Aliss at the Fire
Page 5
Asle, the woman says then
I think Daddy has something for you, because you’re seven years old today, it’s your seventh birthday, November 17, she says
November 17, 1897, that’s today’s date, just like Brita says, Kristoffer says
and Asle looks at the two of them, so eager, so shy
It certainly is, yes, just like Brita says, Kristoffer says
and Kristoffer puts his free arm around Brita’s shoulder and then Kristoffer suddenly takes his other hand out from behind his back and in his hand there’s a boat, a little rowboat, one or two feet long, and with seats and oars and bailers and everything a boat should have, and he holds out the boat to Asle
Happy birthday, Asle, you’re seven, Kristoffer says
A big boy like you needs his own boat, a good boy like you, Asle, he says
Yes you’re such a good boy Asle, Brita says
and Asle goes over to Kristoffer, who is holding the boat out to him, and Asle takes the boat, and he stands there and looks at it, and then Kristoffer puts out his hand and Asle takes his hand and then Kristoffer shakes hands with Asle in a slow movement up and down and Asle just stands there and looks and looks at the boat
That’s a nice boat, Kristoffer says
You can see it has seats and floorboards and oars and bailers and everything, he says
And it’s so white and such nice woodwork, and the boat smells a little of tar, just like a brand new boat should smell, Brita says
That’s a nice boat Kristoffer built for you, she says
It’s because you are such a handsome little man Asle, Kristoffer says
You built it, Asle says
and Kristoffer says yes he did build it, because when he was young, a long time ago, he studied with a boat-builder, and even if he didn’t build that many boats with him he did learn how to build boats, yes, he says and then Kristoffer goes over to Asle, who is looking and looking at the boat, and Kristoffer puts his arms around Asle’s shoulders
I have to go try out the boat right now, Asle says
Yes, the waves probably aren’t too high, Kristoffer says
But be careful now, Brita says
Yes, you have to be careful, she says
Asle is careful, you know he is, Kristoffer says and Asle stands there and looks and looks at the boat and then he goes out the hall door and Kristoffer nods to Brita and she smiles at him and then she sees, lying there on the bench, Brita go through the door to the kitchen and Kristoffer go through it after her and shut the door after him and then she sees herself come in through the open hall door with a raincoat on and she sees herself stop in the doorway and look into the room and then she sees herself go out and shut the door after her and she thinks, standing there in the hall, that now, no, she can’t remember him ever being this late before, it’s almost nighttime and he hasn’t come home, she has to go look for him, she has to go down to the boathouse, to the pier, she has to go look for him, because this, this wind, this rain, this darkness, and can’t he come home soon, she thinks and she goes out the front door and the wind is blowing, it’s raining, and the darkness is black, and it’s so cold, and she has to lean against the front door to get it closed, the wind is blowing so hard, and she leans against it, gets the door closed, and then she is standing there in the light outside, on the front step, and she hears the waves, the rain, and then the waves, and it’s so cold, and she can’t just stay standing like that, she thinks, since she went out in the first place because she wanted to go down to the shore and look for him, maybe call his name, but she can’t just stand there in the evening darkness and call his name? can she? no she probably can’t do that, she can’t, no, she thinks and she goes out into the yard and she goes around the corner, stops and stands there and looks down the little road, and isn’t that him coming walking up the little road, in this black darkness she can see him, she really can, no, that’s good, she thinks, but there, on the little road, no that isn’t him who’s coming, it’s a woman coming, hurrying, and she’s carrying a child in her arms, and the child is so big in her arms, no what is this? she thinks, what’s happening? and she can see everything so clearly, as though it was the middle of the day, no she doesn’t understand this, she thinks and she sees the woman come hurrying toward her and she really is carrying a boy in her arms and she’s pressing the boy to her chest, and the woman is going so fast, and the boy, is he alive? because the woman who’s coming toward her is carrying a boy in her arms and the boy looks lifeless, his clothes are wet, his hair is wet, and in the woman’s eyes, her big eyes, there is something like a