A Despicable Crime

by Liza O'Connor

  Once they locked up, Vic stopped. “Hold on! Is Tubs still in the basement?”

  “No, I resolved that issue before I came to see how you were getting on with our mystery guest.”

  Vivian spoke up at once. “We were getting on very nicely. But we had not yet concluded how to proceed. Should we not take care of that matter first?”

  “We shall,” Xavier declared, “but there is no reason we cannot do so in our library.”

  Chapter 2

  As they crossed the street, Xavier chided Vic for revealing she was female. “While Vivian is entirely trustworthy, I hope you are more careful hiding matters with others. There are a great many people who will be outraged if they discover your true gender.”

  Vic scowled. “Well thankfully, your undead great-grandmother can be trusted, since I did not tell her anything about myself. She happens to be highly intelligent!”

  Vivian jumped into their conversation. “And I have a good nose. Females smell differently than males.”

  “Only if there is blood, which there cannot be for Vic,” Xavier challenged.

  “Xavier, life is more complex than that. There is a mild scent for both men and women, and they are decidedly different.”

  “Damnation. Vic! You are to go to Dr. Connors tomorrow and ask him to provide you with a male’s odor! I will not risk your life being ruined.” He then turned to Vivian. “Victor is the finest intuitive sleuth I’ve ever known. To be honest, he exceeded my capabilities several years ago.”

  “That’s not entirely true,” Vic objected. “No one can bellow and bluster people into action faster than Xavier. One of the main crime lords of London still thinks I’m just a parrot capable of delivering Xavier’s words, while Xavier robs me of my money.” Seeing a look of outrage on Vivian’s face, Vic added, “Which of course he is not doing! Xavier is the most honest and trustworthy man I have ever known.”

  Having arrived at the front door, Vic slammed the brass knocker three times. She then grinned at Vivian. “My butler is very busy, so he doesn’t have time to stand at the door just in case someone arrives.”

  Just then Gregory opened the door and waved them all in. “David is teaching the pups how to work together as a team. I may attempt to instill some of his teachings upon my staff as well.” He then focused on Vivian. “I see you have brought a guest.”

  While his words were spoken politely, Vic could still hear the complaint, and what with Vivian showing up and no doubt expecting to be served dinner, it might be a fair scold. “If there isn’t enough food to go around, Xavier will go hungry. He doesn’t approve of eating too often anyway.”

  Vivian laughed and turned to Vic. “When Xavier was a boy, he insisted a solid breakfast was all that should be required to get through the day.”

  “He still believes that,” Vic laughed. “Gregory, we’ll be in the library. And if David finishes with the pups’ education, then ask him to join us.” She then turned to Vivian. “David might be the smartest person in the whole world. My sister claims to be the smartest, but she’s mostly annoying and we aren’t talking this year. However, her husband, who is my friend David, truly is brilliant, and the proof of that is he’s living with us, rather than my sister, Claire.”

  Xavier leaned down and spoke softly, “I don’t believe Vivian needs to know about Claire.”

  “Oh, I wish to know about all of you. Especially the ‘pups’ this David fellow is educating. Dog training seems an odd way for the most brilliant man on earth to spend his time.”

  Both Vic and Xavier laughed. “Only one of them is a dog,” Vic assured her. “One is solely our son, one is Tubs and Sara’s son, and Danny has three fathers claiming him: Xavier, David and me.”

  ***

  Xavier opened the door, so Vic and Vivian could enter the library. He rolled his desk chair to the two cushioned, leather high-backs and smiled as Vic took his high-back. While the two chairs were identical, the imp loved to sit in his chair whenever she got the chance.

  Vivian sat down and sighed in pleasure. “I am so glad we came over here. This is far nicer than your office. You do realize your client chairs are most uncomfortable?”

  Xavier chuckled and sat in his desk chair. “That’s so they’ll get to the point quickly and then leave.”

  “Well, I am certainly in no rush to leave this lovely room, but I will tell the story in proper order, this time,” Vivian promised.

