? She’s afraid I’ll change enough for her to…lose me?”
“What do you think?” Her footsteps moved closer, and Elijah squealed as she lifted him from my lap.
“I think she’s afraid, but I’m not sure why.”
“Men are clueless, Elijah,” she said in a singsong voice. “She’s not just afraid of losing you from her life entirely. She’s afraid of losing bits of you that she loves. Bits that love her just as fiercely. If you knew something would change her personality and possibly make her not care about you anymore, would you want that?”
Easy answer. “No.”
“So?”
“So I need to try to understand where she’s coming from and stop pushing her.” I hated when she was so right.
“Sounds smart to me.”
But as Charlotte walked away with Elijah, I still didn’t feel as if I’d solved anything. Angelita’s reasons for not changing me were clear enough. It was her reasons for pulling away over the last few days that were bothering me so much. Where was she, and why didn’t she want me to go with her? My mate was focusing on something that she wouldn’t share with me, and that was definitely not the norm.
I needed to get her to talk to me.
SEVEN
Angelita
The used bookstore loomed over the other buildings on the block. While the building wasn’t particularly large, the height of it made up for its slim width in spades. White brick—painted too many times to see the indentations of the mortar—flaked around the single front window, and the recessed door appeared almost more menacing than welcoming. But above all that, the windows continued for many, many floors. Rows of dark, dirty glass stacked one on top of another and another and another, indicating numerous floors of bookshelves, dark corners, and places to get lost.
It looked like the perfect spot for what I needed to do.
“This is where you want to go?” Bez stared up at the building, a frown marring his already harsh face.
“Yeah. Supposedly, they have a killer antique book collection on the upper floors. I’m in the mood to dig.”
“Hunting books.” Bez huffed. “Okay, then, let’s go inside.”
I walked ahead of him, scoping out the dark first floor. Stacks upon stacks of books sat anywhere they could—on shelves, on top of cases, on chairs. The piles seemed endless and haphazard. Bez tried to look uninterested, but his natural curiosity quickly got the better of him. He ran a finger over one stack of books, then the length of a shelf, and when he picked up a battered old volume with some foreign language embossed in gold on the side, I knew I had him.
“I’m going to head up to the fantasy section.” I edged toward the stairs, crossing my fingers that he didn’t follow me. At least not yet.
Bez snorted, raising an eyebrow as he gave me a quick glance. “Yeah. You do that. See if anything sounds familiar.”
With a laugh, I turned and rushed up the dark and dusty staircase. Six flights up, and I was stalking across the old wooden floor, looking for options. On the far side, a window opened up to a view of the neighborhood around the store. That was my objective…my goal. Without pausing, I popped the window open and slid out. The two-story drop to the roof of the building attached to the side of the bookstore wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, and within seconds, I was on the sidewalk and rushing down the block. If I had my plan worked out right, I had about fifty minutes before Bez would really start looking for me. He was a book hound—a total nut when it came to old maps and travel journals. The used bookstore would be like crack for him, but that draw wouldn’t last forever. Not with how protective he could be. I needed to haul ass.
The Grand Hotel sat on a rather unimpressive stretch of what was probably once a decent Main Street. The character of the building, the charm of the brick walls and low-slung porch, made up for the drab location. I hurried inside their dark wood double doors and across the foyer, letting my senses take over. The scent of bear lingered in corners and hallways, but I could tell the man I was after wasn’t there. The smell felt too old, too faded. No, he wasn’t around. Not on the first floor, at least.
I headed for the stairs, rushing up them on a mission, trying hard not to let my wolf out too much. I needed my senses, but there were a lot of humans around. I had to at least appear to be one of them, which meant reining in the beast within even when she wanted to hunt as much as I needed her to.
On the third-floor landing, the heavy scent of bear nearly knocked me over. This. The man had to be here somewhere. And by the stench of the big beasts,
he wasn’t alone. I hadn’t considered that in my plans. Still, he needed something I had the skills to get, and I needed something he had the resources to provide. Easy trade.
I hoped.
Before I took even three steps down the hall, a door opened at the far end, and the man I’d been coming to see stepped out. A woman quickly followed him, but she wasn’t my concern. I hoped it would stay that way.
Show time. “Yo. Bear.”
The man’s head shot up, those golden eyes of his locking on mine. Recognition flashed across his face for just a second before rage replaced it.
“Get back in the room,” he muttered. The woman, a tall, strawberry-blond sculpture of curves and femininity gave me one hell of a glare before slipping back inside and shutting the door. I waited, knowing the bear would defend himself and his—Mate? Friend? Family?—if I dared take a single step closer. Hell, any wolf would have as well. But I couldn’t care about her right then—I had business to do. With the red-haired, bearded man who could probably squash me without breaking a sweat. He’d have to catch me first, though.
He stalked closer, keeping his eyes on mine. Keeping his face hard with fury. If the growl behind his words was any indication, I’d truly pissed him off. “I can’t say I was expecting to see you, little wolf.”
“Yeah, well. I like to keep people on their toes.”
“Where are your guard dogs?”
“At home in the kennel.”
A smile almost broke through that chiseled face. One that looked a lot more wicked than happy. “You came here alone? Do you really think that’s wise?”
I shrugged, leaning against the wall as if I didn’t have a care in the world. As if my wolf wasn’t snarling and foaming at the mouth with every step closer he took. “You won’t hurt me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Here we go. “Because I can get you what you want.”
He tried hard to stay stoic, but a tic in his jaw gave him away. He was interested. “And what might that be?”
“Money first.”
