I wondered if my growing relationship with Nat was kind of like it would have been had I had a sibling. Maybe a sister. Tall. Athletic. Funny and a bit snarky.
No, I stopped myself from daydreaming ‘what-ifs’. I hadn’t had any siblings. And I was grateful for that. What if I hadn’t been alone? What if I’d had a baby sister... someone he’d go after once I got older. Someone I couldn’t have left behind. It was an ugly, unsettling thought.
When I got back to my room, I grabbed the paper with his number and settled on the bed. I thought out my first text. It was harder than it should have been. Not just thinking of what to say, but using the phone. I mean, I’d used a cell before—borrowed a kid’s at school for this reason or that. Nat’s was all touch screen, not a slider with keys. And I found that awkward.
Despite the reason behind me texting Silas, I was nervous. Fluttery. Scared.
Hi. Silas, I don’t know if you remember me. It’s Anna?
Of course I wanted him to remember me. I wanted it badly. But I also didn’t want to assume, and then be wrong. That would be harder than just acting like he might not recall meeting me.
I kept seeing these little dots on Nat’s phone beneath my message. He was typing. Then stopping. Then typing again. I didn’t like that. Was he trying to figure out who I was? Was he trying to politely rescind giving me his contact information?
S: Anna. Sure. Of course I remember you. What’s up?
He remembered me.
The flutters turned into a thousand wings, beating in synch, assaulting my insides in the most wonderful, affecting way.
I didn’t want to alarm him, or make it sound worse than it was.
I’m not feeling very well. I’d go to the school clinic, but I’m not comfortable there.
He took too long to write again. I started typing again—anxious typing, rambling from head to fingers. And I sent it, then wish I’d waited a bit longer.
I know you’re a paramedic, so I thought maybe you’d have a recommendation?
He wrote fast this time, like he’d had the response mostly drafted before I clarified that I needed to know of a good place to go.
S: The hospital’s emergency room is no good unless it’s something life-threatening. There are a few really good doctors around. What insurance do you have?
Insurance. I sat, staring at the phone. I hadn’t thought about that when I’d written him. Of course I’d need insurance. Would the school plan cover outside doctors? Was it only for the college facility? I had no idea at all. I’d not used any form of insurance independently... ever. I don’t even know if my mom and stepdad had a plan.
I don’t have any. I mean, just the school plan and I don’t think that covers much.
His response was fast this time. Almost clinical. I didn’t want to turn back into the patient—blacked out on the floor of a smoky bar.
S: Can you tell me what’s wrong?
I can’t tell him. Not this. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Sure, idiot. The size of your stomach isn’t going to give it away eventually, right? I sometimes hated my inner monologue.
No.
I should have said more than the one, decisive word. But I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to lie. The dots appeared again, but this time they didn’t stop and restart. He wrote fast and furiously.
S: Because you don’t know what’s wrong? That’s okay. It’s not your job to know. Can you tell me any symptoms? Are you dizzy? Feeling weak?
I could tell him some of what was wrong. The symptoms were so common. It could be anything.
Dizzy. Nauseous. I’m throwing up all day and I don’t know if that’s normal.
He wrote even faster this time. His thumbs must be flying across his phone. I hoped I hadn’t worried him. Though, if he was worried about me, that wouldn’t be terrible.
In fact, it might be sort of nice.
S: No. That’s not normal. How long has this been going on?
I didn’t want to say anything else. One slip was all it would take. So I waited. I tried to decide. The little dots started again. I wrote before he could send whatever he was typing.
A few days.
S: I’m coming over there.
“No!” I shouted out loud. I didn’t mean for him to come over. I only wanted some advice. My queasiness went into overdrive. “Great, he’s going to come over here, I’m going to vomit everywhere, he’s going to make me go to the hospital and boom. Little bean is out of the closet. Or... womb... Shit,” I mumbled the words to myself. A self-loathing diatribe. I thought quickly, thought of something plausible.
No. I’m sure it’s just food poisoning or something. That can last a while, can’t it?
S: Yes. But you should still be checked out.
No, really. I know I’m overreacting.
S: I’m coming over. What dorm are you in?
Seaton.
I didn’t type anything else. I couldn’t. The conversation had gone so fast, no time to think. He was coming over.
Dropping Nat’s phone, I rushed out of my room and towards the communal bathroom. I barely made it to one of the toilets before losing my lunch. A headache was building now, pulsing behind my eyes.
Silas & Anna.
S.
I pulled into a parking spot on the street, not too far from where the dorms were on campus. I knew my way around, having taken a few night classes to fast-track the completion of my degree.
Getting out, I locked the SUV and walked swiftly across the road. I forced myself to slow my pace when I hit the brick-paved pathway. Seaton... would be the second largest dorm on the right. I focused on that building, walking at a more normal pace, though my legs wanted to race forward.
You barely know this girl. My brain screamed at me. You’ve known her forever. My emotion-tugging heart whispered back. And, though that organ was quieter, it was the loudest thing in existence for me right now.
A.
