Sweet Agony

by Paul Sykes

  'Did you break his jaw the bastard? You should have pulled his bollocks off.' Elaine was ecstatic.

  'I've told you once to dry up. Now keep your mouth shut. '

  The feller emerged from the toilet and made for the exit looking frightened for his life. He could just possibly be on his way to the police station. Ifhe was they'd be here in minutes.

  'You can't have hit him hard,' Elaine sneered.

  She reeled back in her seat from the hard backhand slap I gave her.

  'I fucking hit him harder than that,' I growled in her face.

  Before I could say anything more I heard a voice behind me.

  'Is that your game, hitting women, tough guy?'

  Without a second's hesitation I rose to my feet and spun off a perfect right cross and flattened the feller. There had been three of them but now there were two and I'd flatten them as well. As I came from behind the table I was jumped on from behind, tripped over the feller I'd flattened and finished on the floor with a big heavy feller laid on top of me. My arm was round his neck and my teeth were sunk into his cheek. He couldn't move and neither could I and any minute my chances of being locked up were growing.

  'If you move, you fat cunt, I'll rip your face off,' I said through my teeth.

  He didn't move and I didn't rip his face off and by a miracle I came away from Heppy's unscathed and alone. She came home hours after I'd gone to bed to wake me with accusations I'd been eyeing her mates in 'The Wine Lodge'. Not a mention of the incident in Heppy's. She wouldn't shut up so I'd held her face down on the bed and slapped her great flabby arse until my hand hurt. It gave me more pleasure than a good night's sleep.

  She telephoned the next day to say I'd better leave the house and she wouldn't return until I had. I'd no sooner put down the phone than there was a loud, official-sounding knocking on the front door, bump, bump, bump, a typical CID knock. From the windows there wasn't a sign of the police, no flashing blue lights and transit vans like there usually were when I was being arrested. Opening the door and expecting the worst the first thing I saw was Davy's teeth set in his usual mile-wide grin and standing behind like Papa Doc was Delroy.

  'Greetings brother,' Del said. 'May we enter?'

  Santa Claus on Christmas morning couldn't have arrived at a more appropriate time. 'Am I glad to see you. Come in and make yourselves at home.'

  It wasn't the first time they'd been to see me since I'd been living with Elaine, both had called on numerous occasions when they'd been passing through to where their business took them. Del had once made a trip specifically to instruct me I had to get myself a passport. Normally they only stopped for a minute or two but this time they stopped a couple of hours while I brought them up to date.

  'It's the best idea you've had,' Del said, 'much better than the jewellery. The police won't bother you, take it from me. No complaints and they'll leave you alone.'

  'I'll get you two brassnails no bother,' Davy said, with a lascivious smirk, 'I know two fliers who'll jump at the chance to work from here. Two young birds game for anything. '

  They both promised to turn up for Kay's gymkhana.

  'Just give me a ring when the date's all fixed,' they said, before leaving on some urgent business in Newcastle.

  It was imperative to get under way before Elaine put in an appearance. The minute she came through the door and saw the place fully operational and taking money she'd fall in with the idea. It was the change, the fuss and bother that was the deterrent. Davy brought the two girls, both small, dark and in their teens, a couple of days later and by then I'd sorted the place out. The room across the hall was the drinking area complete with bar, optics, tables and chairs, and I'd moved into the room opposite leaving all four bedrooms free.

  Marion's ex-husband had sold me all I'd wanted and given me the names of two fellers on the dole who'd work for a tenner each per night. If the police raided I'd be in bed out of the way and if they asked I was nothing more than a lodger.

  The two girls didn't want to do anything the first night but rest and settle in which I thought only natural and sensible. It would be a day or two before word got about and there wasn't any rush now. Less than 20 punters turned up for the grand opening, most of them bogus officials and burglars, and the following night Elaine turned up on the milk train.

  It was after three in the morning when she came into the room to sit on the bed. She was wearing her usual attire so all I could see was a silhouette.

