I pace slowly until I reach his office. The room is dark but I could hear him talking. The blinds are slightly open and see him standing with his back faced to me.
“I should be there in an hour or so.” There was a long pause before he spoke again. “You should have been here. You know I can’t just leave them.” He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. “How can you be so inconsiderate when the dance is only once a year?”
He turns around heaving another sigh. I jump to the side hoping he didn’t see me. I catch my breath. Should I stay or go? I’m not leaving. This is a moment of opportunity. He may be powerful, but he needs me now and I will be strong for him. Now I know what a bitch Ms. Garcia is.
“Fine,” he raises his voice and then I don’t hear him speak anymore.
The next thing I hear are shuffling of papers that drop on the floor. I step out of my hiding place to check if everything is okay and spot Mr. Florentino picking up the mess. He lifts his head and catches me staring at him.
Oh shit! I start to head back when he calls after me. “Lotus.”
I don’t move.
“Lotus, I know that’s you.”
I spin around and approach him until his face is an inch away from me. He doesn’t say anything. Beads of moisture surround his forehead and I can smell the fruit punch mixed with Vodka from his mouth. I want to taste him so bad so I close my eyes, lean against him and press my lips on his, remembering the smack I gave him at the schoolyard.
He’s standing still, but I can feel the softness of his lips and this time I linger on savoring the sweetness. I’ve never kissed a guy before, but I’ve seen hundreds of movies and imagined how my first kiss would be. I don’t care if I made the first move. This is actually happening right now. I suck on his upper lip and feel him respond. Then I concentrate on his lower lip. He tastes so good.
He gently caresses my tongue and a breath escapes from my lips. I ran my fingers on his hair holding him in a tight embrace and all of a sudden he breaks free. “I’m sorry, Lotus, I can’t do this.”
My face is moist and all my five senses are stimulated, but I can’t seem to hear what he just said.
“You should go,” he says going back to the office.
But instead, I follow him inside, turn off the lights, lock the door and close the blinds.
His eyes are scared yet I witness the excitement.
I push him against the wall and kiss him again like how it is in the movies. For once, I’m in charge of my actions and I’ve never felt bolder. He shows some hesitation, but then gives in. This time he’s the one breathless. He cups his hands on my cheeks and kisses me like I’m the most beautiful girl alive.
“Lotus, you know this is wrong. I’m your teacher.”
“Can we forget about this just for tonight?”
He traces his finger down my jaw to my arms sending shivers to my spine, then licks my neck. I’m starting to feel wet down there.
He unzips my back and removes my dress. The room may be cold but I’m hot with excitement. He licks my neck, slowly cascading down my back while he cups his strong hands on my breast. A moan escapes my lips.
I face forward and unbutton his shirt. I’m nervous, but the alcohol has settled in and given me more courage to do what I’m doing.
With eyes closed, he whispers, “This is so wrong.”
I kiss him more torridly and whisper. “It feels so right.” I unzip his pants, and no sooner he carries me to the couch and lays on top of me.
My body is squirming and I feel so wet down there. While kissing me, he traces his fingers down and begins to fondle me. I don’t know how to explain what I feel, but it’s like fireworks on New Year’s Eve.
I slowly touch his crotch and take a deep breath realizing how well endowed he is. He’s looking directly into my eyes like he wants me as much as I desire him. He narrows his tongue on my breasts then toward my tummy, then right down my belly button. My body reacts to his movements as he buries his tongue down there. I want to scream in delight, but I cover my mouth instead.
Right when I’m about to come, he slowly thrusts inside me and I explode instantly. So, this is how it feels. I’m squirming in delight that even the tinge of pain of being a virgin doesn’t bother me. He gazes into my eyes and gently moves his body to and fro. I raise my buttocks up and down following the groove, like a synchronized dance in motion, lost in each other’s touch.
He incessantly kisses me, licking my face all over, his tongue navigating all around. Sweat is dripping as I inhale his musky scent. I pant, wanting more as his breath gets stronger. A moan escapes his lips and then he pulls away and comes on my bare chest.
Our eyes lock one more time before he lies down beside me. This is the best moment of my life. If only I can stay like this. I will remember this forever. I know that’s a cliché, yet I want to hold on to this memory as much as I can.
Moments later, Mr. Florentino glances at his watch and jumps out of the couch to slip into his pants. I gaze at his firm butt and smile.
He leans down and whispers. “You better go.”
I kiss him on the lips one more time. He pulls back and tosses me my dress.
I can’t wipe out the smile from my face before bidding him goodbye.
I tiptoe along the hallway, back to the gym. There are still a few people dancing. I spot James in the corner still chatting with the girl. I blow a sigh of relief, glad he wasn’t looking for me.
I don’t care if my mother screamed at me for breaking my curfew. All I can think of is how Mr. Florentino made love to me. He was gentle in all the right places. I can still smell the subtle musky scent he exuded. Breathtaking!
