These Paper Walls

by Magan Vernon

  I raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

  She leaned in and lightly kissed my lips. "With you, Blaine, I'm always sure."

  ***

  The next day of work was our last day on the job, so we ended early with our paychecks in hand.

  Jackson opened his envelope, then swatted me with it. "You know what this little bonus is going for? Imma get a new grill built for the back. Won't be in for the Fourth tomorrow, but you bet your ass it's going to be ready for Labor Day and every party after."

  I forced a smile but it fell as soon as I looked at my paycheck. Before I would have been happy with it. Maybe used the extra money to buy something for my truck. But now I didn't have my truck and most of the money was going to go toward utilities and finishing the kitchen remodel. I didn't even know if there would be any left for furniture and what the hell Libby would say about it.

  "Blaine, are you even listening to me?" Jackson asked.

  "Yeah, sure, sounds great, man."

  Jackson laughed. "You didn't hear a word I said."

  "Yeah, I did."

  "Then what did I say?"

  I shook my head and let out a single laugh. "Okay, you got me. I didn't hear a damn thing you said."

  "That's what I thought." He slapped my back. "I was asking if you and Libby were still going to come out to the house."

  "Yeah. We just have to stop and see Britt play in her tournament game, then we'll be over."

  "All right. Dina and I are looking forward to seeing you."

  I just hoped it was better than our last Fourth of July. Libby wore a sexy lingerie set and I wanted to devour her in it. But not there. Not in Jackson's room. Not in the place where the beginning of my fall started.

  Julie had been busy the first few weeks of school. Sorority rush and all that. I missed her something fierce, so I decided just to give in and drive the eight hours to Oxford.

  I rolled up to her dorm with a box of her favorite things: my mama's homemade pralines, cherry cola, and licorice rope. It was cheesy, but I wanted something to bring a smile to her face.

  I expected all dorms to look like the movies, but instead of being a place where everyone hung out in the hallways, it felt more like a prison.

  She was in an all-girls dorm and I couldn't even get past the door without having a female escort me. That didn't stop me from sneaking in behind a group of girls in some Greek letter shirts when the front desk lady's back was turned.

  I bounded up the stairs two at a time, to the second floor where Julie's room was. There wasn't a single soul walking the hallway and I wondered if there was some big mass exodus that I missed the memo on. Walking past a small kitchenette, I turned and saw her room number. There was a dry erase board on the door with the words 'Julie and Lisa's room' written across it in some girly handwriting. There was also a picture of Julie on one side of it and her roommate on the other.

  Damn I had missed Julie's face. And other parts of her. I think I'd masturbated so much I was starting to chafe.

  I knocked on the door and heard some rumbling from behind it, then hushed whispers.

  At least she was home.

  The door cracked open and Julie stared at me wide-eyed. She was in her bathrobe, which I thought it was kind of late in the day for, but I didn't know the college lifestyle. Maybe she was just getting around to showering.

  "Blaine! What are you doing here?"

  I smiled and held up the box. "I thought I'd come and surprise you with some of your favorites. Maybe I can even take you out for dinner."

  She shook her head, keeping her hand firmly on the door between us. "Oh, no. Sorry, I have a thing with the Kappas tonight."

  "A thing? I just drove eight hours, surely you could make some time for me. It's been awhile."

  She looked behind her and then back at me. "I know, it has. I'm just really busy right now. I told you that the last time we talked."

  Her eyes kept darting behind her and I knew something was up.

  "Yeah? Busy with school or someone else?"

  She scoffed. "Don't be silly."

  Her eyes darted back again and I couldn't help it, I pushed on the door and she stepped backward, revealing her tiny dorm room. I didn't focus on the crimson bedspread that I helped her pick out or the football poster. I zeroed in on the guy standing next to it, trying desperately to get into his jeans.

  "Blaine, this isn't what it looks like," she stammered.

  "Really? Cuz what I'm seeing is a half-naked man in my girlfriend's room."

