Always (Cape Hill Book 3)

by C. L. Matthews

  She chokes on a laugh, making my heart warm. “Next time.”

  With that, I feel the first ounce of peace since coming back.

  It’s an opening.

  It’s a chance.

  Damn it all to hell, I’ll do whatever it takes.

  Even if it destroys us both in the process.

  Each breath counts for something, yet she wastes each one on him.

  A smile is worth a thousand words, and still, she gives them to him when he doesn’t appreciate a single word her smiles offer.

  All the kisses in the world couldn’t compare to hers, yet he pushes her to me instead of savoring each and every press of her lips.

  I know she disappeared with him. Not sure where since I was tied up at that moment, but it’s the only explanation. Not that I made it home either. Shit came up, and the Vipers needed me.

  It’s come to my realization I’m only temporary until Sy wants more from her.

  But I’ll take her back. I’ll forgive her. I always do. Let’s just see if she owns up to what she’s done. I’ve done just as bad, but that’s beside the point.

  Maybe best friends aren’t supposed to fall in love, but I couldn’t help but do it anyway. Even if the longer we’re together, I’m starting to learn that the kind of love we have isn’t what normal people have.

  She’s worth it.

  She has to be.

  When I get home later that day, Leia’s home, but I have nothing to say, not yet. It’s festered all day, making me want to break things and kill people.

  “Brax,” her small, almost timid voice sounds out. “We need to talk.”

  “Really, Lele? We need to talk,” I mimic sardonically, hating this moment. I despise this apartment, this suffocating fullness in my chest, and the way she seems so innocent.

  “You keep disappearing,” she points out, and it takes everything in me to keep my resentment contained.

  “I have a job,” I reply bitterly.

  “So do I, yet I still come home every night,” she argues, her temper rising. “You don’t. You disappear for days at a time where you don’t even text or call.”

  “What, are you clingy now? Sy did this, and you didn’t seem to freak out.”

  “This is different,” she implores, her appearance sad.

  No. She’s not allowed to make me feel bad.

  “No, you’re just a fucking hypocrite.”

  “Really, Brax?”

  “I’m not doing this, Lele. Whatever you want to say, get it out. I’ve got shit to do.”

  “What’s going on with you?” she defers, not attempting to come any closer.

  She probably thinks I’m volatile, and I am. Between confusion about Brady and her disappearing act last night, I’m a fucking mess.

  “What about you, huh?” I challenge, stalking toward her. “Where were you last night?”

  She laughs dryly, her eyes zeroing in on me. “That’s rich. Did you even notice? I didn’t get a call or text. It’s like I’m nonexistent.”

  “Then go be with him and find some fucking happiness!” I bark, hating myself for raising my voice. I’m not Darryl. I’ll never be Darryl.

  “I was last night. You’d know if you paid attention to me.”

  “Oh, I noticed.”

  Suddenly, I don’t want to talk. Not with how angry and jealous and possessive I feel. As my legs move of their own accord, she backs away. Good, she can tell. Right now, she’s the prey, the little lamb in this story, and I’m coming for her.

  “B-Brax,” she says gently, her face full of apprehension. Not the kind that will make me stop, no, but the kind that makes me want to prove my dominance.

  “Oh, Lele. I notice everything.”

  She runs, and I chase. My feet connect with the floor like it’s a track, and I find her huddled in the corner of our bedroom.

  “It meant nothing,” she tries, but the way she licks her lips makes me aware of how not scared she is.

  “So you did fuck him?”

  She blows out a breath, and then her gaze connects with mine. “Jealous?”

  With a growl, I pounce, gripping her chin. Bringing her lips to me, I slam them together, our teeth meeting uncomfortably. I go for the hem of her shirt, tearing it off and then her sleep shorts. As soon as they’re gone, I throw her on our bed, smacking her ass in the next moment.

  She squeals but shakes her ass at me. Flattening my palm, our flesh connects, and she moans in response.

  I rip her tiny scrap of fabric off and drag my finger from her dripping cunt to her tight puckered hole.

