These Paper Walls

by Magan Vernon

  I laughed. "Yeah, go ahead."

  I watched her practically skip over to the bar where sure enough, Dina produced a small plate from behind it.

  "Hey, Crabtree, got a minute?" a low voice asked.

  I spun around to see Jackson standing there. The man was always in flannel, but today he was sporting a tank top that read "Star Spangle Hammered" and revealed just how pasty and freckle-covered he was.

  "Yeah, man. Everything okay?"

  He smiled. "I hope so."

  I followed him past the crowd. He opened the screen door to the back porch and I followed him into the kitchen. Dina and he had definitely done some work to the former outdated, green kitchen. It was now completely open with white cabinets, gray granite countertops, and wooden floors.

  "Man, y'all have definitely done some work. It feels like forever since I've been here," I said, looking around at the kitchen.

  There used to be a paneled wall that separated it from the tiny living room that was mostly taken over by a big screen TV. But now the wall was knocked down and replaced with a breakfast bar that opened up to the living room with new beige colored walls, leather sofas, and a TV mounted above the fireplace where a moose head used to be.

  Jackson looked over the room wistfully. "Yeah, Dina really helped me make this place a home."

  I patted him on the back. "I'm really glad you two worked everything out, man. You seem really happy with her."

  "I am. I really am."

  I raised an eyebrow. "So why are you looking all like you just kicked in the nuts? Don't tell me you're about to break up with her."

  He laughed, shaking his head as he leaned against the counter. "No, actually quite the opposite. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me."

  I beamed and smacked him on the back again. "Holy shit, that's great news, man! Now I won't be the only married guy on the crew!"

  He shook his head. "That ain't why I'm doing it."

  "I know, I know. I was just saying."

  He looked out the back door. "We've been together for a while and I planned on proposing that night I found you two..."

  I rubbed the back of my neck. "Jacks, you don't know how sorry I am about that."

  He put his hand up. "I know. You two were both wasted and, hell, you don't remember it. That's why I broke up with her, because I felt betrayed. But then it kind of made me look back at myself and wonder what the hell I was doing that made my girl jump in bed with my best friend, though she told me you passed out and she didn't get much past the tip from you. Worst lay ever."

  I shoved his arm. "Hey!"

  He laughed. "I have to find some humor in it."

  "Fine, I'll give you that."

  "Anyway, it took me a while, but I realized that I was being a shitty boyfriend, so when we finally did get back together, I knew I needed to tend to her needs as well as mine. At first it sucked because I tried doing all her girly shit and hated it, but then we found a common ground. We redid all of this together and now we're moving on to refinishing furniture. We're actually getting pretty good at it, thinking of selling some at Dee's shop."

  "That's awesome, man. Good for you two."

  He nodded. "The reason why I brought any of that up is because I know I give you a lot of shit about Libby. Hell, the whole crew does."

  I shook my head. "Naw, I understand. I'm not getting sore over it. It's just what y'all do."

  "Yeah, still, Blaine. You and Libby do have something special. Don't treat her like she's a burden. Once that baby comes around, I'm sure your life will get even crazier, but Dina and I will be here for you. Then maybe in a year, if Dina says yes, you'll be standing beside me as my best man and that little boy of yours will be the ring bearer."

  I smiled. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

  "Well, all right." Jackson smacked my back.

  I thought on his words as my eyes drifted over to the back porch where Libby stood, eating something off of a small red plate.

  I'd spent so long thinking of all the shit I was missing by being with Libby, I was starting to forget the good things about her. Of course, I wasn't exactly the best at seeing things. It's why it took me so long to realize she had any problems at all. I thought she was just insecure, like girls can be. I didn't realize that there was anything wrong with her until I thought I lost her.

  “I’m so excited, I’m so excited.” Abby skipped into the room and plopped herself down on her mom’s lap. The girl was always excited, running around in her little tutu. But this Thanksgiving she seemed like she was about to burst at the seams.

  “What are you so excited for, baby?” Meg asked.

  “Because Uncle Blaine and Aunt Libby are getting married, and I’m going to be the flower girl,” she said matter-of-factly.

  I blinked rapidly and starred at my little niece. She would always ask me when I was going to marry Libby and I just ignored her. I'd only been with the girl a few months, and while I loved her, and had been through a hell of a lot with her, I wasn't exactly ready for that commitment.

  “Yer gettin hitched, Blaine, and you didn’t even bother to tell me? Guess I better croak soon so y’all can have a house, and you aren’t livin’ with yer mama.” Meemaw cackled.

  I wasn't exactly sure what Meemaw even thought of Libby. She had poked her and called her a Yankee when she first met her. If that didn't embarrass me enough, now I had to deal with a tutued girl telling everyone I was getting hitched.

  I shook my head, waving my arms in front of my face. “No, Meemaw. We aren’t getting married."

  I glanced at Libby who stared at me with wide eyes as if I just kicked her in the baby maker. Shit. Now I had to say something to make up for it. “I mean anytime soon. Not now. I mean...I don't know where Abby got that idea.”

  Meg laughed. “Abby, did someone tell you Blaine and Libby were getting married?”

