by London Casey
I wanted to make it back to Lacey and hold her. Smell her. Taste her skin. Lick up whatever innocence was left.
Get whatever time I could with her.
Because our time…it was just ticking down to heartbreak.
Lacey
ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO
When the sound of the truck was gone, I looked around the house. I instantly felt like I was a little girl, terrified of every shadow and creak. But I wasn’t a little girl. I wasn’t a girl at all. I was a woman. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t even be living at home, but since my parents were covering the cost of my college tuition, they demanded I stay home to help them save money and give me time to focus on classes. My dad wanted me to become a doctor, and my mother always went along with him. He was tech guy. If you asked what he did, he’d speak another language of big words and jargon that only a handful of people understood.
I sat on the sleeping bag and spread my hands out over it. I started to smile, reflecting on what had happened with River. He never once pressured me about it. We were just sort of together all the time. I loved him. I really did. He said he loved me. He didn’t go out with other women or anything like that. So it just felt right. At least to me it did. I didn’t care what anyone else would think, not that it was their business.
Having River as my first was exactly what I had imagined. Even in the abandoned house, it was all just somehow fitting for him. He was a wild boy, a rambler, living on the edge but always coming back to me. He was the complete opposite of me. And that’s why we worked. I wished my parents could see beyond the roughness of River.
I tried to put my head down, but that wasn’t going to cut it.
I swore I heard footsteps upstairs, and that freaked me the hell out. I jumped up and put my pants on, got my socks on, and did a one legged-hop as I slid my shoes on, heading for the front door.
Outside, the night was calm, the serenade of crickets playing.
The house was really beautiful, even if it was run-down. There was so much potential in the house. Fresh wood. Fresh paint. Cleaning the thing up. It would be such a fun project to have. Hidden in the woods. No neighbors.
I put my hands to the railing and pressed. The old wood cracked a little, giving way but not crumbling. I took a deep breath of the country air and smiled. I knew everything racing through my mind was all dreams.
Truthfully, the only thing I wanted right then was for River to come back. I didn’t like when he wasn’t working legit at the auto garage. I had heard stories about what happened behind closed doors there. Guys dealing with stolen parts and cars. And then in the junkyards, they had illegal fights. They would bet money on the fights, too. It was a scary way to live, but it was the only way River knew how to live. That’s what attracted me to him. He was the dark side, the bad boy that every good girl fantasized about. But with River, he never tried to pull me into it. He brought me close enough to fire, to feel the heat, but I never once got burned.
I loved him for that.
I went back into the house and forced myself to climb into the sleeping bag and shut my eyes. I didn’t expect to sleep, but I did. My body was warm and sore. My experience with guys was little to none, so River was everything to me. The biggest. The best. The hardest. The wildest. My body was a little mad at me for what I had let happen, but my heart and mind wanted more.
I could have sworn I had only shut my eyes for a minute when I heard the rumble of a truck.
My eyes popped open, and I jumped up. I grabbed my phone and saw two hours had passed. I really had to get home. I told my parents I was having a girls’ night with some friends. Since I wasn’t old enough to drink, I couldn’t use the excuse of having too much wine and staying somewhere. They were protective of me, and I guess they had every right to be when you considered where I was and who I was with.
I hurried to the window and peeled away the dusty, frayed curtains. I saw River standing in the bed of the truck. He was shaking hands with the other guys in the truck. It was such a weird setup. He never introduced me to those guys. Sometimes he was working just as hard as my parents to protect me. It was really sweet.
I knew better than to go out to the porch until the truck was gone.
So I waited and watched as River jumped from the truck. The vehicle then sped away, and River walked toward the steps with his head down. He touched the left side of his ribs and winced in pain.
I hurried to the door and threw it open.
I met him at the steps. I was on the top step, and he was a few down from me, putting us at eye-level. Only River wasn’t looking at me.
“You waited,” he said.
“Of course,” I said. “Where were you?”
“Working.”
“River, look at me.”
River slowly lifted his head. I gasped at the sight of his face. His right eye was swollen and purple, even against the pale light of the house. At the corner of his swollen eye was a large cut, blood dried to his cheek. On the opposite side of his face, the corner of his lip was all torn up. He was sweaty and dirty, obviously beaten up.
“How bad?” I whispered.
“I took care of myself,” he said. “You should see the other guy.”
“You always say that to me. Did you win? Not that it matters. Shit. Sorry.”
I shook my head. I hated that I asked that question. I didn’t want to glorify what he did to make money.
River reached back and dug into his back pocket. He pulled out a wad of cash and grabbed for my hand, placing the money in it.
“Yours.”
“What?”
“You said your car needed tires,” River said. “I don’t want you living off your parents anymore, darlin’. So they can’t hold shit over you.”
“River…”
“No. Listen to me. This is important shit. I want to take care of you. I want to provide for you.”
