by A. M. Rose
I loosen my hold, but only just. That man back at Max’s flashes through my head. It might’ve been a test, but still that night I could’ve killed him. I had already seriously injured him. And it only would’ve been too easy to strike that final blow. But that’s not the person I want to be. I don’t want to lose control like that again. Sure, Maddox could still be lying, looking for a way to take me down. He won’t find one. My insides are shaking, but I keep my hands steady.
“And if you were to get rid of the virus, who knows what more you’d be capable of? We assume she wants you so she can learn how to control you and then replicate you.” His eyes hold mine the whole time.
All of this, the virus, this Suzette person, whoever the hell she is, it’s crazy. But in a weird way it makes sense, too. The most sense anything has made since the car accident.
I bite my lip to stop the backs of my eyes from burning and let go of my grip from his wrists. Bright red marks are left behind. Marks that I made. I did that. And he’s right; I could’ve crushed him. Snapped him as easily as a candy cane. I don’t want to turn into some kind of monster.
Maddox doesn’t try to move, just lies on the ground staring up at me. His lip trembles. Mine trembles, too. “I’m already in so much trouble for bringing you here. And that stunt in the Hollywood Hills didn’t earn me any badges of honor.” He winces like maybe he’s remembering something. Did they punish him for that? “I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do.” His eyes are intense as he stares up at me.
I don’t know what to think. Part of me wants to get this virus out of my head, maybe that’s what is blocking me from understanding why my biological father did all this to me. And why he thinks I’m some sort of threat. That part of me wants to trust Maddox. Because I don’t want to believe I could be some heartless creature, capable of hurting others. Then there’s another part of me that remembers the letter from my biological father, telling me I shouldn’t trust anyone. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop my body from trembling as I sit back on Maddox’s legs.
He rises slowly with his hands raised, never letting them out of my sight. “I do truly care about you. It’s why I put myself at risk and did all this. It was for you. I did it all for you. Ever since I met you, I’ve only ever thought about you.” His voice is almost a whisper.
I exhale. “Right.”
He leans slightly forward. “Drea. I care about you. And you care about me.”
Our eyes lock. It’s true, even after everything—I do. But I can’t say it. Not now. So I say nothing.
There’s a flash of pain in his eyes. “Maybe, not now. But before.” His face softens. “And I still. I still—” He leans forward and kisses me.
This time is different from the last; it’s forceful and strong, full of passion and longing. He curls his fingers around the back of my neck and pulls me in closer. I sink into him, wrapping my fingers in his hair. I shouldn’t, but I give myself this moment. Because he cares about me—and he’s kissing me like if he stops his entire world could end. I can feel it and I’ve waited so long for that feeling. Except…not with him.
Maddox pulls me closer. I want to care back. But I can’t. Not the way he wants. I push against his chest to tell him, I don’t know what. That I don’t want to hurt him.
Heavy footsteps echo behind me. I pull away from Maddox and spin around. The Green-eyed man stands a few feet away. My heart stops.
Something pricks my thigh. I don’t have time to say anything as Maddox pulls a metal tube away from my leg.
Shame on me.
My eyes close.
Chapter Thirty-Three
This time when my eyes start to flutter, I can barely open them. Wherever I am is brighter than the sun, and it takes a few seconds for them to adjust.
The room is stark white. That’s the only way I can explain it. Like it’s so white and so clean I shouldn’t even be here in the dingy clothes that I climbed into the motel bed in. That seems like eons ago, but the truth is I have no idea what time or even what day it is.
My body is heavy and my cheek brushes against the mattress beneath me. It’s almost too ideal, too comfortable, like the bed was made just for me. And the temperature in the room is perfect. Not too hot or cold. It’s creepy, and my body shakes. I wish Dylan was here. I need him. But thinking about him only makes me want to cry. I swallow the lump in my throat and push myself up to check around.
