Cookie

by Jacqueline Wilson

  ‘No, no, he’s fine,’ said Mum. ‘It’s just . . .’ She swallowed. ‘Can we come in, Avril?’

  ‘Yes, of course, only I’m going out in about half an hour. Still, there’s plenty of time for a cup of tea. In you come.’

  We trooped in after her. We automatically took our shoes off by the front door. Auntie Avril kept her high heels on and laughed at us.

  ‘I see Gerry’s got you well-trained,’ she said. ‘Come into the living room.’

  It was a warm little room with a dark crimson carpet and a black leather sofa with furry cushions as pink as the petunias. There was a big white cat curled decoratively at one end.

  ‘You’ve got a cat!’ I said.

  ‘That’s my Cream Puff. Give her a gentle shove and she’ll make room for you,’ said Auntie Avril. ‘Goodness, you’re getting a big girl, Beauty. Of course, it’s your birthday today, isn’t it? Many happy returns.’

  ‘Thank you ever so much for my lovely felt tips, Auntie Avril. They were just what I wanted,’ I said, nestling near Cream Puff. I delicately ran my fingers down her soft fur and she sighed and quivered.

  ‘You’ve brought her up very nicely, Dilys,’ said Auntie Avril.

  ‘Oh, she means it, Avril. She loves crayoning. She’s ever so good at art. Well, Beauty’s good at most things. Not a bit like me,’ said Mum.

  ‘Not much like Gerry either!’ said Avril. ‘Well, he’s bright enough, no flies on him. I’ll go and make us that tea then. Or would you like something stronger, Dilys? You look as if you could do with a pick-you-up. Shall we have a little gin?’

  ‘It’ll have to be a very little gin because I’m driving,’ said Mum. ‘Unless . . .’ She didn’t dare say the rest.

  Auntie Avril bustled around, making two gin and tonics and a special lemonade for me with a couple of cherries and a weeny paper umbrella, just like a real cocktail.

  Cream Puff crept right onto my lap and started purring when I stroked her.

  ‘It’s lovely to see you both,’ said Auntie Avril. ‘We’ll have to get together more often. After all, we’re family, sort of.’

  I started to dare hope we might be at the start of a wonderful new life together, Auntie Avril, Mum and me. I imagined living in this cosy little house, playing with Cream Puff every day, sipping cocktails every evening, all of us dancing up and down the carpet in our outdoor shoes with no one to tell us off ever.

  ‘Come on then,’ Auntie Avril said, glancing at her watch. ‘Tell me why you’ve popped round out of the blue. It’s Gerry, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well, yes,’ said Mum. ‘We’ve split up.’

  Auntie Avril sighed and downed the rest of her gin and tonic. She reached over and patted Mum’s knee. ‘You poor little darling. Still, you know what it feels like now. So who has he left you for? Not another little blonde?’

  ‘No, no, Gerry hasn’t left me.’ Mum took a deep breath. ‘I’ve left him.’

  ‘What?’ Auntie Avril looked astonished. ‘When?’

  ‘Just now. We packed our bags, Beauty and me, and walked out.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘I just couldn’t stand it any more,’ Mum said shakily.

  ‘What did he do?’

  ‘He just kept shouting at us, belittling us, telling us what to do all the time,’ Mum said, starting to cry. ‘I know he’s very stressed about his work, it’s all going wrong, there’s even some talk of bribery, I suppose he could be in really big trouble – but that’s no excuse for being so mean to us.’

  I eased Cream Puff off my lap and went to put my arm round Mum.

  ‘Oh, don’t you worry about our Gerry,’ said Auntie Avril. ‘He’s always stressed, he’s always in trouble, but he’ll fix it, just you wait and see. I know he can be a royal pain at times. That’s just the way he is. The way most men are, come to think of it. But he’s not such a bad egg, Dilys. He thinks the world of you and Beauty, he’s set you up in a lovely home, he’s lavished money on you. What more could you want?’

  ‘He was terrible today, humiliating me in front of Beauty’s party guests. He organized this ridiculous stretch limo and tickets for Birthday Bonanza.’

  ‘Oh yes? Well, that doesn’t sound particularly humiliating! It sounds like he was doing his best to give Beauty a lovely birthday treat. Grow up, Dilys. Gerry’s got many faults, as I know all too well, but you could do a lot worse.’

  ‘He broke all the cookies Mum made specially and let my birthday rabbit out of his cage and a fox killed it,’ I said, starting to sob too.