  "You have a boyfriend?" the guy asked, his accent making him sound like a California surfer.

  "Yeah and who the hell are you?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest and flexing.

  "That's none of your concern, bro."

  "Oh, I think it is," I said.

  He laughed. "Well, then obviously I'm the guy fucking your girlfriend because your sorry Southern ass couldn't keep her satisfied."

  As soon as he finished his sentence, Julie leaped forward, but it was too late because my fist already connected with the guy's jaw. He staggered backwards before lunging at me with his fists blazing.

  We rolled around on the ground, punching and kicking as Julie screamed behind us.

  There was a flurry of people that came in and finally broke us apart. I thought Julie might talk to me. Say something. Anything. But instead she went over to the other guy, tenderly rubbing his cheek then turned toward me, glaring.

  "That was unnecessary, Blaine!"

  "Seriously? I just caught you cheating on me and you're going to act like I'm the bad guy."

  She rolled her eyes and stepped forward, grabbing my arm and leading me in the other direction. "Look, Blaine. We had some good times. But that was high school. This isn't going to work long distance. You and I both know that."

  "So you're breaking up with me like this? You couldn't have done it before you cheated?"

  She sighed. "I know. I should have. I should have the moment I left that damn God forsaken town and promised I'd never go back."

  "Did I mean anything to you at all?" I shouldn't have asked it.

  She sighed. "Yeah. You did. But that was the past and I think we both know that the head cheerleader and jock are a cliché that should stay in high school. We were never going to work."

  I didn't even say goodbye. I just left and called Jackson on my way out.

  "Hey, buddy, you done screwing Julie or just taking a break?"

  I groaned. "She cheated on me. I'm coming home."

  "Oh shit, really?"

  I nodded, walking to my truck and opening the door. "Yeah and you'd better have something strong waiting for me."

  ***

  I drove without caring. I was going at least thirty miles over the speed limit, but I had to get away.

  I never thought I'd be that guy. I'd always had the best of everything: the best truck, the best throwing arm, and what I thought was the best girlfriend.

  Now I was just another single sap with a stupid story to go with it.

  By the time I rolled into Jackson's place it was dark, but the lights were on in his house with a full party in place.

  I walked through the door to be greeted with a lighted joint and a full beer. I didn't smoke much, but I wanted to do anything to get out of my own head.

  I didn't know how many beers I drank or how much I smoked. I didn't even know I was passed out until Dina nudged me. "Hey, do you want to go sleep in Jacksons' room?"

  I mumbled some sort of response and she helped me to my feet and walked me down the hallway where I collapsed on his bed. "You're so nice, Dina. You would never cheat."

  She smiled. "I try to be a nice girl. It's hard, but we all have our strengths."

  ***

  I woke up the next morning completely butt ass naked in Jackson's bed and not remembering a damn thing that happened.

  Slowly I opened my eyes and then closed them again when the bright sunlight hit them.

  "What. The. Fuck."

 
; Jackson came barreling into the room. "Well, look who's finally up."

  "Yeah, man, what the hell? Did someone rufie my drink? I thought that was only for chicks."

  Jackson crossed his arms over his chest. "You're the one naked in my bed."

  I looked down at where the blanket covered me. I still had a condom on. It wasn't full, but it was there. "Fuck. Man. What did I do?"

  "Do you really not remember?"

  I shook my head. "No. Please tell me I didn't hook up with some dude or get raped."

  He sighed. "I found you in here with Dina."

  "WHAT?" I sat straight up. "No, man, that can't be true. I was too lit to even get it up. There's no way I'd be with your woman."

  "Well, that's what I fucking saw."

  I stood up, making sure the blanket covered me. "Listen, man. After what I just went through with Julie, there is no way I'd fuck your girl. No way."

  Jackson shook his head. "By your state, I'm guessing you didn't have much to do with it, but Dina...that's another story."

  "I swear to you, brother, I wouldn't do that to you."

  "I know I saw you both naked in my bed."

