Come Undone

by Jessica Hawkins

  “Not me.” She shook her head. “I just wanted to be happy. I thought that being happy meant finding someone to marry and a good job. I didn’t know other kids who said they would be the best at everything, and have the best of everything.”

  I laughed lightly and nodded. “I had high expectations because my dad did. I thought he could do better than my mom. I didn’t want anyone to ever think that about me.”

  “Nobody does. Everyone loves you.”

  “Do they?” I sighed, thinking of David’s earlier accusations. Do they love me as I am? Gretchen looked hurt so I touched her arm. “Of course, I know you do. I love you too, so much. I never would have survived without you and John, you’re the reason I made it through.”

  She gave me a beautiful smile, and I was sure I saw tears in her eyes. “So what about Bill? Is he all of those things?”

  “I don’t think anyone can be all of those things. I think I may have been a bit idealistic,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But he is as close as it gets.”

  She bit her lip, and her eyes avoided mine. “What are you going to do?” she asked.

  “Move on. What choice do I have?” I paused. “But for now, I’m going to have a carefree night with my girlfriends. You’d better get dressed or I’m leaving your ass behind,” I joked. “I can’t be late for my own party.”

  Her eyes lingered on me a moment before she stood to get dressed. I watched her sort through her closet in an unusually silent manner, pulling out article after article. I wasn’t sure if telling her was the right choice, but I felt better.

  Lucy’s voice in the other room cut into my thoughts. On my way into the kitchen, I was almost knocked over by Bethany when she rushed up to hug me. “I heard you were attacked in an alley downtown by a murderer rapist!”

  “What?” Lucy screamed. She rushed over and skidded to a stop in front of me. “Oh, your face!”

  “No, no, that’s an exaggeration,” I said glaring at Ava.

  “Wait,” Gretchen called from her room. “I haven’t heard the story yet!” She raced in, clutching at her robe as it threatened to fly open.

  “This is the last time I’m going to tell this,” I prefaced.

  They listened intently as I recounted my story. It sounded so grim as I told it, and I felt awful for bringing the mood down. When I got to the part about David, I sniffed and rushed the words out.

  “What? That’s crazy,” Lucy exclaimed.

  “Well, you know he works by us Luce. We’re profiling him for the Most Eligible issue,” I explained to Ava and Bethany. Sounds about right said someone. “He was on his way home from the office.”

  “At ten o’clock at night?” Lucy asked. “That’s an extreme coincidence.”

  “I know,” I said with a shrug. “I was very lucky. Anyway - ”

  “Wait, hold up,” Gretchen interjected. “Since when is David part of that issue? This is the guy from Lucy’s party, right? Is he going to be there tonight? I didn’t know - ” suddenly she gasped loudly, and we all looked at her. “Oh. My.”

  “What?” Bethany asked.

  Her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth, staring at me. “Oh my God!” she said, the words muffled by her hand.

  I grabbed her arm and began pulling her into the bedroom. “Sorry, can you just give us a minute?” I asked them, pushing her with more force. Shock covered her face, and I shut the door behind us.

  “David Dylan?” she hissed. “He’s the one you’ve fallen for?”

  I panicked, not knowing how to respond.

  “Oh, Olivia. No, no, no. Forget what I said earlier. He’s a total womanizer.”

  “How do you know?” I retorted. I wasn’t sure why I snapped at her, it wasn’t news to me.

  “I can just tell, Livs, I know tons of guys just like him. Someone like that can be . . . dangerous. He knows how to make you feel special. Believe me, he’s handsome, charming and sexy. There’s no way he’s not single for a reason.”

  “Sounds familiar,” I said with intent to hurt, because I didn’t like what I was hearing.

  “Well,” she said, seemingly unfazed. “I learned from experience. From guys like him.”

  I gulped, embarrassed by the conversation. “Look,” I started. “We can talk about this later. I don’t want anyone else to find out,” I said, signaling toward the kitchen.

  “Is that story true?” she asked seriously. “Or were you with him that night?”

