Come Undone

by Jessica Hawkins

  David slid the door aside and motioned me through. “Welcome to the Revelin Resort.”

  “Dave!” someone called from across the hollowed out room. A sturdy man approached, immediately engaging David in conversation. I wandered around the room, envisioning what it would become. It wasn’t much to see because of the construction, but I admired the al fresco vibe David had incorporated with large windows that spilled natural light.

  I looked back in his direction. Three different people stood before him now, each one looking to him for something. His presence at my office had been overpowering, and it was just as much so here, even in all the empty space.

  He stopped talking suddenly and looked about the room, uneasily it seemed, until he spotted me watching him. That current lasered between us in an instant. There was much unspoken, but I felt bound to him in an inexplicable, supernatural way. He came to me, leaving behind questioning faces, and I crossed my arms to keep from reaching out to him.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as he approached.

  I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I just nodded up at him confidently, trying to convey what I felt with my eyes. He placed a cautious hand on my shoulder, and the heat seared through my blouse, stinging the flesh directly beneath it. Broad shoulders acted as a shield to anyone who might be watching our restrained contact. I was painfully aware that it was the closest we could be without serious consequences. I studied his face, noting how the creases deepened with concern.

  “I don’t want to push you,” he said, dropping his arm. “You need to make your own decisions.”

  “Decisions?” I repeated. It had never occurred to me that I needed to decide anything. “David, my decisions were made years ago.” My words caught, and I tried to take a deep breath but my chest constricted. “I need you to be strong for me,” I said. “If we want to have any type of friendship I need to know that . . .”

  “I know,” he said thickly, shoving his hands back in his pockets.

  “That text the other night . . . If Bill had seen it . . . And now you’re working with Lucy?”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “No, but I haven’t told her about the article yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know,” I hesitated. “I guess it feels wrong.”

  “Why? It’s work.”

  “David, please. I’d really like us to be friends.” At that he grimaced. “Just please try to be more discerning, and don’t mention anything to Lucy just yet.”

  “All right. I can back off.” He folded his arms across his chest and focused on the wall behind me.

  “Thank you,” I said to deaf ears. I felt, inside, like the building; hollowed out and gutted. I had begun to crumble under David’s command, and I couldn’t help but feel like one of his projects. Was the deconstruction of my very being intentional?

  “Wait here,” he said. “There’s one more thing I want you to see.” He returned a moment later with a conspicuously red helmet on his head and another in his hand.

  “Better put this on,” he said, handing it to me. I wrinkled my nose at it and then looked up at him in full pout mode. My hair didn’t need another reason to act out. His face was stern as he urged me to take it, so I reluctantly agreed, carefully placing it atop my head.

  I followed him through the scaffolding and over to the hoist, where he motioned me in. Tentatively, I took a step into the cage, testing the sturdiness of it. He stepped in behind me, and it jolted to life, carrying us slowly upward. When I realized we were approaching the roof, I stood on the tips of my toes.

  “So this will be accessible to the guests in the penthouse suite,” he said as we stepped into the breezy sunshine. “This gutted area, next to the deck, will be a private infinity pool. It has a glass bottom so you can see into it from the suite.”

  “How voyeuristic,” I mused. “Wow, does it hang over the edge?”

  “Yes.” He led me over toward the edge, motioning for me to stop. “It’s cantilevered so you can swim out of the building and over the city. Listen,” he warned, “as you can see, there’s no barrier, so keep back. I just wanted you to see the view.”

  I nodded, feeling child-like in my obedience. I rotated to take in the astonishing three hundred and sixty degree view of Chicago, thanks to the fact that the hotel was one of the tallest buildings in the city. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of an absolutely temperate day; the sun shone brilliantly, and it was just warm enough when I stood directly in it.