  "And I swear that I don't know what happened, if anything. I'm so sorry."

  Jackson stared out the window. "Well, sometimes sorry doesn't always cut it, does it?"

  Chapter 6

  Fourth of July was my first long weekend that I'd had off in a while. That meant that I'd get in a lot of time to work on the house.

  "Are you going to spend all day putting up those shelves?" Libby asked, walking into the kitchen. Her hair was still wet from the shower and falling over her shoulders.

  "Naw. I just want to finish this row before we head to the parade."

  She nodded. "It's looking really good."

  I stepped off the ladder and stood back, admiring the white shelves. "Yeah. They are, aren't they?"

  "The gray tile really makes them pop. I can't wait until you and your dad get in the granite."

  "Yeah, he's supposed to come in tomorrow."

  She raised her eyebrow. "Then we can go furniture shopping?"

  I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah...about that..."

  "What? What now? Did you break something and we need to shell out more money for it?"

  I shook my head and laughed, even though it wasn't funny in the least bit. "No, nothing's broken it's just...well...the paycheck wasn't as big as I thought it would be, but you know I'm sure we could find something nice maybe at the resale shop, or maybe my mom has something we could use."

  She wrinkled her nose. "I don't want someone's used furniture."

  I groaned. "Do you really need to be a snob? I don't know if you've noticed, but we aren't exactly made of money."

  She scoffed. "I'm not a snob."

  "Yeah, you kind of are and you know it."

  "Well, excuse me for wanting nice things. I just don't see the point on spending money on something that's going to fall apart when we could get something nice that'll last forever."

  "Yeah, but your idea of something nice is in the millionaire price range and we don't have that, baby. If you haven't noticed, we're just scraping by as it is."

  She frowned. "We're not poor."

  "No, but we ain't exactly rolling in it either. We just need to spend our money a little bit more wisely. I know that's hard for you to understand, but I'm sure we can budget for something."

  "Because I'm a snob I wouldn't understand?"

  I sighed. "Now, baby, I didn't say that."

  "Look, I'll admit that I'm used to always getting what I want. I always have. And I knew that once I got pregnant and we decided to take the next steps together, that things were going to change. I accepted that. I lived with it, but it's hard. It's so freaking hard to roll with the punches." A sob escaped her lips and big tears fell down her cheeks.

  I pulled her close and rubbed her back. Damn, these hormones were making her even more crazy than usual. "Shhh, it's okay, Lib. We're going to be all right. It may suck right now, but we're going to get through this."

  "Some days I'm not sure we are," she cried.

  I tucked my fingers under her chin and lifted her face so that her glossy eyes met mine. "What's that supposed to mean, baby?"

  She sniffled. "I'm holding you back, I know it. You haven't touched your guitar or seen your friends since we've been married. All you've done is go to work, sleep, and work on this house. If I wasn't around, you'd still have your truck, your friends, and a girl that didn't cry at the drop of a hat." She burst into tears again and I pulled her close, running my fingers through her hair. "Libby, I don't want any other girl and I'm happy. I really am. You and Mathieu are what matters most to me, okay? Whatever I have to do to make sure that we're all okay, I'll do it."

  Her whole body shook as another sob escaped. "I don't want you to have to sacrifice anymore for me."

  I held onto her shoulders and stepped back, leaning down and looking into her eyes. "Baby, I promise you that nothing is a sacrifice. I want all of this. I want our little family. You're all I've ever wanted."

  "If you say so. I'm still not sure I believe it." She sniffled.

  I leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. "Believe it."

  ***

  Fourth of July in a small town was always a big event. When I was in high school, it was the time I'd see all my friends I hadn't seen all summer and we'd check out the girls at the parade. Then we'd see if said girls would be willing to make out behind the Ferris wheel at the festivities that took place at the high school parking lot. Maybe even get to second base while watching the fireworks.