“I don’t know what to say right now,” I said.
“You’re going to go get some damn tires for your car,” River said. I touched his lip and wiped the blood on his shirt.
“I can’t do this,” I said. “I mean, I can’t take this money. You…worked…”
“I’m fine for money,” River said. “This popped up last night. Lance called me and said one of his boys was setting up something. Since I went last week, I was supposed to go, but the payout was going to be great if I did. People were going to bet against me. So I cleaned up good.”
“You look like hell.”
River laughed. Then he touched my face. “Darlin’, wounds heal. You’ll never know I was in a fight in a week, maybe two. This one was pretty rough. But the way I feel about you, that’s real. That won’t heal. We’re forever, Lacey. You and me. Do you believe that?”
“I do,” I said.
“Then you’re going to keep that money. And there will be more for you. I know you have obligations at home and shit. I won’t let you let me get in your way. You’re going to finish college. But you’re going to do it your way and go for what you want. And I’m going to be there, cheering you on.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Don’t you want something?”
“I’m looking at the only thing I ever need in my life.”
He was melting me in all the right places with all the right words. I tucked my money away and threw my arms around him. I kissed him, leaning into him. His hands grabbed my sides, and he winced in pain again.
I broke away. “Shit, sorry.”
“Never,” he growled.
He lifted me up, pain and all, and carried me back into the house.
He stunk of sweat, smoke, and beer. Yet I couldn’t remember ever being so turned on my life. When he put me on my feet, I wasted no time in clawing at his clothes, wanting him naked again. I wanted to pick up where we left off.
And we did.
I touched his wounds. I kissed them. He loved me. Time sped by.
He held me as I held him.
That night, I would have marri
ed River. I would have done anything he wanted of me. But all he wanted was my time and attention.
Something we were about to lose.
I walked through campus, hugging my Anatomy book on my way to a Philosophy class. I wished I could just take all the classes I really needed and not the junk filler ones. I used to like those classes, but sitting there, tapping my eraser to a notebook, I could feel the seconds weighing on me. Those were seconds I could have been with River.
He was my obsession. He was my love. It was something I could no longer contain nor control, even as much as it pissed my parents off. I needed to spend my nights with River. I got to wake up so many mornings in his arms. He had a small apartment, but it was a palace to me. To wake up together was a dream. Some mornings, he would get up extra early and make me coffee and breakfast. Other mornings, I got to do the same for him.
I smiled wide as I thought about everything he and I had been going through. I was sure that soon enough, it would all work out. He was working more hours at the garage and fewer hours fighting. He even mentioned going to school to get some certifications or something in auto stuff. I couldn’t wait for that so I could brag to my parents about who River was becoming.
I stopped to get a book that my Philosophy teacher required us to have. It was the first time that I wasn’t ahead on things. Normally, I’d have the book read and memorized. Now? I didn’t care so much. River sort of showed me how to live outside the box a little.
When I tried to buy the book, it wouldn’t go through. There was a problem with my account with the college. So I had to use cash to pay for the stupid forty-dollar book. I would have to wait until after class to figure out what was going on with my account.
That was the beginning of the end for me.
Why?
Because when I went to investigate, I was given a simple answer.
I wasn’t enrolled in that college anymore. I had been taken off their student list that very day at eight in the morning.
I tried calling my mother. No answer. My father. No answer. I was left with no choice but to drive home and try to find them.
I found them. At home.
They were at the dining room table, waiting for me.
My mother had a cup of coffee in front of her. My father stood behind his chair, trying to look tall and angry. There was a folder on the table.
I didn’t have to say a word to know something was very wrong. I had come to freak out about college, but when I saw their faces, I just knew…
“If we told you, you would have gotten mad,” my father said.
“Mad?” I asked.
“You’re not enrolled anymore,” my mother said. “You’ve been accepted somewhere else, actually.”
“What?”
My father grabbed the folder and carried it to me. He opened it and showed me an acceptance letter to a college I never heard of, and one I’d definitely never applied to. But all I could focus on was the address. It was on the opposite coast. In New York.
“What is this?”
“Lacey, this is important for you. For us.”
“All of us,” my mother said.
“You think you’re making me go to a different college? To get me away from River?”
“Lacey,” my father said. “I took a new job in New York. Right in the city. I know most startups are based here, and I’ve made a good living here, but this is a big opportunity for me. And you deserve a better school. This can fast-track you to medical school. The man who is going to be my boss…his brother is the president of the university. So it’s all settled. You’ll start classes back Monday. Everything will be waiting, and you’ll be placed right where you want.”
I was in shock. I shoved the folder back at my father. “No. I’m not doing it!”
“Yes, you are,” my father said.
“Lacey, it’s something that’s been on the table for months. Your father got the position. We have a realtor ready to go with this house here. It’s good to have change.”
“Tell me this has nothing to do with River,” I said.
