Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  “Umm, I’ve missed this smell!” she said.

  “I’ve missed my cat,” I said, pouting. “I’ll be by tomorrow to pick her up.”

  “Priscilla has missed you too, believe me. She purred and stared at the door for days. I got very attached to her rubbing my legs and sitting on my lap. She reminds me a lot of the cat I had as a child.”

  I smiled at her. I was about to ask her if she had any recent visits from her cat’s spirit, but remembered that I couldn’t ask in front of Monica.

  “I’ll go by and see your mom when I’m in Willows next week,” I told Veronica. “It was so nice of her sister to let me stay on her apartment.” Without her generosity, I probably couldn’t afford to stay in Paris for so long.

  “Cool place, isn’t it? I used to love to go there to visit.” Veronica put her hands over her stomach. “Man, I’m stuffed. I need to walk this off.”

  “We should walk over to the wine bar after this,” Monica suggested with excitement. “I don’t get out often, so let’s make the most of it.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I agreed, surprising myself. I started to get up from the table, thinking everyone was ready to go when Veronica placed her hand on my arm.

  “Not so fast,” she said as she pointed behind me.

  “Oh no,” I said as I felt my face get red.

  The waiter was carrying a small piece of chocolate cake with a few candles. Veronica and Monica began singing happy birthday, and it seemed like everyone in the restaurant was looking at me with smiles on their faces.

  “Happy Birthday,” said our waiter as he placed the cake in front of me. He was a young, adorable guy, with dark skin and a big smile.

  “You better add a lot more candles to that,” I said jokingly.

  He decided to flirt in hopes of a nice tip, or so I assumed. “What do you mean?” he asked. “You can’t be a day over 25.”

  I smiled at him. “You’re sweet…but no, I’m 37.”

  I closed my eyes and blew out the candles.

  29. Homecoming

  As I drove to the gallery Monday morning, I felt exuberant. Of course, one usually feels renewed when returning to work after a joyous trip away, although depressed at the same time. At least I was my own boss now. I had been for the past five years. It was a lot of responsibility and pressure, more than I imagined it would be, but I decided it was still better than working for someone else.

  My gallery, Sarah’s Collections, was slow to take off, but eventually I was more able to build my collection, gain a respectable reputation, and obtain a wealthy clientele. Like everyone, I was feeling the pinch of the declining economy, but I was surviving pretty well. I certainly couldn’t complain.

  The gallery was small, but modern and beautiful. I wanted quality, not quantity. Most of the construction and decorating had been completed by people I knew well, who were willing to work with me on the prices. Many of the drawings I featured were by local artists, but I also loved to display unique art that I found during my travels, as well as my own sketches.

  I had two employees, Jessica and Patrick. Jessica was fairly new. She began working for me fresh out of college, where she majored in graphic design, and had been my assistant for a year. She was perky, sweet, and adorable. She had a figure to be envied and wavy, highlighted blonde hair. She knew how to dress well and make it look effortless. I had never mastered that art. I felt like a mother figure to her in a way, since her family lived in Florida. She had a lot to learn, but she was reliable and very loyal.

  Patrick handled most of the financial details of the business. He was a slender man with short brown hair and glasses. He was just a few years younger than me, and I had known him for years. I put a lot of trust in him. So far, he had never let me down, but he did like to tease me to no end. He could also be downright bitchy pretty often, but in a comical way. We worked very well together.

  I arrived shortly before our 10:00 AM opening time. It was a beautiful, sunny day in July. The air was breezy and the streets were already buzzing with activity. It really did feel good to be back. I felt relief too as my gallery appeared to be completely intact, even better than I had left it. Jessica must have made sure it was cleaned well before I returned. I just always hoped that nothing major would happen while I was away, like theft or vandalism, that I feared I would not be informed of until my return.

  I unlocked the front door and saw Jessica busy on the phone, talking to what sounded like a prospective buyer. She smiled at me and continued talking while making a motion for the person on the line to hurry up. She looked fresh and stylish as always, with a white silky tank top and taupe short skirt. I realized how much I missed her. I considered her to be a friend, and she seemed to look up to me. I was grateful to have her.

  I put my purse away and walked around the gallery. It really was a dream come true for me, and I never took it for granted. I made sure that every detail was how I had envisioned it. Clean white walls and shiny white floors, colorful furniture, and the perfect lighting to display my favorite pieces of art.

  Jessica screamed out as soon as she hung up the phone. “Sarah!” She rushed over to me, heels clicking along the way. She wrapped her arms around me as I became intoxicated by her perfume. “I’m so glad you’re back!”

  “Me too,” I told her.

  “That’s a lie,” she said with a smile.

  “No, it’s not,” I replied, laughing. “It’s always good to be home.”

  “I guess so, but after seeing the pictures you e-mailed me, I find it hard to believe.”

  “I’d like to send you next time.”

  “Really? Are you serious?”

  “Sure, as long as we can hire some more help. I’ve been thinking that we need to hire another part-timer if we can afford it. I’m going to discuss it with Patrick.”

  “Cool. I know some good candidates.”

  “We should start staying open for a couple of hours later in the evening too. Maybe we could sell to some of the tipsy tourists.”

