Sweet Agony

by Paul Sykes

  'If you could see your way to letting me have £150 it would pay the bills and it's the wife's birthday on Tuesday. I'll be able to buy her a little present.' I smiled in anticipation.

  'Ah'll gi' thi £70,' he snapped, 'an' that's me final offer.'

  'Seventy pounds,' I cried in alarm. 'That would be stealing it.'

  'Ah'll gi' thi £70. Nar tek or leave it.'

  At this point the daughter looked over with a knowing smile, as if she knew I was cocking her old feller up. It was unsettling so I sighed in resignation and accepted. He counted seven tenners into my hand carefully checking two weren't stuck together and then grinned at his wife in triumph. In a week or two it would be aluminium coloured and he'd realise he'd been had. He would have to swallow his pride and the wife would have some real ammunition to take him down a peg or two. Just the same I wished he hadn't been a collier.

  Until I went across to Rhyl to collect my pension I had enough money to concentrate on keeping in good condition. The season was only a matter of weeks away and it was time now to start building up, increasing the intensity of my training. No dates had been fixed but I didn't want Tommy springing one on me and I wasn't fully prepared; he had a terrible reputation for slipping lads in at the very last minute.

  No more runs with a duration of 40 minutes minimum, but sharp sessions of interval running, timed, with the progress recorded. Stretch my lungs to maximum capacity and increase my heart beat to 180 and keep it there for as long as possible. I wouldn't be able to manage this at first but it shouldn't take me long and the top of Ossett common was the ideal place to train at this time of year. There were no excuses for not being in excellent condition. If I was knocked out I couldn't and wouldn't say what Peter had when Spinks had flattened him.

  By the fourth session I'd improved enough to want someone to man the clock to leave me free to concentrate on the job in hand. Anybody would do providing they could read and write, I thought, rubbing myself down in the front room. It was a beautiful, bright summer's morning and I was feeling on top of the world. It was so clear I could read the time on the Cathedral clock through the front window. It was 10 past 10 when she walked past the house, a girl so startlingly attractive I held my breath. She stopped at the end of the garden, glanced up and down the road and then, as if she'd made a decision, seated herself on the pavement edge and wrapped both arms around her knees. Her thick, chestnut-coloured hair fell to obscure her face but a second later she tossed it back and I realised who she was. She was our Kay's mate, little Cath, from across the road.

  Twice in my life I'd seen her before, both times when I'd been on home leave from the nick. The first time she'd been about 6 years old and the last time had been in '72, on my home leave from Hull. She had been the prettiest little girl I'd ever seen and she'd stuck in my mind ever since. When Alan Forbes had said the answer to my problems was to get myself a schoolie, little Cath had jumped straight to mind.

  She was on mid-summer school holidays and pleased to see I was home, she said, shielding her eyes from the sun and smiling. Her teeth were small, square, flawless, and dazzlingly white. It was at that

  precise moment I became conscious 1 was practically undressed and her eyes were almost level with the bulge in my shorts and if any of the neighbours just happened to be looking through the window they'd think I was a nonce, a mucky sex case, and they wouldn't be wrong, I was thinking that about myself. She was utterly, mouth-wateringly gorgeous, and I just had to see her again. How, how could I see her again. Fellers my age didn’t 't ask a schoolgirl for a date no matter how much they wanted one, but I had to see her. If I could see her fairly often, I felt sure I could influence her enough to see me regularly. Got it. I'd mention Kay and take it from there.

  She didn't see much of her these days, not since Kay had started on the market and they'd moved houses. They hadn't moved far, certainly not far enough to prevent them being friends again.

  'Well our Kay is holding a gymkhana up at Wrenthorpe soon Cath, and I've heard her say she could do with a hand.'

  'Oh is she? I didn't know.'

  'Anyway love,' I called, walking back to the house. 'It's been nice to see you, and don't forget.'

  To try and get Cath from my thoughts I decided after a couple of days to go and see Elaine and get my brain on an even keel. Cath was affecting my training. I couldn't sleep for thinking about her.