  “Lele,” I grind out, barely holding onto my anger and lust, all while allowing them to mix together and turn into something tumultuous. When her hips rotate, she shimmies closer into me, and I know what I want. Bending down to her spine, I drag my teeth down the bumpy bones, watching as she arches into me beautifully. As I swirl my tongue over her soft skin, she begs me for more.

  Using my left palm, I hold the back of her neck. She wiggles against my aching groin, but I don’t touch her center. She needs release, and I need control. The battle between us will either make us or break us.

  “Stay still,” I growl, barely curbing my madness, barely able to keep my dick contained.

  She freezes mid-arch, and the way her spine dips inward makes me ache. This is both of our first time. I’m not going to break her. Not unless she pushes too hard.

  Instead of keeping a hold of her neck, I let go and bend behind her pert ass, her little puckered hole within reach. Bending down, I swirl my tongue over the button, groaning along with her.

  She’s loud, more so than normal. My girl, the closeted freak. Should’ve known.

  I penetrate the tight ring, thrusting in and out, all while keeping her steady.

  “Brax, Brax, Brax,” she moans, her voice needy and husky.

  This is what I need. I’ll take her back. He can fuck her, but she comes home to me.

  Trailing my nose up the crease of her ass, I bite her cheeks simultaneously.

  “Fuck,” I groan, wanting to let go and get the release I’m desperate for. My body aches, my dick ready to break free of the confines of my jeans.

  When I pull back, she cries out from the loss. Unbuttoning my jeans, I slip them off my hips. Boxer free today, I’m easily ready to take her.

  She looks back at me, her eyes swimming with heady lust. I hum my approval of the imagery. Her knees bent, her cunt and ass in full view for my pleasure.

  I can’t believe I’m following through with this, especially when I know she’s slept with him too. She’s too addicting, too irresistible, and I want her to see what she’s doing to me.

  In our dresser, we have a drawer with her toys and lube. When I reach it, I pilfer through the contents until landing on the lube. I smile. I’ve wanted this for ages. To take her here, a way Sy hasn’t tainted. The last first of hers.

  It’s mine.

  Turning back to her, I stalk, zeroing on her dripping cunt. I want to taste her, to delve my tongue deep. Will I taste him in her? Will we share this moment too?

  Kneeling down onto the floor, I reach for her thighs. After dragging her toned legs toward the edge of the bed, I lean forward and swipe at her sweet spot. She groans, low and animalistic, like this delayed pleasure is making her frantic.

  My nose connects with her taint, and I drag it upward as I tongue her hole. She wriggles above me as I lick long strokes then spear in and out of her slowly, leisurely.

  Diving in, I feel her tensing above me. She can’t come, no. Then she’ll be less likely to enjoy me. I stand as she tenses above me. I grab my steel length. It’s hot in my palms, pulsing with my heartbeat.

  She shakes her ass in invitation. “Fuck me, Brax.”

  It’s more of a plea than a demand, but I’ll give her what she wants. As I rub my tip around her swollen flesh, she cries out, pushing herself back to get me to enter. I’ll tease a moment, make her wanton and greedy.

  My head breaches her hole,
but I don’t go further. I pull out.

  “Brax,” she complains breathlessly. “Just do it already.”

  “So needy, Lele.”

  She growls and presses back again, this time effectively forcing my cock in her.

  “Want my cock in you?”

  She nods frantically, her body shaking with energy I’m feeling too. “Please.”

  I shove into her, our skin slapping with each pump of my hips. She flexes around me, making me feel the need to combust, but I stop her.

  “Let me know if I’m too rough.”

  She turns her head toward me. “I will.”

  Lubing up my fingers, I probe her hole in sync of entering her. By giving her stimulation, I’m hoping it’ll hurt less. After my first finger is in, she’s wiggling.

  “More,” she requests, and I slowly add a second finger, stretching her with each thrust.

  I leave kisses against her back, soft, gentle, the exact opposite of what I want to be doing.

  “More, Brax.”