I remove my English book from the locker. Today, I decide to dress in jeans and a midriff top. I’m feeling sexy and all geared up for my last class of the day with Ms. Garcia. Little does she know I slept with her fiancé last night.
Kathy pops in. “Hey, you.”
“Hey.” I smile.
We stride down the hallway. “You look different.”
“Yeah?” I glance at her. “What makes you say that?”
She studies me. “I don’t know . . . your skin looks radiant.”
“Hmmm, thanks.”
“I’ll catch up with you later.”
I wave goodbye and enter the classroom.
Seated in front of the class, James signals for me to join him.
We bump our fists together, and I know James will always stand up for me. He’s like a dear brother I never had.
“You disappeared last night.”
Shit! That means he noticed. He didn’t mention it on the way home. “Sorry, I had too much to drink. I hope you didn’t tell your parents,” I say.
He lays his finger on his lips. “Not a word.”
I grin. “Thank you.”
The classroom is filled with noisy students hovering around each other while looking at the pictures of the night before.
Ms. Garcia pops in and goes directly to the blackboard. She scribbles in bold letters. There will be no class today. Please read Chapter Six and answer the questions, then turn them in tomorrow. She exits the room.
I find it odd that she couldn’t make a verbal announcement.
Charlie, the guy sitting beside me blurts out. “I bet she and Mr. Florentino had a fight.”
“Yeah,” Crystal, a girl wearing skinny jeans besides him adds, “I heard her sobbing in the bathroom today.”
Whispers fill the room.
“Well, at least we don’t have class. We can use this extra period to read Chapter Six or do something else,” I tell them.
Majority of the class walks out.
James nudges me. “Don’t tell me you’re staying.”
I grab my bag.
“That’s the spirit.” He winks.
I know some of my
classmates smoke weed and drink, plus I’m sure James wants to do it as well, but that’s not my thing.
“I need to catch up on something.” I wave goodbye.
The truth is I don’t really care about anyone in school, except for Mr. Florentino. Despite not being lonely anymore, I feel the friendships I’ve established are quite shallow. Mr. Florentino is the only one whom I can have an intellectual conversation with.
I search for him in the hallway and head to his office. Everyone has gone outside and the other students are in their respective classrooms. Maybe Mr. Florentino will find my presence comforting. Perhaps he misses me too. I want him to know how special he made me feel last night.
Stopping in my tracks, I hear loud voices from outside his office.
“How could you do this to me?” A woman’s voice shrieks.
I lean my head on the door and can hear more clearly now. Ms. Garcia is the woman sobbing.
Mr. Florentino responds in a hushed tone. “We can discuss this later.”
“There is no later,” she says. “It’s over. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
Before I know it, she opens the door and steps out.
She glances at me then straightens her shoulders and dries her eyes. “I’m sorry, did you need to see me?”
I shake my head in a hurry. “Um, no, um, I need to ask Mr. Florentino about the homework he assigned us,” I stammer trying to catch my breath.
She nods, studying my expression, then leaves.
Mr. Florentino appears beside me, with eyes guarded.
I don’t know whether I should leave or stay, but I’m quite thrilled they broke up.
“Lotus.” He bites his lip and runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid this isn’t a good time.” He retreats back to his office.
I purse my lips, my heart pounding as I trail behind him.
Blowing off a sigh, he adds, “I can’t deal with this now.”
“Last night was . . .”
“Last night was a mistake,” he announces.
“A mistake?”
“Lotus, you know we can’t be together. If we get caught, this would be a scandal.”
I lean my body against his chest, but he resists and holds my arms firmly. “It was the alcohol. We got carried away.”
A lump forms in my throat. How can he say it was the alcohol? Didn’t he feel something? “But you’re not with her anymore. That means we can be together now. Right?”
“You can’t expect to believe that. You of all people should know the implications of a teacher and student having a relationship.”
I pace around his office. “I’ll be graduating soon . . . then we can be together.”
He shakes his head. “You’re too young and there will be more boys. You need to go out with boys your own age.”
To think he called me a lady. Didn’t he see me that way? “I don’t want boys, I want a man like you. I thought we had a connection.”
“You’re my student. I appreciate you and know you have the potential, nothing more than that. Like I said, it was the alcohol,” he raises his voice.
“But you made love to me. How could you do this to me!” I stare at him one last time and break into a sprint.
I don’t remember how long it took me to get home, but I know it was faster than a car ride. Running up the hill wasn’t exhausting because I was angry, disappointed, and hurt. My life is over. I dash directly to my room and lie down on my bed.
Nobody knows I’m home except for the security guard. My mother is at the beauty salon getting her nails done, while my father is at the factory. The servants are busy doing their duties.
What is wrong with me? Am I not beautiful enough for him? Am I not smart enough? I did everything right. I could still feel his soft lips against mine. He made me feel so special. Why did he have to destroy that moment we shared?
I have two more weeks until graduation and then I’ll be alone again. My parents will force me to marry James. I won’t be able to go to college. I will never see Mr. Florentino again. All the beautiful memories of him are now shattered. Nobody cares about me. Maybe I should just end my life now.