yellow sunbeam of despair, but what’s going on, what is this? she thinks and the woman, she has thick black long hair, stops there on the little road and then she stands there and presses the boy to her chest and the woman just stands there, in the middle of the little road, head bent, with a boy in her arms, and she looks at the woman, who’s standing there, completely motionless, and then she hears a voice call out what is it? and she looks down at the fjord and there, on the path to the boathouse, she sees a man, tall and slim, lanky, and with long black hair, with a thin black beard, come running up the hill and he has a string with fish on it in one hand and one side of his long hair has fallen in front of his face
What is it Brita? the man calls out
What’s happened, what’s wrong with Asle, he calls out and the man runs up and she sees that Brita’s black hair, her thick black hair, is hanging down and covering Asle the boy she is holding in her arms and then Brita starts to rock herself and Asle back and forth and the man is in front of Brita and Asle and then he stands there and puts his arms around them and behind Asle’s back the fish that the man has on the string hang down to the ground and the man’s long black hair falls down over Brita’s hair and down over Asle and they just stand there, motionless, while time just passes, she thinks, they stand there, just stand there, and Kristoffer lets go of Brita, goes a little way away from her
What happened? he says
Asle fell in the water, Brita says
Is he still alive, the man says
Yes Kristoffer, Brita says
It’s his seventh birthday, it’s Asle’s seventh birthday, Kristoffer says
Asle’s dead, Brita, he says
No he’s not dead, you can’t say that, don’t say that Kristoffer, Brita says
Asle’s dead, Kristoffer says
He turned seven years old and then he died, he says
No he’s still alive, Brita says
Look, don’t you see, he’s dead, Kristoffer says
and Brita stands there with Asle in her arms and Asle’s arms hang straight down, and his head hangs down, and his eyes are open and empty
You weren’t grown up yet, you were just seven, you should have lived such a long life, not a short one like this, Kristoffer says and Brita stands there, bent forward, with her long thick black hair hanging down over Asle
He’s still alive, Brita says
and Brita looks up through her hair at Kristoffer
No he’s dead, Kristoffer says
and Kristoffer goes a little farther away from Brita, and he stops, looks at her
Brita, Kristoffer says
and Brita doesn’t answer, just stays standing there like before, with that long black hair hanging down over her eyes
Asle is dead, Kristoffer says
Asle’s alive, Brita says
Don’t say that, Kristoffer, don’t say that he’s dead, she says
Asle’s gone, Kristoffer says
He’s dead, he says
and Kristoffer starts to walk up the little road, he goes around the corner, he walks across the yard, slowly, step by step, and the fish on the string swing from side to side, and it is as if Kristoffer will collapse before he takes half a step and turn into the earth that he walks on, she thinks and she sees Kristoffer stop and stand and look down, he stands there with a string with fish on it in one hand and he looks down and she turns around and then she starts to
go down the little road and she stops next to Brita and then she lifts her hand and then she lightly smoothes down Brita’s hair, she strokes and strokes and smoothes down her hair and then she hears footsteps and then she sees Kristoffer come walking down the little road and the fish on the string are swinging from side to side and Kristoffer stops too and then he also smoothes down Brita’s hair
Come inside now, Brita, Kristoffer says
You can’t just stand here, he says
We have to go inside, he says
We have to take Asle inside, he says
and Brita looks up and through her long hair she looks at Kristoffer
It’s November 17 today, Brita says
November 17, 1897, Kristoffer says
November 17, 1897, Brita says
and Kristoffer puts his arm around Brita’s shoulders and Kristoffer and Brita, and Brita with Asle in her arms, slowly walk up the little road
On November 17, 1897, Asle died, Brita says
And he was born on November 17, 1890, she says
and Kristoffer stops, and Brita stops, and then they stand there and look down at the brown earth and then the front door of the old house opens and an old woman comes out and stops on the front step and Kristoffer looks at her
He’s gone, Asle’s gone, Old Aliss, Kristoffer says
Don’t just stand there like that, Old Aliss says
The Lord moves in mysterious ways, she says
He is happy, Asle’s happy now with God in Heaven, so don’t be sad, she says
Don’t be sad, she says
God is good, He is, she says
