Tainted Black

by Shanora Williams

  As if he had read my mind, he said, "Listen, I know you didn't want to go back to Bristle, but this is a great thing. You can start fresh, and when I get there, we'll make the most we can out of it… together." I could tell he was smiling on his end.

  "Yeah." I dropped my head. He knew what being here would do to me. I would remember and then I'd regret. God, I regretted so much, but this position was one I’d been trying to acquire for so long. I loved Bristle Wave. The serene city with little crime and a lot to do. "Hey, listen, I'm gonna go check out the house. The agent said I could view it today and I also have to meet the previous owner. Apparently the owner wants me to know a few things before moving in."

  "Okay. Let me know how it goes. Call me later."

  "I will."

  "I love you, Haze." That was a nickname he gave me. He swore he would never be able to stop looking into my eyes for as long as we lived.

  "I love you too, Creep."

  I listened to his deep chuckle, how it hummed straight through me, and then I hung up with flutters in the pit of my belly. We'd been together for two and a half years, and each day seemed to only get better. I placed my phone in the cup holder and grinned once more at the future school I would be teaching at before pulling out of the parking lot and driving to my new home.

  The house was right off the coast. A two story home made of tan cement and a burnt orange stucco roof to accent. There was a two-car garage, and the front yard was covered in well-kept, green grass with two, towering palm trees. It was beautiful, but what I loved most about it was the backyard.

  It wasn't just any backyard. It was filled with soft white sand that never got too hot. Yes, our new home was right on the beach. I inhaled as I stepped off the deck and onto the sand, slipping out of my sandals and watching the ocean.

  My heart thumped a little quicker as bittersweet memories unfolded. That last night on the boat. Our last ride together. The ocean only reminded me of one thing—well, one person…

  A door shut behind me, shattering my thoughts, and I turned as Rita, the realty agent, trotted through the kitchen in her black baby heels and stopped at the patio door. Her brown hair flew with the breeze as she lowered her thin frames. "The previous owner just arrived," she called. "I have another house to show. Do you think you will need me?"

  "Nah! Go ahead! I should be okay," I called back. "I’ll call you if I need you. Thank you for everything!" Rita nodded her head, giving me a small glance and a light smile before turning around and pulling out her cell phone. She reminded me of my mom. Always busy. Always on the go.

  Speaking of, Mom was living in Brazil... alone. Her young boyfriend broke up with her, which made South America their last destination as a couple. She called me once, crying. I didn't feel much sympathy for her. I was a firm believer in Karma. She told me everything, like how she actually liked it there and wasn't sure she wanted to come back, but how she wished he’d stuck around to make it worthwhile. It was a shame.

  She came back when I told her about Dad’s funeral but flew right back out the next day without a goodbye. I was used to her not being around. Of course it killed me to know she didn't hug or kiss me or even want to bid me farewell, but I quickly got over it, just as I did everything else when I was a child.

  She bawled her eyes out during Dad's funeral. Her emotion was raw. I'm pretty sure she left like the wind because of all the remorse she felt for not being around during his final years. She never should have left to begin with. She was still a very, very selfish woman.

  I shut my eyes, allowing the salty air to toy with the loose tendrils of my pinned hair. I could really get used to this. The balcony door slid open and when I recalled Rita saying the previous owner was around, I turned.

  “Hi, you must be—” My words flew out before I could see the person, and they quickly came to an end when I met familiar brown eyes.

  An audible gasp filled the air. My chest felt heavy, the pressure real, like an elephant stepping on top of me as I lay flat. I thought after all those years the feelings—every feeling—I had for him would surely pass, but that was complete bullshit. Time only made it easier to move on with life, but time had nothing on chance encounters.

  Who was I kidding?

  My feelings were never going to change.

  Not when it came to him.

  Not when it came to my first, at both love and womanhood.

  They’d never change for Theodore Black.

  He walked out to the deck with a crooked smile, his head in that childlike tilt that used to make me so weak in the knees—still made me weak in the knees. His hair had grown out around the edges, and his body was just as it was before, in great shape.

  His eyes were tired, though, like all the stressing had finally caught up to him. As always, it was only his eyes that gave away his age. His face was shaved clean, besides the black scruff above his lip. When his hand came up to wipe the sweat from his brow, I caught the silver band on his ring finger, and for some reason, my heart dropped. He was… married?

  I tried to cover my hand, the square engagement ring on my finger, but he saw it, his face screwing. I still remained rather speechless, watching as he carried himself from the deck to the stairs that led to the sand. He didn’t say anything either. I didn’t feel so bad for being flabbergasted.

  This was never supposed to happen again. I was never supposed to run into Mr. Black in Bristle Wave because, from what I’d heard, he’d moved out of Bristle to go elsewhere. I had no clue where he’d moved to, but I assumed it was far away from here. That’s what I got for going with the rumors.

  When Theo was only a few steps away, I swallowed the emotion that’d collected in my throat, tears burning the rims of my eyes. I don’t know why I was being so emotional. It could have been the recollections, or maybe even the pain that was still buried deep.