I head to my mother’s bathroom, open the medicine cabinet and plop the pills down my throat. I need this more than her. I open her shaving kit. Removing the blade, I hesitate for one second then slash my wrists over and over again. Blood oozes out. My vision is hazy and the next thing I know, everything goes black.
Isabel
My daughter is here in the hospital fighting for her life. I don’t know why she slashed her wrists and took all those pills―tranquilizers I should have thrown years ago because they never worked. Last night was the sole time she became a rebellious teenager who broke her curfew. Truth be told, I never saw her so happy. Her smile extended through her cheeks and she was beaming. She reminded me of when I started dating Carlos.
I never knew any other men as persistent as him. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine. Little did I know, he would change. Marisol was right all along . . . Carlos isn’t a good man. Our marriage has been a joke from the very start. He scoffed at me often times when the doctor told me I couldn’t bear any children.
If Carlos didn’t have a child with Marisol, he would have left me a long time ago. I always knew Lotus was lonely like me. I never showed her affection because I’m scared to love. The people I truly loved have either hurt me or disappeared.
My only brother, Ricardo arrived right on time. He took the first flight he could get from Los Angeles. God knows how much I’ve missed him especially after my mother died. Carlos has been drinking more now that Lotus is unconscious. We are walking in thin lines here, and if Lotus doesn’t survive, we both know our marriage is over.
Ricardo doesn’t stop embracing me. “She will survive. We have to have faith.”
I nod, even if I know the possibilities.
Lotus’ classmates visited and expressed how shocked they were about what happened. It makes me sad at how little I know of my daughter. The daughter I raised who is nothing like me and very much like Marisol. The daughter who will never meet her biological mother if she doesn’t survive.
A knot forms in my stomach. What have I done? I never acknowledged what Marisol was trying to tell me, but no matter how hard I try to bury the truth, I know Carlos raped her. I was a coward to face the truth and because of what he did, my best friend had a nervous breakdown. Because of him, she is in a psychiatric institution. Because of him, she will never know her beautiful daughter. Marisol tried to kill herself and the baby which caused Lotus to be born prematurely. She was seven months when that happened. Marisol bled profusely after stabbing her belly. Lotus is a survivor and she is here for a reason. She is the reason I will keep fighting.
We became Lotus’ parents and devoted ourselves from protecting her from the evil in this world without realizing that the evil lies among us.
I cover my face in shame. Eighteen years has been too long to keep this under the rug. I need to see Marisol and make this right.
There is no progress in Lotus’ recovery, but the only hope is that she’s still breathing. It’s graduation day today, and Carlos and I would have been very proud to have witnessed Lotus march on stage. Principal Rodriguez assured both of us she would receive her diploma despite not being able to march.
“She’s our valedictorian,” he informs me.
I want to tell him what good is a diploma and honors if your daughter doesn’t survive. Although her classmates and teachers have tried to raise our spirits, nothing can ease the pain of seeing your daughter look so helpless. I can see in the doctor’s eyes that they want to provide me hope, but they’ve most likely encountered similar cases like Lotus’ where the chances are slim.
Perched on a bench across the hospital, I dig inside my pocket and light up a cigarette. Taking a hu
ge puff, I close my eyes.
“Since when did you smoke?”
I open my eyes and spot Ricardo. He inches his way beside me and pats my back. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to judge you.”
This triggers a distant memory. I first learned to smoke with Marisol. I told her my classmates in Spain used to smoke and I found it cool.
“Here, take a puff.” I passed the cigarette to her.
Fingers trembling, she took the cigarette from me and placed it on her lips. She burst into a cough. “Eww, I don’t know how you can like smoking. It’s disgusting.”
Laughter erupted from my mouth. “It takes time to get used to.” I took the cigarette and showed her how to inhale. “This is how you should do it.”
Marisol studied me and followed my strokes but continued to cough shortly after. “You’re crazy!”
From that moment on, I knew Marisol adored me and would do anything for me. She was the sister I never had.
Ricardo nudges me. “You need to go home and get some sleep. I’ll watch Lotus.”
I toss the cigarette and shake my head. “I can’t leave her. What if she wakes up and I’m not here.”
A sigh is released. “Isabel, all your life, you’ve been trying to control things and that’s not how this works.”
“What do you mean?”
Ricardo frowns. “When Marisol had a nervous breakdown, you thought banishing her and raising her child would make the problems go awa―”
I cut him off. “I did what was best for Lotus. She couldn’t grow up with an unstable mother.”
“And was that for you to decide?” He looks at me sternly. “Marisol was never unstable. She became that way after Carlos raped her and you chose him over your best friend.”
A hard slap lands on his face.
His breathing gets heavier. “I lost respect for Carlos years ago, but it’s you I can’t understand. How can you live all these years with a man who raped your best friend? Did you think by raising his daughter, you could erase what he did to Marisol?”
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