  Elaine was half-way down the ward with bottles hanging all round the bed and tubes leading into her body from all directions. She cracked into a happy smile, obviously under sedation, as I seated myself in the chair next to her bed. Running my fingers up her legs under the sheets to feel where the casts ended I realised she had been seriously injured. The casts went the length of both legs and she wasn't wearing knickers. At the end of the visit, after a bottle of South African Mountain wine and a 3-skinner of Nigerian bush, she was hanging from the bed with only the tubes keeping her from landing in a heap on the floor and laughing like a demented hyena. Turning at the ward door to wave goodbye there were two nurses and a sister walking urgently to her bed and Elaine was shouting at the top of her voice.

  'Syyyyykes you're a bastaaarrrrd.'

  Maybe she WAS a Witch. Maybe she could read my thoughts. There would be no more Cannonball Hills at midnight, not after what Mick had said. And If I could possibly help it I wouldn't even see her again.

  Yes Elaine, maybe you're right and I am a bastard but I haven't broken my marriage vows like you, and all the other slag bag married women I've met since I've been home. Still my thoughts were occupied with Cath, and the visit had been a waste of time. I couldn't get her out of my mind.

  * * * *

  It was early Sunday morning and the road was still and quiet. No bustling activity as people got ready to attend morning service up our road. The only noise was the twang of the shovel as the old feller tried to break lengths of wood on the coal shed step, fence posts, railings, bits of wood to light the fire. It was his variation of Jack Dempsey's training, chopping logs in the Catskill Mountains. He used the edge of the shovel as though it was an axe but it was too light to do any damage and kept bouncing back. He wore the wood away with sheer persistence until he was knackered. If he had an axe it would be too heavy. In 20 minutes I'd go out and stamp on it and then he'd thank me, and give me a demonstration of his lung capacity by inflating his chest with a deep breath and tell me he'd never smoked in his life. The old feller, 65, and still in training for the heavyweight title. I had to admire him.

  Suddenly the peace and tranquillity was shattered by the sound of horse's hooves clattering in the road. Kay, who'd been trying to slot a zip back into a skirt by the wall unit, turned like a lurcher sensing a rabbit, threw the skirt at me and made a bolt from the room.

  'It's Cath,' she cried, going through the door.

  My heart did a somersault but I continued staring at the crossword and making out 1 hadn't a clue who she meant until I realised there was nobody to see me. Standing by the old feller at the backdoor I watched her and Kay in deep conversation in the middle of the road.

  Cath was sitting astride the horse and Kay holding its head. I had to turn away, it was hurting to be so near but yet so far.

  'No, no, don't' the old feller pleaded. 'Don't Paul.'

  It was too late, I'd smashed all his bits of wood with half a dozen vicious stamps. 'You were getting on my nerves fucking about.'

  'I was enjoying it' he complained,' but I'm about buggered now.'

  He went through his deep breathing routine while 1 cast casual,

  unintentional glances into the road and wished I was eighteen.

  Cath started knocking about with Kay just as I'd hoped, going to the stables and helping out with the preparations for the gymkhana. She was always in and around the house. It was murder trying not to notice or treat her as more than one of the neighbours' kids. I could feel my heart lurch and my stomach drop every time I saw her and how Mother didn't notice was more than I could understand.


  Half-way through the week Kay suggested a walk into Ossett. She'd packed in with the whiz-kid and with a bit of luck she might bump into him. She'd cut him dead she told Cath, wouldn't even spit on him.

  'Do you mind if I come with you?' I asked, as if I couldn't care less.

  They looked at each other for objections, didn't see any and said yes. We walked in a 5-mile detour via Horbury, so we wouldn't arrive too early, and neither of them took the slightest bit of notice as I jumped the stream, did short-arm somersaults over five-barred gates and generally did all I could to show I wasn't anywhere near the ripe old age of 31. They didn't even speak to me until we were in the 'Royal', and then it was only to ask if I had 5p for the pool table. All the way they'd been in rapt conversation, whispering into each other's ear, oohs, aahs and giggling. I was completely and utterly wasting time entertaining thoughts of Cath. It was sickening. Walking home I told Cath about interval running and asked hopefully if she'd man the clock for me. It was easy I explained, and I'd be really grateful. To my profound joy and amazement she agreed, but only when her mam didn't want her to run errands.

