KABOOM

by Brian Adams

  Kevin burst out laughing, which only served to piss me off even more.

  “You can’t be serious?” he said.

  “Listen, Kevin. If the only reason you care about saving Mount Tom is because you want to get with me . . .”

  “That is not what I said, and you know it! Don’t twist my words.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying people get active in issues for different reasons. Look at Frank. He does it for God. Look at Piggy. He does it to be bad-ass and rebellious. Look at you. You do it because it’s your special place and you were born with the do-good gene. I’m doing it because I’m totally into you. What’s wrong with that? We’re active, aren’t we? Isn’t that what matters?”

  “So, if you go and dump me for some girl like Sandra Lewis who’s onboard with the whole blowing-up-the-mountain thing, then you’ll jump on her bandwagon?”

  “Wait a minute,” Kevin said. “Are we fighting?”

  “No, we are not fighting!” I said. “You’re just being an idiot!”

  But we were fighting. We were. And now that we were going at it, I couldn’t stop. The rational voice inside my head that was pleading for calm and sanity was being drowned out by the annoying, bitchy, whining voice that just wouldn’t shut up.

  Why was I acting like this? Maybe God was to blame! Maybe God really was like Santa and watched our every move and was pissed that I was making out in the church parking lot and was now punishing me by making me such a bitch. That was it! I could blame God!

  “Will you chill?” Kevin said, clearly now getting annoyed with me as well. “All I’m saying, for the five millionth time, is that that’s how I got into it. Because of you. It’s a compliment, Cyndie. It’s a total prop. And now that I’m into it I totally care. I really do.”

  “It doesn’t sound like it.”

  “Get a grip, Cyndie! If you start playing gatekeeper and devising some sort of litmus test that decides who gets to be active and who doesn’t based on how pure their motives are, then that’s just plain stupid.”

  “Now you’re telling me I’m stupid?”

  “Oh my God! What’s gotten into you? Do you have a bug up your butt or something?”

  That was it. I had had enough. I opened the car door, jumped out, and slammed it shut.

  I knew I was overreacting, but I felt possessed, which, coming out of church, was really weird. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience where I was floating above the church, looking down on Kevin and me in the car in the parking lot, witnessing the whole damn thing playing out in a way that was not going down well. It was like in the movies, when the silly, stupid girl has a silly, stupid hissy fit because everything wasn’t going exactly the silly, stupid way she wanted it to. And you know that the end of the scene will just not be pretty.

  “What are you doing?” Kevin asked.

  “Leave me alone. I’m walking home.”

  “You can’t be serious. This is ridiculous.”

  “Really?” I shouted. A few kids from the meeting who were hanging around the front steps of the church turned to look at us. “Really? So let me get this straight. You don’t give a rat’s ass about Saving Mount Tom. I’ve got a bug up my butt. I’m stupid. And I’m ridiculous. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”

  Kevin looked like he was in shock. His mouth was wide open and he had that deer-in-the-headlights, what-the-hell-is-happening expression on his face.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “Will you just get back in the car? Please?”

  “No,” I said, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “I’m going to save you the trouble of dumping me for Sandra Lewis!”

  “What?” Kevin asked, putting his arms up in the air as if to surrender. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m dumping you!”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! You can’t dump me!”

  “Why not?”

  “Because we haven’t even gone on a date yet!”

  I stamped my feet, turned my back and marched away.

  •

  “You did what?” Ashley asked. The first thing I had done when I got home and had finally stopped crying was to call her. She had just gotten back from the movies. I didn’t even ask about her date.

  “I broke up with him,” I said, still choking back tears and desperately trying to catch my breath.

  “You broke up with Kevin?”

  “I broke up with Kevin.”

  “Are you kidding me? When?”

  “An hour ago.”

  “Oh my God, that’s like three days in relationship time!” After just a few dates Ashley had already become the world’s foremost authority on relationships.

  Through the sobs, I somehow managed to give her the lowdown on what went down.