  “Not a worry. While I wasn’t actively listening, I did hear your words. Upon discovering who you were, I’ve pieced the most likely situation together.”

  Vivian clapped with delight. “Well then, tell me what you’ve concluded.”

  Xavier eyed her for a moment, then continued. “My father has created a document that appears to give him the right to remove money from your account each December. Since you clearly do not remember signing such a document—"

  “I have not!” Vivian spoke, with certainty.

  “Then my father has bought a forged document of good quality.”

  Vic stared at him with pure love. “Absolutely! Otherwise, it would have been rejected by your original bank.”

  “Does he always steal the same amount?” Xavier asked.

  “Not always. I was able to keep my new account a secret for five years before he found it. Then the scoundrel took out six years’ worth.”

  “Ah, so there must be a clause in the document that allows for a certain amount, and if it is not taken out in the year it becomes due, then it accrues, and can be taken out later.” Vic smiled. “Fortunately, Jacko is in town.”

  “Most fortunate.” He focused on Vivian. “Jacko has an amazing gift. He can find any document that exists.”

  “Not if it’s in a bank,” Vivian countered.

  Vic refrained from telling her that Jacko could easily break into a bank, since it was irrelevant to her situation. “I don’t believe it is in a bank,” Vic replied. “I believe Daniel has it hidden in his house where he believes no one can find it.”

  “But would not a bank be safer?” Vivian insisted.

  Xavier snorted softly. “Banks are not particularly safe. In fact, one or more fails every few weeks. Given this forgery is of good quality, otherwise it would have been discovered before now, Daniel had to pay a pretty penny for it. You and I know he would have hated spending the money to have it made.”

  Vic added, “Tubs says there are only three high quality forgers in London, so we’ll start with them.”

  Xavier frowned. “What exactly are you planning to start with them?”

  Vic rolled her eyes. “There’s a good chance, Daniel never paid the forger. He sounds rather the type...”

  “Vic’s right.” Vivian said as she turned to Vic. “I take it you have met Daniel?”

  Xavier laughed softly. “Vic has not, nor do I ever speak of the man. This came from Vic’s incredible intuitive skill.”

  “But if Vic is correct, then why wouldn’t the forger just kill him?” Vivian challenged.

  Vic answered Vivian. “Killing a gentry is dangerous. All three of these men can forge a document in a single day that appears genuine. If Daniel chose to cheat one of them, they wouldn’t attempt to kill him, they would just write it off and never do business with him again. In fact, Tubs has concluded they share their bad debt lists, so if you cheat one, you are refused by all three in the future. Thus, if Daniel loses the paper he has, the thefts will end.”

  Xavier leaned back and smiled. “So, the best solution is to have Jacko steal the document and bring it here. Once we are all satisfied the document is what is causing your problems, we will destroy it.”

  “You make it sound so simple. Only I assure you it will not be. And if your man is caught in his house, he might be shot,” Vivian warned.

  “There is always danger in our profession, but Jacko’s skills in locating items is truly extraordinary. However, to speed our process, perhaps I will visit my father tomorrow to assess the most likely spots the document is hidden.
”

  “Would that not just alert him to a problem?”

  “Not since I plan to complain that he lied and told me you were dead. Quite frankly, it would be a red flag if I didn’t arrive.”

  “But won’t that alarm him into doing something rash?” Vivian asked.

  Vic spoke in her calmest voice. “Xavier will watch his eyes to see where he looks. Most people will quickly glance at their hiding place in such a situation.”

  “And if he doesn’t look anywhere?” Vivian challenged. “Then what shall you do?”

  Xavier rolled his eyes, then answered her. “I will delay him from his night’s entertainment by carrying on over his lies which have resulted in my missing years of my great-grandmother’s life. Then I will storm from the house, declaring him the worst father imaginable.”

  “And how will this Jacko get into the house and find the document?” she asked.

  “Jacko can do his part,” Vic assured Vivian. “Xavier, you do realize that once he returns and finds the document missing, he will certainly blame you.”

