Newton's Laws of Attraction

by M. J. O'Shea

  There were nods all around the table. Ben took off for the bar without turning around, which really was quite a feat because every damn cell in his body wanted to look at Rory. Look. Hell. He wanted to look and touch and taste and feel and wake up with Rory sprawled naked beside him all gilded in the morning sun. Ben wanted so much more than he could verbalize, more than he could even think. He’d have thought eight years would distance him. He’d have thought that it would be fine. Sure, he’d notice Rory was hot. Anyone so inclined, male or female, couldn’t help but see how pretty the guy was… but that wasn’t it. He wasn’t simply attracted to one of the hottest guys he’d ever seen. He wanted this guy. He wanted home. And like it or not, even after distance and years and more growing up than Ben thought he was capable of, Rory still felt like home. He felt like the one person who Ben could lie on and cuddle with and fall back in love with like nothing had ever changed.

  “Two Bud Lights, a Corona, and a Modelo please,” Ben told the bartender.

  The bartender gathered the bottles, and Ben paid for their drinks. He’d carried them back to the table and sat the drinks down before his tipsy brain realized something was very wrong.

  “Where’s Ro?” he asked.

  Jeremy snickered. “Ro is out there. I think he’s got an admirer.”

  Ben didn’t want to look, but some masochistic part of him made his body turn, and fuck. There he was. In Rory’s defense, it looked like he was just being friendly, but this guy had his fucking hands all over him, touching his wrist, leaning in to giggle, and laying his hand on Rory’s chest. Ben’s face heated up. That guy was touching him. Not okay. Ben knew his jealousy was unfounded; Rory wasn’t his to protect. But he felt it anyway, hot and fast, roaring through him.

  “Ben, leave it. Rory’s a big kid. He can fend off creepers all on his own.”

  Problem was the guy didn’t look like too much of a creeper, and Rory didn’t look like he totally hated the attention. That hurt more than Ben wanted to examine. He saw the guy gesture toward the other side of the room where the dance floor pumped away.

  No. Fuck no. Ben hadn’t ever cockblocked a friend before, he didn’t even know if Rory could qualify as a friend, but damn it. Just no. Ben put his beer down with far more force than necessary and stalked over to where Rory was currently politely declining a dance.

  “I’m here with some friends. We’re hanging out together,” Ben heard him say.

  “Just a dance. It’s no big deal, right?” the guy wheedled.

  The fuck? He said no, asshole. He slid up to Rory and slung an arm around his shoulder. He tried not to notice how amazing it felt. “Babe. Did you make it to the bathroom?” Ben asked.

  Rory turned a quizzical look on Ben. “What?”

  “C’mon.” Ben didn’t give up. He wanted Rory away from that guy. The alcohol and the jealousy weren’t doing Ben any favors. He tugged Rory toward the restroom.

  “What’s up, Ben?” Rory asked. He still looked confused, but he followed without much question.

  “Just—I was trying to rescue you from that guy,” Ben said as soon as they were clear of him. He looked at the ground. “And I need to talk to you.”

  “Ben….” Rory tugged on his hand to stop them.

  “Please?”

  Rory sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Still. But okay.”

  Ben led Rory into the bathroom, which was blessedly empty. Ben locked the door. Finally. Silence and a captive Rory.

  “I can’t fucking take it anymore,” he growled. He backed Rory gently into a corner. He didn’t want to scare him; he just wanted him not to run away again. Ben had to talk.

  “Ben, you’re drunk. Let’s get home.” Rory reached out. His touch was gentle on Ben’s shoulder. Soft. Perfect. Ben wanted to feel it on his skin.

  “I’m not drunk. I’m going insane. Just… seeing you out there with that guy. Fuck. I can’t. I knew you weren’t into him, and I still hated every fucking second of it.”

  Rory’s jaw clenched. “We aren’t doing this.”

  “I have to. I know you said I broke your heart, and you have no idea how that haunts me every damn day. Ro, I loved you so much. I still….”

  “Ben. No.”

  “I have to say it. Every day. Every day the rest of senior year, I’d watch you. Make sure you were at least okay. I was such a fucking idiot. I let you go, but I still thought about you constantly. Always. I went over to your house to get you back about a million times, but I kept fucking chickening out at the last minute, standing on your doorstep like a fool. I should’ve knocked. I should’ve never pushed you away.”