  It was agony keeping my thoughts disguised but on the third morning I blurted them out. My training had been hard and I hadn't been able to sink into the level of concentration necessary. She had my big stop-clock, pencil and paper, and was laid on her side recording the times. Dripping with sweat and gasping for breath I'd gone to see how much progress I had to make and seen to my surprise I was better than I'd reckoned.

  'Are these right Cath? You've not been guessing have you?'

  'Have I hell.' She was indignant.

  'I'm sorry love. '

  The times made the pain of training worthwhile. I was happy, joyous, and I had to apologise.

  'Do you know Cath, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen,' I blurted, and immediately wanted to cut my tongue out. I hadn't meant to say that at all. She didn't answer or even look at me, not once all the way home. She walked by my side and out of my life, or so I thought and then remembered with relief Kay's gymkhana. It was being held on Sunday, only a few days away, and I was sure to see her again. I'd have to be more careful in future.

  She was sitting in the back of the Escort van and I hardly saw her all day. In fact I wouldn't have seen her at all if it hadn't been for Del, dressed in black jacket and waistcoat, striped trousers and topped with bowler hat announcing at the end of the second 'Chase me Charlie ' there would be a party in the 'Flanshaw Hotel' that night for all the competitors, and he would foot the bill.

  Kay had asked if we'd mind raising the bar after each round, Del at one end and me at the other. When all the girls began going to his side to make the jump I thought at first they were trying to impress him on account of him being the Minister for Bloodstock for all West Africa (he'd flown over specially to judge the 'In Hand ' section), and then I noticed he hadn't raised his side, not once since the competition started, and they were going to his side because it was 18" lower than mine. The girls' bottoms, cocked, as they skimmed the bar, encased in skin-tight jodphurs, had induced hypnosis. He was in a trance and couldn’t 't move. When I shouted for him to do his job he said we had to make it last brother. Moments like this were very rare in a feller's life.

  When it was over, he, Davy and me chipped together for the final event of the day with cash prizes for the first three, and when that was over anybody would think he'd been told he had cancer until he thought of the party. Young birds in skintight jodphurs had been all over the show for a full six hours and he still hadn't seen enough. The same for Davy and me.

  'Nevermind night clubs and discos,' Del said with reverence.

  'There are more gorgeous chicks taking part in this gymkhana than

  I've ever seen in one place at the same time. No way is this the last

  one I'm attending. Tell Kay to announce there'll be a party tonight.'

  He looked at me for somewhere to hold it. My brain computed quicker than lightning.

  'Tell her there’ll be a party tonight in the 'Flanshaw Hotel' and everybody is invited. It won't cost a Carrot, it's all on me. What do you say Davy?'

  Davy nodded happily and showed his teeth, but said birds like this mob didn't attend parties with the likes of us.

  'We'll see, we’ll see,' Del said, stroking his new Viva Zapata moustache and eyeing a jodphur-clad bottom as a girl adjusted the bandages on her pony's fetlocks a yard in front.

  The gymkhana wasn't only a success for Kay, but for Mother and me too. Mother had had a stall set up selling sweets and pop, and underneath she'd had all the cans of lager and beer I'd brought back from Elaine's. She'd sold the lot before she'd sold any of her own stock. She said there had to be a moral somewhere.

  Out of all the girls who'd attended only three turned up for the party and not one had taken part in any event but it didn't worry anybody. Kay came with Diane, a big, sulky-looking girl who worked in the tax office, and Cath. There were Del, Davy and me, which was ideal. Kay liked Davy; in fact she liked him so much Mother had noticed.