It’s almost like the hospital room I woke up in after the accident, except this time I don’t have a bunch of wires and tubes hanging from me. On the far wall is a long counter with drawers and cabinets underneath. Maddox sits in a chair next to them, arm resting on his knees, slumped over, watching me.
Maddox.
My head isn’t in a fog like before when I woke up in a strange laboratory, and my heart is pounding something fierce. I jump to my feet and I’m about to lunge at him when my instincts tell me I shouldn’t. At the same moment, Maddox sits back and motions to me not to move, by putting his hands in the air.
He slowly gets up and walks toward me. “There’s a force field. You can’t see it, but if you touch it, you’ll get shocked and an alarm will sound.” He keeps his voice low. He looks exactly the same as he did in the laboratory. Jeans, blue shirt, and his hair a complete mess.
“Why should I trust you?” My traitorous voice is full of hurt.
“Look for yourself.” He points toward the ceiling.
Above my head, glowing blue lights disperse energy from the vaulted ceiling, caging me into this side of the room. As much as I want to reach out and wring his neck, I don’t move an inch, and maybe it’s better this way.
“We don’t have much time, but you need to know I never meant to hurt you.” His shoulders sag and he can’t meet my eye.
I clench my jaw to fight back tears. I can’t believe I let myself be fooled by him, over and over. And why? Because I wanted him to like me. Because I’d hoped to make Dylan jealous.
“I know you won’t believe me, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I had to lie to you. I’m sorry I had to bring you here this way,” he whispers, “I’m sorry for everything.”
I wrap my arms around my waist to stop myself from shaking. “It’s my fault for giving you a second chance.” Maybe more. But I don’t say that. I don’t even want to think about how wrong I’ve been. Maddox has shown me the whole time who he really is, but I never wanted to see it. And now with it—with him—staring me in the face I still don’t want to believe it. And I don’t even know why. And what’s worse is that I hate myself for it.
“I’m glad you did. The world isn’t at all what they told me it was. You showed me that. You cared about me, when you didn’t have to. They said there weren’t good people left in Stultus, but they’re wrong. It hurts me to know I’ve hurt you so much.” His voice breaks at the end, but I don’t let him see how that breaks me, too.
He must think I’m such a sucker. And I guess I am. The tears in his eyes could be all part of his act, but I still want to believe him. I pinch myself for thinking that.
“It was my job to find you and bring you back. And at first that’s all I wanted to do. But you opened my eyes. I felt it the first time we shook hands in Mrs. Notting’s class, but I didn’t want to admit it. The surfing, the thug outside the burger place, that all might’ve been a test, but you and me? That was real.”
I turn my head and brush the tear away that threatens to escape. “Don’t. This doesn’t change anything.”
“But you changed me. Don’t you see that? Even that night in the parking lot at Max’s. You protected me even though you barely knew me. Even though you didn’t have to. You are so much braver and stronger than you know. And I’ve fallen for you, for the world you showed me.” There’s so much hope in his voice. But that must be easy coming from the open side of this force field, knowing he can walk away at any time.
My chest tightens and I sit down on the bed, but this time it feels wrong and uncomfortable, so I
stand again and cross my arms over my chest.
“I wish you could understand. I had to bring you here. If anything happened to you because I, well, I’d never forgive myself. Believe me, Dylan would’ve done the same thing.”
“Do not bring Dylan into this!” I snap. “He tried to warn me about you, but I didn’t listen. Don’t you ever talk about Dylan again!” There’s anger in my voice. And I am angry and hurt and confused. My hands shake. I can’t believe I’m listening to this. Falling for this again. I’m so stupid. I trusted him. Even believed him when he said… No. It’s all a lie. I clench my fists. I want to claw his eyes out. I want to push him so hard he hits the wall. But more than all of that I don’t want to be here. Caged like some animal.
Maybe I am. Maybe that’s why this force field is here, because I really am some uncontrollable animal. “I hate you, Maddox Georgas! I hate you! I’ll never forgive you for this, I swear.” I don’t say that I hate myself more, but I do.