  And I stretch her with another before pulling them out. After grabbing the bottle of lube, I squirt a bunch on my palm before rubbing it on my cock.

  Slowly, so slowly, I sink into her and feel her tense around me. Waiting to move so she can adjust, I leave another path of kisses. I give her my all, giving her as much pleasure as possible.

  “Fucking move,” she pants.

  I laugh. “So bossy,” I comment.

  Then I’m easing in and out of her. She begins meeting my thrusts with her own, and it’s too much. She’s unbelievably tight, hot, and so goddamn sexy. I pulse inside her.

  “How does it feel, Lele? Knowing I have something he didn’t get first?”

  With the thought of Silas, I growl, jackhammering in a way I told myself I wouldn’t.

  “Don’t bring him up,” she says in between breaths of air. “Not here, not now.”

  “Why not?” I argue. “It’s his cum in your cunt that I tasted. It’s his dick that was in you first and me only as a sloppy second.”

  My balls tighten, warning me I’m going to release.

  “Stop, Brax. Not like this.”

  Our skin slaps with the sweat and connection of our flesh.

  “His cum mixed with mine, Leia. How does it feel to have two cocks at your disposal? To fuck us both when and where you want?”

  Thrust. Thrust. Thrust.

  “I love it,” she groans.

  Her admission only makes me angrier. Of course she does. She gets us both, uses us both, has us both.

  “Fuck,” I recite like a goddamn prayer.

  With several more pumps, I’m spilling between her ass cheeks, marking the only spot he hasn’t. When I pull out, I pull my jeans back up and leave her there to clean herself.

  She peers back at me, her eyes watery. “Why did you have to do it this way? Me turned away from you and impersonal?”

  I’m not this guy, I’m not a fuckface like Silas. I’m not him.

  “Because, Lele, every time I see your face, I see him. I see him taking my girlfriend in every way, on her knees, bent over, face to fucking face. It fucking destroys me. I can’t stand knowing he’s had you, and recently by the taste of you. To top it off, you want me too. It drives me absolutely insane, knowing you chose him, and I'm only here to pick up your goddamn pieces.”

  “Brax—”

  “Don’t, Leia. I don’t need your excuses or why you gave in to him.”

  “That’s not what happened,” she argues, but I’m done listening.

  “You wanted to be used, Leia.” I turn, walking away from her. Before leaving our room with her devastatingly naked in our bed, I stop. “Isn’t that what you were doing with Sy? Being used? This shouldn’t be anything you’re not used to.”

  Like the bastard I am, the only thing I leave her with is my resentment. I didn’t even finish her. I didn’t make her cum or scream from pleasure.

  “Fuck you! Fuck you, Braxton! It’s not like you opened your fucking heart for me when you should have.”

  “You don't get to do that,” I berate, my hands balled into fists. “You don't get to fuck us both, have us both, love us both. It's fucking wrong to keep doing this shit.”

  “What am I supposed to do then? Huh?”

  “Make a fucking decision. I’m not just a piece of ass, Leia.”

  I know I’m being a careless asshole, but fuck if she didn’t mess me up enough already.

  It’s bad enough she loves us both, but to screw us both? She’s messing with my head, my heart, and my already shredded soul. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.

  She just stares at me, her mouth agape.

  I’m done. I have to be.

  You’d think two weeks would be enough time for me to breathe, to give me a better perspective, to not hate her for what she’s done to us. But it isn’t long enough. There’s not a timeline on the aversion of any person, and she’s no different.

  But I’m trying. I’m really fucking trying.

  “I’m sorry,” she tells me, “I want you, Brax. I do, but it’s complicated.”

  Instead of giving her a fight she won’t be prepared for, I nod.

  “Let’s just see how this goes, Lele, but I’m not promising anything.”

  Her eyes light up a bit before deflating.

  Let’s see is just another way to say, “this is temporary.”

  I’ve been watching Brady, trying to see the connection between him and Los Desolados, but there’s been nothing.