  Abby jumped off her mother’s lap. “I thought it was about time that they did, so I decided they should.”

  Everyone at the table laughed. Thank God they found it funny. But when my eyes landed on Libby, she wasn't laughing. Her hand was on her head and she was blinking rapidly. She stood up from the table, her hand shaking as she gripped the chair. She moved her hand from the chair to the table, her hand swiping one of Mom's china plates. I couldn't move fast enough and it fell, shattering on the wooden floor below.

  “Libby, are you okay?” I stood up, trying to reach for her arm, but she moved forward, toward the hallway.

  “Libby!” I ran over to her and grabbed her wrist, spinning her around to me. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed in my arms.

  "Ma! Dee! Someone call 9-1-1!" I yelled and cradled her close to me as I sat down on the ground, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

  "Libby, baby, wake up."

  She moaned and her eyelids fluttered slightly, but she didn't open them.

  The sirens came closer and a flurry of activity started as the EMTs wheeled the gurney into the house. I didn't want to let her go. I couldn't.

  "Sir, we're going to lift her up now."

  I stared at the man, who looked at me expectantly. It took everything I had to let Libby go and hand her over as he took her limp body and put her on the stretcher.

  "I'm going with," I yelled, following the stretcher.

  Dee said something about calling Libby's parents and my mom yelled something, but I wasn't paying attention. All I could focus on was Libby's closed eyes and the fear that I was going to lose her.

  ***

  The hospital was the most unwelcoming place in the world with horribly uncomfortable guest chairs. I sat watching Libby as the monitors blinked next to her.

  Bulimic.

  Libby had an eating disorder and I didn't even know it.

  I always thought it was something that cheerleaders had, but never thought of it as real.

  Not until I watched the person I loved most in the entire world crumble in my arms.

  The doctors kept feeding her IV
bags. Some had fluid and some had medicine. I didn't understand much of their medical talk, but I knew that things were bad.

  That I almost watched my girlfriend die.

  After everything we'd been through. All our fights. All the heartache and I didn't notice.

  I didn't pay attention when she wouldn't eat at restaurants. The way she was always staring at her own body with disgust, even when her pants were practically falling off her hips.

  I didn't tell her she was beautiful every single day like I should have.

  Her mom would be coming in soon. Aunt Dee called her and the woman said she'd be on the first flight there. Until then, I wasn't leaving Libby's bedside and maybe not afterward either.

  I'll admit, I didn't understand it all. I didn't understand why this beautiful girl just went without eating and why she couldn't just snap out of it.

  It was something that I couldn't comprehend any of.

  But as I watched her, laying there, immobile, I knew that I was going to have to learn. I was going to have to get over what would hold me back from helping her and just love her no matter what.

  Chapter 8

  My dad didn't know the meaning of a hangover. Not that I drank that much at Jackson's, but it would have been nice if I could have tried to sleep in a little and not have Dad knocking on the door at the ass crack of dawn the next morning.

  I answered the door in just my boxers, still trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

  Dad stood there in his usual flannel button down and jeans, an LSU baseball cap low over his eyes. "What the hell are you doing answering the door like that, Blaine? What if I was someone coming to rob you and you were left defenseless in your underwear?"

  Dad stepped around me and I shut the door behind him. "Well, my shot gun is in the closet over here and I'm pretty sure that if someone was trying to rob us, they wouldn't use the doorbell."

  He nodded and kept walking down the hall, glancing in each room. "Looks like you've already done some work in here."

  I shrugged. "Not too much. Just some paint and knocked down the cabinetsch in the kitchen. I need you for the bigger projects."

  Dad stopped in the kitchen, putting his hands on his hips as he surveyed the room. I imagined this is what he did on road work projects too. He was made a foreman right after I was born, I didn't even know for sure if he remembered how to do manual labor.

  "I hope you measured right, son, because this granite wasn't cheap."

  "I know, I know. I promise I'll pay you back every dime. I just got paid and we've been running through it like it's water on an August day."

  Dad laughed, shaking his head before putting his hand on my shoulder. "I'm not worried about it, son. Now get some clothes on so we can get to work."

  I didn't know exactly what he meant about not worrying about it. There was no way in hell I was going to let him and Mom pay for the granite. They had their own shit that needed to be done at their place. I wasn't the type of guy to take handouts and I intended to pay every bit back.

  ***

  Even though all the upper cabinets were removed, there was still the business of taking out all of the appliances and cutting and fitting the plywood support.

  I needed Dad for all of those things. If I could have done it myself, hell, I would have. But I didn't have half of the tools he did, and he was better at it than me.

  "You sure you got those measurements right?" Dad asked for about the hundredth time as he set up the saw horses and laid down the first piece of plywood.

  "I told you, I measured them almost every day, just to see if there was any change and make sure I got them absolutely correct."

  He laughed. "Well, they're a lot bigger than I thought they were. Meemaw didn't do as much cooking when we moved out, so I'm guessing all that counter space was just for holding her cigarettes and Coke."

  "Hopefully that's not all these will be used for. Too nice for that," I said, setting up the saw.

