So I did the only thing I felt I could do in good conscience. It might have seemed wrong on the surface to someone else. It felt wrong in some ways. But also it’s what I felt I had to do.
I felt her stir in my arms. “Anna, we need to walk now. I’m going to hold you up, but try and move your feet.” What I really wanted to do was pick her up, cradle her against me, but it didn’t feel appropriate. Not now, when in reality I barely knew her.
Anna opened her eyes, closed them again, but she also gave the barest nod. Her legs moved beneath her, small, tiny steps.
We walked at her pace towards my vehicle. A little while later, I had her settled in the passenger’s side, seatbelt secure around her. She was awake enough to semi-focus on my face. I took the opportunity to see if it was okay to do what I was about to do.
“Anna, can I take you back to my home? I’ve got some things there. I can check some stuff. Blood pressure. Blood Sugar. Temperature.” I pushed the same strands out of her face again. She pulled away from my touch this time. I didn’t know why. Her cheeks were hot. Feverish.
She blinked quickly, as if trying to process my words. “No. Don’t touch me. You can’t touch me anymore.” Her voice rose with every word. Her eyes opened wide. She tried to push at me again.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.” Still though, I leaned away from her, giving her space.
“Haven’t you hurt me enough?” she questioned, tears now falling down her scarlet-hued cheeks.
“It’s okay, Anna. It’s going to be okay,” I spoke quickly, closing her door and rushing to my side of the car. I didn’t think I had a choice about taking her to a doctor. I’d ask for her forgiveness later.
Anna.
I woke up slowly, coming back to the world in stages.
Stage one. I heard beeping. A resonant, clear sound bouncing off of solid surfaces.
I couldn’t open my eyes yet.
Stage two.
Talking. Someone was murmuring nearby.
I couldn’t make out the words.
Stage three.
My hands rushed to my stomach, though there was no telltale mound there yet.
Stage four.
Someone came to the bedside, maybe having seen me move.
And they spoke.
“Anna?” It was Silas’s voice. I was glad it was him. But... where were we? The mattress beneath me wasn’t the one in my dorm room; it was too firm. There were things against my right arm and when I flexed my fingers, the top of my hand stung.
Stage five.
I did open my eyes now.
Everything was so bright. Too pale. The window was large and wide, with unattractive thick blinds to block out sun. Only there was no sun now to block. It was dark outside. Night time. I needed to be in my dorm, in bed, sleeping for school tomorrow.
“Silas,” I croaked out, my throat dry.
“Hold on, let me get you some water.” Silas disappeared and I took in the rest of the room. The machine that was beeping. Bags of fluid hung above my head, feeding into the IV line.
He’d taken me to the hospital. At the realization, my chest tightened, and I was acutely aware again of the throbbing in my head. My eyes began to water. I’d been avoiding this. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to go in my own time, confront the matter fully in my own time. Silas had taken away my choice. Another man who’d taken away my choice. I wanted to sob and scream.
But I couldn’t yell and rail against how unfair it was. Not only because my entire body was hot and the nausea was returning with a vengeance, but because a doctor came into the room just then. Behind him was Silas and the other EMT from the bar—Tanner, I think. Wasn’t it Tanner?
“Miss Silverman, are you awake enough to talk?” The doctor set his clipboard down on the bed near my feet and took a small flashlight out of his coat pocket. He gently lifted my right lid a little and flashed it back and forth in front of me. Then he checked my left. “Still somewhat dilated, but better. You were really dehydrated, young lady. And your blood pressure was through the roof. Not only that, but you’re strep positive. That’s quite a combo, young lady.”
At that, he stopped talking and turned around to glance at Silas and Tanner. “We need a little privacy now, guys.”
Silas flashed me a look of concern and it looked like he wanted to protest. He settled on a—“Would you like me to stay, Anna?”