  Or, perhaps it was because he looked just as great as ever, with the ink that stained his arms, that perfect, wavy black hair, and the same hard and delicious body. His nipple ring prodded through his light grey T-shirt, and I smiled, remembering the way my tongue had surrounded it a long time ago.

  “Little Knight,” Theo finally said. His voice was just the same, and it still held some type of power over me. I felt my core clench, but I ignored that guilt, allowing a smile to sweep across my lips. “You are still so beautiful.” And he was still so goddamn gorgeous, but I couldn’t say that.

  “Theo,” I breathed. “Wow… um… what are you doing here?—I mean—” My mouth clamped shut, unable to form proper sentences. I couldn’t believe it. I felt like the twelve year old girl that had first met him in Primrose. Back then he was a stranger—someone I knew nothing about—and even now it seemed I was meeting a stranger again. Someone that I wasn’t sure about, someone that may have changed and I didn’t even know it.

  “It’s been a long time, huh?”

  “Yeah.” I blinked rapidly. “You are the previous owner?”

  He nodded with a press of his lips. “Funny right? How fate brought us here?”

  “Fate and destiny seem to always tamper with our lives one way or another.” He moved forward, and I shifted on my feet, the sand squishing between my toes. “How’d you know I would be coming to Bristle today?”

  He lifted a hand, running his fingers through his lengthy hair. “That woman that just ran out of here?”

  “Yeah?”

  “She’s my mother.”

  My jaw dropped, gaping. “What?! No way! No wonder she seemed so familiar! I take it she didn’t take your father’s last name?”

  “Nope.” He smiled. “Rita Morris. I told her to keep it secret. You know, it’s quite a coincidence that you wanted to move into this house.” He looked around. “Seems like a place you will really enjoy, though. Anyway, she remembered seeing you around us before and asked me if the name Chloe Knight sounded familiar.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Shocker, huh?”

  “Wow—yeah,” I laughed. “That’s wild. No wonder she was act
ing so friendly towards me.”

  “I told her you were one of Izzy’s old friends.”

  When he said her name, I felt a pinch deep inside me. He caught that small ounce of pain run cross my face and straightened his back. “She feels terrible. Talks about you at least every other week. She misses the hell out of you.”

  “I miss her too.”

  “You know she got a job in New York? She got a role for a small film up there?”

  “What? Oh my gosh, that’s incredible! Tell her I said congrats!”

  “I will.” he put on a genuine smile.

  “So, what is it with you, Knight? Did you go and get married on me?” he asked when I looked down again, guilt-ridden. I could tell he’d been wanting to ask about the ring on my finger for a while now. I drug my gaze back up to his, and he brought his eyes from my finger to my face again.

  “Oh… um, engaged actually.”

  “Let me take a wild guess…” His tongue wiped his lips, and he laughed as he said, “The Sterling kid?”

  “Lucky guess, mister,” I teased, blushing. I dropped my head, and Theo stepped forward to tilt my chin. His gesture seemed almost natural and brought back so many memories. I would never forget his touch and all it did to me. I would never forget him in general, but I knew better.

  Now, I really knew better.

  “And what about you?” I asked, backing away without making it too noticeable. I put on a cheery tone as I asked, “What woman has you wrapped around her finger? —Wait, no, let me take a wild guess...” Theo crossed his arms with an amused grin on his face. Laughing, I said, “Trixie!”

  And he busted out in a hearty chortle. “That is fucking hilarious.”

  I snickered. I knew damn well he would never take her back, but I was curious who the new woman was. “Well,” I urged, waving my hands for answers. “Come on. Who is the lucky lady?”

  He scratched his chin, his eyes bouncing from mine to the sea. “Her name is Sheila, and we got married a little over a year ago. I met her at some bachelor party in San Francisco about ten months after you left. She’s a nice girl… great woman.”

  “Wow. Married?” I gasped. “That’s great, Theo.” I smiled. “I’m really happy for you.”

  He changed the subject. “Does he make you happy?” he asked. I caught the protectiveness in the bass of his voice, watched as the joy slid away from the corners of his mouth.

  “Sterling is a good guy. Of course he makes me happy.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes, Theo.”

  “And you’re sure about marrying this guy?” He studied me, hoping I would waver. I didn’t weaken or waver. I kept my head held high.

  Vibrating with laughter, I focused on his brown eyes and kindly said, “Yes. I’m sure.” Theo shook his head with his mouth curved upwards, his arms still folded tight across his chest. “What? I asked defensively. I knew he probably still hated Sterling.

  “Nothing,” he laughed. “I just can’t believe he stole both my women away from me. Apparently the kid has something I don’t.”

  That remark, I had to admit, caught me by total surprise. Even though there was a deeper meaning behind it, it was funny. And the fact that he didn’t get angry about it made me realize one thing: Theodore Black was content with his life.

  He’d changed and had moved on. He found someone else to complete him. I couldn’t blame him for that because I’d done the same. I was sure within those ten months, he’d tried to reach me, but I changed my number and email and made sure there was no way he could find me unless he drove to USC. Luckily, he never did. Though I blocked him from all directions, I made way for Izzy.

  Unfortunately, she never called.

