Dragon Dream

by Elena Van Peborgh

  “Jon,” I said, nodding.

  “Have you had some time to think?”

  What? I was confused. Did he know I wanted to discuss my decision to become a fox with him?

  He noticed my confusion.

  “Do you want me to teach you how to swim?” he asked.

  Oh, that was what he had meant. But then I realised what that implied.

  I glanced over my shoulder to the river and swallowed with effort. I had the urge to run away, but Jon blocked my path. I took a step backwards so I could run past him but stumbled over my own feet. He caught me and held me until I stood safely on both of my feet again. Carefully, I walked past him and stood among the trees. This distance was much more comfortable.

  “I won’t let you jump into that river. I know another one that isn’t as deep and scary. Just trust me,” Jon said.

  He walked past me and disappeared behind the bushes. He showed up again as a wolf.

  I gasped in surprise. I had seen him as a wolf before, but there had been some distance between us. Now, he stood here, right in front of me, in his wolf shape.

  He was huge; his head reached to my chest. He bowed his head and went to lie down with his stomach flat on the ground. I understood what his intention was but was afraid he wouldn’t be able to carry my weight.

  He grunted, so I decided to risk it. I climbed on his back and lay flat on my stomach, wrapping my arms around his neck. He carefully stood up, and I held my breath.

  He snorted and shook his head, but luckily, he could stay standing. He pushed himself off and started to run. Fortunately, we didn’t need to go far, I barely dared to breathe. He stopped brusquely, and I flew over his head into the air.

  I tried to recover my balance by doing a somersault in the air and sticking my landing. When I touched the ground, it still hurt a lot.

  A river flowed in front of me. I sighed with relief. Jon had been right; this river wasn’t scary at all.

  “I’m so sorry, Tat. I stopped way too brusquely. I didn’t pay attention to you,” Jon said.

  Apparently, he had transformed into his human form again.

  “It’s okay. I landed well on the ground. I didn’t break anything. But… I don’t know if I’ll dare to go into this river.”

  He walked past me towards the river. He stepped into the water slowly, towards the middle, and stopped. The river was deepest where he stood. The water reached up to his shoulders.

  “You don’t need to be frightened. Look, it’s not deep!” he shouted.

  I smiled and slowly shook my head. “Maybe you haven’t noticed it yet, but I’m smaller than you are. I wouldn’t be able to stand where you’re standing. I won’t reach above the water with my head like you.”

  “I promise you won’t end up with your head underwater. Trust me. If that does happen somehow, then I’ll make sure you won’t drown.”

  I stood up, folded my arms before my chest, and stood right before the river. My toes just touched the water. I looked at Jon. “Will you promise me that?” I spoke softly.

  “I promise I won’t let you drown. I give you my word of honour.”

  Jon raised his right hand with the palm towards me, then he brought his hand to his lips and eventually to his chest, over his heart.

  I looked at my feet. My toes barely touched the water. I took a deep breath and put one foot in. The water was very cold, and I bit my lip so I wouldn’t pull back my foot.

  Come on, Tatiana. You can do this. Keep going, and be strong. Nobody will ever be able to take you seriously if you show you’re weak, I said to myself.

  Step by step, I came closer to Jon. But when my head just reached above the water, I didn’t dare to go further.

  “I won’t come closer. What now?”

  “There are four different strokes: breaststroke, butterfly, crawl, and backstroke. I think it will be best if I teach you breaststroke and crawl. The breaststroke is really easy and basic, but crawl is more preferable if you want to swim faster,” he told me. He came closer until he stood right in front of me. “I can show you how you should move your arms and legs when we’re back on the shore.”

  I furrowed my brow and squeezed my eyes. “Have you let me walk into the water for nothing?” I asked.

  “No, now you’re already used to the water,” he grinned.

  I snorted; I sounded like a cat. Maybe I had inherited more character traits from my father than I liked. I turned around and walked to the shore. Jon followed me.

  He taught me how to do the breaststroke, and I practiced it in the water, learning very quickly. I had mastered it after swimming around a few times.

  He taught me crawl next, but I noticed very quickly this stroke was a lot more difficult. I tried to practice it but sank immediately. I panicked, causing me to beginning to flail, taking in more water as my lungs burned, begging for air. I lost total control, causing my head to go underwater. I tried to save myself by using the breaststroke so I could get myself back up, but in the meantime, I ingested a lot of water. I panicked even more and sank deeper. I thought I was the end, unable to find which way was up. Then, I felt the water moving around me. A few seconds later, two arms were around my waist; I knew it was Jon. He had given me his word of honour he wouldn’t abandon me.

  He pulled me back up to the surface. I coughed up all the water that had gotten into my lungs and inhaled eagerly, making me cough even harder.

  “Take it easy, Tat. Stay calm and breathe in and out. First, you need to make sure all the water is out of your lungs. I’m going to pull you back up on the shore,” Jon assured me.

  I couldn’t say anything because I was still coughing. I nodded between two coughs to tell him I understood. He pulled me back up on the shore, helped me to sit straight, and patted my back. It took a while before I stopped coughing and during this whole time, Jon stayed patting my back so I could get the water out more easily.