  'So you've done it then,' she said quietly.

  The muted tones of the record player, voices, clinking of glasses followed her in. 'I've come all the way from London on the bloody milk train and find my house isn't my own.'

  She continued sounding more amused than belligerent.

  'You're a right bastard.'

  'It's good to see you Elaine,' I said, trying to sound sincere.

  'I thought you were never coming back.'

  'Never mind the fanny. The bloody place is like Heppy's.'

  'What did you expect? You said you weren't coming back while I was here and you knew what I wanted to do. Did you have a look? Are we taking a few bob?'

  She went out and returned a minute later with a drink in her hand.

  'Yeah, there's a mob of 'em in,' she said proudly. 'Half a dozen of the Leeds firm and a pile I've not seen before. The feller behind the bar, I don't know him either, but you should have seen his face when he asked for a pound for this.' She held up the glass. 'I said a pound, if you're not careful I'll bloody sack you.' She chuckled.

  It was the last thing I expected and I'd been prepared to dress and leave but now with her wriggling out of her tights and knickers I thought I'd cracked it.

  This was the moment in years to come and I was on 'This is your Life' I'd say it all began. It wasn't though, this was the night it all ended. She was still slumped in bed the next morning while I checked the stock and made sure all was in order. The two fellers I'd employed had done a good job and even if they were fiddling me I was only £11.40 down on the £200 I'd laid out. Feeling buoyant and happy I set about preparing breakfast. Now Elaine had come to her senses the next couple of months to my first fight could be spent with total concentration on getting myself into the best condition of my life, or near as I could manage. She could handle everything once I'd shown her how to go on and I was positive she'd revel in her old role by being manager of the two girls. Four in a week or two if it all went according to plan, but where there's a woman involved life hasn't got a plan.

  Elaine told me over the phone at teatime she'd kicked the two little scrubbers out and she was selling the house.

  'You'd better pack your bags and move out a bit lively yourself,' she advised. 'Estate agents won't like seeing the house is a blues. They'll tell the old bill. It's a certainty, and I'm not carrying the can.'

  Nobody could say I hadn't had a go and I'd not lost anything, I thought, resigning myself to the fact I'd been dreaming. Well not dreaming exactly, but certainly expecting too much. At one stage I'd been considering settling down permanently with her, she was that

  funny and interesting, but I'd abandoned the idea during the trip around the country when she'd been so moody and tried to kid me she was pregnant. Anyway she had rotten teeth and didn't bathe enough for my taste. Maybe it was the size of her arse acting as a deterrent. She was frightened she might get stuck in the bath. With the remainder of the stock, clothing, and personal effects in the car I drove back to the warehouse and the minute I arrived she was on the phone telling me she was still my girl and I could come to her mother's any time to take her out. It was the best thing all round, and once the house was sold we'd be able to go into a proper business together. She was only doing it for me. She was my only witness for the job with Mick's ear if he and Janet changed their story. I agreed I'd call when I wasn't busy, and yes, she was doing the right thing.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The house had altered from a series of storerooms into a home; even my bedroom had be
en cleared. Mother had obviously taken note of the conversation we'd had and guessing it wouldn't be long before I returned was now keeping all the stock for the markets in Kay's new vehicle, a Bedford TK lorry converted into a horse-box. It was the size of a removal van and left the house free and uncluttered. The first thing 1 did was buy a double bed, some new carpet and changed the old stockroom into a proper bedroom. I even bought two sets of Helena Springfield pillow cases and sheets and gave Mother a complete set to show my appreciation. There wasn't any need to worry about money yet for a while, I still had some jewellery, the pension from Rhyl, and a few bob in my pocket. My fitness was holding its own with a daily session of training and now 1 was home 1 felt a million times freer, under less pressure and more at ease with myself than at any time since I'd been out. It was time now to make up for some of the heartache I'd caused and suggested taking them all to Chester Zoo for a day out. The old feller didn't want to come but said he would appreciate being in the house on his own all day and urged Mother to take up the offer. He went to bed while I convinced her the car wouldn't break down and she was certain to enjoy herself.