  “Good idea,” she agreed.

  “So, where is Patrick?”

  “He had an appointment, but he’ll be in soon.”

  I poured myself another cup of coffee, and we took a seat on the sofa. I noticed several people eyeing our window displays and smiling, but not bothering to enter yet.

  “So, anything else you need to update me on?” I asked her. “Although, I appreciate you keeping me so informed while I was away. You made some good sales.”

  “It’s been pretty good. Could be better, though.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  “We had an interesting, prospective customer come in yesterday.” Jessica laughed to herself as she stretched out her arms. “He was a trip. He must be about 80 years old and was in a wheel chair. He was really witty and flirty. I could tell that he was wealthy.”

  “What was his name?”

  “Sorry, but I didn’t catch it. I was interrupted by another customer and his nurse was already wheeling him out when I turned back around. I hope he’ll be back. He was really interested in your drawing that we put up recently. The one called ‘Priscilla’. He wanted me to hold it for him.”

  My heart began to flutter. Priscilla? I quickly got up and walked to the back of the gallery where I found my drawing prominently displayed for the world to see. I had never shown it to anyone before. All I could do was stare at it, not able to speak.

  “What’s wrong?” Jessica asked.

  I felt angry, but I didn’t want to show it, so I tried to remain calm. “Where did you find this?”

  Jessica answered hesitantly. “It was in the back, stored with the other items for future display once space became available. Did I do something wrong?”

  “No. I just didn’t realize that it was back there. I thought it was at my apartment.”

  “I hope that doesn’t mean it’s not for sale. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on it, especially from the old man. He was fascinated with it.”

  Too
bad, I thought. I could never sell it. “Well, I’m sure we can find something else he’d like. I can’t part with this one. Sentimental value,” I explained.

  “OK,” Jessica said with disappointment as she started to take it down. “I’m sorry. I’m glad we didn’t sell it yet.”

  “That’s OK.”

  “Who is she, if you don’t mind me asking? She’s a beautiful woman. So glamorous.” Then she realized, “You named your cat after her, didn’t you?”

  I smiled in agreement as I reminisced. “She’s someone I used to know and admire. I’ll never forget her.”

  I carried the drawing back to storage and packed it away, along with all of my other thoughts that were beginning to surface again at the sight of it, and the memories that I was always trying to suppress. I hurried back to the front desk and busied myself with work.

  The rest of the week was pretty uneventful, except for the constant struggle to catch up. I made it a point not to worry about the gallery too much while I was away. It was a hard lesson I had learned over the years. I had to trust Jessica and Patrick to handle everything so that I could really get away to enjoy myself, draw, and search for new art. The unfortunate end result was an overwhelming responsibility once I returned. However, the time flew by. Before I knew it, it was Saturday evening, and we were closing the gallery until Monday morning.

  “Got any plans this weekend?” asked Patrick.

  We had already given Jessica the day off, which was well deserved.

  “Actually I’m heading off to Willows. I need to pay a visit to my parents.”

  “Mine were here last week from Minnesota. I loved seeing them, yet I couldn’t wait for them to leave,” he said, laughing.

  I smiled back. “I always enjoy spending time with my parents, it’s just Willows…”

  “Too many memories,” he said with understanding, referring to my sister. Of course I never told him that there was more to it.

  “Exactly,” I agreed. “How about you? What do you have planned?”

  He grinned shyly. “A romantic dinner.”

  “Oh really?” I teased. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

  “I’ll introduce you if it goes well.”

  “Well, I hope it does. Have a great weekend. I’ll see you Monday if we don’t talk before.” I kissed him on the cheek and headed out.

  The drive to Willows was quite relaxing as I listened to my music, David Gray being my latest obsession. It gave me time to collect my thoughts, think about upcoming plans, and remember Paris. I even thought about Victor, but only briefly. He had been trying to contact me, but I hadn’t returned his texts and calls. The thought of spending more time with him was very tempting, especially on lonely nights, but I didn’t want the complication, nor did I really feel a strong connection with him.

  I felt guilty for arriving at the house so late, considering how early my parents usually turned in for the night. My mom was sitting on the sofa when I walked in, knitting and watching TV. Their chocolate lab, Brownie, barked at me before I quickly quieted her by kneeling down and letting her lick my face.

  “Hi, Honey,” said my mom. “You finally made it.”

  She was about to get up before I sat down next to her. She looked tired.

  “Sorry I’m so late. I wish that the customers wouldn’t come in near closing time unless they were actually planning on buying.”

  “They might be back later, though,” she said with encouragement.

  “Hopefully. Dad’s asleep already?”

  “He went to bed not too long ago. You can see him in the morning. Besides, I want to hear all about Paris!”

  We talked for about an hour until we both could hardly keep our eyes open. Our relationship had only grown stronger over the years, and I felt like I could talk with her about everything…almost. I even told her about my rendezvous with Victor, leaving out the explicit details of course.

  When I finally walked upstairs to my bedroom, Brownie was at my heels, deciding to join me just like Blondie always did. It was comforting to have her sleeping at the foot of my bed. I fell asleep within minutes.