  “You don’t have to do this, Ben. It doesn’t matter.”

  Ben choked. “It does matter.” He reached up and cupped Rory’s jaw. “When I went to school, when I moved into the dorms and you weren’t with me, it seemed so wrong. I wanted to take it back, go back and say fuck my dad and the soccer team and fitting in. Fuck all of it. I messed up so bad. I should’ve chosen you.”

  “It’s too late for any of that. It was all so long ago.” Rory said gently. He took Ben’s hand and pulled it off his face.

  “Not for me. It’s every day that I see you. Every day. I’m right back to that place. To being in love with my best friend and wanting to be with him forever. It’s missing your voice and smiling just because I hear your laugh down the hall.”

  “Ben, I—”

  He couldn’t listen. Not another rejection, not another no. “I think about it all the time, Ro. About what I would do if I could turn back the time? I mean, I never stopped thinking about it, not really. But now? It’s like in my mind every minute of every day. Every fucking day I go over it again and again, and I miss you, and I hate it. Please don’t say no to me again.”

  Okay, so maybe he was rambling and more drunk than he thought, but he’d been staring at Rory’s lips for weeks, wondering if he tasted the way Ben remembered. Ben slid his fingers around the back of Rory’s neck and pulled him in close. His lips smashed against Rory’s, and instantly, Ben was in heaven. A full-body shiver started at the base of his spine and spread to this toes, to his fingers that clutched into Rory’s hair.

  Rory didn’t move for a moment, and Ben was scared he’d push him away, but then he groaned and he kissed. He kissed Ben back, hands on Ben’s shoulders, teeth sinking into Ben’s bottom lip. It wasn’t a sweet kiss. It wasn’t tentative or new. It was gloriously angry and hot and possessive and perfect. Ben backed Rory into the wall and crushed him there with his body. Rory groaned and grasped at Ben’s shoulders. Ben touched; he touched everywhere he could touch, back, shoulders, soft silky hair that was exactly the texture he remembered it being. It was everything. All of it. He had his Rory back.

  Until someone pounded on the bathroom door, and Rory wrenched his face away from Ben’s. “No, we can’t do this.”

  “But you just kissed me back.”

  “Shit, Ben. Yeah, I did. You caught me when I was a little drunk, and I still fucking want you. I wish I didn’t, but you’re gorgeous and—” He broke off. It seemed like he didn’t want to say too much. Ben was afraid to hope.

  “So, what, now are we back to nothing, like the first week of school?” Ben felt like his gut was about to twist into pieces. He’d wanted nothing more than that kiss and Rory and what he’d hoped it promised. To have that taken away hurt like hell.

  Whoever was on the other side of the door pounded again and shouted for them to quit fucking and get the hell out of the bathroom.

  Rory let out a soft laugh. “Friends, okay? We can be friends. I guess I can’t stay completely away from you.”

  “Friends?” Ben asked hopefully.

  “Just friends. We can’t do this again.” Rory gestured at the bathroom and Ben, and it was nearly impossible not to kiss him even as Rory was telling him it wasn’t allowed.

  “I’ll take friends. I want more, but I’ll take it.”

  Rory nodded. “Friends it is.” He smiled a little. “I might reg
ret this in the morning, but right now it feels pretty damn good to have you back.”

  Ben nearly groaned. “You have no idea.”

  “HI,” RORY said when Ben pulled his bike into the school parking lot the next weekend. As usual—same ol’ same ol’ in his pathetic little life—he tried not to be nervous. But it was him and Rory. Alone. Alone for the first time, at least by choice, since high school. Things had been so amazingly great between them since that kiss—don’t think about the kiss, don’t think about the kiss. He offered you friendship. Nothing more. Ben couldn’t help but hope, though. Sure, he’d said no. Again. But he’d also changed his mind on the friendship thing, and he’d admitted he still found Ben attractive. Ben could work with that. Hopefully.

  “I brought you coffee. Peppermint white mocha, right?” He wrangled one stoppered coffee from where he’d had it resting precariously in his water bottle holder. He’d carried his own and steered one-handed. Probably not the safest thing in the world, but it had only been a few blocks.

  Rory smiled and groaned at the same time. “I haven’t had one of these in ages. My seventeen-year-old metabolism is long gone.”