After getting sick, I’d brushed my teeth and tried to tame my hair—but my hands wouldn’t work to braid. So I’d settled on a low, long ponytail. I’d debated makeup, but I rarely wore any and I was awful at applying mascara and eyeliner. The few times I’d tried, using the cheap dollar stuff I’d grabbed eons ago, I’d looked like a raccoon.
So I skipped the artifice.
I wanted to be honest with Silas.
I also wanted to hide everything from him.
You barely know him, Anna. Get a grip.
S.
I flexed my fingers, then let my index hover over the silver call button next to the speaker. Finally, I pressed it. A man’s voice answered. “Seaton dorm. Can I help you?” It was probably one of the resident advisors, the older kids who got free room if they helped the new arrivals out.
“Yes, I’m here to see Anna—” it was then that I realized I didn’t know her last name. “I’m sorry; I don’t know her last name.”
“I’m afraid I can’t let you in unless you know who you’re visiting and we can confirm with them,” the voice sounded bored now.
“Hold on, let me text her.” I said quickly.
As I let go of the button to text Anna, the sound faded slowly on the speaker—staying loud enough, long enough, for me to hear the other voice sarcastically reply ‘you do that’.
A.
Nat’s phone pinged. I didn’t want to check it, in case it was for her, but I also had to check it.
Because it might be Silas.
It was.
S: I’m really sorry to have to ask this, but what’s your last name?
I almost laughed. I was having feelings for a guy who didn’t know my last name. And, God, I didn’t even know his.
Silverman. Annalise Silverman.
S: I’m here. They wouldn’t let me in without confirming with you.
No, wait. I’ll come out to you. Okay?
S: Are you feeling well enough to come outside? I can come up. You shouldn’t overdo it.
I’m not dying. Just nauseous. I wished for a ‘r
olling eyes’ emoticon. But all I found was ‘meh’ face.
S.
I depressed the button and the male voice sprang to life again.
“So how’d the texting go.”
“Fine. Her last name is Silverman.”
“Great. Anna Silverman. I’ll go talk to her right now and make sure—”
“No, that’s fine. She’s coming down to meet me now.”
“Well why the hell did you bother me again for then?” The voice sounded pissed and I reflexively lifted my finger off the call button in surprise.
Truthfully, he was right though. I didn’t need to bother him again. I just didn’t want him to think I was some perv who’d tried to access a dorm without permission then skulked off into the early evening when I was denied.
A.
I slipped on shoes. Grabbed my purse. And I checked my hair one more time using Nat’s phone camera. I knew she’d wanted to walk down and retrieve the phone herself to ‘escape’ but I didn’t want her to arrive at a locked room with me nowhere in sight.
Closing up my room, I walked to her door and knocked again. She opened the door, looking exasperated—likely because she’d peeked through the peephole and had seen it was me. Like I hadn’t gotten the memo that she’d been using me as an excuse to get away from her controlling housemate.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, trying to explain fast before she could talk. “I’m going outside to meet Silas and I didn’t want you to not have your phone while I was gone.”
Her face came to life in a big, toothy grin. “Wait... Silas? That was the name of the paramedic at the bar, right? The dark-haired one?” She reached out and patted me hard on the shoulder, like a congratulatory gesture. “You sly dog! Is that who you used my phone to text. Or call. Whatever.”
“Yes,” I said, feeling fire in my face as every part of me broke out in a bright red blush.
“He was really cute,” Nat said excitedly.
“And a lot older than me,” I tried to downplay the situation. Like I had no romantic interest in him at all.
“Girl, please. Men mature slower than woman. He’s just right.”
I blushed even harder. “I’ve got to go. He’s waiting.”
“I’m going to be expecting details,” Nat poked, taking her phone back.
She went to close the door, but then hesitated. “Hey, do you mind if I hang in your room while you’re gone? I just can’t stand another minute.”
I looked past her, at her snoring roommate. “It’s all yours, babe.” I fished out my room key and handed it to her.
“You are a lifesaver,” she said happily, turning around and grabbing up what she needed in two seconds flat before popping out of her room, closing the door, and skipping down the hall. “I might as well get comfortable in there anyways. Don’t worry, I won’t go through your stuff... much.” She turned in a slow twirl and winked at me.
S.
All girls, all women, take forever to get ready for anything.
Anna was no exception, keeping me waiting outside twiddling my thumbs, feeling more edgy by the second.
Wow, you’re a dick, man. She’s ill. She literally called you over here because she’s sick. And you’re standing their giving her shit for being slow?
I had no excuse. It was just nerves doing the talking. Er. Thinking.
I walked away from the main entrance towards a large tree. I leaned against it, trying to steady myself. I was here to help her. That’s all. I tilted my head up, feeling the late day sun. It was starting to cool a little. I should have brought a jacket. I hoped she brought a jacket or a sweater.
Maybe that faded purple hoodie.
A.
I wished I had nicer clothes. The baby blue blouse was good on me though, nice against my dark blonde hair. I should have worn the olive green though. It brought out my hazel eyes.
Not that that mattered, as I walked down the stairs trying not to get sick again. Every movement made me feel woozy and more sick. I paused a few steps before the lowest level of the dorm. I took deep, steadying breaths. I didn’t want to walk out into the sunshine and immediately throw up. Silas knew I was sick, but he didn’t have to see that I was sick.