  But not this year. Sure, we were still going to the parade but I didn't think there would be any making out behind the Ferris wheel, unless of course Libby was up for that. A little over the dress fondling couldn't hurt either of us.

  "Did you bring any water bottles or anything?" Libby asked, sifting through the car.

  "No, you didn't ask me to."

  "Blaine! It's like a million degrees out. What if we die of poor hydration?"

  I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm sure we can get something at the fair."

  "Yeah, but they'll charge like five dollars for a bottle of water. Stop at the store real quick, then we can go to the shop."

  "Libby..."

  I glanced at the clock. The parade started at ten and it was already 9:40. Dee always had a place for us to park in back, but I knew traffic would be blocked soon and Libby would bitch if we had to walk a few blocks.

  "Please? For Mathieu?"

  I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, where she was giving me big puppy dog eyes and rubbing her stomach.

  I sighed. "Fine!"

  "Yeah!" she squealed.

  "How long are you going to keep using him as an excuse?"

  She laughed. "As long as I can."

  Usually the local grocer was pretty empty, but today the parking lot was packed. I did a quick scan, and didn't see Nikki's truck, which was lucky for small miracles. Hormonal Libby did not need a run in with her right now.

  That didn't mean everyone else in town wasn't in the store.

  "Blaine Crabtree, the best pitcher this town has ever seen!" I turned just as we walked through the door to see my old baseball coach, Rene Casteel, standing by the register. He walked over to me with a plastic bag in one hand and briskly shook my hand with the other.

  Rene was always a big man. He had to be at least six foot five and was built like a moose. A gray, long-haired moose.

  "I'm going to go grab the water bottles," Libby said, slinking past me.

  Rene glanced behind me and then caught my eye as he let go of my hand. "I see you've been busy."

  "Yeah, you know I'm an old married man now with a baby on the way. He'll be here in September."

  Rene laughed, slapping his knee. "Well, I'll be damned. I never thought I'd see the day that happened. Is she a girl from Elsbury?"

  I shook my head. "No, Libby's from Chicago. She's Dee Ba
deaux's niece."

  "Ah, I see." He nodded, then patted my back. "Well, it was good running into you, boy. Hey, if you get a chance, stop over at the field today. I'm sure some of the boys playing in the tournament could use your eye."

  I smiled. I probably wouldn't do it, but the thought was nice. "Thanks, Coach. Will do."

  Before he was even a few steps away, I heard another small voice.

  "Blaine, is that you?"

  Every hair on my body stood on end. It was the last voice I ever wanted to hear or thought I would again.

  I turned slowly to see a wide-eyed Julie staring back at me.

  I hated to admit it, but she also looked amazing in a tight-fitting red tank top, short shorts, and her hair pulled back. I'd also be lying if I didn't say my eyes lingered over her low neckline. But I shook the thoughts of anything sexual out of my head. I was a married man and this was the girl that almost broke me.

  "Hey, Julie, didn't expect to see you around here." I forced the biggest smile I could, but kept my distance. I wasn't going to hug her or shake her hand.

  "Yeah. I actually have a summer internship on Magazine Street, so Dani said I had to come into town for the parade. Her daddy is driving the tractor in it, as usual, and she's afraid he may die of heat exhaustion," she said with her usual ramble when she got nervous. I never forgot her rambling. It was something I missed and hated at the same time.

  "Yeah, didn't think you were ever going to come around these parts again."

  Her face fell and she nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes things change."

  "Blaine! They have bacon chocolate bars and they're on sale, so I got five!" Libby came bounding toward me with half a chocolate bar in her mouth.

  She stopped and swallowed hard and looked between me and Julie. Julie's eyes widened even more as she stared at Libby's large stomach. "Oh, hello, Libby is it?"

  Libby took a big bite of her chocolate bar and with a full mouth said, "You can call me Mrs. Crabtree."

  "Oh. Yeah. Dani said something about you two getting married and I guess you're starting a family. Congrats." Julie put on her fake smile; the one she used that made her the pet of every teacher in school.