Night Light

by Terri Blackstock

  “No, son. You shot her in the leg, but she would have recovered from that.”

  The rigid tension in Aaron’s bones seemed to melt and his face twisted. A tear stole out of his eye. “’Cause I didn’t mean to kill her,” he said again. “I didn’t really want her dead. I just wanted her to stop.”

  Allen let out a heavy sigh and hugged the boy again. “We know you didn’t, Aaron. We know why you did it. At least now you know you didn’t cause her death.”

  “So you’re not gonna arrest me?”

  “Not after all that’s happened, Aaron. No point in it.”

  Aaron let that sink in for a moment. “Then … I guess God forgave me too, huh? Just like Pop said. Since he heard my prayers and answered them and stuff.”

  “You bet he did,” Doug said.

  A slow smile worked its way into the child’s eyes, but it would be a while before the edge of sadness gave way.

  Allen got to his feet and shook the sheriff’s hand. “I think it’s time for us to plan our trip home. We’ll take the kids back to Atlanta. We’re ready to get on with our lives. We’ve got a lot of healing to do.”

  ALLEN AND MARIE DECIDED TO TAKE THE SAME TRAIN THAT WOULD take Deni and Craig away.

  But Deni still couldn’t make up her mind. She had talked to Chris about it, and as much as her best friend hated to see her go, she encouraged Deni to put the love of her life first.

  But that was just it. She wasn’t sure Craig was her soul mate.

  She’d watched for Mark every morning as she went to the well to draw water, but he’d made himself scarce for the last few days.

  As the day approached, Craig turned on the charm, and she began to think that being in Washington might be better than she’d thought. Things would be easier there. Wouldn’t Craig see to that? No more backbreaking labor, no more slaving for every meal they ate.

  Or was she just being naive?

  There was something good about what she’d been doing these last few months. Something noble about working with her hands. And she’d enjoyed getting closer to her family.

  But she was twenty-two and she had to leave sometime.

  Finally, she agreed to go.

  THE MORNING BEFORE THEY LEFT, DENI FOUND MARK SITTING AT THE well, as if waiting for her. He wore a white baseball cap and a yellow tank top, and his strong arms were crossed.

  “I was hoping to see you,” Deni said. “Have you been avoiding me?”

  His smile seemed fragile. “Not exactly. Just trying to stay out of the way. I get the feeling Craig doesn’t appreciate our friendship much. And who can blame him?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “So … you’re going, huh?”

  “Chris told you?”

  He nodded and swallowed hard. “I’ve been praying for you.”

  She leaned on the well wall and gazed into the water. “We’re leaving tomorrow.”

  For a moment there was silence. Finally, she looked at him.

  His eyes glistened and his cheeks blotched red. “Why so soon?”

  Her throat felt tight. “Craig has to get back. He’s needed there.”

  “Chris said he gave you an ultimatum.”

  “That’s right. Either I go with him or it’s over.”

  “Seems a little harsh. I mean, he’s asking you to pack everything you own and take off forever. With so much going on, you haven’t had time to think about it with a clear head.”

  If only Craig could see that. “I tried to tell him that, but he said it’s now or never. To him, I’m just too much of a mama’s girl, tied to the apron strings.”

  The lines between Mark’s eyes deepened. “I call that family loyalty. Being there for the people who need you.”

  “I know, but what good am I as a wife if I can’t even leave my parents?”

  He turned and leaned his elbow on the well’s post and looked into her eyes.

  “You did leave your parents, Deni. You’ve been gone for the last four years. He knows that. You don’t have a problem with separation anxiety. It’s just a weird time. Not everyone has family. Those who do should be allowed to be close to them.”

  He made so much sense. Her heart swelled as she looked at him. “I told him. I tried to make him understand.”

  “So why are you going?”

  She turned away. “Because I want to marry him,” she said. “We have plans. We have hopes and dreams. And maybe when I get on that train, I can leave all these worries behind. Everything’s so hard and depressing. Maybe if I start over new with him, we can have a life that’s not so hard.”