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear. That’s a real shame, darling – but you don’t break up a happy home just for that.’

  ‘It isn’t a happy home, even though it’s got that stupid name,’ said Mum. ‘We’ve not been happy there, Avril. It’s getting to Beauty as well as to me. I’ve never been able to stand up for myself very well but I can stand up for my little girl. She needs a fresh start, somewhere quiet and peaceful where she’s not shouted at all the time.’

  ‘And where’s that?’ said Auntie Avril.

  There was a silence.

  ‘You don’t mean . . . you don’t mean here with me?’ she said.

  ‘Well, if we could just stay a few days, until we get on our feet and I’ve found myself a job?’ Mum suggested timidly.

  ‘You have to be joking! You can’t stay here. Whatever would Gerry say? Well, I have a rough idea what he’d say, only I’m not using that sort of language in front of Beauty here. Don’t forget Gerry’s given me this house. I’m not risking putting his nose out of joint. I don’t want to find myself shoved out on the streets, homeless.’

  ‘But we’re homeless now,’ said Mum, snuffling. ‘We haven’t got anywhere else to go. What are we going to do, Avril?’

  ‘I don’t know, darling.’ She looked at her watch again. ‘I’m going to be late. I’m meeting three of my girlfriends in town for a pizza and then we’re all going to the Gala Bingo. It’s not exactly a wild night out for a Saturday but it’s not likely a tall dark stranger is going to come calling at my time of life. Do yourself a favour, Dilys. Gerry’s not tall and he’s not dark and he’s certainly not a stranger, but he’s all man and if I remember rightly he can be fun to be with. Stop this nonsense and get yourself back there sharpish.’

  ‘No,’ said Mum. ‘I know you mean well, Avril, but we’re not going back. We’ll just have to find some place else.’

  ‘Where, exactly?’ said Auntie Avril.

  ‘Perhaps . . . perhaps we can go to the council on Monday and they’ll find us a little flat,’ Mum said desperately.

  Auntie Avril laughed at her. I was starting not to like her now.

  ‘They’ve got a waiting list a mile long, you silly woman. You and Beauty would never qualify in a million years. You’ve got a luxurious six-bedroom house. You’ve deliberately made yourself homeless.’

  ‘Well, there are still refuges, aren’t there?’ said Mum.

  ‘For battered wives. So has Gerry battered you?’

  ‘He slapped my face. And he twisted my wrist.’

  ‘Oh, get a grip, Dilys! Most of those poor women in those places have been beaten to a pulp. They’d give their right arms to swap places with you. If I’m honest I still would, even though I know Gerry’s no angel.’

  ‘Well, you have him then,’ said Mum.

  ‘I don’t stand a chance. I’m way past my sell-by date as far as Gerry’s concerned. And most men too, apart from the daft old codgers. You think twice, Dilys. It’s a lonely life without a man.’

  ‘It’s a lonely life with the wrong man,’ said Mum. She drained her glass and then stood up. ‘Well, thank you very much for the drink, Avril. We must let you be off to your friends.’

  ‘You don’t have to go. Look, you can stay here tonight by all means, if you really won’t go back. There’s heaps to eat in the fridge, you just help yourselves. Have another drink or two, watch a bit of telly, whatever. I’ve only got one bed in my spare room, but I’m sure you won’t mind squashing up t
ogether. I’ll be back around half ten or eleven. Then we’ll talk about things in the morning. I’m sure you’ll see things differently then. You’ve got to consider Beauty and what’s best for her. Think about it, Dilly. Ta ta then.’

  She kissed Mum, she kissed me, slipped on her lilac leather jacket, and rushed off. Mum and I sat either side of Cream Puff, neither of us saying a word. Mum nibbled the edge of her fingernail, staring down at the deep red carpet.

  ‘Are you thinking about it, Mum?’ I asked in a tiny voice.

  ‘I’m thinking so hard my flipping head’s going to burst,’ said Mum. She bit harder, breaking one of her lovely manicured nails.

  ‘Don’t, Mum!’

  ‘What?’ She hadn’t even realized what she was doing.

  ‘You’ll chew right down to your knuckles if you don’t watch out,’ I said. ‘I don’t want a mum with fingers all frayed at the edges.’

  I said it to make her laugh but she still looked as if she was going to cry.