He hangs his head. “I know.”
Maddox glances at the door and then back at me with fear in his eyes. “Look, you need to listen closely. Someone is going to come through that door very soon. You need to pretend to be asleep. I only gave you a quarter of the dose I was supposed to so I could talk to you, so they won’t know. I had to bring you here. I didn’t have a choice, but you do. You have a choice, Drea. The power to get out of here is in your hands. You have to believe.” He sounds desperate.
That stupid saying again. Believe. Just believe. It’s a bunch of bullshit. “Why should I—”
“Please, Drea. Just do it. If this is the only time you ever trust me again, then fine, but you have to believe me. Please,” he begs. And there’s something in his voice, that pull I can’t describe that makes me need to listen to him.
As much as I don’t want to, I lie down on my stomach on the bed.
“Now cover your face with your hair,” he says.
“No. I’m just closing my—”
“Please.”
I let out a huff and drape my hair over my face. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Falling for this again. But since I’m trapped in a cage, I don’t exactly have any other options.
He bends down so he’s at my level. Even with my hair covering my face, I can still see those sapphire eyes, and I can’t deny the effect they have on me. “I know you’re angry with me. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you.” His voice breaks, and my fingers slide against the sheet.
“No, be still. No matter what happens. Promise me you’ll be still.”
Before I can respond, the door opens.
I don’t move as two men in black jumpsuits march through the door. One of them is the size of a mountain, like the thug outside Max’s. The other is the Green-eyed man. The crescent scar under his eye and his inky black hair look even more menacing up this close.
My heart hammers so hard I’m sure they can hear it. No. Be calm, Drea. Quiet. I close my eyes and my body listens. My breathing slows down and I keep it in a rhythm, like it would be if I were asleep. I peek my eyes open just enough to see, but not enough for them to know I’m awake and watching.
“Legatus MacLaughlin, sir.” Maddox jumps to full attention, back straight, arms tight to his sides as he addresses the Green-eyed man.
“Congratulations on a successful mission.” His voice is just as I remember, and I have to fight against every urge not to scream. “A partially successful mission.”
Maddox flinches at that last part. “Yes, sir.”
“How did you manage to subdue her?”
Maddox pulls a bottle and a shiny metal tube from his pocket and sets them on the counter. The same tube he pulled away from my leg before everything went dark. “She should be out for at least a full day.”
“Outstanding.” The Green-eyed man, MacLaughlin, walks past Maddox and stands over me.
I quickly close my eyes the rest of the way just in case, my pulse racing again. Calm. Quiet. It begins to slow.
Now I’m actually thankful there’s a force field holding him back. I’m not sure what I’d do if he got any closer, or worse, if he touched me. My skin crawls when the heat of his breath comes down on me, with an earthly smell, like mushrooms and dirt. It makes my brain go crazy with ideas of how it can reach me, if we’re separated by a force field.
“But you did not bring the girl straight here. You disobeyed orders. Is that not correct?” There’s nothing sarcastic in his tone, just that he means business.
“Yes, sir,” Maddox responds.
And that’s all he says. He doesn’t try to explain. Doesn’t tell him I needed to know all those things, or that I needed to see what was in that laboratory. He doesn’t even mention how I could get the computer screen to appear and watch the video of my biological father. I don’t understand. It was something Maddox said they couldn’t do, and I could. I got it to work. Wouldn’t it make a difference if he told them that? I bite the inside of my lip. Maybe he really did bring me there just for me. So I could know. Something heavy sits inside my chest, and that’s when I know that while I’ve been wrong about Maddox, I’ve also been right. While he’s done things, inexcusable things, I know he never truly wanted to hurt me. Maddox might work for the bad guys, but that doesn’t make him a bad guy.
Footsteps fade away from me. I squint my eyes open again. Peeking through my wild strands of hair, MacLaughlin walks toward the other man in the room, who has been silent this whole time, standing at attention the same way Maddox is.
