Icing on the Casket

by Catherine Bruns

  I willed myself from grabbing another cookie and sipped my bland coffee. "It has to be one of the five people associated with Phibbins Mortuary."

  "Because Eddie was embalmed," Josie remarked.

  Gianna shivered. "The whole thing grosses me out. It's so morbid."

  "The wife is always the main suspect," Josie pointed out. "But Linda didn't know how to embalm."

  "Also, what did she have to gain from Eddie's death?" I asked. "He left her the funeral home, which she never wanted to run, and now she's in the process of selling it to Arthur. Who knows if she'll even make her money back?"

  "There must be special stipulations in the will," Gianna mused. "If a business owes money or a potential lawsuit is pending, you can't go ahead and sell it till that's been resolved. So I'm guessing Linda's trying to pull a fast one before those lawsuits rear their ugly heads."

  It would make sense. "Personally? My bet is on Arthur. He had the biggest motive to kill his brother—greed. He's been salivating for years to get his hands on the place. As for Zach, he was angry about being demoted, but he was also with us when the firecracker came through the front window."

  "In my opinion, they all seem to be missing a few screws," Josie said. "What about that Wally character who was ripping Eddie off?"

  Gianna snickered. "You have to love the guy's philosophy. He steals from his boss, puts the urns up for sale on eBay, and then says Eddie ruined his life because his wife left him. And we think Dad is strange."

  Could Wally have become so enraged that he killed Eddie for pressing charges? It was possible. The same with Zach. I'd seen other people kill for less of a reason.

  "Last but not least, we have Charlene Jones. She denies the rumors about fooling around with Eddie, and Dad claims there's no way Eddie would do that to Linda. Charlene was much younger, but some women like older men."

  "Much older men in her case," Josie added. "Eddie was at least twenty years older than her. And it's not like he was a sugar daddy. He was sorely lacking in the asset department."

  "All that may not have mattered to her." Charlene had clearly adored her boss, but had she killed him for resisting her advances? Or had Linda found out about an affair and done away with her husband in anger?

  The bells on my front door jingled, and my father stepped into the bakery. He was dressed in a Sally's Samples navy blue sweatshirt, tan-colored shorts, white tube socks, and brown leather sandals. He rubbed his hands together in satisfaction. "Three of my favorite girls. Josie's like my third daughter, you know."

  Josie smiled warmly at him. Sure, she thought my father was a nutcase and was often vocal about it, but deep down I knew she was fond of my parents and vice versa. My mother and father had done more for her growing up then her own parents had. She stared down at his legs and whistled. "Nice outfit, Domenic. Isn't it a little cold for shorts?"

  "Nah." He snatched a jelly thumbprint cookie off the plate and patted Gianna on the head. "We're supposed to have an early summer, so I'm getting started now." Dad sat down in the chair to my left. "Baby girl, how about going to pay Linda a visit with me?"

  "Sure thing. But Dad, you have to understand, if she wants to sell the place, that's her right. This isn't any of our business."

  He furrowed his brow. "I know she needs money, but I owe it to Eddie to try to talk her out of it. Business is bound to go back up eventually. She needs to weather out the storm, so to speak. I mean, people die every day. Someone in this town is bound to drop dead today or tomorrow."

  "Really, Domenic," Josie gasped.

  Gianna shuddered. "Dad, you say the sweetest things." She stared out the front window in interest as a bleached blonde alighted from a black BMW. "Oh good. She's right on schedule."

  I shielded my eyes against the sunbeam for a better look. "Who's that?"

  We all watched as the woman approached the bakery. She looked to be in her late thirties or early forties and had a spectacular curvy figure. Despite the lukewarm day, she was dressed in a white linen blouse and a denim miniskirt so tight and short that it made the ones my mother wore seem respectable.

  My father lowered his gaze. The woman's legs were long and shapely, bare and ending in a pair of red designer pumps with at least a four-inch heel. Sighing, I returned the fudgy delight cookie back to the plate in the center of the table.

  Dad looked momentarily flustered. "Nice-looking lady. Seems to me I've seen her before. Of course, she can't hold a candle to your mother."