  That day, I could read him like a book. The way he laughed, the way he smiled and still listened to me, I knew he’d always be there. I knew his love for me would always live in his heart, just as my love for him would. It would never change, and it would never fade.

  We loved each other as we did during the beginning, wholly and compassionately, and I couldn’t complain, bitch, or whine because that was the way it should have remained.

  “I’m moving to San Francisco with her tomorrow,” Theo told me.

  “Then what in the hell are you doing here?”

  He shrugged. “I won’t be back to Bristle Wave. I needed to see you one more time, make sure we were okay.”

  I didn’t know whether to smile or cry at his response. I rubbed my arm nervously, and he stepped forward. “Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I will behave.” He smirked, and I knew he was teasing me. I knew he’d behave. He had no choice. I had no choice. “You’re happy, Knight. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” His eyes were soft. Something about his gentle smile and the way he looked at me made a stray tear drift down my cheek.

  I nodded. “It’s all I ever wanted for you, too,” I whispered.

  His boyish smile tickled my heart. “Can we take a walk?” He bobbed his head, gesturing towards the beach. I glanced back, listening to the seagulls caw, the familiar waves crashing from a short distance.

  “Sure,” I murmured.

  He was excited. I could tell, but he kept himself on a leash. He didn’t dare get too close, and though our hands bumped, we didn’t bother trying to hold onto that sensation. Believe me, it was hard, and I felt even walking with him was wrong, but as we created this one last memory together, something phenomenal occurred.

  I realized that we were exactly what he wanted us to be… Okay.

  We talked and caught up on almost everything. About my dad passing and how he still thought of Janet from time to time. How he didn’t blame her or allow the truths to ruin what he remembered about her. He loved her. And I was glad he could forgive and forget.

  But most of all, he understood my struggle in the end. I didn’t have to tell him how hard it was to walk away because he could see it right on my face as I explained how tough it was to finish college. He accepted my sacrifice, and he took it for what it was. That was proof enough that he’d become someone better.

  I’d always heard that it took men longer to mature than women. Theo wasn’t fully mature when we’d first met or even when we’d first slept together. I could tell he used to want so much more out of life during those times after Janet died, but something had obviously shifted deep within him. After losing two loves, I was sure he was making the third one count… his third luck charm as he put it.

  He wasn’t going to take advantage of his new wife. I knew that for sure.

  He vowed to love her, cherish her, and make her feel like the greatest woman in the world, and I knew he’d keep those promises because that was exactly how he made me feel five years ago.

  He made me feel like the sweetest and most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel like his one and only. He told me I was his knight in shining armor. He still thanked me for saving him and swore he would never be able to repay that debt.

  See, Theo Black no longer lived by the darkness of his last name.

  His life was no longer chaos. It was no longer a dark, tainted catastrophe. His daughter had forgiven him. He saw her once every week and said she still treated him the same, no longer bringing up the past or his mistakes.

  I guess I could say Izzy and I were… fine. If that’s what I could call it. I’d received a letter from Izzy in my P.O. box one day. It showed up a few days after my dad died. Only Izzy knew about the P.O. box. She’d used it once before when she bought a naughty toy she was ashamed of people seeing.

  The letter read:

  Chloe,

  Don’t write me black. Please, just don’t.

  I want you to read this, and then I want you to forget about me. I want you to know that I love you and that you will always remain a sister in my heart. All the other girl friends I meet will have to live up to what I saw in you, and that will be hard to do. Why? Because you are the sweetest person I know, and all those cruel things were wrong of me to say. You are nothing like your mom.r />
  I had no right to judge. Instead, I should have taken the time to listen and understand the situation. But I was young and immature, and I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I know I should be saying this in person, but forgive me right now because I just can’t bear to see you.

  Maybe I’m a coward. A chicken. Maybe it’s my pride, or perhaps it’s the guilt I feel about all those hateful things, but I am so sorry, and I want you to know that you are not a bad person and that I don’t blame my dad for falling for you.

  I mean, I kinda always knew, but when you really love someone and don’t want to lose them, you defend that person in every way. You shield and blind yourself from the truth. You only seem to see the good in them and overlook the bad. I knew it the day after my mom died. I saw you help my dad in the garage. I heard you leave, and I saw the way he looked at you and how you looked at him. I thought you were only helping, but now that I think about it all, I knew it deep down.

  I just hope you can understand why I can’t face you on this. I love my dad, and in order to keep my relationship with him steady, I have to move forward without you in my life. I’m a stubborn little bitch, and you know this. LOL. I suck at keeping my mouth shut, and I would feel really, really weird about my dad still sleeping with you if you were still my friend. Not that I don’t have respect for you, I just can’t handle something that intense. You may not think of it this way, but I think of it as my sister sleeping with our dad. Ew

  What you two do now is none of my business, but I know you. I know you won’t go back. Not because you don’t love him—which, I know you really do—but because you care about me and never meant to hurt me to begin with. I know things happen, and I want you to know I am glad that I could grow up with an amazing person like you. It’s hard to come across friends like you, Chloe, but remember that I love you and if we happen to cross paths one day, I won’t hold anything against you.

  I love you, and I hope you can understand my decisions.