MacLaughlin stays turned away from Maddox. “You know what happens when orders are disobeyed, do you not?”
What? What happens? My insides shake with panic.
“Yes, sir.” Maddox’s voice is flat, resigned.
“And you do admit you disobeyed?”
“Yes, sir.” Maddox’s gaze is on me, warning me to be still.
“Very well.” MacLaughlin leans in toward the other man. A loud pop echoes through the room.
Maddox falls to the ground.
Shock and fear keep me anchored and motionless. He’s so still. My eyes burn and my throat closes up. I want to scream. I want to race to Maddox’s side, but I can’t. I’m trapped, so I don’t move. I stare at Maddox’s motionless body.
My jaw starts to tremble, and I have to clench my teeth tight to stop it. Now more than ever I have to keep the promise to Maddox I never made and stay still. Even when MacLaughlin nudges Maddox with his boot, I don’t twitch.
Come on, Maddox. Move. Wake up. Jump up and punch him in his green eyes. Something, anything.
Just breathe.
But he just lies there.
Dead.
MacLaughlin motions to the other man with a jerk of his head. “Take him out of here and come get me as soon as she wakes up.” His tone is so flat, like he doesn’t even care about what just happened. Proving he’s as heartless as I’ve always imagined him to be. He picks up the glass bottle from the counter. “We should be able to start our testing late tomorrow.” He puts the bottle back down and marches out of the room.
The man clips his weapon back into his holster, drags Maddox from the room, like he doesn’t weigh a thing, and shuts the door behind him.
I don’t move, not a muscle, not a hair, until I’m alone. Then I roll over and curl into a ball.
Everything is so fucked up. I want to cry, but I force the tears back. Why would Maddox bring me there? Especially if he knew what would happen to him.
Why’d he do it?
For me.
I shudder. He did it for me and I never got to thank him. Or say goodbye. The tears fall now, as much as I try to hold them back. They slide down my face and soak into the pillow.
Five stages of grief. According to Mom’s book, I have five stages. And right now grief is what’s rushing through my veins. But I don’t have time for that. I can’t do this all again. Especially not right now.
I need to get out of here. Run away
and never look back. But I can’t. I’m stuck. Held against my will. One door, no windows, phone dead, and no hope of rescue. “For my own protection.” What a load of shit.
The mattress welcomes me. Holds me close. But I don’t want to be comforted. I punch it over and over until my hands throb.
Hands.
The power to get out of here is in my hands. That’s what Maddox said.
But how?
I bring them to my face. My dream rushes to the front of my mind. The way I used my ring to slash my way out of the force field. Could it really work like that? Slowly I pull my ring off and take a better look at it. Before it looked gold, but now it’s iridescent. Holy shit. I stare at it and let out a long breath.
Believe.
With my ring gripped between my fingers, I keep my hand steady and reach forward. Even though I’m sure the ring will cut through the invisible barrier, I can’t help but hold my breath as I touch it to the force field and draw a small horizontal line. Just like in my dream, the ring cuts through it, creating a new ending point. Instead of it going all the way to the ground, the force field ends at the line I created. My adrenaline rushes at the prospect of being able to get out.
I slash the ring all the way across, giving me enough space to escape.
With no windows and only the one door, getting out seems next to impossible. There could be anything behind it. The Green-eyed man. Maddox’s body. My chest tightens. There’s no time to be scared, or sad.
I wish I at least knew the name of this place. Maybe then my head would be able to tell me how to get out. But I’ll just have to improvise.
I pause before my fingers wrap around the metal tube and the bottle of liquid they left on the counter. This. It has to be some form of tranquilizer. That seems most likely. Emptying the contents of the bottle into the tube, I hold it up to the light. Judging by the amount of liquid, I should be able to get about five shots out of it. The only problem is that I have to be close enough to inject it. That thought stings. But I can’t worry about it now.