  ‘Avril thinks I’m bonkers,’ she said shakily. ‘Maybe I am. Oh, Beauty, I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Let’s stay here tonight. I like it here,’ I said, stroking Cream Puff. She stretched herself lazily. She obviously liked it here too. ‘Maybe Auntie Avril will change her mind and let us stay for a while. I could do all sorts of errands for her, feed Cream Puff and make cups of tea and do the vacuuming. And you could . . .’

  ‘Yeah, what could I do?’ Mum said tearfully.

  ‘You could make us cookies,’ I said.

  I was serious, but this time Mum snorted with laughter, even though the tears were still running down her face.

  ‘A fat lot of use that is,’ she said, blowing her nose. ‘No, Beauty, we’ll have to go somewhere else tomorrow. Avril’s right, your dad would be furious. It’s very kind of her to let us stay now. Come on, let’s go and see what’s in the fridge.’

  There were lots of special ready-meals for one. We heated two in Auntie Avril’s microwave and ate them at her tiny kitchen table. I’d hardly been able to eat any of my special birthday buffet. I realized I was starving now. I wolfed my meal down and most of Mum’s, because she just stirred her food round and round with her fork. She was thinking again, frowning hard at her plate, twisting her knife and fork round and round like the hands of a clock. I leaned forward and rubbed her frown lines with my fingers.

  ‘We’ll be OK, Mum,’ I whispered.

  ‘Yes. Of course we will,’ she said. ‘Tell you what – shall we see if Avril’s got some flour and sugar and stuff? We could make her some cookies as a thank-you present. Do you think she’d like that?’

  ‘I think she’d love your cookies, Mum.’

  ‘You start looking for all the ingredients, then. I’ll go and get the cases. I remembered to pack my recipe book,’ Mum said proudly.

  We made sugar and spice cookies, raiding Auntie Avril’s spice rack and sifting cinnamon and cloves into the cookie dough. We washed up carefully while the cookies were baking, looking anxiously at Auntie Avril’s oven every two minutes in case it might misbehave and burn them. When we opened the oven door we breathed a great sigh of relief. The cookies looked perfect and smelled delicious.

  ‘We could have one each, just to make sure they’re all right,’ said Mum.

  It was getting near my bedtime now but I didn’t want to go to bed and leave Mum sitting worrying all by herself.

  ‘Oh, you might as well stay up if you’re not sleepy. After all, it is your birthday,’ said Mum.

  I’d totally forgotten it was still my birthday. It seemed to have lasted for weeks already. Mum switched on Auntie Avril’s television but we couldn’t settle to watching anything for more than two minutes.

  ‘I know,’ said Mum. ‘You packed your Sam and Lily DVD, didn’t you?’

  ‘You bet I did.’

  ‘Well, run and fetch it then.’

  I slotted Sam and Lily into the DVD player. Mum and I curled up together to watch. Cream Puff woke up to watch too.

  ‘Who do we want to see?’ said the voice, as Sam and Lily spun round and round.

  The little children sang, ‘Sam and Lily in the Rabbit Hutch.’ Mum and I sang it too.

  ‘Hey there!’ said Sam, directly to me.

  He looked surprised to see me squashed up on a slippery leather sofa in a completely strange room. Lily blinked at Cream Puff.

  ‘How are you doing?’ asked Sam.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I said.

  Sam put his head on one side.

  ‘Well, maybe I’m telling fibs,’ I whispered. I glanced at Mum. She was frowning again, nibbling at her nail, clearly not concentrating on the programme.

  ‘Sam, Mum and I have left Dad. Something terrible happened. I can’t say it in front of Lily. We’re at Auntie Avril’s now but we can’t stay here and we haven’t got anywhere else to go,’ I mouthed.

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear,’ Sam said softly. ‘I think you and Mum need a little break. How about a holiday?’ He raised his voice, asking everyone now. ‘Where do you go on holiday? Do you go to the seaside?’

  ‘We don’t really go anywhere on holiday,’ I said. ‘We went to Marbella once but Dad got all fidgety and bored on the beach and said it was a waste of time.’

  ‘Lily doesn’t like to go on holiday much,’ said Sam. ‘She doesn’t like too much sun, she doesn’t like getting her paws all sandy, she doesn’t like paddling – she doesn’t even like ice cream! Isn’t she a funny bunny? I love sunbathing, I love building sandcastles, I love swimming in the sea – and I especially love ice cream!’

  ‘So do I!’ I said.