  “It actually is true, weird as it sounds. I was at work late, and we did run into each other.” I decided not to reveal just yet that I had spent the night in his apartment.

  “And when you asked me to cover for you?”

  “I met him for a drink to explain that nothing could happen between us.”

  “It takes a drink to explain that?”

  “Olivia?” Lucy called from the other room.

  “All right, all right, come on, before they get suspicious,” I said, pulling her arm.

  “We’re not done with this conversation,” she warned.

  We were met with a sea of confused faces when we returned. “Sorry,” Gretchen said. “I - I thought I forgot . . . to turn off my curling iron,” she said haltingly. I rolled my eyes inwardly and continued my story in an effort to distract them. I left out as many details as possible, telling the story as though David were less impassioned.

  When I finished, they were stunned. Lucy was almost in tears, but I assured her that I was feeling better and that the police were taking care of it.

  “Next time that happens, you call me right away. David is a hero,” she said with starry eyes.

  “No,” I said, trying again to downplay his involvement. “Anyone else would have done the same thing.”

  She shook her head. “He is something else. I always thought he was so polite. He’s just a good guy,” she mused. I looked at Gretchen imploringly.

  “All right, I’m almost done getting ready. Liv, make me a drink?” Thank you, I mouthed.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling up for tonight?” Lucy asked me quietly. I nodded enthusiastically. Though the weight of the morning’s news weighed heavily on me, I knew better than to reveal it. Lucy would send me home if she found out Davena had passed.

  “I need to have some fun,” I said. “Plus, I really need to be there. This whole thing was my idea.”

  “Thanks for inviting us Liv. All my friends are super jealous. Is there going to be dancing?” Ava asked.

  “Yep,” I nodded. “And I think dancing might be just the ticket.”

  Lucy bit her lip, furrowing her brows. “I haven’t been dancing since that spring break we went to Mexico.”

  “Oh, this will be nothing like Mexico,” Ava chimed in. “It’s at the Gryphon, right Liv? I’ve been to the club upstairs. Very classy.”

  “It is,” Bethany nodded.

  “Good, because I’m scarred for life after Tijuana.”

  I laughed and squeezed a lemon into the drinks. While delivering one to Gretchen, I paused to admire my sleeveless leather mini-dress. It hugged in all the right places, and nude pumps elongated my legs. I needed more cover-up on the bruise, I decided. My lips were glossy and colorless, and the bulk of my hair was pinned at the top of my head, with a few pieces escaping to frame my face.

  I thought that for someone whose insides were so tangled, I could pass for a normal, happy human being. And maybe I’d have to for a while. Gretchen stepped out then in silver skinny jeans, a white over-sized tank and red platform pumps.

  “Let’s do this,” she said after a long sip of her drink.

  CHAPTER 21

  THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE WORLD like the feeling of bass pumping against your brain, reverberating throughout your entire body. The fast and steady beat pulsed through me, entangling with the fiery alcohol, manipulating my limbs and looping my hips. The darkness of the dance floor was sporadically pierced with flashes of red, green, blue; a white spotlight flickered over glowing, sweat-dampened skin.

 
Gretchen’s petite figure moved against Graham Broderick while her eyes closed blissfully. A group of girls, who didn’t look old enough to drink alcohol and oh, I should check, but I just don’t want to leave, they stayed close to us, trying to cut in for a dance with the movie star.

  I’d had a lot to drink, but it was hard to care. With the week I’d experienced, it was the best medicine. I’d already been all around the event, checking in with the necessary people and mingling with the guests, and now the party was in full swing. David’s non-presence was almost palpable to me, but the alcohol numbed the disappointment. It numbed the pain. It numbed everything.

  Davena . . . . I blocked the name from my mind and focused on the music, letting it wipe everything in my head. Just then, someone bumped me, causing my glass to drop and shatter at my feet.

  “Seriously?” I called after them. “I’ll be back,” I shouted to no one in particular. I squeezed my way off the dance floor, found a staff member to take care of it and had a new drink within minutes.