  “I don’t think you’re going to be happy, Deni.” The words came out cracked.

  Tears rimmed her eyes. “But you don’t know Craig. He hasn’t been his best here. He’s really a great guy. He makes friends everywhere he goes. He’s so smart, and he has so much promise.”

  “As a politician, maybe, but does he have promise as your husband, as the father of your future children, as your companion?” He turned her to face him. His eyes were piercing, undebatable, as he held her tearful gaze. “Deni, I’m saying this as your friend. Forget whatever happened between us. This isn’t about me wanting you for myself. I just don’t see Craig making you happy.”

  “Well, can any human being ever make us happy?” she asked. “I mean, don’t we have to let God fill all the voids in our lives?”

  “In a way, yes,” Mark said. “But Deni, God gives us spouses to comfort us and keep us company, and to help us through life. I don’t like thinking of you stacking up disappointments for the rest of your life.”

  She wished she hadn’t come here. This was just confusing her. “But he will be there for me. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t go. He’s a statesman, a loyal public servant, an all-around great guy.” She knew her words were weak.

  “Deni, he’s probably really great. Some day he’ll run for president, and I might vote for him. But we’re talking about you.”

  She put her back to him and started drawing out the water. “You’re wrong,” she muttered as she worked the pulley. “We’ll have a happy life, just like we planned.”

  He stood behind her, silently watching as she pulled up the water and emptied it into her container, then lowered the bucket for more. When she’d filled her container, she finally looked at him again. He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, gazing at her through those deep eyes that seemed to read her every thought.

  Finally, she sighed. “We can say good-bye or … not.”

  He took off his cap, raked his fingers through his hair. “I’ll miss you, Deni. I really wish you wouldn’t go, but if you do, you can always know that I’ll be praying for you, every single day.”

  The sweet words were more than she could bear. “Thank you, Mark.” She reached out and hugged him.

  His arms felt like home. Why didn’t Craig’s? He held her for a moment, not letting her go. Against her ear, he whispered, “If you marry him, Deni, it has to be for life. You know that, don’t you? It’s a covenant before God. You have to mean it. There are no safety nets, no easy ways out, no back doors.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.

  “Promise me you’ll pray about this really hard. Promise you’ll ask God.”

  “I have,” she whispered.

  He kept holding her. “Promise you’ll listen to what he’s saying.”

  “I will.”

  He let her go, and she saw the tear escaping down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. “I have to go now,” he said.

  She didn’t want him to leave, but he started walking away. “Bye, Mark.”

  He stopped and turned back. “Be happy, Deni.” He got the words out, then didn’t look back again.

  seventy-five

  SHERIFF SCARBROUGH BREACHED PROTOCOL AND GAVE THEM a ride to the train station. It took two of the department vehicles to get all of the Gatlins and Brannings there, but Deni was glad she didn’t have to find a way to carry her luggage on a bicycle.<
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  Her mother had been weepy all morning, wiping her eyes and trying to stay strong, but she had gently and kindly helped Deni get packed.

  They said their good-byes as the Gatlin children climbed onto the train, two cars back from where Craig and Deni would sit. Marie Gatlin held her little granddaughter close to her, stroking her short hair as Sarah sucked her thumb. Already they’d bonded like mother and daughter, and Deni knew the child would be all right. She cried as she kissed Sarah good-bye.

  “Bye, Deni.”

  “Bye, sweetheart. I’m gonna miss my little sleeping bunny.” Sarah smiled and hugged her. Deni bent and hugged Luke, then Joey, and finally Aaron. “You’re a good man, Aaron Gatlin,” she said.

  The smile in his eyes told her that was what he needed to hear.

  Craig pulled her away. “Time to go, babe.”

  Deni hesitated. She turned back to her family. Even Jeff and Logan said teary good-byes.