  I slept in later than I intended, realizing I shouldn’t have, since I only had a day to spend with my parents before heading back to San Francisco, and I wanted to stop by and see Veronica’s mom. I sat up and stretched, taking a good look at my bedroom in the sunlight. It still hadn’t changed much since I was young. I switched out a few of my posters and pictures when I would be home from college, but that was about it.

  Brownie was sitting by the door, anxious to get out. She looked at me impatiently.

  “I know. I’m coming,” I told her.

  I threw on some sweats and a tank top before I headed downstairs, looking forward to some coffee.

  “There she is,” said my dad as he looked up from his paper, while leaning back in his recliner.

  He looked so much happier and younger since he finally retired. My mom still worked part-time at the hospital, only because she wasn’t ready to leave.

  I gave him a hug before I headed to the kitchen. “Sorry I couldn’t stay awake last night,” he said.

  “Don’t apologize. I wish I could have gotten here earlier.”

  I sat down next to him with my steaming coffee. My mom’s always tasted better than mine. He put down the paper and smiled at me.

  “I see that you’re still driving that big van,” he said, looking out window.

  “I need it to carry the artwork.”

  “You need an upgrade.”

  “It gets me around.”

  “For now. Anyway, how was your trip?”

  “Beautiful. It was very enjoyable and successful. I found some great pieces for the gallery.”

  “I always worry about terrorists when you travel.”

  “You worry about everything. So, where’s Mom?”

  “She went to the store real quick.”

  “OK. Well, I’m going to jump in the shower then.”

  Being home again always brought back bad memories, but the good ones too. A part of me could relax more at home than in San Francisco. I always felt like I had to look and act a certain way when I was in the big city. At home I could more easily be myself and be more like a kid again.

  I put on jeans and a t-shirt, let my hair air dry, and added little make-up. I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment. Luckily, my figure hadn’t changed much over the years. I was actually happier to be a little curvier. I could definitely see the lines on my face, but I tried not to let it bother me. I just couldn’t believe how fast the years had gone by…in a way. Sometimes it felt like I was a very young woman just a few years ago. Other times it felt like a lifetime ago. The passage of time was strange that way.

  I took a walk around the neighborhood with my mom once she got home and then fiddled around in the kitchen, helping her with lunch. I showed them all of my pictures from Paris and they showed me the pictures from their recent trip to Reno. I could see that they really had a great time. It was evident that their romance was still alive. They were an inspiration, although it was hard for me to be inspired about love. The pursuit of it was more frustrating to me than anything.

  My parents were patient with me, at least on the surface. They had learned years ago not to hound me, even though I knew they were dreaming of the day I would finally settle down and have children. I was beginning to accept that my time was running out, and that it might not ever actually happen for me, but would I really be OK with that for the rest of my life?

  We continued to talk about everything under the sun until it was late afternoon and I remembered that I still needed to go see Veronica’s mother.

  “You can’t go see her on your way back to San Francisco?” my mom asked.

  “I don’t want to be driving too late tonight. It’s supposed to rain. I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

  “OK. Tell her we said hello.”

  30. Remembrance

  I glanced at my gas tank as I pulled away from my
parents’ house, realizing that I had better go ahead and fill up so I wouldn’t have to bother with it before I left town that night. I pulled into the gas station and noticed that it was starting to cloud up. The wind was blowing my hair into my face when I got out of my van. I could barely see what was around me as I pumped the gas, which is why I didn’t notice the man walking out of the gas station and then directly toward me.

  “Sarah?” he asked.

  I turned around and pulled my hair behind my ear. It was Johnny Putman. I couldn’t believe that on my one excursion from the house that I would run into an ex-boyfriend.

  “Johnny!”

  He smiled. “I thought that was you.”

  I grinned back at him. It really was good to see him, despite everything that had happened. “So, how’s it going?” I asked.

  “It’s going well. It’s been a long time. I don’t see you around here too often.”

  “I know I don’t visit as much as I should. Work gets crazy.” That was just an excuse, though.

  “I bet it’s been about five years since I’ve seen you,” he added.

  I thought for a moment. “Yeah, probably. So, I heard you got married a few years ago.”

  He grinned wide. “Yeah, I did. I also have a 3-year old little girl. Can you believe it?”

  I hadn’t heard that, surprisingly. Had nobody in my family or circle of friends known? It was a small town, so that seemed unlikely. They must have been keeping it from me.

  “Wow, Johnny, that’s really great. I’m happy for you.”

  He just kept smiling. He was proud. He looked really good too. He was a cute boy who grew up to be an even more handsome man. “Well, I better get going. It was good to see you, Sarah.” He sounded very sincere.

  “You too. Take care.”

  I couldn’t get Johnny off of my mind the entire drive across town. We used to be so close, close enough that I really did consider spending the rest of my life with him. We went on our first date on New Year’s Eve of 1988. We were both hurting. He had just lost his mother, and I had just lost Ethan. We went out as friends and had a really good time. There were no major sparks or romance. Neither of us was actually ready for that, however, as time went by, we began to spend more time together until we were nearly inseparable up until graduation.