  “Are you completely insane?” she asked. “Are you totally nuts? Have you had a massive mental meltdown?”

  “Ashley!” I yelled, starting to cry again. “You’re supposed to take my side on this! I told you what he said about me!”

  “Your side? There is no ‘your side,’ Cyndie. There’s the right side and the stupid, ridiculous, girl-with-the-bug-up-her-butt, totally wrong side.”

  I tried to say something in my defense but all I could do was cry.

  “Let me get this straight,” Ashley went on. “He tells you how wonderful you were at the church meeting. Then he tells you you’re like a magnet that draws people into the issue. Sort of like, I don’t know, a girl Jesus or something. And then finally, to top it off, he tells you that you’re so awesome, that he’s so into you, that now he’s totally stoked about saving Mount Tom. All because of you. That he was blind and now he can see! Am I getting this right?”

  Tears, tears, and more tears.

  “And then,” Ashley continued, “because of all of those cruel horrible things he’s said, you go and dump him?”

  “No!” I sobbed. “Yes! I don’t know!”

  “My God, Cyndie, you’re acting like you’ve lost your mind!”

  I cried some more.

  “You’ve got to get off that high horse of yours and cut down on the holier-than-thou crap. That might play well in church but it’s not gonna go down in real life. It’s just not. Otherwise it’s going to be you and me against the world, and the odds are already stacked against us. And can I say one more thing?”

  I managed a muffled “Yes” through the tears.

  “If that stupid, ridiculous girl doesn’t march herself over to Kevin’s house right now and beg for forgiveness, I’m going to have to go over to American Coal Company’s headquarters, break in, steal a stick of dynamite, and blow that bug out of your butt myself! And that is not, I repeat, not something I am looking forward to! Do you understand me?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I meekly replied.

  “Now get off the phone!” Ashley yelled. “Now! Go!”

  •

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dad called out as I tore down the stairs. “Where are you off to at this late hour, young lady?”

  “She just broke up with Kevin and now she’s going to make up,” Britt said. When I burst out of my room I had whacked Britt in the head with the door. She had been kneeling outside listening to every word of my conversation with Ashley. I didn’t even bother to give her a dirty look.

  “It’s Sunday night!” Dad called after me. “It’s a school night!”

  “Don’t worry, Dad,” Britt said. “She’s not going far. Kevin’s parked in the driveway.”

  •

  I opened the car door, slid in next to Kevin, and rested my head on his shoulder. We were quiet for a while. Not an awkward quiet. More like a “whew, am I glad that’s over” kind of quiet. A comfortable quiet. I just snuggled up close and took comfort in his breath.

  “That was the worst hour of my entire life,” I finally said.

  “Actually, it was only 57 minutes and 23 seconds,” Kevin said, putting his arm around me. “But who’s counting?”

 
“How long were you going to sit here?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Forever? Actually, I was thinking of going home and swiping my dad’s boom box and bringing it back so I could blast some really lame love song over and over until all of the neighbors started screaming and you were forced to come out and make up with me.”

  “Just like in the movies.”

  “Just like in the movies,” Kevin said, pulling me tighter.

  “Should I go back inside so you can do it? It actually sounds pretty romantic.”

  “Nah. This will work. Anyway, I was yanking a blank on which song to use. I was going to go with Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes’ but . . .”

  “Already been done.”

  “Exactly.”

  We sat in silence for another minute while he caressed my shoulder.

  “I was a bitch, wasn’t I,” I said. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me.”

  Kevin’s hands moved from my shoulder to my neck.

  “You know one thing I really like about you?” he asked.

  “Besides the bug up my butt?”

  “Actually, I find your butt totally hot, with or without the hoop skirt on. But I could live without the bug.”

  “Good to know,” I said.

  “One thing I really like about you is how un-boring you are. You are far and away the most interesting girl I’ve ever met. I mean, seriously, there’s never a dull moment with you. Never.”