  When she got to her dad, he hugged her so tightly that he lifted her off her feet. Then she reached for her mother.

  She didn’t think she could bear letting her mom go. “I want you to be happy, honey,” Kay choked out. “I really do.” Her mother touched her face, and Deni saw the resolve in her eyes. Her mother was strong — stronger than Deni had ever been. She would be fine.

  But Deni wouldn’t.

  “Cut the apron strings,” Craig muttered.

  Kay let go and shot Craig a bitter look. “Take care of her, Craig,” she said. “She’s precious to us.”

  He looked annoyed. Taking Deni’s hand, he led her to the platform and waited for her to step up.

  Deni looked back at her mother, saw her wilting against her father.

  Craig’s voice was impatient. “Come on, Deni. You don’t have to drag this out.”

  She looked up at him through her tears. “This is hard,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

  “Deni, the train is going to leave.”

  She stood there a moment, struck by the biggest decision of her life, weighing how deeply she would grieve for her family versus how much she loved Craig.

  And suddenly, she wasn’t sure it was worth it.

  “I can’t,” she said.

  He gaped at her. “What do you mean? Deni, get on this train.”

  “I’m not going.” She slid the engagement ring off her finger and put it into his hand. “I love you and I’ll miss you,” she said, closing his fingers over it. “I’m sorry it can’t work out, but this isn’t the right thing and it’s not the right time.”

  Only then did Craig realize she meant it. “Deni, you’re just having a little separation anxiety. It’ll pass.”

  “No, it won’t.” The train’s whistle blew. “My luggage!” she cried to the worker at the cargo car. “Those red bags. I need them back!”

  The man grabbed them and tossed them off. Craig came off the platform. “Deni, do you realize what you’re doing?”

  “No,” she said. “I’m confused, Craig. But I’d rather be confused here than there.”

  “All aboard!” the engineer called.

  Craig stood frozen, his mouth open. “Deni, this is crazy!” The words sounded brittle, hollow. His face changed and that cocky assurance melted into fear. “I don’t want to leave you.”

  Hope flared inside her. “Then don’t.”

  He looked back at the train as they began closing the cargo car. “Deni, I told you, I have to go. This isn’t fair.” He stepped back up, as if to show her he could.

  Panic gripped her.

  Craig saw it in her face and reached for her. “Come on, Deni. I’ll make you happy, I promise. Just get on the train.”

  But she didn’t make a move to take his hand. Instead, she stepped backward, shaking her head. “I can’t go, Craig. I’m so sorry.”

  “And I can’t stay.”

  Her face twisted as grief overcame her. For a moment she expected him to throw up his hands and disappear inside the train. But he didn’t. Instead, his face softened, and he jumped off the platform and pulled her into his arms. She clung to him with all her might, praying he would change his mind.

  Finally, he released her. His own eyes glistened as he went back toward the train. It started to move, its wheels slowly rolling, the steam engine doing its soft chug-chug.

  Then he stepped back onto the train.

  This was it. She looked up at him through her tears, wishing things could be different, but knowing they couldn’t.

  “I love you, Deni,” he called over the steam engine. “Despite what I said, it’s not over!” Then he turned and went inside. She stood still and watched through the windows as he moved through the car to his seat. He looked back at her out the window and touched the glass.

  She pressed a kiss into her palm and blew it at him as the train took him away.

  seventy-six

  IT WAS LATE AFTERNOON WHEN DENI FOUND MARK IN HIS backyard, splitting firewood. Dirty from a hard day’s work and sweating with exertion, he swung the ax easily.

  “Mark?”

  He turned around and caught his breath at the sight of her. “Deni!” Mark dropped the ax. “I thought the train was gone by now.”

  She shook her head. “I changed my mind. I’m not going with him.”

  He let out a breath and put his hand on his heart. Eyebrows raised, he asked, “Not ever?”

