by Diana Scott
Wolves and lambs
It's not the first time I've waited in this office, but it's the first time my legs haven't stopped shaking. Six months is a lot of months to show up at your ex boss's office and say, hey, hi, it's me, you see, I went to Italy but I'm back. Yes, I'm the one who left from one day to the next without warning but today comes back and desperately looks for work. Self-esteem bows its head in shame.
I need the job and I hope Bruce comes to understand the real reasons for my escape. Did I say escape? Yes, I said it, I used his words and I think it's time to accept it. I ran away. I needed it. I wanted to disappear and today I am paying the consequences of my departure.
I clench my fists against my knees while I wait for Bruce to deign to receive me. He has to be really upset because if he isn’t, I don't understand. I've been sitting here for almost an hour watching his secretary type at full speed.
“Betty! Tell Miss Foster to come in.” Bruce's grumpy screams resonated throughout the reception while I take a deep breath to endure the storm that awaits me.
“Miss Foster...” The secretary tries to hide the unpleasant howls of her boss behind a smile, but the poor one doesn't succeed.
“Thank you Betty, I've heard him. I hold my bag tight as I walk through the doorway.”
“Good luck, miss.”
“Thank you, Betty. I think I'm going to need it.”
Bruce closes his schedule with a heavy blow as he lifts his head to face me.
“Well, well... I see that the prodigal daughter finally makes her triumphal appearance. How many months have you been missing, five, eight?”
“Six and a half, to be exact," I say a little nervously. Bruce, let me explain, I had no other choice.”
“To leave me behind? I think so, Anne! You abandoned the direction of Stonebridge.”
Bruce gets up from his desk with such impetus that his chair gets embedded against the the bottom wall. He's upset and I understand it, but I have to explain myself well if I want to pay the electricity bill.
“Bruce, I swear I had no choice. The situation was too risky.”
I bow my head in shame. Bruce is not only my boss but also my mentor. He's the one who trusted me when no one else had done it before, and now he is someone else I've abandoned.
“And now what robbery have you been accused of? Or did you decide to take a vacation to clear your head?”
“Something like that...”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Bruce, I need you to calm down. Like this it’s impossible to explain. Can I sit down?”
He waved his hands to point out that he didn't care as he pulled a packet of tobacco out of his jacket. He hits it in his hand and pulls out a cigarette and he lights it at once.
“Smoking is forbidden in the workplace.”
Bruce lifted his shoulders to tell that he didn't care about the rules.
“You disappeared without an explanation. Do you know how worried I was about you?”
“I thought so, and I'm really sorry, but let me explain you.”
Bruce nodded without uttering a word as he gives his strong Marlboro two consecutive puffs.
“I know I left and I only thought about myself and I'm really sorry but I couldn't do anything else. I was desperate and trapped in a situation that turned out to be much harder to assume than I thought. I had to leave to sort out my ideas before I went crazy.”
Bruce stops his steps through the office to look at me in the eyes and I thank him for that. Such a long walk only makes me even more nervous.
“Anne, I don't understand a word you're saying. What situation are you referring to? The Fabergé robbery was cleared and you were cleared of all charges. Your professionalism was restored.”
“I don't mean my professional life...”
I close my eyes trying to take courage. Explaining to your former boss and professional mentor that your cowardice and abandonment was due to heart trouble is not an easy story to tell.
“Bruce... I fell in love.”
The man opens his eyes like a plate as he shrugs his shoulders like saying what does that have to do with the direction of Stonebridge and his abandonment?
My goodness, I'd better spit it all out together and hope for the best.
“I fell in love with Reed...”
I shoot, as if that explains everything and it should have done it because Bruce swears over and over loudly and baldly.
“Reed? Reed Blackman? Are you telling me you've fallen in love with Blackman? The coldest, most distant, calculating guy on the planet. That Blackman? Blackman!”
“He’s not like that...”
“Then why did you have to run away? What did that son of a bitch do to you?”
“Bruce, please....”
I get up trying to hold him affectionately by the arm to calm him down, but I get a push that surprises me. I had never seen Bruce with that rage in his eyes. He always seemed to me to be a good, gentle and kind man, but now?
“Did he cheat on you? Did you find any jewelry and that bastard acted behind you? Is that it? Did he use you to get what he was looking for and then dump you? What was Anne's treasure?”
I open my eyes perplexed. Does Bruce think he used me to steal information from me?
“No! It's nothing you say, it has nothing to do with jewellery or treasure. It's just a matter of feelings.”
“Feelings?”
Bruce opens his eyes and laughs so loudly and so exasperatingly that it's hard for me to recognize who I have in front of me.
“Don’t be stupid. That man knows nothing but about money and revenge.”
“I don't think you have to offend me," I replied in anger. “I don't think you know him well enough.”
“I don’t know him? Don't be naive... I hired him.”
Bruce stopped in front of the window for a few minutes and instantly his rage was replaced by the softness of an understanding and loving father. What the hell is going on here?
“Did you leave for the wedding? Was that, Anne? You know if you're in some kind of trouble, I can help you.”