I stared into my father’s eyes. He was kind but stern. He could never lie to me, either.
“You know how we feel about him,” he said. “But we didn’t make this decision based on some guy.”
“But I’m sure it helped,” I said.
“Yes,” my father said. “You need to leave all this behind you. You’re not going to get trapped with some dirty mechanic, struggling to make ends meet.”
“He’s going to college!” I yelled. “He’s a good man.”
“He’s hardly a man,” my mother said. “You’re both too young.”
“He’s twenty-one!” I said. “I’m nineteen. We’re adults. What were you doing at twenty-one, Dad?”
“I wasn’t doing what he is,” my father said.
“You said you went backpacking through Europe.”
“I was figuring out my life.”
“That’s what he’s doing,” I said.
“No, he’s not,” my mother yelled. She stood up. “I’m tired of this, Lacey. You’re our daughter and you do what we say.”
“I’m an adult. I don’t need to listen to you. Ever.”
“You’re going with us,” my father said.
“No. I refuse.”
“Then you’ll be broke and homeless. We’ll cut you off from everything.”
There I stood, my father threatening me. Putting me in a corner. Tearing everything I loved away from me.
I slowly stepped back through the archway.
“You leave right now, you better be back,” my father said. “That car is in my name. I paid for it. I will report it missing.”
My jaw dropped.
“This is for your own good,” my mother said in a soft voice, standing next to my father.
They really hated River that much.
I turned and stormed from my house.
There was no way I was going to leave. I couldn’t survive without him in my life.
I got into my car and sped away.
There was only one place I could go.
I needed to find River… so he could save me.
River
ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO
I was facedown in a busted engine when I heard someone whistle and call my name. I popped up and almost slammed the back of my skull on the open hood of the car. Mutty stood behind me, scarfing down a cheeseburger. He had ketchup on one corner of his lips and mustard on the other. He was a goddamn slob, his hands permanently black from working on vehicles, and he had no clue what really happened in the back of the garage and in the junkyard.
“Mutty, what the hell?” I called out. “I’m in the middle of a…”
“Girl’s here,” he said. “Pretty one. She’s got tears running down her cheeks, man. I told her you were busy.”
“Lacey?” I asked.
Mutty snapped his fingers and pointed a finger at me. “That’s the one. What did you do to her, man?”
He smiled, mashed up burger and bun stuck to his teeth.
I ignored him and pushed by, slapping a wrench to his chest, making him take the tools. I grabbed a towel and wiped my hands as I bolted out of the garage.
I found Lacey standing at the hood of her car, her hand on the bridge of her nose. She was obviously crying and obviously trying to cover it up so I didn’t know. Whoever hurt her was dead. Nothing could stop me from destroying anything or anyone that got in the way of the woman I loved.
“Lacey…”
“I have to leave,” she blurted out.
“What?”
“My parents are forcing me to leave town with them. They’re selling their house. I’m going to New York.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said. “Slow down for a second. Is this because of me?”
“No,” she said. “My father got a new job. He reenrolled me into a new college already. I can’t go to school unless I go with them.”
The words started to sink in, the cru
shing truth hitting me.
“You have to leave…”
“I told them no,” Lacey said. “I swear. I love you, River. I want to stay. But everything is in his name. He’ll take my car. I can’t go to school anymore. But I could…” Lacey started to pace. Left to right, left to right. “I could get a waitressing job. Right? I could work and save money. I could take the stupid classes one by one until I get them paid off and save up enough…”
I tilted my head back and felt my heart being ripped into pieces. I threw my hand out and grabbed her, stopping her from any more pacing.
I pulled her close. I stunk like grease and she smelled like an angel from heaven. It was just the epitome of who we were together. Complete opposites. Except when it came to attraction, lust, and romance.
“I’ll…”
I chewed on my words a little. Shit, I’d drain every asset I owned for her. It wouldn’t get us much but probably enough for a semester at college. I could take up a second job. I could talk to my boss for more work. I could take on more fights. But that was a huge risk. One wrong punch and I was dead.
“I’ll… talk to your father,” I said. “Let me figure out what the real intentions are.”
“It’s too late,” Lacey said. “You’re not listening to me. It’s all done. He took the job. The realtor is putting the house up for sale. I’m already out of college.”
“Okay. Let me figure this out.”
“River, what do I do?”
“I want you to stay, darlin’,” I said. “But you can’t…”
I envisioned our life. Staying put in this shit hole of a town. Struggling every damn day of her life to get by, me working, always running the risk of getting hurt or killed. She’d forever resent me. The town. Her own damn life, too. As I stared down into her eyes, I saw what she wanted. All of it. I was part of it, but there was something so much greater for her at the same time.
“I can’t what?” she asked me.
“You just can’t,” I said.
“You’re telling me to go?”
“No. Yeah. No. When is this happening?”