  She looked down at her feet, knowing she couldn’t make promises. “I don’t know. Ever’s a long time. All I know is I’m not going now. I gave him back the ring.” Those tears assaulted her again, and she felt like a fool. Why had she come here when her emotions were so raw? She should have waited.

  But Mark closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her ear. “I know how hard this must have been. Are you all right?”

  She savored the comforting feel of his arms around her. He made her feel safe. “I will be.”

  After a moment he loosened his hold, and she stepped back, holding his gaze for a long moment. His eyes were probing, searching her heart. But she had no answers, and she could make no promises.

  “I just wanted to come tell you,” she said. “I thought you should know.”

  He brushed back the hair from her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat as his fingers lingered on her skin. Pleasure sparkled in his eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t go.” His voice wavered. “I hated the thought of losing one of my only friends.”

  She appreciated his sensitivity, not to demand more of her. He was too wise for that, she thought. Too trusting of God’s timing. And that gave Mark a peace that other men only pretended. She loved that about him.

  “Well, I have to get back and help with supper,” she said.

  Quietly he walked her to the gate, and as she started down the sidewalk toward home, he called after her. “Welcome home, Deni.”

  She looked back over her shoulder. He was smiling softly, and she smiled back. It lifted the weight of her grief and chased the shadows from her heart.

  Restoration was on the horizon … and healing was on its way.

  Afterword

  TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE RELEASE OF LAST LIGHT, I FACED A power outage of my own. My state of Mississippi was ravaged by hurricane Katrina, and I found myself living through some of what my characters were experiencing.

  Though I live 120 miles from the coastal areas that were devastated, and my home wasn’t damaged, I wound up without electricity or telephones. Gas stations couldn’t pump until the electricity was restored, and once it was, lines quickly formed, with a three-hour wait to fill up cars and generators.

  Food spoiled, and the spoiled people (like me) who were used to summer hibernation in our air-conditioned homes were suddenly drenched with perspiration and trying to get cool. Some had contaminated drinking water. Some had trees in their living rooms. And some, farther south, didn’t have living rooms at all.

  While the government was condemned for FEMA’s response and the wor
ld seemed paralyzed with panic, an amazing thing happened. Christian people sprang into action. In their hurry to fill the needs of those around them, they found themselves guided by the Holy Spirit’s direction, falling into step with the God who was caring for those he loved, when they barely had enough time to think.

  A great example of that was at Pass Road Baptist Church in Biloxi, Mississippi. Still standing in the midst of massive devastation, that church became a distribution center for supplies for the victims. Christian people who had lost their own homes showed up each day to sort, stack, and collect tons of supplies being donated from around the country, and they were distributing them to the hurting and hungry families lining up in their cars.

  There weren’t many church members able to tithe, since the suddenly homeless were also suddenly jobless. So another church farther north committed to paying the salaries of the staff and helping to support the work going on in that place. Mission groups from all over the country began a pilgrimage there to help out in any way they could.

  It wasn’t just that church, either. Teams of Christians were cutting fallen trees away from homes, mudding out sheetrock, showing up at sites of devastation, and doing for free what others were charging thousands to do. In my own church in central Mississippi, Christian doctors and nurses ministered to hundreds of evacuees who needed medication and medical equipment. Those who couldn’t go south spent hours a day cooking for the shelters, washing clothes and towels and sheets, visiting with the lonely who sat on their cots. An evacuated nursing home brought its weak, frail, elderly, and sick to our church gym. Those who had to be carried and wheeled off the buses were revived and cared for, and later were able to walk back onto the buses that took them to their new facilities.

  I realized, as all that was happening before my eyes, that this was what I wanted to convey in this series. That each of us is put in place for a particular time in particular circumstances and prepared in a particular way, not knowing what God will need us for. Some of us have experienced tragedies and crises with no answers from God about why he would drag us through such pain, only to find that it qualified us uniquely to do some mighty work of God when the time of someone else’s crisis came. And that’s how the body of Christ works.