  Drink in hand, I made my way around the party, stopping now and then to converse with the guests of honor and then going to check on Serena, who was firmly positioned at the front. On my way back, Beman motioned me over.

  “I must say, I’m pleased with what you’ve done here, Liv. Not too over the top but a fine guest list. And how did you manage to get Graham Broderick? There are actually paparazzi out front,” he said giddily.

  “Oh, he’s a mutual friend,” I said, waving my hand nonchalantly.

  He nodded his head and grinned tightly. “Very nice. Keep up the good work.”

  “Thanks,” I called as he sauntered away.

  I headed out to the back balcony. I was in conversation with a Bachelorette when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

  “Brian Ayers,” I exclaimed, wrapping him in a warm hug and planting a kiss on his cheek. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

  “Hello, Olivia, thank you for the invite. Sorry I wasn’t here earlier.” He eyed my face, squinting at my cheek.

  “No problem at all. You did miss my speech though,” I reprimanded.

  “And for that I will be eternally sorry. Can I refresh your drinks?”

  “Sure,” the Bachelorette piped. “He’s cute!” she whispered as he walked away. “He must be in the issue too. He’s too cute not to be. Is he gay? He is, isn’t he?” she cringed.

  “No, no,” I smiled. “He’s straight and available.”

  “Oh, goody!” she laughed, twirling a piece of auburn hair around her finger. “Because one time, I was flirting with this guy all night long, and I thought we were really hitting it off until someone finally told me . . . .” Her eyes changed just as I was hit with his presence. “Hi,” she said dumbly.

  “Ladies.”

  I looked up at David from the corner of my eye. His expression was smoother than his bristly jawline, and he smelled the way I imagined heaven might. I rolled my lips together to keep from gaping.

  “Are you a Bachelor, too?” the girl asked. I peeked around him stealthily to search for his date.

  He cleared his throat leisurely. “Can you give us a moment?”

  “Oh, um, I’m waiting for a drink.”

  “I’ll make sure you get your drink. Do you mind?”

  I crossed my arms and tapped my finger against my forearm once she’d sulked away. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “Are you?” he asked, taking a sip of something dark.

  I looked away. “Yes. You said you wouldn’t come.”

  “I said maybe.”

  I paused. “I just didn’t think I’d see you again, at least not this soon. Where’s your date?”

  “Why not? Because we had an argument?”

  I glanced back at him. “An argument?” I squeezed my fingers into my arm. “That wasn’t an argument, that was a finale. With fireworks.”

  “Not for me, it wasn’t.”

  “Well it was for me,” I hissed softly, glancing around the balcony.

  His back straightened then. “Brian Ayers,” he said, holding out his hand and clapping him on the back.

  “Nice to see you, fellow Bachelor. Here you are, Olivia,” Brian said, awkwardly handing me a glass while balancing two others. David’s gaze darted between us, and his face darkened. Brian blew a piece of hair from his forehead and looked around. “Where’d she go?”

  “She’s over there by the ice sculpture,” I said, pointing. We all looked and she waved. Brian held up the drink to her, and she came scurrying over.

  “So aside from this speech, what did I miss?” he asked us both.

  “Can’t say, I just arrived myself,” David said.

  “Not too much, just a lot of dancing and miniature hamburgers.”

  “I could definitely go for some food right now,” David said, rubbing his stomach.

  “Didn’t you come from dinner?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “I’m a growing boy.”

  “Well, what’ve you got there, young man?” Brian teased, taking David’s drink from him. “Iced tea?” David snorted as Brian whiffed the drink and made a face. “Whiskey. That’s potent shit.” He shook his head and passed it back. “I’m a gin and tonic man, myself,” Brian said, putting a damp hand on my shoulder.

  I tensed instinctively when his fingertips brushed against my neck. The look returned to David’s face with a blaring intensity, and it was beginning to make me uncomfortable.

  “And how about that portrait, Miss Bacall? When are you going to let me take it? You’d look just right hanging in my gallery room.”

  “Oh,” I blushed, looking into my drink. “I don’t think so.”