  “Please. You look amazing. Plus it’s the weekend, right? And we’re about to go for a bike ride.”

  “True.” Rory took the coffee and sipped gratefully. “Damn, this is still the best thing on the planet.”

  “What happened to my mom’s cookies?” Ben asked. “I was going to bring you some of those too, you know.”

  “But you didn’t? What a tease.”

  “Good thing, since you seem to think the coffee is better. Mom would be offended.”

  Rory reached out and punched him lightly on the shoulder just like he always used to do. Ben couldn’t hide his grin. They stood and drank their coffees slowly, tossed the cups in one of the trash cans scattered around the school’s parking lot, and took off on their ride.

  “Take it easy on me,” Ben called up to Rory. “I haven’t ridden in a while.”

  “No problem.” Rory looked back with a grin. Ben was pretty sure that meant he was about to get dragged through the wringer. Hopefully, he’d be able to walk come Monday.

  THEY BIKED out of town and along the highway. It was a gorgeous morning, not hot yet, although it showed all the signs of being a scorcher later. The grass was still bleached golden from summer, and it rolled out in gentle waves and hills that seemed to stretch forever. Rory steered them onto a back path that they’d ridden a thousand times when they were kids. Trees arched overhead, leafy-green and trembling in the slight breeze. They dappled the ground with lovely spots of hazy, greenish light. Ben remembered thinking the path was magical when he was a little boy. Maybe it was magic. He was there again with Rory, after all. Ben sent a little wish up to anyone who might be listening. He figured he could use some magic right about then.

  It was after lunch, sun high in the sky, before they made it back to the school parking lot. Ben’s ass hurt like hell; he was hot, sweaty, tired, and he felt better than he’d felt in ages.

  “Hey, you want to go grab lunch at Beaver’s?” he asked.

  “Baby steps,” Rory answered softly. “Not ready for lunch dates yet.”

  Ben’s heart sank a little bit. Or a lot. He tried to smile, though. “C’mon. It’s just nachos. I’m buying.”

  “You really don’t like the word ‘no,’ do you?” Rory bit the side of his lip. “Okay,” he said reluctantly. “I guess I can handle nachos, especially if they’re free. Lead the way.”

  Beaver’s hadn’t been there when he and Rory were kids. It felt safe, not like the school, or half the town really, that held latent memories floating just below the surface ready to stab Ben in the heart at any given moment. Ben liked Beaver’s. He wasn’t in the mood for massive Saturday afternoon blood loss. Ben and Rory slid into a booth and ordered beers and nachos. He waited to feel uncomfortable. He knew by all rights this should be incredibly awkward, but it wasn’t.

  They watched the football game on the bar’s TV, made stupid bets on plays, joked about kids and teachers at school, and shared one of Beaver’s ginormous plates of nachos. Ben couldn’t remember an afternoon that he’d liked more. He was disappointed when it was time to leave. He wanted to do everything he could to keep Rory there.

  “I’ve got some tests to grade tonight,” Rory said eventually with an ironic chuckle. “I have such a hot social life.”

  “Hey, I’ve got a date with a few DVDs. My social life isn’t much better.” Sure, he could’ve gone to Sugarshack, picked up a guy, had some fun. Ben still didn’t feel like it. He figured he’d probably better make himself feel like it pretty soon. It wasn’t like Rory was hopping into his bed any time in the next few weeks. Or ever. Pining sucked, and Ben was tired of it. He still didn’t want anyone else; he just didn’t know how to cure himself of it.

  Rory stood and stretched. His T-shirt rode up, and Ben bit his lip to keep from drooling at the thin strip of peachy-gold skin. He’d tasted that skin years before, just once or twice when they’d almost gotten adventurous. He’d give anything to taste it again.

  “I’ll see you Monday,” Rory said after they’d walked out to their bikes.

  “Yeah,” Ben groaned. “Monday.”

  Rory nudged him. “It’s too early in the year to dread school that much!”

  “It’s not class itself. I like that. It’s just getting up. Why can’t school start at ten?”

  “You always did like to sleep in.”

  “So did you.” Ben remembered soft mornings lying in bed with Rory’s arms around him, fingers drawing lazy swirls on his stomach.

  “Ben….”

  “What?” He sighed. “Okay, sorry, sorry. No memories. See you at school.”