I wanted to bite back with a ‘no, why did you bring me here?’, but instead I just said—‘I’m okay’. At first, he acted like it wasn’t enough. That he wasn’t sure that I was sure over him leaving or not.
“Really, Silas, I’m fine. I’m feeling much better.”
“All those fluids are doing you a world of good. Antibiotics aren’t hurting either.” The doctor patted my leg kindly.
When he mentioned giving me medicine, I felt worried. I had no idea what was, or wasn’t okay for pregnant woman. Was the baby okay?
When Silas and Tanner had left, the doctor got up and pulled the patterned curtain around the bed for privacy. He cleared his throat. “We did some blood work on you, of course. And this isn’t an easy discussion to have,” he started, obviously a bit out of his comfort zone.
“I’m pregnant,” I said stoically, taking the weight off his shoulder.
He nodded his head slowly. “Yes. You’re aware?”
“I was fairly sure. I mean, I haven’t been to a doctor, but several of the home tests were positive. And I’ve felt differently.”
“Sick, you mean?” He moved closer to me and pointed at the blanket over my body. “May I?”
It was my turn to nod, although I was cringing inside.
He pulled the blanket back and then shifted the hospital gown I wore. I still had my undergarments on, for which I was thankful. The doctor palpitated my abdomen gently; his face totally focused. He stopped fairly quickly, replacing my gown and the blanket. “You’re early on. Do you recall the date of your last period?”
“Um,” I thought back, but everything about my last months at ‘home’ was a total blur. “Maybe two months ago, or a little longer.”
“Have you been to an obstetrician yet?”
“No, I didn’t have any insurance.” I quickly gave the excuse, though it even sounded false to me. I hadn’t tried to go, because I was scared of everything it meant. Even though I was determined to keep the baby. Boy or girl. I’d give it a better childhood than I had.
“But you have a plan through the University now, right?” He started pulling the curtain back. “You don’t have to go to the school clinic, if you’re worried about this getting out. Silas mentioned Doctor Franks. She’s really good. I think you’ll like her. And she’s not... unused to young women in your position. You don’t have to worry about judgement from her.”
“Okay. I’ll go.” I put my hand on my forehead, which was already feeling cooler than it had on campus before I’d passed out.
“Good,” he sounded relieved. “And, you need to know that it’s early enough.”
“Early enough?” I didn’t understand, my eyes drooping a little as exhaustion started to darken the edges of my vision again.
He stopped shifting the curtain open and moved back to my bedside. He leaned down and laid his hand against mine. It made my eyes flutter back open. “You’re young. This is a lot to handle. The pregnancy is still early on enough for an—” he hesitated.
“I’m not getting an abortion,” I said flatly.
“It’s a big decision,” he began again.
“And it’s my decision.” This time, I put force into my words, as much as I could muster.
He nodded again. “Yes, it is. And if that’s what you’re choosing, then make sure you do get the medical attention you need. It’s important, for you and the baby. I’ll send you home with prenatal vitamins and something that will help with the nausea. Some women have it worse than others. It’s a condition called hyperemesis. Again though, get help. See an OBGYN.”
“I will,” I resp
onded, wide awake again, my hands resting across my stomach protectively.
Inside me a heartbeat was alive. A hummingbird, beating fast and vital.
Soon, the features would form.
Maybe a button nose. A cupid’s bow mouth.
Girl or boy.
Mine.
Silas.
When the doctor left, I went back into Anna’s room immediately.
She had her eyes closed and her breathing was slow and even. She’d fallen asleep. She looked peaceful. I wouldn’t break into that.
I pulled up one of the shitty metal chairs with thin seat padding, going slowly so it wouldn’t squeak against the floor. I sat down and propped my feet up on the commercial, basic end table that was beside the hospital bed. I was on dayshift again tomorrow. I hadn’t slept yet. Hadn’t showered. I was still in the uniform I’d worn my last shift.