and Old Aliss lifts one hand, with its stubby bent fingers, up to her eye and she rubs along the edge of her eye with the side of her finger
God is good, she says
and then Old Aliss bends her head and a shudder goes through her shoulders and then she just stands there, she just stands, the way Kristoffer and Brita are just standing there too, and Brita with Asle in her arms. It gets darker and darker, and they are just standing there. They just stand there, they just don’t move, she thinks. They stand there, they stand there as though they had been standing there since time immemorial, she thinks. And she stands there. She stands there and looks at Asle, at Brita, Kristoffer, Old Aliss. And then she turns around and far away, up on the ridge, where the farmsteads end before it slopes down to the river on the other side, the river that follows the back of the ridge all the way from the waterfall farther back, there, up on the very top of the ridge, she sees a boy standing there, he stands there completely calm, just stands, and he looks down at the old house where they live, and isn’t that a stick in his hand? yes, it is, a long stick cut from a branch is resting on his shoulder, and maybe he’s been fishing in the river with the stick? she thinks and then she sees the boy, and could it be him as a boy? doesn’t it look like him? but how could she even tell from such a great distance that it’s him? she thinks, but she can because he is both very far away and right up close, and because it is as if it’s totally dark and totally light at the same time, she thinks, and she can’t understand it, because she can see a boy far away standing up at the top of the ridge, and she can also see his face perfectly clearly as though he was right next to her, and now she sees so so clearly that it’s him and she sees him start to run toward her, and then suddenly it’s a different face, a totally different face, but still with black hair, like his black hair, and doesn’t it look like the Asle that Brita is standing and holding in her arms now? she thinks, yes it really does, she thinks and she sees the boy run toward her, but isn’t it him as a boy? yes now it’s him again, and not the Asle that Brita is standing with in her arms, now she can see it so clearly, and then, it wasn’t him before, it was someone else, a boy the same age, but a different boy, and this boy is probably the Asle that Brita is standing and holding in her arms, and now the boy comes almost right up to the yard and she turns around and she looks at the old house where they live and there, in the yard, she sees Brita still standing with Asle in her arms and Kristoffer stands there with the fish on the string and Old Aliss stands on the front step and now she sees it, now she sees it, now she sees that the boy who is coming running toward her is the Asle that Brita is standing with in her arms and she sees the boy drop the stick and then it is as if he disappears into the boy Brita is standing and holding in her arms. And then Old Aliss straightens up, standing there on the front step, and she slowly turns around and goes into the old house. Into her house, Old Aliss goes into her house, she thinks. And in the yard in front of the old house where they live Brita stands holding Asle in her arms. And then Kristoffer goes over to Brita and then he takes Asle into his own arms and then he hugs Asle to his body, and the string with the fish hangs and swings down toward the ground, and then Kristoffer starts to rock himself and Asle back and forth, and the fish on the string swing back and forth
No he can’t be dead, Brita says
and Kristoffer doesn’t answer
My good little boy can’t have left us, she says
My son, my darling son, she says
My dearest son, she says
But where is Olaf, she says
Do you know where Olaf is, Kristoffer, she says
and as though he was carrying Asle to his baptism Kristoffer goes into the old house where they live and Brita stays standing and then Brita runs her hand through her hair so that it falls back from her forehead and her face is there like an empty sky and then Brita goes home into the old house, where she lives herself, into the old house where she has lived with him for years and years now, into her house, Brita goes into the house that became her own house, she thinks, she is going in to where she is, in her strange clothes and with her long thick black hair Brita is going into her house, into the old house that’s hers and his, she thinks, and so, if someone else has gone into her house, if someone else lives in the old house, then she herself probably can’t go in? if it’s not her house anymore? and so can she go inside it? she thinks, no she probably can’t? but