Lost Ones

by Rute Canhoto

  Part of her admonished her, as she was being unpleasant. She had, however, to establish some boundaries. Friends didn’t talk every other day as they pleased. Besides, she was getting tired of feeling simultaneously guilty and troubled by the silence of Joshua.

  The boy stood up the very next second and entered the bar. Marina grumbled once again, this time louder, driving some people closer to look at her furtively. They could go to hell! Moments later, Joshua returned with a beer. He sat at her side, almost sinking in his chair, while he watched the game. Men and soccer, thought Marina as she cast her eyes over the screen.

  Another twelve minutes passed and Joshua remained entertained with the match on the TV, ignoring her as if she was invisible. It was Marina's turn to get up and go to the bar, to return later with a Coke.

  Seven minutes later, Joshua was still glued to the TV screen. What fascination could that soccer game have? Were the teams constituted by naked women? If not, she didn’t see the appeal.

  Irritated, she took the bottle of beer from his hands and drank it down, without stopping to breathe. Joshua looked a little puzzled, as intrigued. “What?” she retorted in a dry tone. “You’re burning my patience. I needed something stronger to keep me going.”

  Joshua sighed and pulled her chair toward his, until their knees almost touched. Then he opened his hands with palms up while he shrugged. Marina waited patiently for some phrase to dare to escape from his throat, but nothing came out.

  Thwarted, she complained, “Since we’re both here alone, we could at least talk to pass the time.”

  Joshua didn’t reply and stared at the tabletop, as if he had just found there something so fascinating that he could not unglue his eyes from it, forcing Marina to speak again. “What do you want from me, Joshua? Honestly, I don’t know what more can I do or say. Do you want me to apologize to you? I don’t know why I have to, but if that's what it takes to make things fine between us, I’ll do it.”

  In response, Joshua got up and went back inside the bar, returning shortly after with a glass of vodka and melon juice, the barman's special of the night. Marina gazed at him with a curious look. Joshua sat down and answered back, “What? I needed something stronger as well.”

  Fair enough. However, she hoped he didn’t go to get some more. It was his father who would pick them up later. Finding his son inebriated probably wasn’t in his dream.

  Joshua sipped two gulps of the drink and whispered: “I didn’t say I wasn’t talking to you. Simply, I have nothing to tell you. Besides, after yesterday, I feel a little embarrassed,” he assumed, lowering his voice even further.

  “Why are you ashamed?”

  “For exposing myself the way I did. It is rather humiliating.”

  “Ah, it's always nice to hear that I’m humiliating people, even without wanting or knowing it...” commented Marina on the sly.

  She wasn’t sure why was he embarrassed. Before leaving, she had made it pretty clear that she wasn’t blowing him out, but saying for him to slow down, since she didn’t want to force things.

  Joshua cut in, “Telling you what I did and hearing your response was degrading. But I also feel uncomfortable by how I reacted. After you left, I analyzed your words better and understood what you meant.”

  “Then why didn’t you talk to me for the entire day?” she yelled, losing her patience.

  Joshua had no desire to repeat what he had said before and to shoe his wounded pride. He preferred to remain silent and take another sip of his drink.

  Marina tried to reinforce her point of view. “Joshua, tell me honestly: what do you think of your brother's relationship with Ana?”

  Joshua didn’t understand where she was trying to get with that question, nonetheless he responded with the due honesty. “I feel that it’s something right and that they are very passionate.”

  Entwining her fingers in front of her, Marina agreed, “It sure looks like it. Try to remember what I explained to you and apply it to their case. They felt a great chemistry when they met and decided to move to the physical level. But what will happen when the attraction starts to wear off and they begin to learn more about each other? Will they have the same tastes? Or will they be two strangers with nothing in common?”

  Joshua put on a serious look and replied, “Even if it doesn’t last, at least they were happy while they could be.”

  “And what's wrong about wanting a relationship that extends beyond the attraction phase? Joshua, I want to meet someone, share ideas, laugh at his jokes, to empathize with and entrust him with my life. Only then I’ll give in.”

  “You have a very romantic and idealistic vision of things that do not correspond to reality.”

  “Call me old fashioned, but this is just how I am,” assured Marina, while thinking that, sometimes, she felt a young girl with the convictions and taboos of an old woman. Her mother testified once, in a wise tone, that it was due to having been forced to grow up too fast. Antiquated or not, she still had something to add, “I'm far from being perfect, but I’d like to be your friend. I don’t make promises about the future, I offer only what you see. Will you accept it?”