  I edged closer and David tensed beside me. Being so high above everything else and completely alone with David was exhilarating. After the moment we’d just had, with his hand on me, I felt close to him. But not just physically. I was still buzzing from that unavoidable electric current, which had only heightened with his touch. I craned my neck over and took a step. And then another. I wanted to see what it would take to feel him again, to get that rush of electricity. I rolled forward on the balls of my feet. A little more lean . . . until he gently gripped my arm and pulled me back. It was no less stimulating, his touch, despite my plea to behave. I almost wished it were something that came with a knob, so I could turn it down. Almost.

  “It’s so . . . ,” I started, looking out at the water, trying to find the words.

  “Humbling,” he finished.

  There wasn’t one person in our world, not one person who could see us upon the glass mountain. The breeze kicked, blowing my hair wildly so that I had to remove the hardhat and smooth it from my face. I tucked it under my arm and peered up at him. Another whip of the wind blew strands into my lip gloss. I could not take my eyes off of him.

  Something in the air crackled with a charge that quickened my breath. At last, he turned his head and looked down at me, returning my stare. Briefly, so I almost didn’t see, he wet his lips, and I bit mine in response. I yearned to know how his mouth would feel on my skin, and I was sure it was written on my face. Any woman who looked as I must have right then knew exactly what she was doing.

  I stood against the wind as it picked up speed. His face was unreadable as he looked into my eyes, but my breath shallowed in anticipation. I leaned a little closer, readying myself for what was surely coming. The wind lashed violently, and David abruptly looked away, squinting into the skyline.

  The helmet slipped from my grip and bounced on the ground. He swooped down and grasped it effortlessly, handing it to me. “Put that on,” he ordered, avoiding my eyes. “Let’s go.”

  ~

  The floor was quiet when I returned to work. I sneaked into my office, hoping to avoid Beman’s third degree. In the car, the mood had changed already. David seemed distant and although it bothered me, I knew it was for the best. It was what I had asked him for.

  After working steadily for an hour, I headed into the kitchen for a break. Serena and Lisa were giggling over yogurts.

  “Where’ve you been?” Lisa asked.

  “She had an appointment with David Dylan,” Serena offered.

  “Oh,” Lisa said, looking away.

  “Wait, have you seen this? Beman brought it,” Serena said, picking up a magazine. She flipped through and held it open for me. I found myself staring at the Architectural Digest article. I glanced at them impassively. Despite my messy afternoon with David, controlling my reaction in front of most people was second nature.

  “Wow, he is so hot,” she said. “He’s like, even better in person though.”

  “Sure,” I agreed.

  “Good thing you’re married, Liv,” Lisa said. Her eyes looked me up and down before proceeding. “How’d you get him to agree?”

  “He’s a friend of a friend,” I said, even though it wasn’t exactly the reason. It was a question I’d been wondering myself.

  “Well, aren’t you lucky. Lucky Liv,” she said with a face that looked as though she’d just bit into a lemon. Lemon-y Lisa, I retorted in my head.

  “If it weren’t for Brock . . . , ” Serena started.

  “Please,” Lis
a said with a scoff. “If he even looked your way, you’d be on your back in a second.”

  “I would not. Brock and I are, like, soul mates I guess and, well . . . .” Lisa and I waited for her to finish her thought, but nothing came.

  I rolled my eyes at them. “Can I keep this? It will be good for his file.”

  “You’ll have to take that up with Beman,” Serena joked. “He’ll totally want that for his own private file.” We laughed and stopped all at once when he waltzed into the kitchen.

  “Ah, Olivia, there you are,” Beman said.

  “Here I am,” I said, tucking the magazine under my arm.

  ~

  “What a lovely place,” Davena said, fingering the ‘Just Listed’ card for the house we’d seen. I’d stopped by her place after work to go over the details, more inclined to trust her opinion on the amenities over Jeanine’s.

  “You think?” I asked. “Bill really likes it, I’m just a little on the fence.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I don’t know, I guess it just doesn’t feel like the right place. Across the street though, there’s this eyesore of a home that weirdly, I liked better. At least it had character. But Bill likes this place.”

  “Well,” she sighed heavily. “Sometimes you have to compromise a bit.”