Bruce's sudden and kind attitude baffles me and leaves me speechless.
“The truth is, I'm not here to talk about my heart sorrows.” I feel too uncomfortable. “I just wanted to know if I had a chance to come back. I need the job.”
“Now you need it, but I'd like to know how you've stayed in Italy.”
“Do you know about Italy?”
“You said it yourself.”
“No, I don't remember.”
“You're too upset and you don't even remember what you said.”
Bruce, badly humored, spits his cigarette in the ashtray. Although I know I haven't said anything about Italy, I prefer to keep quiet for my own good. Getting my job back is my priority. I approach his side trying to shorten the distance between us.
“Bruce, I need a job. I'm not asking you to give me back the position of the director of Stonebridge but you still have another job, you have a lot of contacts and maybe if you spoke to them or interceded for me...”
My mentor scratches his chin trying to answer me and that's when I see it clearly. He's not going to help me.
“Anne, you must understand that your position was taken by someone else. It was many months ago.”
“And I understand that and I don't expect you to give me back my old position, I'm just asking if you can put me somewhere else. You have thousands of relationships in the sector.”
“I'll think about it," he says dryly.
“Of course... Thank you very much,” I turn to pick up my bag.
I am sad, embarrassed and annoyed, very annoyed. It's good that he helped me when I needed him most, but my work was always excellent, I never failed in my duty, never until... I met him.
“Anne, let's have dinner together tonight. We can talk a little quieter. If Blackman has information about Cleopatra's Jewels, I may have a job for you.”
I stop at the door to look inside fo
r Bruce's look but he didn't turn around. He looks out the window as if I'm not important enough to turn around.
“Cleopatra's Jewels? What are you talking about? Those jewels are a myth, there is no discovery to support it, and if there were, I don't think Reed would be in a position to find anything.”
Bruce turned enthusiastically.
“You underestimate him. I'm sure that if having any clue, he would share information with you. Think about it, it would be an excellent opportunity for you.”
“And why would he say anything to me? He hates me.”
“But you slept with him for free, didn't you? Well, use your women's weapons for something more profitable.”
I surround my eyes trying not to answer such an offense. I owe him for so many years of friendship.
“I'm leaving.”
“Anne, don't be naive. Blackman only used you. Find out what I'm telling you and you’ll get the greatest discovery in the history of archaeology.”
Bruce tries to stop me but I want to leave. I feel dirty, disgusted. What my mentor proposes to me is mean, disgusting, disgusting, and meaningless. Those Jewels don't exist and Reed wouldn't use me that way.
“Get laid with him, after all he's an invalid, he'll be glad to have you between his legs, if that still works for him.”
“I shouldn't have come...”
“If for a moment you believed in the love of that pretty face, you're stupid. He only used you!”
Bruce's insults upset me. I don't know this man. I feel like he had worn a mask for a long time and he just suddenly dropped it and showed me someone I've never seen.
“Taxi! Taxi!”
My current economic situation is not for taxis but at this point I don't give a damn. Self-esteem searches for coins in his coat pockets.
“I'm going to the Temple of the Passions, do you know how to get there?”
“All London knows it, miss," the driver answers as he lowers the busy sign.
My purse trembles and I rush to look for the mobile. A spark of illusion comes to me imagining that I might be Reed.
Maurizio
Hey doll, how was your day?
19:48
Ugh, I'll answer him later. I need a drink.
Rejected and sunk
“Give me another one of those, Billy.”
“I think that was the last one. I've called Solange and she'll be here in a few minutes.”
I raise my shoulders showing that I don't care what his pretty little mouth tells me. I'm hopeless and I only want one thing, to drown my sorrows in alcohol and let the world get screwed looking at me. I don't care anymore.
It's been three days since I came back and I've only been receiving kick after kick. Reed doesn't want to see me, Bruce kicked me out of his office like a stinker, I don't have a job and my savings barely cover a month of my expenses.
“Thank you John!” I raise the glass to the sky with a hullabaloo. Inherited debts are something I owe you too. Yes sir, beatings and debts, your legacy couldn't have been better.”
I drink the last drink of who knows what this dreadful liquid is called. The heat burns my throat, but who cares, I close my eyes tightly so I can swallow, maybe with a little luck I'll collapse right here and stop thinking.
“I see the trip has been good for you.”
I look up and, if I used to feel bad, now I feel worse. Solange watches me from the height of her huge heels wearing that shimmering golden hair and a tight black dress that removes the hiccups, while I hold my head with my elbows resting on the bar. If I have ever had a pitiful image of myself, this surpasses it.
“They shouldn’t have called you. I'm sure you're very busy," I say getting up from the stool. “I'm leaving.”
Oh mother, the world spins faster, the floor moves, and Billy has a double smile?
“You're not going anywhere. Sam! Cancel any appointment I may have.”
“But the meeting with McKenzie is in half an hour and you know he won't like it,” his enormous companion answers aloud as he looks for the mobile.
“That's his problem. I'll be in my office and I don't want to be interrupted. Billy! Ask for two coffees and one that's very loaded," she orders while holding my arm with her delicate hands. “Come on, honey. I think you and I have a lot to talk about.”