  Except tonight. Tonight, he’s going be at a party for one of our old classmates, Aster Blakely. He’s throwing a huge rager at his fraternity. It’ll be a bunch of drunken losers, and hopefully a very open Brady is in the cards.

  To bring Leia with me and to make us work in some sense, I convinced her to come to this party. Not that I mentioned Aster is the one holding it or that Brady is the reason why. Rather, I mentioned that we need to live and not be so caught up in the stress of deciding on a college and if we’re worth it.

  When she finds out that it’s at his house, she’s probably not going to be happy. They haven’t spoken a word since Sadies’. After that kiss with Brady the night of the dance, I ran. I looked for her for a while, but couldn’t find her and ended up leaving. I texted her and Aster, and he said he would get her home from the dance. Since then, she hasn’t mentioned his name, hasn’t mentioned the dance, and I stopped trying to question it.

  A few weeks after the fact, I remember asking her how it went, that she never told me if it was everything she dreamed of. Leia ended up shutting down, having a panic attack, and acted like it never happened. It reminded me of Darryl and everything we went through, but she wouldn’t hide that from me. Not after everything we experienced together, right?

  I was too caught up in what happened between Brady and I at the dance to push further. Did Aster hurt her?

  Aster never said a thing, but then again, why would he?

  Especially if he’s anything like Darryl.

  I haven’t heard him mention Leia since then either, and on the ride over to his house, I second guess everything. What if he hurt her? What if it’s my fault? My stomach drops. Maybe I should’ve warned her.

  As soon as we arrive, her phone is going off in her pocket.

  “Who is it?”

  “Probably Sinthe,” she responds, her eyes full of worry.

  “Did you not tell him you’re taking the day off?” I inquire and immediately wonder if she’s lying.

  “Well, not exactly…” She drags out the words.

  “What aren’t you telling me?” I ask. She gets out of the car, ignoring me completely, but still, I hurry after her.

  This horrible feeling twists in my gut when I reach her. She won’t look at me, her gaze on the ground, her foot toeing the earth as if she’s stubbing out a cigarette.

  “He might have fired me,” she points out. Her gaze meets mine in the next moment, her eyes full of shame and guilt. “For leaving that night… with
Sy.” If I paid attention or was home more… or hell, if Venom mentioned it, I’d have known sooner.

  Sighing, I grimace, remembering how angry it made me that she fucked him and then fucked me. “You haven’t tried to get your job back?”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “He was right in firing me. I left you there and the girls. It was my job to protect the Den, and when I left, something was taken, something I’m unable to replace.”

  I stare at her, confused. Venom didn’t mention any of this the last two weeks I’ve been at the shop or with the boys. Hell, he hasn’t mentioned a thing about Leia at all.

  “But you’re family?” I add, miffed at this response.

  “Even family has to own up to mistakes, Brax, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m owning that I fucked up over a man.”

  “Will you stop talking about him? Even if only in my presence.”

  In response, she purses her lips, her brows furrowing with her acceptance. “Yeah. Let’s go inside.”

  She starts ahead of me, dragging her feet as she makes it up the steps to the frat house. When the door opens, guys are already leering at Leia like she’s meat, and I’m even more frustrated. That alone pisses me off. She shouldn’t affect me like she does. The way people act around her shouldn’t bug me either, yet it does. This entire thing is ridiculous.

  Leia disappears in the sea of people, and as soon as I step through the door, I’m being called.

  “Yo, Kol,” Brady yells out, slapping my back when he reaches me. He acts like nothing ever happened between us, like we’re back in sophomore year as football buddies.

  “Hey, Rush,” I nearly choke out.

  My stomach churns with the realization that we shared two kisses and a blow job, a fight over him, and a falling out that left me speechless. I still don’t know how to feel about it. In his expression, I can see he feels it too—the pain, the uncertainty, and definitely the turmoil. Since I’m here… with her.

  Instead of pulling me away to have a heart-to-heart or a punch in the face for how I’ve once again messed up his life, he fixes the expression on his face.

  “Lay of the land,” he shouts over the loudness in the room to us, ignoring the nagging we’re both feeling.