  "She should look familiar," Gianna answered. "That's Chantal Jones."

  I stared at my sister in amazement. "Are you talking about Charlene's twin sister? Why is she here?"

  "Because I think she might be able to help us find Eddie's killer."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  I had to wonder about my sister's motivation to bring Chantal to my bakery. She was a lover of the law and would never do anything that might compromise her position. "Okay, but I still don't understand why she would agree to come here."

  "Chantal thinks I asked her to come and discuss the recent charges that were brought against her, even though the case was dismissed," Gianna explained. "She was fired from Jerry's Juice Bar, and the owner hasn't offered her the job back. Chantal, in turn, wants to file a suit against Jerry, which I plan to talk to her about. But the real reason I asked her here is so you could question her about Charlene." She narrowed her eyes at our father. "But I hadn't planned on anyone else being here."

  "That was great of you to stick your neck out." I was certain Gianna had another reason for doing this.

  Gianna lifted her chin in defiance. "I know what you're thinking. Yes, I want Nicoletta out of my house as soon as possible, and I'm not ashamed to say so. But I'm also doing this because I'm worried someone in my family might get hurt next." She watched me solemnly. "Namely you, Sal."

  My father raised the cup of coffee in his hand that Josie had brought him and saluted Gianna. "Well done, sweetheart. Everyone has to get a little devious where Nicoletta is concerned."

  "Damn straight," Josie agreed.

  "Just follow my lead," Gianna said. "Chantal might have useful information to add about her sister—something we don't already know. They're not exactly close, even though they live together, and they've got to converse at some point. Maybe we'll find out that Charlene and Eddie were having an affair."

  My father shook his head. "No way."

  Chantal stepped into the storefront and looked around the room, seeming not to notice us. Her eyes were focused on the contents in the display case.

  Gianna went to her. "Thanks for meeting me here, Chantal."

  She nodded and stared at all of us with unabashed curiosity. My father rose and patted his chair. "Please, take my seat."

  "This is my father, Domenic Muccio," Gianna said as way of introduction. "My sister Sally, who owns the place, and her head baker, Josie Sullivan."

  We all exchanged a round of hellos. "Can I get you a coffee, Miss Jones?" I asked.

  She raised an eyebrow. "No thanks. Have we met before?"

  Oh crap. Gianna hadn't said her last name yet. "Uh, no. Gianna told us who you were when you got out of the car."

  She seemed to accept this and snapped her gum as she sat down. My father stood next to her, making no attempt to move away. Chantal gave him a flirty smile and crossed one lithe leg over the other in a seductive manner. I was impressed. Her skirt was so tight that I wasn't sure how she'd pulled off the maneuver without splitting it in two.

  Gianna frowned up at our father, who seemed frozen in place. "Dad, there are more chairs if you'd like to sit down."

  "I'm fine right here, sweetheart." He grinned.

  Jeez Louise. "Can I get you something to eat, Miss Jones?"

  "Call me Chantal," she murmured in a low, husky voice. "Maybe a fortune cookie. I do love those silly things."

  "Me too!" my father said jovially. "Sal and Josie make the best ones. It's a blast to read the messages because they come true. Why, these cookies
are more accurate than the weather report."

  Josie went behind the counter and returned with a plate of fortune cookies that she set in front of Chantal. She snapped one open immediately and laughed as she read the message inside. "It says, 'Honesty is your best policy.' How cute!"

  That's what we were hoping for.

  Chantal turned her attention back to Gianna. "Jerry's been in touch since I last spoke to you. He said that if he hires me back, the rest of the girls have threatened to quit. They're just jealous because I was the best earner. I mean, he doesn't have a choice, right? And I need that job."

  Gianna frowned in reply. "It could mean another court case, if you're okay with things dragging out a bit. How about we go pay him a visit later this week?"

  She looked at my sister in amazement. "Really? I had no idea you'd do something like that for me."

  "I'm always willing to help." Gianna paused. "By the way, your twin sister works at Phibbins Mortuary, doesn't she?"

