Doctor January

by Rhoda Baxter

  Roger stomped in. He stood at the end of the bay and watched. Beth stopped what she was doing and turned to look at him.

  Roger cleared his throat. ‘I’ve just been looking at those results you sent me.’

  Beth put the lids back on her dishes and turned the Bunsen flame down to yellow. At the other side of the bay, she sensed Hibs had paused to listen.

  ‘What do you think?’ She reasoned that if he thought they were plain wrong, he wouldn’t hesitate to say so.

  ‘Very persuasive,’ said Roger. ‘I think we have enough to write that up as a paper.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Mmm. Get a draft to me in the next few weeks.’ He left abruptly.

  Beth stared at the space he’d just vacated. Wow. Coming from Roger, that was a vote of confidence. She turned to Hibs. ‘You heard that, right?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Vik?’ She crouched to look through the space between the benches and overhead shelves.

  ‘I heard,’ Vik said. ‘Well done. You’ve broken the wall.’

  ‘See. I told you you’re good,’ said Hibs.

  Beth grinned. It was nice to be taken seriously by her supervisor. After all the crap that she’d had in her life, things were suddenly taking a turn for the better. She had a feeling it was all down to Hibs. She watched him for a moment, admiring the speed and grace with which he worked. As though feeling her eyes on him, he paused and turned. ‘What?’

  ‘Just wanted to say thank you.’

  ‘I didn’t do anything.’

  ‘You helped me with the experiments and stood up for me when Roger rubbished them.’

  His eyes met hers. ‘It was my pleasure, Tyler. My pleasure.’

  Beth felt a little flip in her stomach. Being with Hibs was very different from being with Gordon. She felt relaxed and happy. He never made her feel small or weak or silly. She even liked that he still called her Tyler, which just highlighted that while some things had changed, the good stuff had stayed the same. She stood there, grinning like a madwoman at him, until he gestured towards her petri dishes. Right. Work. Of course. She turned her attention back to her neglected experiments.

  Chapter Thirty

  Someone shook her shoulder. Beth hadn’t even realised that she’d fallen asleep.

  ‘Man, you really are tired,’ said Vik. ‘Do you want to go home and get some rest?’

  She blinked. ‘I … er … I guess I could.’

  ‘You and Hibs both need to take some time off.’

  Beth wondered if it was that obvious that they’d spent the night together. ‘What?’

  ‘You guys have been working nights and doing seven-day weeks. You really need to catch up on your sleep,’ Vik continued. He was busy stapling together articles that he’d printed out. He didn’t look at her. ‘I don’t think you’re really safe to be in the lab.’

  Okay. So he thought they were just tired. ‘Hmm.’

  ‘You’re both so tired and so loved up,’ said Vik.

  Her head snapped up.

  ‘Oh, come on,’ said Vik. ‘You think I haven’t noticed? A blind person would notice.’ He smiled at her. ‘You know what you’re doing, right?’

  Beth said nothing. Did she know what she was doing? It had been a crazy few weeks. She’d gone from abject terror of one boyfriend to being deliriously happy with a new one, but she still couldn’t relax enough to sleep with him. That didn’t sound much like someone who knew what she was doing.

  Vik sat down in front of her. ‘Beth, I know I’m not an expert, but are you sure this is the right thing for you? You went out with Gordon for ages and the idea of being single can’t be easy. And Hibs is … well, he’s Hibs. Are you sure you’re okay with having a short fling? I don’t want to see you get hurt again.’

  ‘Vik …’ What could she say to him? How could she make him understand that this wasn’t a rebound thing? She’d wanted Hibs for ages. ‘It’s not a fling.’

  ‘Are you sure he knows that?’

  ‘What?’

  Vik sighed. ‘You know Hibs tends to see relationships as being just for sex. I don’t want that to happen to you.’ He looked up, his brown eyes full of concern. ‘You’re my friend.’

  Beth was touched. How could she have lost sight of all these people who cared about her? What power had Gordon wielded to make her push them away? Much as she loved Vik, she couldn’t tell him that the one thing Hibs didn’t get from her, yet, was sex. ‘Don’t worry, Vik. He’s not using me. He … I think he really, genuinely loves me.’