  “Don’t get shy on me, Olivia. You have magnificent eyes, they really are unusual. The camera would love them. Aren’t they magnificent, David?”

  “They are.” In those two words, his tone of voice said everything. His drink swirled in measured circles. He wore a charcoal grey V-neck sweater over a slate grey button down. It showed the knot of a matching tie, which he now loosened as his eyes burned into me. He made no effort to hide the fact that he was infuriated by Brian’s behavior. And it had my body utterly thrumming as a result. The way he looked at me, like he couldn’t control what might happen next, almost brought me to my knees.

  “We had the most fateful meeting, David. It was like something out of a movie. This one was walking her dog and got tangled in the leash. It took off after some poor fluffball, and Olivia here fell flat on her ass. Luckily I was passing by and gave her a hand up.”

  “How romantic.” Deadpan. Just like that: how romantic. With the obvious absence of the exclamation that should follow.

  “It wasn’t my dog,” I started to explain but was cut off.

  “Some party!” The woman accepted her drink and prattled on about something or other, I wasn’t listening. David was looking at me in that way, penetrating and lusty with a twist of somber, and I was suddenly remembering the seatbelt. The memory of his hand grazing my skin, so close to the hem of my skirt, made me shudder. He raised an eyebrow at me and discreetly adjusted his pants.

  “What do you say, David?” Brian asked.

  “Hmm?”

  “About taking this nice young lady to see the view of the water. I don’t think she’s ever been this high up before.”

  She giggled. “Yes - ”

  “Run along, you two,” Brian said mirthfully.

  Brian winked, and I caught the tail end of David’s glare. He stuck out his elbow and the woman took it, smiling with giddy abandon.

  “I don’t know what’s up his ass,” Brian said once they were on their way, “but he needs a good lay, and he isn’t going to get it hanging out with us.”

  “How long have you known him?” I asked, scowling spitefully after Ritz, my new nickname for the redheaded ditz.

  “Years. A good man. One of the only guys in Chicago I get along with; the rest are bullshitters, Liv, don’t be fooled. May I call you Liv? It feels so natural.”

>   “Of course.”

  “Enough about Dylan, though. Should I be worried about the monstrosity on your face? I admit you did a nice job of covering it up. Perhaps I need to throw down the gauntlet, though?”

  I laughed. “No, it’s all taken care of. I prefer not to discuss it, however.”

  “Very well, I trust you. So I know you have the scoop on the ladies here, fill me in. That one wasn’t my type, not very bright. Seems much better suited to Dylan.” I bit my cheek at the comment. “Who do you suggest? I need a girl like you, smart and beautiful, but edgy too. Come on, I know you’re a little wild,” he said when I started to protest. “Look at you in your leather dress.” I couldn’t help but laugh before breaking down the guest list.

  “And, you know, my best girlfriend is here, she’s a real catch, but she came with someone.” I looked around the room and pointed her out to him. David, standing on the opposite balcony with his back to us, caught my eye.

  “And you say she’s clever?”

  “She is, though she might try to fool you,” I said distractedly. I sent Gretchen a text, telling her to come over alone. I could see David’s profile now through the glass, and he was laughing with the woman. To my surprise, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Well, I thought, looking back at Brian. A real matchmaker.

  “Hey!”

  “Gretch, this is my friend Brian, one of our Bachelors.”

  “Oh yes, I’m aware,” she said with a killer smile. “I’ve already had Liv fill me in on the best attendees.”

  Brian laughed boisterously. “You know, I just had her do the same for me.”

  “He did,” I confirmed. “I’m a good friend, don’t forget it.”

  “And why aren’t you in the feature, Gretchen?”

  “I was a couple years back.”

  “Funny, I think I would have remembered.”

  While they got acquainted, I checked for David again, but neither him nor the woman were anywhere in sight. I shifted uncomfortably in my shoes, rising slightly onto the balls to get a better view.

  “I’ll be back,” I told them. “Listen, I need him single until June so don’t get any ideas, G.”