by London Casey
I laughed. “Darlin’, I’d empty my pockets for you.”
And that would include a diamond ring. Not to mention that handful of diamond rings buried right behind you.
“How about something to eat?” she asked. “And maybe getting my car out of that ditch?”
“That’s a tall order,” I said. “Considering the cabin has no food. And if I get your car out of that ditch it gives you a way to leave me again.”
I said it with the notion of joking but when Lacey lowered her head, I realized I had fucked up.
I hurried over to her as she hugged herself.
“Hey, hey,” I whispered. “I was just kidding with you.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that, River.”
“Look at me, darlin’,” I whispered. I gently touched her chin and made her lift her head up. Our eyes locked and I could see the fresh tears waiting to pour. “Fuck, Lacey, what is it?”
“What happened to us?” she asked. “I think about it and I can’t get an answer. I see us standing there, talking. You were so drunk. Do you even remember it?”
“Shit, of course I do,” I said. My index finger was still touching her chin. “I would never forget that. I drank myself almost stupid at that party at the garage. I hid by myself, sitting on that rundown car. When you came in… there wasn’t enough booze to cure the hurt, Lacey. I don’t remember exact words. I was drunk, yes. But I remember talking about meeting here.”
“Still, it just doesn’t make sense,” she said. “We caved just like that. I gave in. I took off. You… I thought you would chase me.”
“I wanted to,” I said. “Maybe I should have. But who was I, Lacey? I turned wrenches to feed myself. I threw punches to keep myself alive. I saw guys go down for good in those fights, you know? Guys would end up paralyzed, some even dead. That town… me… it held nothing for you. You were supposed to be a doctor.”
“I fucked that up,” Lacey said. “I fucked everything up. Including you.”
“You didn’t fuck me up. I did what I wanted when I wanted.”
Lies, Lacey. Everything was about you. Everything I said and did.
“We should have run away together,” Lacey said.
“We can’t go back now. We can only go forward. But I want to hear everything that happened. I want to know it all, if you’ll share it. I promise you that. And if you need someone to chase you, darlin’…”
Lacey put her hands on my chest and spread her fingers wide. I felt her wanting to push me but resisting the urge to do so.
“I needed it then,” she said, her voice cracking.
I moved forward and wanted to kiss her.
That’s when she mustered up the nerve and shoved me away. I thought for a second she was going to slap me. Instead, she hugged herself again.
I knew my place right then and there.
The wounds may have healed. The scars may have been hidden. But the pain was still real.
I stared at her.
I should have chased you. Day to day. Across the country. But I wanted you fucking happy. You were meant to go and be happy, Lacey. Why didn’t you find happiness? Today was supposed to be the last time I came to this fucking rock and waited for you. And now you’re here. What the fuck do I do now?
I knew what I wanted to do.
But I decided to stick with what I needed to do.
“I’ll go get your car out of that ditch.”
I carefully hooked up to the front axle of her car. I just needed to pull it enough to get the driver’s side back tire out of the ditch. She was lucky she didn’t go any further. If she’d ended up with the car completely off the road and in the ditch we’d be in big trouble.
I was on my hands and knees as I checked to make sure I wasn’t going to damage anything. Lucky for her, my pickup truck was built like a beast and could handle her tiny-ass car.
I got up on my knees and wiped my hands on my jeans.
All I needed to do was put her car in neutral and then find a good spot to back up my truck so I could pull her out. Then I’d turn the car around for her so she didn’t end up in trouble again.
As I was on my knees, I felt my jeans tighten against my leg. The ring pressing through the pocket to my skin.
Fuck.
What was I thinking all these years? That she would just show up and it would be normal? Be what it was? That she would go ten years without me to do what: become a doctor and not find love and not find what she wanted in life, just to wait around for me?
I had dueling stories in my mind and my mouth was damn dry for a shot of whiskey to ease my nerves.
Then I saw a shadow climb over me.
Lacey was standing behind me.
Watching that shadow over me drove me damn crazy, too. I wanted it to be her body over me.
“I’ll have you out of here in a few minutes,” I said. “You didn’t get stuck all that bad.”
I climbed to my feet and turned to face Lacey.
She jumped right at me like she wanted to attack me. I caught her by the waist as her hands touched my face. She was on her toes but still unable to actually kiss me. I lowered myself down in a hurry and lifted her, bringing her lips to mine. My hands slipped up her body as we kissed. I was just inches from touching her breasts.
Her lips were as sweet as I remembered. A delicate honey flavor that I had been missing for way too damn long in my life. I sucked in a breath through my nose, knowing right what I wanted to do. Turn her around, put her on the hood of the car, and take her. Pick up where we left off, right on the hood of a car.
I broke the kiss like a fool and let the tip of my nose touch hers.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said,” she whispered.
Her breath tasted delicious. I wanted all of her. The good. The bad. The everything in between.