I pushed out into the sunshine when I knew that I could control how I was feeling, and not before.
It was gorgeous out. Late-late afternoon, but still well before twilight. There was the slightest, very slightest, bite of breeze in the air. I hadn’t grabbed my hoodie and the top was short-sleeved. Reflexively, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. It wasn’t actually that cold, at all, but my emotions were the thing that needed a shield right now.
Silas was leaning against a tree. He wore a dark navy blue uniform with a badge on the left sleeve. It was the first time I’d seen him in his paramedic garb. Like you’ve seen him so many times, I thought derisively, this is the third time you’ve been around the guy, Anna. Slow your damn roll. Yet, despite the mental talking-to, I couldn’t help the little twinge in my chest at the sight of him stood there in his outfit, leaning casually against the tree, his hands shoved into his pockets, staring up at something in the tree canopy above his head.
I studied him as I walked forward. He closed his eyes, so focused or lost in thought that he didn’t hear me coming. His expression changed, a wave of pain rushing across his features.
My heart hurt seeing it. Part of me knew it might be wrong to break into his reverie, but the other part of me... I had to stop whatever darkness was threading through his brain.
“Silas?” I whispered his name, a single word that danced like melody from me. It felt wonderful to say.
His eyes snapped open and he stood away from the tree fast.
“Anna,” he breathed out.
And the world stood still.
S.
“Hi,” I said awkwardly, yanking my hands out of my pockets. My head spun a little from moving away from the tree so fast. “I’m sorry. I completely spaced out.”
“No, it’s fine,” she said, biting her lower lip and looking quickly away from me, and then back again. “I shouldn’t have said anything and... interrupted you. You just looked really—”
“Handsome?” I quipped, trying to smile.
She shook her head. “Lost.” She blushed after she said it. I got the impression that she couldn’t actually believe she’d opened her mouth and spoke the word. Maybe she’d intended for it to stay in her head. “That was rude.”
“But true,” I uttered softly, hanging my head and looking down at the ground. I breathed in and breathed out, then I lifted my head and looked at her.
Her eyes were wide and lovely. Dual forests filtering golden sunlight. They captured me, made me forget everything around, until I remembered why the hell I was here.
“How are you feeling?” Concern changed my face now; I felt the movement of it like clouds quickly shifting through the air, threatening a storm, but not actualizing the warning.
A.
I wanted to lie and say I felt fine.
But I couldn’t. The dull throbbing in my head hadn’t died down at all. Thankfully, it hadn’t really worsened either.
“I’m dizzy. I still feel like I could be sick at any second.” I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. Even that small movement made me mentally pause to assess my body’s reaction. I was feeling warmer by the second. This was different than how I’d felt over the past week or more. This was more... like that time I got the flu when I was a kid.
He moved forward, his hands reaching for me, but he hesitated and dropped his arms back down to his sides. “Let me drive you to my doctor. He’s great, thorough. Usually under-booked enough to take walk-ins.”
“No,” I said quickly, “I mean. What about my insurance?”
“It’ll be fine. Really,” he assured me. “Come on.” This time, he did walk towards me. He looked me over. “Um, can I help you walk or anything?”
“I can walk,” I laughed out, though weakly because any jostling of my body was a bi
g no-no right now.
“Okay,” he sounded unsure when he spoke. “But I’m here if you feel dizzy again.”
We walked slowly; he moved towards the main street across from the dorm and an older SUV.
Steps before we were going to cross the street, I felt more lightheaded than I had yet, in all the time I’d been feeling ill. Starbursts assaulted my vision and rushes of heat pulsed across my skin. I swayed, blackness threatening to swallow me.
Silas’s arms found me quickly, wrapping around me tightly.
“Anna? Anna, are you okay?” His voice was worried, nearing frantic.
But I couldn’t answer.
S.
When she stumbled, my heart jumped into my throat. I reached for her automatically.
Pulling her to me, I saw her eyes fluttering and beads of sweat forming on her brow. She smelled like flowers. I ignored that, though I wanted to revel in the feel of her, the scent of her, the... fucking everything of her.
But she was sick. God, she was sick.
“Anna, can you hear me?” I gently brushed hair out of her face, a few wayward strands that had snuck out from her ponytail. I held her up with one arm now, and fished into my pocket for my cell phone.
I speed dialed Tanner. The phone rang and rang. But he didn’t answer. He was probably hanging out with Laurie who’d be nervous about her doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
“Tanner, if you get this, give me a call. I could use some help.” I paused. “Man, it’s not an emergency, but it is. To me. Call me.”
I gazed down at Anna. She looked pale and tired. I thought about carrying her back to her dorm, to her own bed where she might be comfortable. She needed to be checked out though.
In my gut, I knew she really didn’t want to go to a doctor. I’d seen the signs before—either scared of white coats, no insurance, or... something was wrong, and they didn’t want anyone else to know what it was. Something was telling me, and I hoped I was wrong, that for Anna it was the latter.
The Beat Between Us: A Rock Star Redemption Romance (The Heartbeat Series Book 1) Page 9