  "You know, I noticed that there's still a lot of work you need to do in the living room and y'all haven't even touched some of the other rooms," Dad said as he put on his safety goggles.

  My shoulders tightened. I didn't want to have this conversation with him. I didn't want him to think his only son couldn't handle the work.

  "I've got it. We're going to live in this house for the rest of our lives. We've got time."

  He shook his head. "But not much more time until the baby's here. You know, if you wanted to see about getting some of the work hired out, I've got some guys on my crew in Caimon who are always looking for side jobs. They're a real respectable bunch. They even did the remodel of the church hall out there and they do beautiful work."

  So he really didn't think I could do it. Typical. Sounded just like Libby's dad.

  Lunch at one of those frou frou places left much to be desired. My stomach was still grumbling and I was hoping that I could convince Libby to go on a walk with me and get a hot dog or something from a vendor. She was a few months pregnant and eating at least a little bit more. Maybe if we did that, then I could get away from her parents' death stares as well.

  "Libby, Jack, do you mind if Libby and I had some girl time? We thought we would check out a dress shop off Wacker," Libby's mom said, looking at us with those big doe eyes.

  I was sure she used that same face with her lips slightly parted, looking wide-eyed to make people in the courtroom think she was just another caring mom. That would be before she probably crushed their dreams in an instant.

  "Sure, Kathryn, that'll give Blaine and I a chance to talk," Jack said, putting his hand on my back.

  I tried not to cringe. The last conversation I had with the man was less than pleasant and I didn't want another one.

  Libby waved out of the passenger side of the car, smiling like we didn't have a care in the world.

  She didn't have to sit with her dad all afternoon.

  Jack and I were both silent all the way up the elevator and through the front door of their lavish condo. Seriously, when I thought about condos it was always about those rinky dink places in Florida that old people stayed in during the winter. My grandma on my mom's side had one that we stayed in one summer. It smelled like moth balls and was always freezing.

  Libby's parents' place was just the opposite. It was at least 3000 square feet with top of the line everything from wooden floors to the best appliances and floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over Chicago. Everything about the place exuded luxury and I was just the poor peasant they let invade.

  And now they were stuck with me.

  "Have a seat, Blaine," Jack said, pointing toward the leather sectional where he took the seat across from where he was pointing.

  Reluctantly I sat down, wishing I could be anywhere but there. I thought maybe I could fake being sick, and asked to lie down, but that wouldn't have gone over well either.

  "So, Libby has told me that you work on the road crew in Elsbury."

  I nodded. "Yes, sir. I've been doing that a few years now. I hope someday to make foreman."

  That wasn't exactly true. I didn't actually know if I wanted to be a foreman, but at least it sounded good.

  Jack nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. If he were my dentist, he would scare the shit out of me. He had a very tight jaw that he clenched every time he was pissed off.

  "Do you plan on going to college? Any kind of school?"

  I swallowed hard, then licked my lips before shaking my head. "No, sir. Not at this point. I wasn't much for academics in high school, more about sports, and I'm better working with my hands than sitting at a desk."

  I winced, thinking I shouldn't have said that last part. Obviously I was good with my hands and other parts. That's precisely how I got his daughter pregnant.

  "I have nothing against someone who does manual labor. My old man used to always say 'you can dig ditches or be CEO of a company as long as you're happy', but that also doesn't say much, since my old man is still one of the most successf
ul dentists in the Chicagoland area."

  "Heh...yeah."

  I rubbed the back of my neck. Shit. What the hell was I supposed to say? I'd barely said two words to this man the entire time I'd known him and now I was stuck with him.

  "I think LSU might be playing, do you want me to turn on the game?" Jack asked, grabbing one of the million remotes on the couch.

  "Yeah. That'd be great." I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding in as the little gray French bulldog, Sally jumped on my lap.

  "Sally, come here girl," Jack called her.

  But she didn't move. Instead, she just curled up and buried her head against my stomach.

  "I guess all my girls are leaving me for some Southern charm," Jack joked, but smirked.

  "I'm sure I'm just someone new and she can smell my parents' dogs on me," I said, scratching Sally behind her ears.

  "You're still living with your parents?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

  He had already turned the game on, so I tried to keep my focus on the giant TV instead of him.

  "For now, sir. Libby and I are looking for a place to rent."

  He crossed his arms over his chest. "Why aren't you buying? You've been working for your company for a while. You should have good credit."

  "I'm set to inherit my Meemaw's house in Elsbury. It's morbid, but I figured she was heading for a nursing home or the grave sooner rather than later, so I kind of always just waited around for that."

  Jack nodded. "So that means you do have some money saved up?"

  I winced. "Some, yes."

  Okay, that was a lie. I had very little saved up. Most of my money went into my truck. I added a lift kit to it right before we found out Libby was pregnant, but I was never going to let her dad know.

  Jack steepled his fingers. "Look, Blaine, I'm going to cut to the chase. I know you don't have a lot of money and that Libby is used to a certain lifestyle. She may act like she's happy right now, but it's only a matter of time before she's probably craving Tiffany's rather than bacon. Kathryn wanted me to suggest that we offer you a loan, no questions asked, no need to pay it back anytime."