by Amara Lynn
I picked up but didn't speak.
"Avari? Are you okay? You weren't replying to my texts."
"I can't see you anymore," I said quietly.
"What? Why?"
"I just can't." Because if you really knew the truth, you wouldn't want me. Because we've been lying to each other. "Leave me alone."
"Ava—" I hung up before I could hear any more.
Chayton immediately tried to call me back. I ignored it and lay on my bed, head under my pillow. After a few more calls and texts, I just shut off my phone. Whether he liked it or not, I'd made up my mind.
I wished I'd never gotten to know Chayton, never let him in.
I stayed in my room the rest of the night. Early the next morning, someone knocked on my door. I didn't need three guesses to figure out who.
Knock knock knock.
"Ava?"
Knock knock knock.
"Are you there?" I didn't move an inch, didn't make a peep. "Please, can't we talk about this?" His voice sounded shaky, like it was about to break. It tore at my heart. Still I didn't move. "Please, Avari?"
Just go away, I thought.
He went quiet. Good, maybe he'd given up. I listened closely for his steps as he walked away.
I waited until dark to leave my room to make sure I wouldn't run into Chayton. Once the next term started, I hoped it would be easier to avoid him. With me taking more electrical engineering classes the second half of the year, we weren't going to have any classes together.
The next day, Chayton knocked on my door again. "Avari… If you're there, please open up. I just want to talk."
I said nothing.
The day after, he came again. "Avari? Please talk to me. I don't want things to end between us like this."
And again the next day. "I don't know if you're here, but please give me a chance to talk to you. Maybe we can work things out."
Again I kept quiet.
He returned yet again. "Please listen to me, Avari. I really care about you, and I don't want to lose you. Please, can we talk?"
Then once more. "Please open up if you're here, Avari. I… I have something I want to tell you."
This was getting old. I almost spoke up, just to tell him to buzz off. I bit my tongue though.
The next day. "Avari, I'm sorry. I… I haven't been honest with you."
I glanced at my door, but remained silent. This was new.
He continued, "I wish I could say this to your face. I knew that you were… him. I've known for a while."
So he did know. For who knows how long, and he didn't say a damn word. I couldn't take it anymore. My anger got the best of me. I stood and opened the door, glaring my hardest and coldest at him. Chayton stared at me with wide, bloodshot eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me if you knew?" I snapped.
"I… I hoped that you'd tell me on your own. I didn't want to pressure you, or push you away."
I frowned. "Well, you fucked that up, didn't you? Why did you say the same thing as him?"
"After you… hurt someone," Chayton spoke quietly, "I had to try to convince you to stop somehow, before you got caught. But the way you responded to me, I wasn't sure you were going to listen. I thought that maybe you'd listen if it was coming from me, and not from…" Chayton paused and looked both ways down the halls, even though it was still winter break. "Not from Falcon."
"For your information, I was planning on stopping. Falcon is the only reason I continued in the first place."
"Because you wanted to know if we're the same, right?"
"Yeah. And each time you didn't give me an answer, it made me angrier, made me want to know even more. So, you can blame yourself for Raven's continued outings. That person's blood is on your hands, too. Not just mine." I started to close my door, but Chayton shoved an arm in.
"Avari, wait. I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to deceive you, or make things worse. I only wanted to help you, because I didn't want to lose you. I love you."
I stared at him, dumbfounded. "You… you love me?"
Chayton nodded. "Yeah. I know we haven't known each other long, but I do."
"How could you still love me, knowing what I've done?" I asked.
"Because we don't choose who we love. And even if they do bad things, you can't just stop loving someone. Love is unconditional."
I knew nothing of unconditional love. Nothing of any type of love. All I knew was, when Chayton was around, I felt like a person, and not some freak like kids always called me when I was little. I didn't feel like I was all alone in the world. I hadn't asked for his acceptance. Yet he gave it to me. Even now, after knowing what I was responsible for.
Is that what it meant to love someone?
"How did you know it was me?" I asked.
Chayton brought a hand to my cheek, tracing his fingers under my eye. "It'd take more than a simple mask to hide who you were from me. I'd recognize those eyes anywhere."
I opened my door all the way and stepped aside. "Get in here."
Chayton looked at me for a moment like he couldn't believe what he'd heard, then came in. I immediately shut the door and pushed him against it, leaning my forehead against his.