  Vik didn’t look convinced.

  She patted his hand. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. Honestly.’ She stood up and stretched. ‘Although, I think you might have a point about getting some sleep.’

  Tidying up her bench before going home, she took her samples into the cold room to put them on ice. Vik had a point. She wasn’t okay. She should talk to someone. The air of the cold room gripped her as she thought about the word ‘rape’. That’s what Hibs had called it. Rape was something that happened to other people. Not her. But now that Hibs had pointed it out, she knew that was exactly what had happened.

  Just giving the horror a name had somehow made it more solid. She hadn’t imagined it. She hadn’t overreacted. She wasn’t sure how knowing that helped, but somehow it did. Hibs believed her. She hadn’t expected him to. She’d expected disbelief, repulsion or blame. Instead he’d given her sympathy and kindness and love.

  She knew about date rape. She knew. Yet Gordon had her so brainwashed that she didn’t recognise it.

  The cold wormed its way through her clothes. Goosebumps appeared on her skin. She shivered. Who was she trying to kid? She wasn’t okay. She rubbed her arms and left the cold room. The warmth seeped back in from the minute she kicked the door shut behind her. She owed it to Hibs to try and get herself sorted out. She owed it to herself.

  She pulled off her lab coat and gloves and ran down to the tea room before she could change her mind. On the noticeboard, crowded out by all the other notices and adverts from people selling bikes or computers, was one for the university’s counselling service. She tore off a phone number, stepped outside and made the call.

  Beth checked through the post that Anna had left piled up on the kitchen table, while Hibs made them tea. It was strange being in the flat with Hibs there as more than a friend. If anything it was weirder than seeing him at work. At least in the lab she knew she couldn’t touch him.

  ‘Vik had a go at me earlier,’ Hibs said.

  ‘Really? About what?’

  ‘I think he’s worried I’ll hurt you. He’s quite protective of you, you know.’ Hibs slid her tea across the table.

  Beth blinked. She turned the mug carefully. ‘How exactly did he think you’d hurt me?’ She turned it back again.

  ‘Emotionally.’

  ‘Right. That’s … sweet. I think.’

  Hibs came round to stand next to her. ‘Beth?’

  When she looked up, he took her hands in his. ‘Are you worried I’ll hurt you?’

  She looked into his eyes and saw fear and concern. It was strange seeing them there. Gordon would never have bothered to ask her about her fears. He would have just told her she was wrong. Did she worry that Hibs would hurt her? She realised she wasn’t worried at all. It wasn’t that she’d never considered it, like when she was with Gordon. She now knew the risk. She’d weighed it up and genuinely didn’t think he would hurt her. He’d been her support for so long, before either of them had even realised it.

  ‘Beth?’ He was waiting for an answer.

  ‘No. I’m not worried you’ll hurt me.’

  The relief on his face was touching.

  ‘Actually, there’s something I need to tell you,’ she said.

  He looked slightly panicked. />
  ‘I called the counselling service. You’re right: I can’t carry on pretending something nasty hasn’t happened.’ She stopped him as he started to speak. ‘Please don’t ask me to go to the police. They’ll never believe me. And I don’t want to face him again.’

  Hibs nodded. ‘Okay. I understand. At least, I think I do.’ He pulled her to him. ‘I’m glad you decided to see a counsellor. I can’t help you and they might be able to.’

  She pulled a strand of his hair loose and twirled it in her fingers. ‘It kills you that you can’t fix things, doesn’t it?’ she teased.

  ‘It does.’

  ‘You’re such a bloke.’

  ‘Are you complaining?’

  When she shook her head, he kissed her.

  They were still kissing when Anna arrived. Beth instinctively sprang back, but Hibs was still holding her hand.

  Anna said, ‘Oh,’ when she saw Hibs. Her gaze slid to their hands.

  Beth braced herself. She still wasn’t sure how Anna felt about Hibs. If she still had feelings for him, this could be very awkward.