  'Straight Mam, I'm not kidding you'll enjoy yourself no end. Just you, me, and our Kay. Come on, it'll do you good.'

  She was up like a lark and in the kitchen making sandwiches the next morning and rooting through cupboards for plastic bags to put them in.

  'We don't need sandwiches Mam. There's lovely posh cafes all over the place. '

  'Oh is there,' she said casually. 'I didn't think.'

  When I'd been a little lad and we'd gone on day trips she'd always taken a huge bag of sandwiches and often said it spoiled the day having to lug it round. We hadn't been able to afford to eat in cafes

  but we could now and I wasn’t having anything spoilt today. Anybody watching the preparations would think she was plotting for a journey up the Amazon.

  She didn’t think the beat-up old Cortina would make it all the way to North Wales until it did with no complaints but driving too fast. It was belting motor. A brand new engine and gear-box, only the body-work on one side needed some work and it had flow round the country with Norm and Kath.

  To Mother, cars were temperamental hypochondriacs who picked the most awkward moments to be ill and having a healthy motor came as a pleasant surprise. It was the best motor she’d owned but she hadn’t known on account of me having it all the time. She didn’t know zoos were like Chester either but little poky smelly places like the menagerie in Blackpool Tower. The weather was warm and sunny, without a cloud in the sky as we strolled the wide, clean asphalt paths between compounds of buffalos and camels, elephants and rhinoceros, gazelles and kangaroos, and stopped to feel sorry for the poor old polar bear still padding up and down the side of the pool waiting for the jury to return. Mother said a big scruffy South American condor reminded her of the feller who collected the stall rents at the market and laughed. It was the first time in years I’d heard her laugh and it sent a tingle down my spine that at last I was doing something right. Kay was happy taking photographs of us both, always with animals in the background so people would have to guess which one was me. We had pots of tea and fancy cakes at all the cafes, ice cream and orange juice in between and stayed until late afternoon. There was lots I’d missed before with Elaine moaning about the weather but it was idyllic for us. The car came home like it had gone and I didn’t even have to fill the tank. Mother said now I was home she might get the chance to use it now and then seeing as it was hers. She could use it when she wanted I told her, and decided to stop local until Mick found me a car, a big one that loved motorways.

  There was only one place I wanted to be and that was with Norm and Kath and the places they showed me, places that even the old feller didn’t know about and he thought he knew every blade of grass, back alley and side street for 5 miles in any direction. I was with them when I found the solution I’d been looking for since I’d taken Mother to the zoo. It was only right I take the old feller on a

  trip out too otherwise I'd feel guilty but what a problem it was. He hated travelling. In fact he hated travelling so much he'd told the recruiting sergeant when he'd joined the Army he didn't care where he was posted providing he could see the Cathedral spire.

  Norm and Kath took me to Ryehill reservoir one afternoon, the local beauty spot in their part of the world. It wasn't called Ryehill res in the local paper, 'The Wakefield Express', but Wintersett, where the yacht club practised. There were photos of Mr Golightly skipping round the buoys often in the paper but I'd never been. It was a flooded horseshoe-shaped valley with dense woods at the far side and for all the world it could have been a lake in the Catskill mountains. We skirted the lake where the yacht club practised and pushed on into the woods. They were so dense sunlight couldn't penetrate and to make progress without injury you had to duck and dodge and be alert at all times.

  We came into the sunlight at the side of another lake after an hour, a secret lake Norm said, that very few people knew about. It was green and mirror-like, not a ripple broke the surface and all the trees were silent. Everything Mother Nature possessed was protesting in silence against our intrusion. It was 50 yards across, wider in some places, and at least a quarter of a mile long. At the far end was a classical stone-built mansion on an island and another, much smaller island about 20 yards from where we were standing.