  It wasn’t just friendship that he wanted and that made him impatient with her. Besides, Lucas was a real source of inflammation, since he suspected that she would nurture for him some affection closer to what she described. On the other hand, on two occasions she had assured that she wasn’t rejecting him and that she wanted to see how they got along with each other. Maybe he should stop thinking about the immediate satisfaction of his desire and focus on things in the long term. He didn’t have her now, but he hadn’t been denied the chance to have her in the future, so why not accept her proposal?

  Resigned, but expectant, Joshua affirmed, “Okay. I accept your friendship and I promise I’ll try to change my attitude.”

  Marina took the chance and added, “Since we're in a promising mood, I need you to promise me that you’ll never stop talking to me again. If you’re upset and considering this option, tell me something like ‘I'm mad at you, so today I'm not up for conversations’. Just don’t walk away. That hurts! You make me feel like a disposable yo-yo.”

  He, hurt her? She was the one who constantly lacerated him, by rejecting him and for being so intimate with Lucas. Lucas! The image of him giving her CPR still left him exasperated, ready to jump at his throat! How dare he? Those lips were meant be his and not other’s. With that recollection gnawing at his soul, Joshua clenched his fists with strength.

  “Are you okay?” Marina asked when she noticed how tense he was.

  Joshua snapped out of his trance and answered, “Yes, I'm fine. I think I can promise that, but I ask you in return to ask me nothing regarding my position.”

  Marina agreed, but remarked, “Fine, although I think that friends should talk openly about all aspects, including those that separate them.”

  Joshua was stubborn and didn’t respond. After clearing her throat, Marina decided it was time to change the subject. “Speaking of attractions, it seems that you have a lot of fans.”

  Joshua raised his eyebrows. What would she be talking about? He had no idea, but it might be good. Perhaps she felt some jealousy, which meant that he wasn’t completely indifferent to her. With a mischievous smirk, he inquired, “Yeah? And may I know who these fans are?”

  Marina grimaced and affirmed, “The teachers of English and Translation.”

  Joshua laughed and replied, “They're just dazzled by my abilities. I guess they never had such a good student.”

  Hey! She had 19 at both subjects in a scale from zero to 20; she wasn’t dumb. Eventual insults to her intelligence aside, they laughed at his observation.

  She then pointed out, “Maybe, but we cannot forget the ‘Joshuettes’. They follow you around in school. Don’t tell me that you haven’t noticed them? Your friend Joana is the club’s president.”

  “I noticed nothing, but please don’t talk about Joana. It brings me bad memories,” as
ked Joshua as he put a hand to his stomach to calm it down. He couldn’t help but think that if Joana hadn’t pushed Marina into the water, Lucas would never have glued his lips to Marina’s.

  Nodding, Marina answered back, “I didn’t think you thought that, given all the whispering and laughing of the other day.”

  Joshua's smile spread stealthily. There was a tinge of jealousy, even though she denied it. Delighted with that, he couldn’t help but ask, “Did that bother you?”

  Before she could reply, the target of their conversation appeared in the doorway of the bar. Joana was wearing a pony-tail with the front arranged like a superstar’s. She had a very tight red top, that made it look like her breasts would jump from inside at any time, and her black leather miniskirt with zip in the front was extremely short. On her feet, she had black sandals with straps and really high heels. Her eyes seemed too prominent, with make-up of purple with golden reflections.

  Joana looked around and spotted Marina, which surprised her. She blew her a kiss from her hand.

  Marina groaned, “Now that we were getting somewhere, everything has to end...”

  Joshua didn’t understand what she meant by that, but he didn’t stay in ignorance for too long. Joana went to him, covered his eyes and whispered in his ear with a sexy voice, “Guess who, darling.”

  It wasn’t hard to discover, because a) Marina had got upset, and b) he didn’t know any girl as flirtatious and cheeky as her. Joana uncovered his eyes and slid her hands across his chest in a provocative way. She pulled a chair and sat down in super spicy mode, leaving every boy and man at the esplanade salivating. Marina thought that they were worse than Pavlov's dog when the bell rang.

  “I didn’t expect to find you here, my dear. What a surprise! Did you come to hear me sing?” hissed Joana.

  Marina rolled her eyes. If she was sick before, now she could throw up with such extravagance.