“I'm really fine. I don't want to bother you. It's Saturday and the Temple is full of people, you have a lot of work and mi problems have no solution.”
“Not at all. You're coming with me. And I don't want to hear you protest, I assure you that you don't want to see me when I'm angry.”
I open my eyes strangely and walk beside her without opening my mouth. What a temper! Who knew that someone with the body of a goddess and the face of an angel could hide an ogre inside?
“All right, I'll have that coffee but then I'll go home.” I don't want to seem rude. Solange has always been very nice to me and by the way the floor moves I think that coffee isn't such a bad idea.
“Come in,” she holds the door while she points to a comfortable black leather sofa.
“Wow, you've made some changes," I say as I look at the new furniture. A bright, wide winged sofa presides over the living room. On one side, a modern desk in soft mahogany cradles a modern monitor. All precious and of excellent quality, one that I cannot afford... Oh, my head, does the sofa move too?
“It's been a while since I renovated all the furniture, but since you left without warning... How long have you been away? Eight or nine months?”
And here comes another kick in the stomach. How can I explain that I didn't leave for pleasure? It was a desperate solution!
“It was six months, only six damn months! I thank you for the coffee, but I'd better go.”
Solange is Reed's friend and I understand her disillusionment with me, but I'm not here for big sister scolding. I'd better go before I say something I shouldn't. At the time, this woman did too much for me to spread all my shit on her. I better go and turn the page. I'm about to turn to march when Solange speaks to me with such authority that I stay in place like a soldier in front of his captain.
“Leave if you want, but I don't think it's what you want, much less what you need. I don't know your story and I won't be the one to judge you for your actions, but what I do know is that this isn't the first time you've run away from the battlefield. What's wrong Anne Foster? Are you afraid? Is this your way of dealing with problems? Running forward without looking back?
Fear? Fear! Self-esteem prepares for combat.
The control I tried to maintain from the moment Bruce threw me out of his office is shattered right now. I can't take another minute.
“Who the fuck do you think you are to talk to me like that? What do you know about my life?! You have no idea of what I've been through. How dare you to call me a coward!” I take a breath of air to continue shouting like a woman during the sales season. “I didn't run away! It was a desperate act, I had no choice! What woman could see the man she loves marrying another one? Hey, Solange! He chose her over me, he's expecting a child from her! He forgot me in two days. Who the fuck are you and everyone else to judge me?!”
I try to keep screaming but the fury abandons me and the sorrow clouds my heart. I sit on the sofa and dry a lost tear with the back of my hand as I continue to babble half growling.
“It was her he preferred. I asked, I begged, I begged but I got nothing. I tried to protect myself. Yes, damn it, I wanted to run away, what's wrong with that? I was afraid I wouldn't be able to see him with someone else, so I should be attacked? Fear, cowardice, pain, disillusionment, no one knows what I felt more than I did...
“Do you still love him?”
“Beyond my sanity. I've never loved anyone like him, but I can't anymore. I have forgotten all the offenses, I have tried to forgive, I wanted to see him, I wanted to show him that I am by his side but I only received scorn after scorn. Three days! It has been three days since I arrived but every time I try to see him he rejects me
. Three damned attempts in which I only receive insults. First it was Reed, today my ex boss, I wouldn't be surprised if in a few seconds one of your bodyguards came through that door and threw me to the sidewalk.”
The office door opens suddenly and I jump off the couch in fear. Did she press a button on those secrets and I'll be thrown out of here too?
Billy and his magnificent smile appear with a wonderful tray of coffee and chocolate cake.
“I had some free time and I wanted to come myself. Everything good, beautiful?”
His long fingers caress my chin as if knowing the pain I'm going through.
“Yes.”
“Thank you Billy, you can go. Miss Foster and I have an important conversation ahead of us.”
The young man accepts the order but not before giving me a tender kiss.
“Everything goes. It always goes,” he whisper to my ear before leaving.
I close my eyes accepting like it was holy water in an act of tenderness. Since I arrived from Italy, the sticks have been the only thing I have received. One after the other, one after the other.
“Solange, I have to leave and it's not out of cowardice but rather out of shame. Please forgive me...”
“Nonsense, you stay right there and have a bite of that delicious Belgian biscuit. I pressured you more than necessary, but I wanted to see you awake, and I think I've succeded.”
“What kind of joke is that supposed to be?” I squeeze my temple thinking that everything is an illusion caused by alcohol.
“Anne, sit down again and stop moving your head like a dizzy duck,” she orders me with her usual authoritative tone.
I bite my tongue and count to ten not to start with a string of insults. Again.
“Don't look at me with that face, Billy said you've been at the bar for over an hour trying to get drunk and feel sorry for yourself, somehow I had to wake you up. Anne, you don't have the attitude you need.”
“Oh no?” One, two, three... “And what attitude should I have, my dear lady? The love of my life hates me, I'm out of work and tomorrow I won't even have enough to buy groceries. How exactly do you say my attitude should be?”