  'He's one of our Paul's mates and you'lI get nowt with him,' I'd heard her say in warning at the gymkhana. What had been said previously I didn't know but obviously something had. Diane kept giving Del long sultry glances from under lowered lashes and I was in love with Cath. A proper little gang of fornicators and intrigues. Davy was happy, and Del just loved fornicators and intrigues and all the undercurrents that make life interesting. He knew of my feelings for Cath, I'd told him when she'd been taking the entrance fees. He'd said she was lovely and could understand my feelings, especialIy after Pauline, but I had to be careful, I hadn't to do anything which would jeopardise my chances and put my boxing licence in danger. If I went about things in the proper manner I'd be OK though.

  Somebody, it may have been Kay, suggested we all go to Heppy's for the last hour. Everybody, including Cath agreed, which came as a surprise. I'd thought her parents would want her home and in bed, a girl her age, and I'd been anticipating walking her home.

  At that precise moment Elaine appeared out of thin air standing at

  the bar and dressed like she'd been on Cannonball Hill. She tried to

  saunter down the room but the injuries gave her the gait of a three

  legged dog. She seated herself on the buffet facing me, crossed her legs so we could all see the bandages through her black nylons, and leered.

  'I knew you were in here. I've told you Sykes, I get the vibes.'

  She nodded at Davy, smiled crookedly at Del, and then peered closely at Diane for a second or two, and then at Cath. Cath blushed crimson and looked away.

  'Now then Elaine,' Del said, immediately conscious of the change in atmosphere and coming to the rescue. 'Tell me how your Colin is. I believe you've been to see him.'

  She moved to sit nearer while she told him about her brother, taking the air of impending disaster with her. Her brother and Del were old pals from the nick.

  She came with us to Heppy's, hitched herself up to the table across from me and didn't say a word. We were in a line watching the girls dancing together. Sunday night and Heppy's had plenty of space for people to dance. Cath was doing a delicious double hip kick in time to the music which caused my insides to turn and a lump in my throat.

  'So that's her is it, that little scrubber?' Elaine sneered. 'You've not taken your eyes off her all night. '

  She was a liar, this was the first time I'd looked Cath' s way all day for the simple reason I remembered what had happened to Wilma. Elaine, with her warped thinking could be quite easily blaming Cath for causing her injuries. She could be thinking I'd been with her when I'd been across at Blackpool with Mick.

  'What did you say Elaine, I missed that?'

  'I said it's your Kay's mate. You've not taken your eyes away all night. The little slag,' she added nastily.

  She could chirp at me but she wasn't going to chirp at Cath, not a woman who'd kicked her husband and daughter out so I could move in.

&nbs
p; 'If anybody is a slag it's you. Now stand up and fuck off before I

  batter you. '

  Let her have the needle to me and she would forget about Cath.

  She sniffed and glared at the dance floor while she wrapped the

  mac about her and then sort of stalked and hobbled for the door

  without a backward glance.

  'She's a bad woman' Del warned. 'A bad woman. You'll have to watch her.

  He and Davy drove straight from home to Heppy's and I took the girls home. Diane was first to be dropped off outside a new bungalow down Thomes, and then Cath, but Cath wouldn't or couldn't get out of the car. She was laid back in the front seat with her eyes closed and a Mona Lisa smile. A full day in the fresh air and four or five glasses of lager had knocked her bow-legged.

  It wouldn't look good if her parents happened to look through the window and saw her like this, they might blame me.

  'Come on Cath love,' I implored. 'Come on love, you're home now.'

  It made no difference even after I'd gone round to open the door. She lay back with the same enigmatic smile and glassy-eyed.

  Bending to help her out I whispered in her ear, 'Do you mind if I kiss you?' Her face cleared and became composed. She hadn't been as drunk as I'd thought.

  'If you want,' she answered quietly.

  I couldn't do it, I couldn't kiss her. Not on the lips. I kissed her forehead and helped her out.

  'There you are love. Are you all right?'

  She nodded and set off. Three tottery steps later she fell into the

  middle of the privet hedge and appeared to be learning to swim. I pulled her out and guided her through the gate and waited until the door closed before driving home with Kay asleep on the back seat totally unaware of the little drama.