  “I’m already compromising,” I muttered under my breath, settling further into her sofa.

  “Are you? How?”

  I pursed my lips a moment. “I just really love the city, and I don’t know that I want to leave.”

  “Why are you then?”

  “Bill doesn’t like it as much. He wants something quieter. And he wants children at some point.”

  “Kids certainly aren’t quieter,” she pointed out. “Are you saying you don’t? Want children, I mean?”

  “I’m not sure. I never really think about it, which I think means something. Why didn’t you and Mack have kids?”

  “We did,” she said. “I had a child many years ago, but he didn’t make it a day.”

  I gasped. “I had no idea, Davena.”

  “You were a baby,” she said, waving her hand. “God’s plan. I just didn’t have the heart to try again, and Mack was supportive. Next thing I knew, I was just too old. I don’t regret it though, kids aren’t for everyone. Although Mack would have been quite a father,” she mused with a smile.

  She got up and left the room, returning in just her bra and teasing her short hair in jerky, upward motions. “You know, not everywhere is going to feel like home right away. It takes time. It’s about whom you’re making a home with. If you love Bill, which you do, it doesn’t matter where you live.”

  As she spoke, I couldn’t peel my eyes from the large bandage on her ribcage and the ominous purple bruise peeking out both ends of it. Her normally robust and fit frame had become terrifyingly frail in the short amount of time since I’d last seen her.

  She stopped brushing, noticing my gaze, and came to sit next to me. Her breathing was labored as she confided, “The doctor says it’s not looking good.” Despite the statement, her sunken eyes twinkled; she’d never been one to dwell. “I’m feeling okay though. How is Bill anyway?”

  “Bill?” I knew from previous attempts that she wasn’t looking for consolation, and that it was best to go with the subject change. “He’s well. Busy, though. I think we’re going to go to Waukegan this weekend since he’s been working late this whole week.”

  “Wonderful idea. Show that Bill of yours how much you appreciate his hard work.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Get yourself over to La Perla before you go, and ask for Alejandro. He’s gorgeous, but can’t sell lingerie for shit,” she said with a wink. “So when you’re done looking at him, ask for Joanne. Tell her to put it on my account.”

  I laughed loudly. “Oh, Davena, you are something else. Do you ever stop?”

  “Never, it drives Mack crazy. But you only have one shot at life, Olivia, and take it from me, you don’t want to miss anything. If you want something, say it out loud. If you love him, tell him so. Seriously.” I was stunned by her insistent tone and sudden grave expression, something I’d never seen, even when she’d revealed her diagnosis to me. Her eyes lingered on mine a moment while her words hung in the air, and then she looked away. “Listen, sweetie, can I keep this? I know Mack would love to put in his two cents.”

  “Definitely, that’s an extra. Have him call us when he gets a chance – I’d better get home though. Dinner won’t cook itself.”

  “Ta-ta,” she said as she walked me to the door. “See you soon.”

  On the way to the train, Bill called from his office, triumph in his voice. “Cabin is booked. Can’t wait for a weekend away. I might even get to relax.”

  “Well don’t get too used to it,” I said. “And don’t forget to call Andrew.” Bill and Andrew had been looking forward to cabin time for a while, waiting for a warmer weekend. Fishing wasn’t my thing, but an enormous amount of alcohol usually helped. That, and Lucy’s company.

  “I’m on it,” he said.

  CHAPTER 14

  May 11, 2012 7:51 AM

  Come by here 11:30. Gretch meeting us @ shop.

  May 11, 2012 8:02 AM

  K see you soon

  I put my phone away and gave the next two hours my full attention so I wouldn’t feel bad about taking a long lunch with Lucy. When ten o’clock hit, I hopped in a cab downtown to meet with one of our top bachelors, taking extra care to review the file this time. I scrunched my nose, trying to remember if we had profiled a freelance photographer the year before.

  Brian Ayers swung the door open with enthusiasm and greeted me with a big hug. “What is that scent, it reminds me of Paris!”