“You should have said it,” I said. “And keep saying it. I should have gone after you. I should have never let you slip away like that, Lacey. I just wanted you to have the best life possible. Running wild with me wasn’t going to give you that. Trust me. But if I ever had the chance to go back…”
“You can’t,” Lacey said. “Right? We’re here now, River.”
“Yeah, we are.”
My hands gripped at her sides tightly. I still had her on her toes. I laced her lips with one more soft kiss and let her go.
She had me on fire. My heart, my mind, my soul.
I opened the door to her car and put it in neutral, then made her climb into my truck with me. I looked behind and saw a big enough space between two trees to back up my truck.
“What if it breaks?” she asked.
“No offense, but the only thing that could break here is your car,” I said. “But I won’t let that happen. What were you thinking driving a car up here?”
“I was thinking I needed to see you,” she said.
I grinned and put my truck into reverse. The resistance from the weight of the car was instant. I slowly pressed the pedal. My truck groaned and bounced a little. The car started to move. It eased to the right, starting to face me.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
If I pulled forward, even a couple feet, the car would go right into the ditch.
“River…”
“I got it,” I said.
I floored the truck for a second and the car started to pull out of the ditch. I couldn’t give it too much, though, or else I ran the risk of the axle cracking.
I curled my lip as I gassed up the truck even more. The car started to move again and pulled forward, right out of the ditch and back onto the road. I put the truck between two trees the best I could and didn’t let up until I knew the car was safely on the road. Then I pulled the emergency brake on my truck and got out so I could take Lacey’s car out of neutral.
When I got back to my truck, I crept it forward to release the tension and then parked it for good.
I looked at Lacey and nodded. “We’re good.”
I got out and was back on
my hands and knees, taking the hook off her front axle. I checked the damn thing, too, to make sure there was no damage.
Once again, when I got out from under the car, Lacey was right behind, hovering over me.
I stood and turned to face her.
“Did you ever love anyone else?” she asked me.
“What?”
“Ten years, River. You can’t tell me you didn’t fall for someone else.”
“I’m not with anyone else, Lacey. I waited for you.”
“You waited for me. For ten years.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you love anyone else?”
“Did you?” I asked. “Why does it matter?”
She blinked fast. Damn, this was all really getting to her.
“Hey,” I said. I reached for her arms and she broke away.
“No,” she said. “I feel… no.”
She hurried around me and walked to the edge of the road.
I stood and watched and wasn’t sure what my next move should be. I wasn’t going to leave her standing there, whether she wanted that or not. All this time between us, I wasn’t going to let some raw emotion push her away even more.
When I got next to her, I just stared forward.
“I know how this feels,” I said.
“No, you don’t. I haven’t had a normal day since I left. I hope you get that, River.”
“Darlin’, I get that. I get shit all the time for this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” I said.
Fuck.
I didn’t want her to know about my obsession of coming up here. Or the rings in the dirt. Or the ring in my pocket.
“It hasn’t been normal for me,” I said. “I was really lost after you left. I lost my job at the garage. I took up more fighting. I wanted to get hurt, Lacey. I think in some ways… I wanted out. And then I…”
“You could have come across the country to me,” she said. “You could have found a way. Every time I heard a noise I hoped it was you. Throwing rocks at my window. Tapping at the door. Doing anything to sneak over and see me.”
I hung my head. I wasn’t going to argue with her. I wasn’t going to force her feelings to the bottom of the pile. Lacey was the most important person in my life. Even in her absence she was still the most important person.
“You’re right,” I said.
“I’m right?” she asked. “That’s all I get. Ten years and I get ‘you’re right’?”
I looked at her.
I grabbed for my pocket.
My own aggravation was starting to kick up.
My lip started to curl as I gritted my teeth.
Lacy barely even looked at me.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked. “I’m here right now, Lacey. That’s what we agreed on.”
“And you suddenly started following the rules,” she said.
She turned and took a step.
I saw her foot slide and I grabbed for her. It was too late, though. She was going to go down.
Her arms flew out as she let out a little cry.
The dirt road was safe but the sides were deceiving as hell. The ground seemed to be forever soft and all it took was one wrong step to be eating dirt and worms.
I managed to wrap my arms around Lacey and turn both of us.
Now we were both falling, but it was me who would take the brunt of the fall.
My back hit the ground, Lacey on top of me. I slid a little but I dug my heels into the ground and stopped the slide. Thankfully nobody was around to see what had happened.
“What the hell was that?” Lacey asked.
“That was you falling and me catching you,” I said.
“Are you okay?”
“Just dirty,” I said.
Lacey had her hands on my shoulders. She took a deep breath.
“I said you’re right because I have no other excuse,” I said. My hands interlocked at the small of her back. “I hope you get that, Lacey. You don’t know the darkness that swept over my life when you left. My saving grace was you finding everything you wanted. And if you didn’t, then I’ll never be able to forgive myself. And I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Because I’ve been searching for ten years, darling, and it’s gotten me back to the same place where it all started.”