That wasn’t going to change, though. I wasn’t going to race home and try to get a few hours rest before I needed to be up, showered, and headed... well, back here to the hospital. No, I’d stay by her side as long as necessary, and then I’d walk down to work. Besides, I was working with Douche-face. I didn’t really care if I smelled like yesterday’s vomiting case who’d ingested an insane level of cinnamon on a damn dare. Guy hadn’t even been a kid. Dumb-ass twenty-two year old who’d seen the ‘challenge’ on the internet and done it for twenty bucks on a dare.
Thankfully, the four other idiots he’d been with had thought better of trying it when he’d stared choking and snorting out the brown powder.
I leaned back further in the chair, shifting my ass so that I could rest my head against the wall behind me comfortably. I closed my eyes. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.
I wasn’t dreaming. Not really.
Just a memory.
My first time on stage with Asher. He’s got his jet black hair pulled back in a low ponytail. It reminds me of the way Anna had her hair today. He’s tuning his guitar. A custom bright red Les Paul. He’s tan right now. Summer time golden-brown. He loves the beach.
He loved the beach. I corrected.
Everything blurred around me. The scene changed.
Asher’s apartment. A kaleidoscope of colors. He didn’t try to plan out his décor. He bought anything that ‘spoke’ to him. This resulted in a sort of random Feng shui that assaulted the eyes, but somehow all fit together like a perfect damn puzzle.
That’s who he and I were. A random yet perfect puzzle—fragments of this and that coming together to form an honest love. Honest yet destructive.
How can a perfect puzzle be also so imperfect that it can nearly fucking kill you?
He wasn’t here right now. I looked around the room, studying things. It was before he’d bought the antique cuckoo clock, but after he’d bought the primitive style wall hanging at the flea market.
Around the time we’d first kissed.
Seconds passed. I stayed longer in this memory than the other. Maybe because Asher was pushing through his door, juggling two brown paper sacks of groceries.
I knew what would be at the very bottom. He always went to the same grocer, always hit the back alley behind afterwards. Where the dealer was waiting.
He smiled at me when he saw me. Not me. Not me standing and watching, but me on the couch reading a book. He’d said I looked right there, among all the odd things that created his world within the apartment.
“Silas?” I heard the name, but in Asher’s voice. Asher didn’t know me as Silas. He’d never called me Silas. He’d called me Johnny. His Johnny Boy.
The me on the couch said something. I didn’t listen. Someone said my name again. My name now. Silas. Silas. Silas.
I blinked quickly. Coming back to the present was difficult. Leaving Asher behind, if only in my mind, was like holding him again as he’d thrashed in my arms and died.
“Silas, can you help me?” Asher’s voice merged with another. Anna’s. Anna needed help. Anna and Asher needed help. Anna was dying. No, Asher was dying.
I killed everyone.
“Silas?’ My name, once more, but this time it was only her voice.
I woke up now, all memory washed away with the reality of where I was. How long had I been sleeping? My gaze moved to the large silver clock mounted near the ‘exit’ sign for the room. Six AM. I’d slept for a while. Not long before my shift now.
“Anna, are you okay?” I rubbed at my eyes roughly, working the last bits of sleepiness away. “Sorry. Man, I was really asleep. I didn’t mean to fall asleep at all.”
“It’s okay,” she said quietly, then she bit her lower lip in that fetching way that tugged at my heart. “Could you maybe get me some water? My throat’s so dry.”
“Sure, of course.” I stood up and reached for the hospital cup with the tall bendy straw. “Anything else?”
“No. That’s all. Thank you.”
“Next time, you can hit the nurse’s button. That’s why they’re here.” I gave her a smile I hoped was comforting.
“I didn’t want to bother anyone,” she said, also smiling... or trying to. “Though, I guess I bothered you, didn’t I?”
I leaned towards her and lifted my hand to her face. Those strands of hair again, splaying across her cheek and forehead. I pushed them away, as gently as I could. Just touching her sent electricity through me. “Bother me any time.” I willed her to believe that I was being sincere. “Any time.” I said again.