  Anna looked from Beth’s face to Hibs. ‘You told her?’ she said. ‘Finally.’

  Beth looked at Hibs in confusion. He nodded and looked slightly sheepish.

  ‘About bloody time,’ said Anna. ‘Well, congratulations.’ She gave Beth a grin. ‘I’ll get out of your hair.’

  ‘Actually, we’ll be clearing off in a few minutes. We’re going to my place,’ Hibs said.

  ‘Your place? Gosh. Push the boat out.’ Anna shook her head. ‘Anyways, I’ve got to go have a shower. Got a hot date.’ She winked at Beth and left.

  Beth watched her go. ‘What was that all about?’

  He was still looking sheepish. ‘Uh, the reason she and I ended it was … well, basically, I was too in love with you to be with someone else.’

  ‘Oh.’ Beth looked down the corridor. ‘Poor Anna. That must have been so hard for her.’

  ‘So hard for her? How do you think I felt? I had to put up with seeing you being mauled by Gordon.’

  Beth shook her head. ‘Show some empathy, Hibbotson.’

  Hibs kissed her. ‘You’re a nice person, Beth. I like that about you.’

  She smiled. ‘But I have to realise that not everyone else plays fair, right?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Beth looked around the bar in the staff club. It was still early and there was no one there. She had just finished her first session with the counsellor and was still feeling raw and exposed. It had been odd talking to a stranger about the things that Gordon did. It was reassuring that the counsellor had listened carefully and told her, in clear terms, that yes, Gordon had been bullying her and she was absolutely right to leave him. Hibs and Lara had been telling her the same thing for a long time, but it helped to hear it from someone outside of her social sphere. Someone with no vested interest in any of them.

  Hibs was joining her there for a drink. She quickly checked the decking outside, but it was too overcast for anyone to be sitting out there. She was early and rather than sit in the bar by herself, she decided to go the lounge to see what was on TV.

  The lounge was at the other end of the building and she had to pass the front entrance to get to it. A quick glance at the doorway told her Hibs wasn’t there. She walked briskly past the various doors to the snooker room and toilets. She was almost there when she heard a sound behind her. Some sixth sense made her tense.

  ‘Beth,’ said Gordon. ‘At last.’

  Her heart raced. She hadn’t seen Gordon since the night she’d run from him. She forced herself to take a deep breath and turn round. He was behind her, closer than she’d thought. ‘Gordon. What—’

  ‘I saw you come past. I followed you.’ He examined her face, as though working out the weakest spot. ‘You haven’t been returning my calls.’

  Beth’s throat felt like it was closing up. She cleared it. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why? What’s happened?’

  She shook her head. It was hard to speak to him when her heart was trying to escape through her neck. How could she have ever found him attractive? The mouth that she’d thought so beautiful was twisted into a sneer. His eyes were thin and malevolent. Suddenly, she was acutely aware of how empty the place was. If she screamed, how long would it be before someone came running?

  ‘Look, Beth. I’m worried about you. You need help. You’re turning away from your boyfriend—’

  Beth clenched her fists. ‘You’re not my boyfriend.’

  ‘Babe. See what I mean?’

  She took a step back, petrified of him. While he still made her feel this way, she would never be free. ‘I’m not paranoid,’ she said. ‘You … you abused me.’

  He laughed. ‘I never did anything you didn’t want me to do to you.’

  ‘You raped me.’ She wanted to shout it, but it came out in a whisper.

  ‘That’s slander,’ said Gordon, his voice irritatingly reasonable. ‘And mental. You’re having those paranoid delusions again. You should get some help for that. Maybe speak to your GP?’

  He was doing it again. For a small, insane moment, she believed what he was saying.

  ‘I should have mentioned to your supervisor about your mental condition,’ Gordon continued. ‘Maybe I still should.’

  It was the mention of her work that did it. Something inside Beth clicked. ‘You used me. You bullied me, harassed me for weeks. And when I didn’t do what you wanted, you raped me.’ Her voice was stronger now. This was how Gordon operated. He said his piece with such conviction that she believed him. Well not any more. Hibs was right. He did it because he could get away with it. There was only one way to stop it. ‘There’s a term for that, you know. It’s called abuse. I’m going to report you to the police.’