  “Just stupid and ridiculous ones.”

  “Exactly! And you know the really good news?”

  “Tell me,” I said.

  “Now that we’ve had our breakup and makeup we can be done with all of that crap. Get the drama out of the way early on before we even officially start dating. Been there, done that, good riddance. It will make things so much easier. Now we can start going out. No more thingamabobs, but actual, real dates, and not get sidetracked. It’s a good thing.”

  “I like how you think,” I said, putting my knee in his lap and my hand on his thigh. “So, just to be sure, you’re not just trying to get into my hoop skirt?”

  “I am not just trying to get into your hoop skirt,” Kevin said, turning towards me and stroking my hair. “I’m trying to get into other things as well. Like saving Mount Tom. It’s possible to multi-task, you know.”

  “It is,” I agreed. “It really is.” I pressed my lips up against his neck.

  “And you’re not going to dump me for Sandra Lewis?” I asked.

  Kevin laughed and shook his head. “There’s that bug again! I promise: I will never ever dump you for big-haired Sandra Lewis.”

  “That’s not the only big things she has,” I said.

  “You know what they say?”

  “No. What do they say?

  “Quality over quantity. I like yours much better. I like everything about you much better! You promise not to leave me for Jon Buntington?”

  I shuddered. We were quiet again.

  “I’m so sorry I overreacted,” I finally said.

  “You did overreact.”

  “And I’m so sorry I was such a jerk.”

  “You weren’t a jerk. You are just so into doing the right thing. I mean, it’s totally awesome and all, but it can be awfully hard for us mortals to keep up with you sometimes. All of this activism stuff is totally new to me. I’m doing the best that I can. I really am. Maybe you can cut me a little bit of slack. That’s all. Just a little bit.” Kevin kissed both my cheeks, soft butterfly kisses.

  “You know what?” I said to him.

  “What?”

  “I really like you.”

  “I know,” Kevin said. “And I really like you. Really, really like. And, this probably sounds stupid, but, now that you’re back, I could easily spend the rest of my entire life parked out here in your driveway with you.”

  “It does sound stupid,” I said. “Stupid and wonderful!”

  47

  “ROAD TRIP!” Kevin yelled, leaping out of his car, picking me up, and twirling me around.

  Fall wasn’t just around the corner anymore. We were smack-dab in the middle of it. The oppressive summer heat was gone and the trees had changed into their fall wardrobe. Some had already stripped naked and, lucky them, snuggled into a deep sleep. The weather was perfect. Late fall in West Virginia. A great reminder of why I loved living here.

  “Kevin?” Britt asked, tugging on his arm. “Can I go with you? Please? I really, really, really want to go? Please?”

  “Shut up, Britt!” I said. “You’re not going. Get out of his face and leave us alone!”

  “Why can’t she go?” Kevin asked. “Everyone should see this.”

  “Yes, yes, yes!” Britt squealed.

  “Oh my God, Kevin,” I said. “She’s not anyone. She’s my little sister!”

  “I swear,” Britt said, “I’ll turn my back and close my eyes if the two of you want to hook up! And I won’t tell Dad anything! I promise! These lips are sealed!” Britt zippered her mouth shut.

  “Britt!” I yelled. “What part of get lost don’t you understand!”

  Britt went running into the house. “Dad!” she yelled, her mouth unzippered already. “Kevin said I could go! Kevin said I could go!” Britt came tearing back with her backpack and her stuffed bunny. She was twelve years old but, depending on the moment, she was twelve going on twenty or twelve going on four.

  “I call shotgun!” she yelled.

  “In your dreams!” I yelled back.

  •

  We were off to Kayford Mountain, seventy miles away. One of the many West Virginia mountains whose top had already been blown off by a coal company. We were joining a group that was taking a tour of the mountaintop removal site.