  Chantal popped a piece of fortune cookie into her mouth and groaned. "These are so good. They practically melt in your mouth and are way better than those stale ones in the Chinese restaurants."

  Josie's face brightened at the compliment. "Thank you."

  Gianna tried again. "Charlene is a cosmetologist, right?"

  "Yeah, Charlene works on dead dudes. What a freaky occupation, right? Then again, she's always been a little strange. Terrible shame about what happened to the owner, though."

  "Our father was good friends with him," I added. "He's very broken up about his death. What an awful way to go."

  "Yeah," my father broke in before I could stop him. "The girls were wondering if your sister was carrying on with Eddie."

  Josie groaned and Gianna cursed under her breath. If looks could kill, my father would be with Eddie right now.

  Chantal didn't seem too put out by his question. "Charlene's always liked them old. Real old in his case." She winked at my father. "I mean, he's got to be as ancient as you, sugar."

  Ouch. That had to hurt.

  My father's chest deflated at her words. "Hey, I'll have you know that my wife says I'm in my prime, and she's 13 years younger than me. Why, she says I've got the stamina of a—"

  "Dad, please!" I interrupted. "Chantal, I've met Charlene. She seems very nice."

  Chantal glanced down at her fingernails, painted black with silver glitter. "Yeah, she's okay. Too nerdy for my taste. We've never been close. People always think that, just because you're a twin, you've got to be attached at the hip or something. We also don't approve of each other's career choices. But hey, at least I make good money at mine."

  Double ouch. Chantal might bring in more cash, but I wasn't sure if she could walk and chew gum at the same time.

  "I thought you two lived together?" Gianna asked.

  She shrugged. "Yeah, with our mother in my house. It's more of a matter of convenience than liking each other, though. I pay all of Mom's bills while Charlene pays squat. She doesn't make a lot of money at the dead people place. I think she only stayed because she had a crush on the old man. He was awful tight with the buck. Charlene thought they were having financial troubles, but that struck me as kind of odd." Chantal picked up another fortune cookie and sniffed it.

  Chantal struck me as kind of odd. "Why would you say that?"

  "Because when our father died last year, we held his wake and funeral there. Charlene even did his makeup."

  I gave an involuntary shudder while my father grunted in satisfaction. "She's a good girl. So nice that she'd do that for her old man."

  "Don't get any ideas," Gianna warned him.

  Chantal snapped open the cookie and read its message. "Ha! This one says, 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' It's almost as if the cookies know we're talking about Charlene."

  I was tempted to throw the other two away but restrained myself. "You said you thought it was odd that Phibbins Mortuary was having financial difficulties."

  She nodded vigorously. "My father didn't have any life insurance, and Eddie only gave Charlene a ten percent discount on the funeral. That casket was way overpriced, if you ask me. The entire thing ended up costing close to ten grand. I should know because I paid for it."

  Something here wasn't adding up. Phibbins Mortuary certainly had its share of customers. It was rumored that Eddie had been stealing from his clients. Was that to feed his gambling addiction? Funerals were expensive, and employees like Charlene, whose talent for making people like Cady Perry beautiful, must be difficult to find. Yet she wasn't earning much money at it.

  So where was the money going? Did Eddie still have a mortgage on the funeral home? "Did Charlene mention that there might be lawsuits against the place?"

  Chantal chewed on a piece of fortune cookie. "Nope. Never. It wouldn't surprise me, though. I didn't trust the guy. He had shifty eyes. Charlene was all gaga over him, but I wasn't impressed. Oh, and Charlene hated his wife. From what she told me, the feeling was mutual."

  My father shifted uneasily from one foot to another. Normally he delighted in any morbid gossip, but this was his friend we were talking about. If Chantal was telling us the truth, the case against her sister wasn't looking good.

  "Charlene was close with Eddie?" Josie asked.

  "I already told you, she had a crush on the old coot." She cracked another fortune cookie open and pushed the last one at me. "Here, you open this one."

  "I'm good, thanks."

  Chantal crunched on the cookie then smiled at my father, who was still glued to her side. "While you're up there, handsome, I've changed my mind. I'll take a cup of coffee. Black, please."