  Gordon sneered. ‘Don’t be silly.’

  Behind Gordon the light changed. Beth glanced over his shoulder to see Hibs enter the corridor, very quietly. Relief flooded her body. She glared at Gordon. ‘We’ll let the authorities decide that.’

  Gordon’s arm drew back. Hibs moved so fast that Beth could barely work out what happened. Suddenly Gordon was on the floor, his arm twisted behind him, with Hibs leaning over him.

  ‘Oh. I should have guessed. The nerd in shining armour.’ Gordon sneered.

  ‘I don’t think you’re in any position to be insulting people,’ said Hibs. He looked up at Beth. ‘Okay?’

  ‘Yes.’ She took a step towards Gordon. ‘Stay away from me, Gordon. And if you do anything to Mila, or anyone else, I will support them in pressing charges. They may not believe one of us, but two …’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, you mental bitch.’

  ‘Now, now.’ Hibs moved and Gordon’s face twisted with pain. ‘Apologise.’

  Gordon growled through clenched teeth. Hibs moved Gordon’s arm a fraction. ‘I can break your arm, you know,’ he said conversationally. ‘Now apologise.’

  Gordon said nothing and Beth saw Hibs’s face harden. His jaw was clenched. She felt a flash of panic that he would make good his threat. Gordon deserved everything he got, but Hibs had never hurt anyone on purpose. She couldn’t let him start now.

  ‘Hibs.’ She shook her head.

  There was a moment before Hibs blinked. It was as though he was seeing through a mist. He inclined his head to show he’d understood.

  ‘The only reason I’m not breaking your arm right now is because Beth wouldn’t like it.’ Hibs twisted, making Gordon grunt. ‘Now, if I find that you’ve been anywhere near her again, I will come back and finish the job. Understand?’ When Gordon didn’t respond, he moved the arm some more. ‘Understand?’

  Gordon gasped and nodded. Hibs motioned Beth to get behind him. She moved quickly. Hibs let go
of Gordon and stepped back. Gordon stood up, rubbing his wrist. ‘I could do you for assault.’

  ‘What assault?’ said Hibs. ‘I didn’t see anything, did you, Beth?’

  ‘No.’ She kept her eyes on Gordon. She didn’t trust him not to leap at her.

  Gordon’s eyes flicked as he checked for CCTV cameras and witnesses. There were none. Beth realised that he had deliberately chosen this place to threaten her so that he wouldn’t be seen. It had worked against him.

  Hibs’s mouth curved into a smile, but his eyes didn’t change. ‘Well, I wish I could say it was nice seeing you, Gordon, but it wasn’t. Let’s hope we don’t see you again.’ He turned to Beth. ‘What say we go somewhere else for that drink? I’ve gone off the atmosphere in this place.’

  ‘Yes. Me too.’

  They turned and walked back to the main doors. It was all Beth could do not to break into a run. Hibs strode along beside her. Neither of them looked back. It was only when they were out of the door that Hibs said, ‘Are you all right?’

  She felt better than she had done in ages. Okay, Hibs had come to rescue her, but she had faced Gordon down. She would go to the police. Gordon should not be allowed to do this to anyone else. ‘I’m fine. You?’

  Hibs didn’t say anything as he unlocked his bike. She could see a pulse in his jaw, and the tension in the set of his shoulders. He was angry, but she wasn’t frightened like she would have been with Gordon. ‘Do you want to go for a drink somewhere else?’

  Hibs shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Beth. I’m not sure I’d be good company today. Maybe it’s best if I just head home. I need to calm down a bit.’

  She put her hand on his arm. ‘I’ll come with you.’

  By the time they got back to his house, the shock of confronting Gordon had eased and Beth was practically dancing with the adrenaline rush. ‘You were amazing,’ she told Hibs.

  ‘Thank you.’ He held the door open for her and followed her in. ‘I think you were doing pretty well by yourself.’

  ‘You think?’

  ‘If he’d tried to hit you, you would have run away, right?’