  “I am happily aware of that,” Xavier chuckled.

  Vivian rubbed her arms as if chilled. “But what if Daniel comes here and takes the document back?”

  “It takes only a moment to burn a document, whereas, it will take Daniel as long as we like to let him in. The door locks are unpickable, and we have a formidable staff,” Vic assured her.

  “Then the plan is set?”

  Xavier shrugged. “I’ll go visit Jacko now.”

  “Hold on! I am still worried about Vivian keeping all of your cash in a single bank,” Vic added. “If you would not mind, I would like to take you to my man of business tomorrow, so he can explain the dangers of doing so, and provide better ways to secure your future.”

  “When my man of business died, I decided against hiring another, for there are so many thieves amongst them,” Vivian declared.

  “That is very true,” Xavier agreed. “However, Mr. Ascot is a very good man of business who is adept at placing our orders to invest in all the modern advancements being made. It is a symbiotic relationship. He ensures we get the best pricing and we assure the investments are above board. If one or the other is not the case, then we do not invest.”

  “But how do you know which investments are real?” she challenged.

  Vic smiled. “Well, Tubs has a great knowledge of those who are not real, so with his knowledge we can remove almost seventy percent of the investments at once. That leaves us thirty percent to investigate. However, we have already investigated ninety percent of those, which means now all we have to do is provide an update to determine if they are still worthy of investment.”

  “And what if they are not?”

  “Then we do not invest unless they can turn matters around. Sadly, failure can occur at any time during the process. There are often times where failure occurs to no fault of the business. Still the result to investors would be devastating if this were their only stock. Thus, if there are five good companies vying for a contract that will make or possibly break them, then we will put thirty percent into the one we believe will win and divvy up the remainder over the other competitors based on their likelihood of surviving without the contract. In that way, our losses are never too painful, and our overall gains are far superior to the pittance a bank gives.”

  Vivian clapped her hands. “I had not thought of applying mathematics to my money.”

  “Xavier is very good at this,” Vic bragged.

  “I dare say he is, given how well he handled mathematics when I taught him as a boy.” She smiled lovingly at Xavier. “I am so happy I came to your agency, both for personal and professional reasons. I had not wanted to engage you into this mess because I was certain the culprit was your father, and I had no idea how you would feel about that.”

  “I have not spoken to my father in twenty years,” Xavier admitted, then smiled. “However, I’m delighted that I have discovered you are not dead and came to our agency for help. I hope we will see more of you now.”

  Vic nodded as well. “We have some spare bedrooms if you ever wish to stay over.”

  Xavier kissed the top of Vic’s head. “Now excuse me. I have work to do.”

  When he also kissed Vivian on her hand, the dear old woman laughed. “That is the very first kiss you have ever given me.” She grinned at him. “Be careful. I would never forgive myself if you or this Jacko fellow gets harmed while helping me.”

  Vic hugged her. “Not one client has ever worried about the danger to us before.”

  Once Xavier was gone, Vivian remained quiet. “Are you certain Xavier and his helper will be fine?”

  “He’ll be fine, but if he doesn’t come back before one in the morning, then I’ll go out looking for him and Jacko.”

  “Why is it you have never met his father before?” Vivian asked.

  “Well, since I’m a partner of the firm, there is no reason for me to meet a fellow so terrible that even Xavier avoids him.”

  Vivian released a soothing laugh. “You are most delightful. It must have been easy for Xavier to fall in love with you.”

  “Easy? He was a holy terror at first. He kept dousing me with ink and constantly threatening to fire me.”

  “And look how well behaved he is now.” Vivian released a happy sigh. “I am so glad you persevered.”

  “I am as well. There were times I wanted to quit, but he helped solve my aunt’s murder, and that meant a great deal to me. While at first, his behavior was out of control, he eventually calmed and then he fell in love with me, only I dared not share my true gender, so I continued to let him think I was a young man.”

  “That had to be very hard on both of you,” Vivian observed.