  He slung a leg over his bike and, with a wave, pushed off toward his apartment.

  “HOW’S YOUR butt feeling?” Rory whispered in the hall Monday morning. Kids swarmed past them into classrooms. Lockers slammed, and the building filled with the comfortable chatter of students settling into the school year. Ben only had eyes and ears for Rory.

  “How dare you!” he joked. He elbowed Rory in the side.

  Rory elbowed him back and rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do.” Ben chuckled. “It hurts. Yesterday, I spent most of the day sitting on the couch on an ice pack.”

  “I think that’s a sign we need to go biking again.”

  Ben broke into a huge grin. He tried to hide it, but it was impossible. “I think so too. Maybe this weekend if you don’t have any hot plans.”

  “I’ll let you know,” Rory promised.

  Ben was about to answer when the bell rang. Damn. Reality time. He gave Rory a friendly wave and ducked into his classroom.

  He couldn’t help but hope it was a sign. Yeah, there were no plans made other than a bike ride, and yeah, that wasn’t what he’d even remotely call romantic, but it was something and they were talking and getting to be friends again, and Rory had already admitted he was still attracted. Finally. He was getting somewhere.

  When he turned to start class, he couldn’t help his smile.

  “SO LADIES and gents. I was thinking of having a barbecue this weekend. Who’s in?” Jeremy asked one Wednesday afternoon. It was nearly October, but the days were still warm in the Sacramento Valley and nights were plenty nice enough for a barbecue. Sounded like a fantastic idea to Ben. Just the guys, Pinky, a few beers, hot dogs, and a warm night. Perfect recipe to get closer to Rory.

  “I’m in,” he said without even thinking. “Delia’s cool with that?”

  Jeremy nodded. “She won’t mind. She has this new book club thing. I have more free time.”

  “Cool. Sounds good to me,” Fen added. Pinky wanted in too, as well as the band conductor Jessa, who’d made it to the staff lounge for once. Ben tried not to look at Rory and gauge his reaction. He really, really tried. Of course it was pretty much impossible.

  “You going?” he asked quietly.

  Ro
ry nodded slowly. “Can I bring Keith?” he asked. Jeremy nodded casually like he had a fucking clue who this Keith character was. Rory didn’t have a brother. As far as Ben knew, there were no cousins in town. He couldn’t ask. He couldn’t.

  “Who’s Keith?”

  Fuck. He’d asked. Sorry but not sorry. He had to know.

  Rory looked uncomfortable. “Um, a guy I’ve been seeing. I met him a few weeks ago.”

  “Like before?” Ben didn’t finish the question. Rory knew what he was talking about. Before they kissed. Before.

  Rory nodded miserably. Well, that sucks. No part of their conversation that night in the bathroom at Sugarshack had included Rory telling him he was sticking it somewhere else. It was all about being scared to get hurt and not being ready to be close to Ben again. Anytime during that conversation, Rory could’ve possibly told him he was seeing someone. Ben thought he was going to puke.

  “Fantastic.” He stood up and nearly tipped his chair over. The rest of his lunch went sailing into the garbage bin. Ben sure as hell didn’t want it. He mumbled some random excuse about having papers to grade, didn’t even think about the fact that he probably looked a bit nuts because he never even assigned any written work to grade, and then shuffled out the door to the safety of his classroom.

  Rory had a boyfriend. Or at least, someone he was seeing. Ben knew he was fighting an uphill battle even if the coast was free and clear. With some guy standing in his way, it was almost impossible.

  Shit.

  He didn’t know what to do. Step one for damn sure was to tell Jeremy he couldn’t make it to that damn barbecue. There was no way in hell he could hold it together while he watched some other guy touch Rory. He’d never been very rational where that was concerned, and it seemed like the distance of years hadn’t changed a thing. Nope. Not going to the barbecue.

  Keith, whoever he was, would be perfectly entertained by everyone else. And nobody would be there to growl under their breath if he slung his arm across Rory’s shoulders. Ben didn’t have to watch them kiss. But then he’d have no idea what he was up against either, and that wasn’t good. Ben was not going to that barbecue, zero chance of him showing up and feeling like a pathetic ass in front of Rory and his dumb date. But not showing up meant not seeing his competition and not reminding Rory that he was still there. He had to go.