  ‘I should have a little holiday right now,’ Sam said, just to me. ‘You and Mum. You’ll have a lovely time. It will all work out, you’ll see.’

  I nodded, snuggling up to Mum and Cream Puff, suddenly soothed. My head went on nod-nod-nod-ding and then Mum was gently shaking me awake.

  ‘Your DVD’s finished, pet. You’ve had a little doze. Let’s pop you up to bed. I think I’ll go to bed too. I don’t really want Avril lecturing me when she comes home.’

  We had a quick wash in Auntie Avril’s bright turquoise bathroom. Mum had forgotten to pack a nightie so she wore one of my T-shirts. She looked more of a little girl than ever.

  The spare room was very grown up and glamorous, with a leopard-skin throw over the bed and a great china leopard baring its teeth at us in a corner.

  ‘Watch out he doesn’t bite,’ said Mum.

  ‘He looks almost as scary as that giant pink rabbit!’

  We got the giggles again and tried to jump into bed quick, but Auntie Avril had sheets instead of a duvet and she’d tucked them in so firmly you had to pull for all you were worth to prise your way in. They felt icy too so Mum and I had to cuddle up close. We were both shivering though it wasn’t that cold.

  ‘I can’t quite believe we’re here,’ said Mum. ‘It feels so strange. I wonder what your dad’s doing now.’

  ‘He’ll be ranting,’ I said.

  ‘But he’s all by himself,’ said Mum.

  I imagined Dad stomping up and down the house in his socks, bellowing abuse. I saw him very big at first, but he started to get smaller and the empty house got bigger until he was scampering about like a mouse, squeak-squeak-squeaking to no one at all.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes, darling?’

  ‘I feel kind of sorry for Dad.’

  ‘I know. So do I.’

  ‘But if we went back he’d just start all over again.’

  ‘I know that too.’

  We were quiet for a little. I thought of Dad bashing the cookies. I thought about Birthday.

  ‘Beauty? Don’t cry, darling.’

  ‘Oh, Mum. Look, this sounds daft, but do you think baby rabbits go to heaven?’

  ‘Yes, definitely,’ said Mum.

  ‘And do you think he’ll be . . . whole there? His little head will be back in place?’

  ‘Yes, of course. He’ll be skipping about with all the
angels. They’ll be having little arguments over who gets to have him as their special pet,’ said Mum.

  We were quiet again. We heard the front door open and Auntie Avril come in. We heard her go into the kitchen and give a little gasp. We nudged each other, knowing she must have spotted the plate of cookies. We heard a glass clinking downstairs, and then after ten minutes or so she came upstairs. We stayed quiet until she’d been in bed a while.

  Then I whispered in Mum’s ear, ‘Are you still awake?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I know you’re right. Auntie Avril’s OK but we can’t stay here,’ I said.

  ‘Mm.’

  ‘So have you thought where we can go?’

  ‘I’ve thought and thought and thought, but I haven’t come up with anything just yet,’ said Mum.

  ‘I think I know where we can go!’

  ‘Where, darling?’

  ‘The seaside!’

  ‘But we don’t know anyone at the seaside, do we?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, does it? We could pretend we’re going on holiday. We haven’t had a holiday for ages. We’ve got a bit of money. Let’s just go to the seaside and paddle and sunbathe and it’ll all feel easy and normal. We’ll just be like everyone else, on our holiday.’

  I was cuddled up so close to Mum I could feel her heart beating fast.

  ‘OK,’ she said. ‘That’s what we’ll do. For tomorrow, anyway. Well done, Beauty, it’s a great idea.’

  Fourteen

  Auntie Avril didn’t look as if she thought it was a great idea when we told her over breakfast the next morning.

  ‘For pity’s sake, this isn’t a game, Dilys. You can’t just take off with your child and play you’re on holiday.’

  ‘Why not?’ said Mum. ‘Beauty and I need a holiday. You know what Gerry’s like, he’ll never leave the firm for more than a couple of days and he’s hopeless at relaxing anyway. We just need to chill for a bit.’

  ‘Chill!’ said Auntie Avril, shaking her head.

  But when we said goodbye to her she pressed a large wad of notes into Mum’s hand.

  ‘Here, this is for you, Dilys.’

  ‘I can’t take your money!’

  ‘Well, how else are you going to do this “chilling”? I know Gerry. I bet you’re not even allowed your own credit card. You take it, my dear. Just don’t ever tell Gerry I helped you out.’