The Head of the Family

by W. W. Jacobs

medium."

  "Like you, I s'pose?" said the frantic suitor. "Like me," said theother, gravely. "Now, you watch; fall in behind and watch."

  He drew Miss Foster's arm through his and, leaning towards her withtender deference, began a long conversation. At the end of ten minutesMr. Widden intimated that he thought he had learned enough to go on with.

  "Ah! that's only your conceit," said Mr. Letts over his shoulder. "I wasafraid you was conceited."

  He turned to Miss Foster again, and Mr. Widden, with a despairinggesture, abandoned himself to gloom. He made no further interruptions,but at the conclusion of the walk hesitated so long on the door-step thatMr. Letts had to take the initiative.

  "Good-night," he said, shaking hands. "Come round to-morrow night andI'll give you another lesson. You're a slow learner, that's what youare; a slow learner."

  He gave Mr. Widden a lesson on the following evening, but cautioned himsternly against imitating the display of brotherly fondness of which, ina secluded lane, he had been a wide-eyed observer.

  "When you've known her as long as I have--nineteen years," said Mr.Letts, as the other protested, "things'll be a bit different. I mightnot be here, for one thing."

  By exercise of great self-control Mr. Widden checked the obvious retortand walked doggedly in the rear of Miss Foster. Then, hardly able tobelieve his ears, he heard her say something to Mr. Letts.

  "Eh?" said that gentleman, in amazed accents.

  "You fall behind," said Miss Foster.

  "That--that's not the way to talk to the head of the family," said Mr.Letts, feebly.

  "It's the way I talk to him," rejoined the girl.

  It was a position for which Mr. Letts was totally unprepared, and thesatisfied smile of Mr. Widden as he took the vacant place by no meansimproved matters. In a state of considerable dismay Mr. Letts droppedfarther and farther behind until, looking up, he saw Miss Foster,attended by her restive escort, quietly waiting for him. An odd look inher eyes as they met his gave him food for thought for the rest of theevening.

  At the end of what Mr. Letts was pleased to term a month's trial, Mr.Widden was still unable to satisfy him as to his fitness for the positionof brother-in-law. In a spirit of gloom he made suggestions of amutinous nature to Mr. Green, but that gentleman, who had returned oneday pale and furious, but tamed, from an interview that related to histreatment of his wife, held out no hopes of assistance.

  "I wash my hands of him," he said bitterly. "You stick to it; that'sall you can do."

  "They lost me last night," said the unfortunate. "I stayed behind justto take a stone out of my shoe, and the earth seemed to swallow them up.He's so strong. That's the worst of it."

  "Strong?" said Mr. Green.

  Mr. Widden nodded. "Tuesday evening he showed her how he upset a manonce and stood him on his head," he said, irritably. "I was what heshowed her with."

  "Stick to it!" counselled Mr. Green again. "A brother and sister arebound to get tired of each other before long; it's nature."

  Mr. Widden sighed and obeyed. But brother and sister showed no signs oftiring of each other's company, while they displayed unmistakable signsof weariness with his. And three weeks later Mr. Letts, in a fewwell-chosen words, kindly but firmly dismissed him.

  "I should never give my consent," he said, gravely, "so it's only wastingyour time. You run off and play."

  Mr. Widden ran off to Mr. Green, but before he could get a word outdiscovered that something unusual had happened. Mrs. Green, a picture ofdistress, sat at one end of the room with a handkerchief to her eyes; Mr.Green, in a condition compounded of joy and rage, was striding violentlyup and down the room.

  "He's a fraud!" he shouted. "A fraud! I've had my suspicions for sometime, and this evening I got it out of her."

  Mr. Widden stared in amazement.

  "I got it out of her," repeated Mr. Green, pointing at the tremblingwoman. "He's no more her son than what you are."

  "What?" said the amazed listener.

  "She's been deceiving me," said Mr. Green, with a scowl, "but I don'tthink she'll do it again in a hurry. You stay here," he shouted, as hiswife rose to leave the room. "I want you to be here when he comes in."

  Mrs. Green stayed, and the other two, heedless of her presence, discussedthe situation until the front door was heard to open, and Mr. Letts andBetty came into the room. With a little cry the girl ran to her mother.

  "What's the matter?" she cried.

  "She's lost another son," said Mr. Green, with a ferocious sneer--"aflash, bullying, ugly chap of the name o' Letts."

  "Halloa!" said Mr. Letts, starting.

  "A chap she picked up out of the street, and tried to pass off on me asher son," continued Mr. Green, raising his voice. "She ain't heard theend of it yet, I can tell you."

  Mr. Letts fidgeted. "You leave her alone," he said, mildly. "It's trueI'm not her son, but it don't matter, because I've been to see a lawyerabout her, and he told me that this house and half the furniture belongsby law to Betty. It's got nothing to do with you."

  "Indeed!" said Mr. Green. "Now you take yourself off before I put thepolice on to you. Take your face off these premises."

  Mr. Letts, scratching his head, looked vaguely round the room.

  "Go on!" vociferated Mr. Green. "Or will you have the police to put youout?"

  Mr. Letts cleared his throat and moved towards the door. "You stick upfor your rights, my girl," he said, turning to Betty. "If he don't treatyour mother well, give him back his kitchen chair and his threestair-rods and pack him off."

  "Henry," said Mr. Green, with dangerous calm, "go and fetch a policeman."

  "I'm going," said Mr. Letts, hastily. "Good-by, Betty; good-by, mother.I sha'n't be long. I'm only going as far as the post-office. And thatreminds me. I've been talking so much that I quite forget to tell youthat Betty and me were married yesterday morning."

  He nodded pleasantly at the stupefied Mr. Green, and, turning to Mr.Widden, gave him a friendly dig in the ribs with his finger.

  "What's mine is Betty's," he said, in a clear voice, "and what's Betty'sis MINE! D'ye understand, step-father?"

  He stepped over to Mrs. Green, and putting a strong arm around her raisedher to her feet. "And what's mine is mother's," he concluded, and,helping her across the room, placed her in the best arm-chair.

  "What's mine is mother's."]