  'Get thi clothes off then,' Norm ordered. 'Get thi sen o'er and tell us what birds are nestin. '

  If a hand suddenly came from the water holding Excalibur, the magic sword I wouldn’t 't have been in the least surprised, it was that kind of lake and Norm wanted me to swim across to the island. Nobody had swum across before and there wasn't any chance I'd be the first. Six feet from the side I had thick vines which were growing from the bottom wrapped around all my limbs and couldn't move. It wasn't any different to being in a strait-jacket. The instant I realised I was in danger they let go but the instant I thought I'd try again they grabbed hold of me. It was scarey having plants read my mind.

  'There's more to that island then you think Norm.'

  'Nar, it's thee,' he said with contempt. 'Tha's usin' wrong stroke that's all. '

  Breast-stroke, butterfly, or crawl, it wouldn't have made the slightest difference. There was something weird about the lake, the stone mansion, the island, the roots reading my thoughts but he wouldn't have it. He wouldn't strip off and have a go himself though. We came across another lake lying parallel to Wintersett, over the top of a bushy tree-lined bank. This one looked malevolent, as if drowning people was on it's mind. There were grebes, herons, all kinds of rare water fowl on and around it, rare for Wakefield anyway and only 3 miles from the Cathedral spire. The old feller wouldn't believe me when I told him I'd found a part he didn't know about but agreed to come and see for himself. He couldn't understand how he'd lived in Wakefield over 65 years and didn't know this place existed. He'd no need to see the Lake District or the Peak District either. This was a microcosm of both. His old face lit up with delight which gave me as much satisfaction as Mother's laugh had. It was great being at home again and paying off my debts.

  * * * *

  It was during my second week when Tommy asked if I'd do him a favour, would I go up to Middlesborough and train with a young lad his mate John Spencely had just signed from the amateurs. Stay a week, all expenses paid, and a few bob at the end of it. It wasn't the first favour he'd asked me to do, in fact he was always asking me to do something or other in his attempt to keep me from getting into bother. Tommy was a firm believer in the saying about the Devil finding work for idle hands.

  When I'd been living with Elaine he'd asked if I would make sure Dave Owens turned up at some big posh hotel on the Ringway in Birmingham, one Sunday morning, so he could defend his Central Area middleweight title. He'd promised to pay my expenses then but he'd conveniently forgotten. It didn't matter and I'd have taken him without any inducements anyway. Dave was my main sparring partner and one of the best boxers I'd eve
r met.

  The gym where I was training was at the Wakefield side of the bus station in Castleford; the gym where Tommy's mate, Burt Corris, the feller who was standing me bail, had a big say in how things were run, and had Dave Owens as the star man. Dave, in my opinion, had the built-in potential to be the World champion. He was 6ft tall,

  strong, young, and could punch harder than most heavyweights, but his greatest asset was that he thought like a fighter. He waited, moved, and exploited the slightest of chinks in any opponent's defence with the silky, smooth precision of a natural champion. Richard Dunne had been to the gym, training to fight Jerrie Coetzee and I'd sparred a few rounds with him but he wasn't in the same league as Dave. Half a dozen times I'd been in the shower when I'd heard my brain crackle as it shook off the effects of Dave's punching and couldn't remember being hit. He was that good he could knock people out without them knowing.

  Norm knew all about him from me and when I invited him to come to Birmingham to see the lad for himself he stayed overnight, sleeping in one of the top bedrooms, so he wouldn't be late in the morning. It was the first professional boxing he'd been to but when, he said, at the end of the fight, he thought Dave hadn't been trying I realised he knew more about boxing than I'd thought. Dave won with a KO in the 9th but if he'd tried he could have done it in the first. My old man would have called him a gym champion, a lad who couldn't rise to the big occasion. Norm met Tommy and told him he couldn't wait for me to start but didn't think I was as good as the lads he'd seen. He'd have to wait and see for himself, Tommy assured him and said not only was I as good but these lads couldn't hold a candle to me. This lad up at Middlesborough, last year's ABA finalist, would be as good a test as any to see if Tommy's confidence wasn't misplaced.