  Joshua glanced at Joana without knowing what to do. If he talked to her, he would have to put up with Marina’s irritation. Moreover, Joana wasn’t exactly the best person in the world. And if she hadn’t pushed Marina into the river, Lucas’ lips would never have violated hers, which would remain chaste for him. That piercing thought again in his head…

  Noticing that Joshua stared at Marina as if asking for approval, Joana turned to her and drew a cynical torn smile. “Oh, sorry, I hadn’t seen you. In fact, are you trying to turn into a bat by acquiring nocturnal habits such as going out at night? You better be careful with the sun later, otherwise you’ll end up in ashes.”

  Marina returned her the hypocrite smile. Wouldn’t it be possible to get a restraining order that prevented Joana from being around her? Geez!

  To prevent Joana from staying there for too long, she had to get rid of her with a mega fantastic comment. But which one? She remembered a good one. “So, how was your first day of cleaning the school? If possible, I’d like to find the toilets well-scrubbed on Monday when I arrive. Goodbye, honey.”

  Marina thought that comment would annoy her to death, but she seemed ready for it, since she chuckled.

  “I have no idea what you're talking about. Are you okay? Looks like you’ve swallowed a bone,” she mocked.

  Enough! cried a voice within Marina. She had to take drastic measures and try to solve it once for all. Ready to explode in rage, Marina pulled Joshua’s glass and drank it at once. Then she turned to Joana and hissed, “You know, you're right. For some time I've had something stuck in my throat - you! Despite everything, I have shut up and borne your insults. However, you opened the hostilities when you pushed me in the dock. Get your skinny butt off that chair immediately and get away from me, or I swear you won’t need make-up to have black eyes.”

  As she spoke, Marina began to rise darkly on the table, ready to fulfill her oath. She was usually nonviolent, but she had limits and those had long been crossed.

  Sensing that the threat was real, Joana got up slowly and sensually. She approached Joshua, passed a hand over his face and gave him a lush kiss on his lips. She laughed and hurried away still smiling.

  With Joana inside the bar, Marina drank a sip of Coke to clear the bitterness that the vodka had left in her mouth. She hated alcohol. Why did she drink that stuff? Definitely, she wasn’t herself that night. She glanced at Joshua and groused, “You have red lipstick on your lips.”

  Joshua drew a question mark on his face. When he realized what she was referring to, he hastened to run his fingers over his mouth to clean it.

  Marina blew a strong sigh. “Looks like you won the night...”

  “You have no idea,” exclaimed Joshua, very pleased.

  That had been a major scene of jealous. Though she asked him for time and space, she had just given him the greatest proof of all that he wasn’t indifferent to her at all. That had been a wild cat fight and it had given him tremendous pleasure being the disputed element. And Marina couldn’t argue that she had reacted like that just because she was tired of Joana; he knew what he had seen. Did it make his night worth it? Totally.

  Ana and Dennis arrived meantime, hugging and happy. They were all smiles and warm gestures that made some lonely hearts bite with resentment.

  Dennis went to them and announced, “Ana has to go home. I already called dad and he says that he’s almost here. It’s better to wait for him outside.”

  Ana shrugged in an innocent gesture. Her mother had already called her twice, which was odd, because she usually wasn’t so protective. Intrigued, Marina looked at her watch and was startled – 1.30a.m. Already? Time had passed fast.

  Noticing a spark of friction in the air, Ana asked with casualness, “What did we miss?”

  Marina replied dryly, “Nothing special, just Joshua being kissed by his number one fan. If you rush inside the bar, you may still hear her wonderful shrill siren song, because it seems that she’s participating in karaoke.”

  The couple looked at each other confused, while Joshua laughed heartily. He was happy, so what? It was too great to know that she was possessed by what had happened.

  If they had to leave, then they would go. To Marina, the night had already offered all that it could. She put on her coat, grabbed her purse and headed outside the bar, followed by her friends. Within a few moments Joshua’s father arrived and they got into the car. First, they drove Ana home and then they headed to Marina’s.

  Leaving the car, Marina thanked Joshua’s dad for the ride and wished them a good night. Joshua returned the farewell, wishing her sweet dreams. He had a smile on his lips that stubbornly refused to fade, making her want to erase it by force. She had too much anger left from the confrontation with Joana, that was it... she would cool down eventually. She put the key in the lock and the sportive car drove away, leaving her alone.