  “I’m not wearing anything,” I said, giggling shamelessly. “I’m Olivia Germaine, associate editor for Chicago M.”

  “Hang on, now, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?” I knew his face as well, and I squinted at him while trying to place it. “Eureka.”

  “Eureka?” I repeated. “Oh - with the dog! That was you?”

  “Yes,” he said. He broke into a sudden, boisterous laugh. “Sorry, I was just picturing the way that dog took you down.”

  I grimaced. “So much for a first impression.”

  “Darling, that was the most endearing first impression anyone’s ever made in the history of the world. If you weren’t married,” he said, motioning at my ring, “it’d be a damn fine beginning to our own romantic comedy.”

  “Leashed by Love, starring,” I studied him for a moment. “Paul Walker. In a suit.”

  “Paul Walker?” he asked, his eyes crinkling with a smile. “And his lovely co-star . . . Well, now, I can’t think of a good comparison. Have a seat, I’ll get us a drink.”

  “That’s not necessary, Mr. Ayers.”

  “Please, call me Brian.”

  I glanced around his sunny apartment, admiring the large framed photographs. Gritty portraits, backdropped by Chicago’s streets, lined the walls. “You have a lovely collection here, Brian.”

  “Why, thanks Olivia, that means a lot.” He handed me a glass of white wine and set a platter of cheese and olives on the coffee table.

  “I really shouldn’t,” I said with a small smile.

  “Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret. ” With a wink, he brushed his hands over his charcoal slim-fit suit that was punctuated with a striped, knit skinny tie. He sat across from me and rested his ankle on the opposite knee, exposing grey and white polka dot socks.

  “Well, I can see why everyone says you’re so charming. It’s because you’re serving them wine right off the bat,” I teased. I took a sip from the glass, glad I’d changed my mind at the last minute about bringing Serena.

  He ran a hand through his blond shoulder-length hair, a look I normally despised, but which he pulled off very well. “It’s my little secret. But that’s off the record, I wouldn’t want anyone else catching on.”

  “Check,” I said, pulling
out my notepad. “Before I forget, we’re having a Meet & Greet for the participants in the article next week. I will have Serena forward you the invite.”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ve thought of someone. Lauren Bacall.”

  “Sorry?”

  “The voice, definitely. That’s who I’m casting you as, a young Lauren Bacall.”

  “I will take that as a high compliment. I haven’t heard that before.”

  “I see it more in your mannerisms but you do resemble her . . . . You know, you have wonderful bone structure. Such cheekbones. And your eyes! So sentient! Perhaps I can photograph you sometime.”

  “Perhaps,” I intoned, knowing full well that would never happen. “So Brian Ayers, tell me – how long have you been in Chicago?”

  ~

  Lucy’s receptionist told me she was with a client, but that I should go in anyway. I headed down the hall and knocked before poking my head in the room.

  “Come in,” Lucy said. I started when I saw her on her knees before David Dylan, fingering the hem of his pants.

  “Hey Liv,” she managed with a pin between her teeth. David’s head jerked up, and his face looked as shocked as I felt.

  “Hi Luce.”

  “Liv,” she said, removing the pin and sticking it into the hem. “You remember David Dylan.”

  “Yes, actually,” I cleared my throat. “David here is going to be one of our Most Eligible bachelors next month.”

  Lucy beamed. “Really? Did you know, David? How wonderful!”

  “Yes,” he said slowly. “I met with Olivia earlier this week, in fact.” I gave him a quick nod, letting him know it was okay to say.

  “You’re going to be great,” she said to him. “And you’ll look top-notch,” she added, tugging on the fabric. “Liv, we’re running a little behind. Do you mind? We’re going to a bridesmaid dress fitting after we get something to eat, David,” Lucy explained, glancing up at him. “You should come. To lunch, not to the fitting.” She giggled. “I’ll be right back, I need more pins. You know, on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t eat before a dress fitting. Do you think that matters? Should we eat after?”