it’s she and he who live there, no one else lives there, she thinks, they have lived there for years and years, the two of them, just the two of them, she thinks and then she notices the rain, she is standing outside after all, in the rain, in the darkness, and the wind is blowing, and it’s cold, and she can’t just stay standing here outside, she thinks, but he hasn’t come home. And where is he? Where has he gone? He must have gone out onto the fjord in his boat, but he still hasn’t come back, and she’s really worried about him, can something have happened to him? she thinks, why doesn’t he come back? but she thinks things like that all the time, she thinks, almost every day, because every day he rows out in his boat, he does, and she is almost always worried about him and thinks that now he really needs to come home, she thinks. And is today any different? Probably not, as far as she knows, she thinks. Everything is probably the same as always. Everything is the same as always. It’s an ordinary Tuesday in late November, 1979. And she is she. And he is he. But maybe she should still go down to the shore, go down to the boathouse, maybe she should still go look for him all the same? she thinks. Yes that’s what she’ll do, she thinks. It’s good to get outside for a few minutes, even if it is windy and raining, she thinks. It’s refreshing. She can’t just stay inside at home all the time. She spends much too much time indoors. Whole days, she often doesn’t set foot outside all day. No it’s not good. She needs to get out of the house too, every once in a while. And hanging around worrying like that, isn’t that pretty much what she does all the time? yes, well, but anyway she can still go down to the fjord, she thinks, she could surely do that, she thinks, and in any case why does she just stay standing here? if she wants to go she should go, she can’t stay standing here, she thinks, it’s a Tuesday in late November, 1979, and she is just standing there, she thinks, and then she starts to walk down the little road, but just now, wasn’t that him she had seen coming up the road? no it can’t have been him, it was probably just something she imagined, s
he thinks, but now she has to go down to the shore and look for him, it’s raining, it’s windy, and it’s gotten so dark now, it’s gotten so dark that she can hardly see to walk, and this, this frightful weather, and this cold, and why would he row out in a boat when the weather’s like this? she thinks, why would he do that? no, she doesn’t understand it, why doesn’t he want to stay with her? she thinks, instead he always rows out in that boat, that little boat, a little rowboat, and now he has to come home, she thinks, and she has gotten so worried, because he never stays out on the fjord so long, not in weather like this, and when it’s so dark, and so cold, she can’t remember him ever staying out so long before, and why doesn’t he come home? what’s wrong? and nothing bad can have happened, can it? she thinks, and maybe he’ll never come back? no she can’t think like that, she thinks, now she really does have to just go down to the shore, and she can just stand there on the pier for a while and look for him, because then, if she stands there, it might just happen that he’ll come back sooner, she thinks, because she’s done that lots of times before, yes, lots of times, really a lot, she’s gone down to the boathouse and the pier for a while, down to look for him, she has stood there so many times on the pier and waited for him to come back to shore, it’s probably the evening walk she takes most often, that, she thinks and she crosses the big road and she goes down the path and then she hears a woman call out Asle, Asle and she goes around the corner of the boathouse and she stops and there on the shore she sees that long thick hair of Brita’s and she hears Brita again calling Asle, Asle! and then she sees a little boat, one or two feet long, a pretty little rowboat, lying there floating in the black water and then she sees Asle’s head come up out of the fjord and she sees that his hands are flailing there in the waves and then she sees Brita run out onto the pier and Asle’s head disappears again under the water, his hands, all of him disappears under the water and then his boat is lying there and floating and being pulled farther out into the fjord and Brita jumps off the pier and starts to swim out into the fjord and the boat disappears behind a wave and Brita tries to swim as hard as she can, she fights, struggles forward, against the waves, and the waves push her back and Brita shouts Asle! Asle! there between the waves and she can see Asle’s head again, coming up there between two waves