  At the last KABOOM meeting we had watched YouTube videos of mountaintop removal. It was hard to watch them and think they were actually real. It was hard to watch them and not think, Yeah, right, as if that could actually happen. You’d look at those videos and you’d think, No way! People wouldn’t do something like that to a mountain. They just wouldn’t.

  It was almost too horrible to believe.

  So we decided to go and see for ourselves. Up close and personal. Take a . . .

  “Road trip!” Kevin yelled again, picking me up, and hurling me upside down into the front seat while Britt, laughing and screaming, tumbled into the back.

  “Bunny stays up front with us, or we ain’t going nowhere!” Kevin said.

  “Mister Wiggins,” Britt said, giggling. “Her name is Mister Wiggins.”

  “Whoa, it’s a chick bunny with a dude’s name?” Kevin asked.

  “Don’t let her age fool you,” I said. “She’s got a twelve-year-old body but a four-year-old brain.”

  “The bunny’s twelve years old?” Kevin asked.

  “Oh my God!” I said, “I’m surrounded by morons!”

  I had to admit there was something totally sweet about how Kevin dealt with my family. He was super-nice to my father and all big-brother, palsy-walsy around Britt. And it wasn’t fake. It was genuine. It was who Kevin was. And, in return, they liked him. They liked him a lot. After all, what was not to like?

  Depending on calculations, I had been going out with Kevin for 63 days (if you defined clubbing him with a peg leg as “going out with him”), 56 days (from the time I saved his life from the wayward rammer), or 35 days (the thingamabob at the recycling center and the oh-so-yummy first real kiss). We had gone to the movies, bowling, miniature golf, football games to see Marc the Mascot make a complete ass out of himself, walks on Mount Tom, out to eat, and lots of awesome fooling around whenever and wherever we could. We still hadn’t gone dancing. The Civil War cotillion thing had been postponed to the end of November due to the fiddler in the old-time band breaking his finger.

  Wonder of all wonders, Kevin was now my official boyfriend!

  I loved how the word sounded. I said it over and over again in my head.

  My boyfriend!

  I know it sounds path
etic, but I had a permanent bruise from pinching myself so many times.

  Anyway, back to the road trip.

  Kevin, Britt and I swung around town to pick up Ashley and Marc (also totally a couple) and then drove over to Fas Chek to meet up and caravan with our fellow KABOOMers. Becky was driving Piggy, Frank, Tammy, and Rich. Sam was off fishing, Jason was running track, Shannon was working, and Jon Buntington was, well, who knows where.

  We had asked Mr. Cooper if he wanted to come but he made up some lame excuse about needing weekend alone time away from us teenagers lest he wind up in the lunatic asylum. Anyway, he said, he had seen mountaintop removal sites before and, at his age, his heart was fragile enough as it was. One more look might just break it.

  “Look at Piggy!” Ashley whispered.

  We stuck our necks out of the car windows, trying not to be too obvious but gawking anyway.

  “He’s dressed like a human being!” I whispered back to Ashley. “What happened to the spikes in his hair?”

  “Do you think he’s hitting on Becky?” Ashley asked.

  “I thought Becky was a lesbian?” Britt said.

  “Maybe he’s hitting on Frank.” Ashley said.

  “Frank has a girlfriend,” Britt said. “It must be Becky. Look at him looking at her!”

  I was rubbernecking so far into Kevin that I knocked up against the steering wheel and the car horn blared. Piggy and Becky jumped. I scrunched down behind the seat.

  “Hey!” Kevin called out to Piggy. “Nice hair!”

  And then off we went to Kayford Mountain.

  •

  Kevin had become obsessed with the old John Prine song “Paradise.” It was the perfect soundtrack for a mountaintop removal road trip. After the fifth time around on his car’s CD player, we were all screaming the lyrics, tragic as they were:

  When I was a child my family would travel

  Down to western Kentucky where my parents were born

  And there’s a backwards old town that’s often remembered

  So many times that my memories are worn.

  And Daddy won’t you take me back to Muhlenberg County

  Down by the Green River where Paradise lay