  “It was, and I feared he would fall in love with my sister. At first Xavier was polite to Claire, then he thought her remarkably intelligent. I once found them in the garden talking softly and I lost my temper. I behaved so badly that Gregory, my butler/parent gave me the worst scolding of my life.

  “What exactly is a butler/parent?”

  “Allow me to begin my story a bit earlier. Then it will make more sense.”

  “By all means,” Vivian assured her.

  “When I was twelve, my father decided we would visit his sister in England. We lived in America back then. While I felt a bit queasy the first week on the ocean, everything had been going fine, until the engine of our ship exploded a day out from England.

  “Wood was flying everywhere. The rowboats wouldn’t come down, so mother located a large plank of wood floating in the ocean and told us to jump off the side and swim to it. Both Claire and I were good swimmers, so we made it to the make-shift raft and climbed up without a problem. Only mother’s heavy skirts made swimming much harder. When she finally made it to the planks, she was too tired to pull herself up. So instead, she hung on the side and calmed us. When it grew dark, she told us to sleep, promising all would be well.”

  Tears welled in Vic’s eyes. “When we woke up, our mother was gone.” Vic rubbed her eyes harshly. “Sorry, for crying like a child. The loss still hurts.”

  Vivian stood and held her hand out to Vic. When Vic took it, she pulled Vic into her arms and hugged her. “And that is why you became a young man?”

  Vic nodded. “My Aunt Madeline took me and Claire in and raised us like her own. Gregory was her butler. When I refused to ever wear a dress again, she asked Gregory to teach me how to be a young gentleman.” Vic shook her head. “I often resented how much harder he was on me than my sister. When I was older, I challenged him over the matter, and he explained himself. Claire was the future mistress of the house, but he taught me to behave as he would have taught his son, had he ever had one.”

  Vic smiled at the memory. “That made all the difference in the world. I had been scolded so I could become a fine gentleman, while Claire was rarely scolded and never by Gregory. After my aunt died, Claire became as bad as she wished. And sadly, over the years, she just kee
ps getting worse.”

  “What happened to your aunt?”

  “My aunt was murdered when I was twenty-two. That’s when I met Xavier. He came to her funeral, and I asked him to help me solve the murder.” While I had Xavier and Gregory to help me grow up proper, Claire had no one. She’s become quite the tyrant now. Her misbehaviors become worse every year. When Xavier almost died in 1894 and was muddleheaded due to the medicine Dr. Connors gave him, Claire, knowing that I loved Xavier, attempted to convince him to marry her. Fortunately, even medicated, he had the sense to refuse her.”

  Vic sighed. “I’ve never forgiven her for that. Next, she declared me an unfit mother of my baby Connor, stating I thought I was male. Even David left her for this bit of treachery.”

  “Dear Lord, that could have gotten you sent to Bedlam.” Vivian exclaimed.

  “Fortunately, I had already impressed too many people that I was a useful young man, so the one who was at risk was Claire. Instead, I found another way to get my sister the child she so desperately wanted. While trying to save a young woman, who did not wish to be saved, I offered to take her child off her hands, thus saving her the money she was going to pay a baby farmer to kill the tiny baby.”

  “Good Lord! Why would she do that?” Vivian demanded.

  Vic sighed heavily. “The child was interfering with her being an actress. I offered to take the child and give it to a couple who could not have one. She agreed, and I gave the child to Claire, so she would be happy, and for a while she was.”

  “I fear to ask what she did next.” Vivian stated.

  “The next major event was when I got knighted by the Queen for saving two of her relatives. While Claire came to the event, she flirted with a friend of mine, who was single, and almost caused her husband, David, to be arrested.

  “It was at this point I began to think Claire might be going insane, for why would she flirt with another young man when this fellow could have thrown David in jail?” Vic sighed heavily. “Last December while I was training policemen on how to be better at their job, we came upon a case of another baby farmer. The young woman had a baby she was supposed to have killed upon arrival only she evidently planned to blackmail the fellow who gave her the baby boy. However, she was arrested when the police entered her home and found many dead babies and a literal graveyard in the back.”