  My father's round, pink face broke out into a full-fledged grin as he hurried over to the bakery case.

  Josie went after him. "I'll get it, Domenic." I knew what she was thinking. Josie was afraid he might cause a sudden disaster. One Dodie in our bakery was enough.

  Chantal winked. "Men always do exactly what I tell them."

  Way too much information for me. "That's my father you're talking about."

  Chantal looked nonplussed. "Oh, I didn't mean anything. It's just a job to me. But I do happen to be very good at it."

  Gianna rolled her eyes. "Let's get back to your sister."

  "Hey, what's with all the questions about Charlene anyway?" Chantal wanted to know as my father brought her coffee. "Oh, wait. I get it. You think my sister might have killed her boss, don't you?"

  "Oh, no," we all cried in unison.

  Chantal seemed disinterested in her sister's plight as she read her latest message. "'Don't give away all your secrets.' Hey, these are great. I'll have to order a bunch for my New Year's Eve party." She nudged me. "Come on, open yours. I insist."

  Defeated, I cracked the cookie open.

  "What's it say, baby girl?" My father leaned over my shoulder with interest.

  I crumpled the paper up in my hand. "It says, 'Don't believe everything you hear.'"

  Chantal giggled. "Well, you can bank on what I say because I don't lie. There's no reason for me to. Do I think my sister could have killed Eddie? Yeah, maybe, if she realized she could never have him. I think anyone is capable of murder." She thrust a finger at Gianna. "Haven't you ever thought about killing anyone?"

  Gianna's face reddened. "Of course not. I'm a lawyer, remember."

  "All the better reason," Chantal giggled.

  An image of Nicoletta crossed my mind as Gianna blushed. "Okay, well, not seriously," she admitted.

  Chantal rose to her feet. "Let me know when we can go see Jerry about getting my job back." She gave my father a playful little chuck under the chin. "When I'm back at the juice bar, you come see me, sugar, and I'll give you all the free drinks you can handle."

  My father, in turn, gave Chantal his best "Aw, shucks" grin, waited until she'd departed, and then turned to me. "Come on, baby girl. Let's go see Linda. I'll drive." He rushed out the front door and was just in time to see Chantal blow him a kiss as she drove by.


  "She's quite the character," I said.

  "You're not kidding," Gianna muttered as her cell phone buzzed. She started chatting with someone while Josie went to wait on a customer. Ever the impatient soul, my father began beeping his horn for me.

  As I gathered up my purse, I suspected that Chantal was telling us the truth. Her main concerns in life revolved around herself and money. She seemed disinterested in Charlene's plight and only worried about what she could lose—namely, her job as a topless waitress.

  At this moment, I was more concerned about what I had to lose. When I'd opened the fortune cookie minutes ago and read the message aloud, I had lied to everyone in the room. A chill swept over me as I un-crumpled the strip of paper and stared down at it with a sinking feeling.

  Don't wind up six feet under.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  "Why does Linda want to see us?" I asked my father on the drive over to Phibbins Mortuary. "It's not like she needs our permission to sell the place."

  My father puffed out his chest. "She trusts my insight, of course. Seems reasonable to me. The poor woman needs someone to help her make decisions, especially since her son isn't around. Still, I think it's a mistake and know Eddie would be against it."

  "But she needs money to survive, Dad."

  He sighed. "Yeah, that is kind of important. Well, at least the place will stay in the family."

  "Yes, but maybe with Eddie's killer running it."

  Dad pursed his lips. "It's a grave matter, baby girl."

  The parking lot was deserted, except for Linda's light blue station wagon. My father and I walked around to the rear entrance. "Linda should get a camera installed back here," he said. "I'll bet that's how Wally got away with stealing the urns. He came out the back way instead of the front so that he wouldn't be seen."

  I struggled not to roll my eyes. "Gee, Dad, you're pretty good at this sleuthing thing."

  "Darn right I am. It must run in the family." He reached for the knob, and it turned easily in his hand. He held the door open for me to enter first. "Maybe you should tell Josie that she's been replaced."