She didn’t say anything, but blush crept into her cheeks.
As I walked past the nurse’s station and towards the little, short hallway that housed vending machines, an ice maker, and fountain, a brunette woman was standing by a medicine cart looking at a chart. “Morning,” I said in passing.
The woman glanced up, exhaustion apparent across her face. “Morning,” she mumbled.
Refilling Anna’s cup, I headed back. When I arrived, the same nurse was there outside her room, getting ready to walk in with a small paper cup of medicine and a mini can of apple juice. “Oh,” she said quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you awake. You were sound asleep when I took her vitals a few hours ago.”
If I’d been more social in town, she might have known who I was. But I was basically a stranger, though we worked in the same hospital. “Yeah. It’s fine.”
It was then that she fully focused on me and saw what I was wearing. “Oh, God. You work here don’t you? I’m so tired. I didn’t even see the uniform.”
“It’s fine,” I said again. “I tend to keep to myself.”
“Me too. I wish more people were like that.” She headed into Anna’s patient room then, flicking on the light that was lower in the wall behind the hospital bed. It filled the room with a wash of pale yellow. “Hi, Sunshine. Feeling a bit better this morning? Did that nausea medicine the doc prescribed help?”
I moved in after the nurse and headed to a corner of the room to keep out of the way.
“It helped a little.” Anna confirmed, taking the apple juice the nurse offered. “I don’t feel as hot either.”
“Well, good. I’m glad to hear it.” The nurse put the dosage cup down and took Anna’s blood pressure and temperature. Anna clung to the apple juice like it was a security blanket. When she was done with vitals, she picked the medicine cup off the patient tray. “Now, this is nothing scary. The prenatal vitamin’s fairly big, so if you have issues swallowing stuff, that might be a chore. The tiny pill is the nausea medicine again, but this time in pill form instead of IV. It looks like you’ll be released tomorrow, so don’t worry over remembering anything. We’ll give you instructions, your prescriptions.”
The nurse didn’t seem to notice that Anna had gone doe-eyed again. That she was staring at me across the room. She was petrified.
And I knew why.
Because of one little word.
One little word that spoke of a different world.
Pregnant. Anna was pregnant.
I felt frozen in place.
Fortune ain’t always f
riendly
And luck will turn to ash,
But promise me tomorrow
That’s all I’ll ever ask
Brain bleeding like a waterfall
With poison thick as sin
Our bodies burn the brightest
To kill the world I’m in
To be continued...
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ELLIE MEADOWS IS THE chosen pseudonym of an established-author wanting to jump feet-first into the contemporary romance scene. Her real (and faux) persona can be described as quirky, nerdy, and not afraid to love without reservation. She believes even when love is complicated and hard, it’s also very simple—be honest, open, and don’t lose yourself to the relationship, because the people who really love you will want the authentic you. They won’t want you watered down. They won’t want you to hide behind walls or lie because it’s easier to swallow.
So Ellie believes you should say the tough stuff before it festers, whisper ‘I love you’ in the dark as often as possible, dance in the kitchen while the food on the stove burns, and fight when fighting’s necessary. But always—always—make up fast and furiously.
Lastly, on the subject of love, Ellie wants to say that consent is important at all stages in a relationship. Enthusiastic, happy-hearted, mutual consent. Even if you’ve been married for over a decade—ask, understand, and don’t take advantage. Far too often, we find ourselves using our sex to obtain things, or avoiding sex to make points. We say we’re tired and don’t want to have sex, when really what we want is to forge a deeper connection emotionally, before we continue to love physically.
**Continued in ‘The Beat Around Us’ | The Heartbeat Series Part II**
-Coming Soon-
preorder now! USA
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The Beat Between Us: A Rock Star Redemption Romance (The Heartbeat Series Book 1) Page 10