“On the ground, holding me?” Lacey asked.
“Exactly. You came here for a reason, Lacey. So, tell me. Open up to me, darlin’. There’s no reason to hide.”
Lacey put her lips to mine. We kissed, right there in the dirt, halfway in a ditch. Almost the same exact spot where her car had gotten stuck.
I ran my hands up her back and pulled at her. I loved the feel of her breasts against me. The taste of her gentle tongue as she tried to explore my mouth, but face it, I was the one in control.
I put a hand to the ground and pushed. I sat up, taking Lacey with me.
She was straddling me. My hand grabbed at her ass. Ah, that great fucking ass of hers. I squeezed her ass, wanting those wonderful, womanly curved hips to work their magic. I wanted to see what those ten years of experience had given her.
Lacey broke the kiss, hands pushing against my shoulders.
Her lips were red from kissing me so hard.
“Nothing is as good as you, darlin’,” I said. “I hope you know that.”
Lacey bit her lip. Then she looked around. “Can we go inside?”
“Of course we can,” I said. “I could probably get cleaned up a little.”
We got to our feet and I helped Lacey back to the road. When she looked at my back and ass, she covered her mouth, laughing. It was refreshing to hear her laugh. It was everything I had been wanting to hear and everything I had been missing.
I grabbed for her hand and led the way to the cabin.
For the first time in a long damn while the pieces of my life started to make sense. The puzzle was coming together. All because of the laugh and the kiss of one woman.
I looked over at Lacey more than once.
Each time I shut my eyes I pretended I was taking a picture of her.
Somewhere in the pit of my gut, I knew this wasn’t going to work out the way I wanted.
Lacey
PRESENT DAY
There was mud from the back of his head down to his butt. He had definitely saved me from a wicked fall and getting dirty myself. I just had some mud on my hands that washed away easily in the kitchen sink.
The cabin was beautiful. A small and quiet little place, big windows in the front and back, a large open floor that was the main area with a fireplace against the center of the side wall. The kitchen was small, able to fit basic appliances and a small two-seat bistro set that was next to a window looking out front toward the road.
It was cozy. It was the kind of place where you could go and forget about reality for a little while.
After I washed my hands, I left the kitchen and found River standing next to the couch, peeling his boots off his feet.
He pointed to a door under the stairs. “There’s where the bathroom and bedroom are,” he said. “Upstairs is just a little loft. There’s enough room for sleeping bags, cots, whatever. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” He smiled. “But I’m going to grab a quick shower. I’ve got dirt in places that it does not belong. When I slid, my shirt went up and… you know…”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll be here, I guess.”
River walked toward the door and disappeared.
I stepped over to the couch and touched the back of it. I looked around the place and something hit me. One of the nights in the abandoned house the two of us were in a sleeping bag together. Sharing a little whiskey. Sharing a cigarette. River asked me if I wanted him to buy the house and fix it up. I said no. I said I wanted a little cabin in the woods. As the memory came back, I realized I was looking at the memory come to life. Then I looked at the bedroom door.
River said this cabin was owned by a friend of his? Someone he knew? Beca
use it sure as hell felt like the cabin I had described to him years and years ago. Right down to the loft that had windows on each side.
I pushed away from the couch and walked toward the bedroom. I figured River would be in the shower by then. I could ask him about the cabin. Or maybe my deepest desire just wanted to see him naked. Just one more time. I had felt his chest and shoulders, but I wanted to see what they looked like now. My body, my heart, my brain, they were all confused.
I heard the rushing of shower water and I put my hand to the door and pushed it open. I took two steps in and looked to my right to see River standing there in nothing but a towel.
I gasped. “Oh, sorry.”
River turned.
It was like life moving in slow motion.
His chest was built bigger than I remembered. More cut with precise muscle. Where his chest ended his stomach muscles began. Subtle yet beautiful rectangles of muscle that dipped down behind the towel. His left arm from shoulder down to elbow was inked up with a half sleeve full of stories I knew nothing about.
My eyes moved back up, looking at the scruff on his jaw. Up to his eyes.
I wanted to know something.
One thing.
Do you still love me?
The question lingered on my lips and tongue but I couldn’t bring myself to ask it.
“You okay?” River asked me.
I nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. I had a question about the cabin.”
“Okay…”
“Is this yours?”
“No. Someone I know built it. He lives up the mountain. By himself.”
“Right,” I said. “Sorry.”
River walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind himself. That’s when I finally felt like I could exhale. How could a man look like that and be single? He was gorgeous. The fighter who stole my innocence years ago was still there. There was just so much time to sort through and figure out.
I looked at the clothes on the floor.
The least I could do was try and clean some of the dirt off his jeans, right? It was my fault he ended up getting filthy anyway.
I grabbed the jeans and lifted them up.
Something fell from the pocket and hit the oval rug on the floor and rolled to the hardwood floor. It took me one glance to see the reflection off of the ring.