"I didn't mean to hurt that person. I never intended to hurt anyone. You know that, right?"
"I know," he said quietly, touching my cheeks. "It's okay." He kissed me softly.
Humming in approval, I kissed him back, but only for a moment. "So, what are you really?" I asked, because damn it, I was dying to know.
"I'm just me." I narrowed my eyes at him. Chayton chuckled. "But…" He moved his hand to his ear, brushing back the strands of hair from it to reveal a gold feather earring. "This is what changes me into Falcon. It gives me my abilities and my wings when I touch it."
"How?"
"I'm not exactly sure. Chala gave it to me, and all she said was, 'With this, you will make a difference.' She didn't explain anything else."
I reached my hand to his ear, stopping just short of touching the earring. "What would happen if I touched it?"
"I don't know."
"Can I?" He nodded, so I touched it lightly with one finger. Nothing happened. "Huh. Guess it only works for you, then."
"I guess so." Chayton put his hands on my cheeks again, stroking them. "Since I told you that, can I ask the same thing about you?"
I guess that was only fair. "I don't know what I am. I was born like this. And neither of my parents were around for me to ask them."
Frowning, Chayton wrapped his arms around me. "I hope one day you find out, then."
"Me too." I returned the embrace.
"Avari?" Chayton pulled his head back to look at me.
"Yeah?"
"Can I see your wings?"
"Haven't you seen them plenty of times before?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him suspiciously, though only half-heartedly.
"Yeah, but I was always distracted by our fights. I want to really look at them."
"Okay." I pulled my shirt off and let my wings become visible as I unfolded them.
Chayton immediately reached out a hand and then paused. "Can I?" I nodded, and he placed his hand on one of my wings, tracing his fingers gently along the feathers. I tensed for a moment, unused to the sensation of my wings being touched by someone else. "They're beautiful."
"I, uh… thanks," I said, my heart feeling like it was beating a million times per second. He always seemed to have that effect on me, catching me off guard with the things he said. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he appealed to me. No one else had ever taken me by surprise like Chayton. "Can I see yours too?"
"Yeah." He took his shirt off and tossed it aside, then touched his earring. His wings appeared in an instant.
I stared for a moment in awe, even though I'd seen them before. It was different now. Reaching out, I ran my fingers over the brown feathers as I examined them, noticing for the first time there were streaks in them that were lighter shades of brown. I let my eyes wander to his chest, which
was the same bronzed tone as his face.
Chayton placed his hand on my cheek, and I shifted my gaze from his wings to his eyes. "You really still want to be with me?" I couldn't help asking.
He nodded, then immediately leaned in and kissed me. His kiss started out soft, tentative. When I slipped my arms around him, he pressed closer to me, winding his arms around my neck and kissing me more firmly. Chayton threaded his fingers through my hair, and I surprised myself at the desperate sound I made as my spine turned to jelly. The sound only seemed to encourage him.
Chayton urged me towards my bed, gently pushing me down. He lay on top of me, resting his head on my chest. "Is this okay?" he asked, glancing up at me.
"Yeah." I smiled at him. My nerve endings were alight from his touch, his closeness.
"Promise me, no more secrets between us."
"I promise." I touched his cheek, traced my fingers along the edge of his lips as he smiled. "Guess I have to tell you I love you, too, then." His smile widened, and the urge to kiss that warm, kind smile was too overwhelming to resist. I pulled back after just a moment and smirked at him. "You punch really hard, by the way."
Chayton laughed. "So do you."
I may not have all the answers I wanted now, but perhaps someday I would. And that was okay. I had my whole life to figure it out. In the meantime, I had at least one thing that was worth holding onto: love.
fin
About the Author
Amara Lynn has always been a quiet daydreamer, content getting lost in her own fantasies. From a young age, she was always coming up with characters and worlds with no idea what to do with them until she found an outlet in writing. She has admitted on more than one occasion that she could be left in a room alone with only a notebook and pen and be able to entertain herself all day.
When she isn’t thinking about her own characters, she is usually reading, listening to podcasts, playing video games, or taking way too many pictures of her two cats. She is addicted to writing and music, and gets most of her inspiration when listening to music and going for walks.
Amara loves anything to do with pirates, merpeople, magic, supervillians/superheroes, paranormal, and just about anything else that happens to strike her fancy.
Twitter: @amaralynnwrites
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amaralynnwrites