  “Thank you,” I said when I finally caught my breath.

  “I had promised to help you. Are you okay?”

  I nodded and looked at him over my shoulder. I could see he was worried. He didn’t say anything more while waiting for my answer.

  “I told you I’d go underwater, didn’t I?” I didn’t blame him, but still his face grew gloomy. He thought it was his fault. He blamed himself and felt responsible. “No! You shouldn’t blame yourself at all! I don’t blame you!”

  I felt guilty. Why had I said that? I wasn’t supposed to say that. I jumped up and walked to the river, my feet were under the water. I turned around and saw he had also stood up, watching me.

  “Look! You’ve helped me to conquer my fear of water. You couldn’t prevent this from happening. The only thing you could do was keep your promise!” I shouted.

  He still didn’t react, so I took a step backwards. I took another step and another one and another one. Eventually, he’d react.

  “Tat?” he asked carefully after I had taken five steps. His voice sounded insecure.

  “Are you going to talk to me again?”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I want to try it again. I want to be able to swim. I don’t want to quit.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course I wasn’t, but I didn’t want him to see me as an insecure, weak, little girl. Surely no wolves or dragons were like that.

  I nodded. Jon came closer until he stood right in front of me, and I looked at him serenely. Then, he nodded, so I could practice crawl again. It took a bit longer, but after some time, I finally mastered it. Well, I was far from being a professional swimmer, but at least I was pretty decent at it now and didn’t make a fool out of myself anymore.

  A little later, we sat next to each other to dry off.

  “How old do you think I am?” I asked after a while.

  “I don’t know. Based on your height and your way of acting, I would say you’re twelve years old. But I know you must make a choice as a Lower, so I think you’re almost sixteen, or maybe
you just turned sixteen.”

  It was weird he thought I was sixteen. There was a difference between the Higher and the Lower for when they first transformed. The Higher automatically became a lynx or wolf at the age of eighteen. Since I was born as the daughter of a bear and a lynx, I was a weird exception – an engagement between a Higher and a Lower was rare; actually, as far as I knew, this hadn’t happened before. So I could choose to become a lynx or a Lower. And I needed to make this decision now since the Lower chose an animal to transform into at the age of fourteen.

  “Both guesses are wrong,” I answered, shaking my head.

  That surprised him. “Don’t tell me you’re also eighteen.”

  “No, I turned fourteen two weeks ago. I guess you celebrated your birthday recently.”

  “It was my birthday three months ago.”

  “Oh, okay. By the way, I know what I want to be now. I’ve made my choice.”

  He had a half smile on his face. “Don’t you want to be a dragon anymore, then?”

  He hadn’t meant that in a bad way. I knew he was just teasing me. But it hurt. I felt my face grimace, and I knew for certain he could see he had hurt me.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you,” he started his apology, but I raised my hand to make him shut up.

  “I know, Jon. But to me, it’s a very sensitive subject. It will always be a dream I’ll never be able to achieve. But in the end, I’ll have to let it go so I can participate with the rest of the shape-shifters. In the end, I’ll have to act like a shape-shifter because that’s what I am.”

  “So what do you want to be?” he asked.

  “A fox.”

  “Why?”

  I shrugged. “Because that was the only option I liked a little bit.”

  Jon had a serious look on his face. I had no idea what was going on inside his head, but I had the impression he approved of my choice.

  We didn’t say anything for a long time. I was almost fully dry and it was late, so I stood up. I got ready to leave by stretching my legs.

  “I’ll see you next week at the big river,” Jon said to me, raising his eyebrow, and I nodded.

  “If you see a fox, don’t be startled. It’s probably me,” I said with a light laugh.

  When I arrived in the village, I bumped into Vera again.

  “So, what have you found out? Is there already a fox living in our village?” I asked.

  She nodded and brought me to him. From what he told me, I understood a fox was in some ways similar to a lynx. I’d look like my dad, but I wouldn’t be a true lynx. I was very satisfied with that; I had made the right choice. I entered my house, smiling, and told my parents I wished to become a fox.

  Three

  My father was instantly against me becoming a fox.

  Of course. I had known he wouldn’t immediately accept the fact I had chosen to be a Lower.

  I removed the smile from my face, but internally, I was happy and excited. He should have been relieved. It could have been worse; I could have chosen to be a bird.

  I remained silent while he gave his lecture. Eventually, he would calm down and educate me. He’d teach me how to transform and hunt. He’d have done the same thing if I had chosen to be a lynx like he was. So, I let it come over me without giving him more reasons to be mad. Tomorrow, he’d be calm and take me to the forest outside the village. Then, he’d show me how to be a terrific fox.

  I just needed to get through this.

  He paused while dinner was being served, thank goodness. I was starving because I hadn’t eaten since noon.

  I smiled a little, thinking about my time at the river. I didn’t need to be frightened of that river anymore. I’d be able to jump in it just like that. I internally thanked Jon for taking the effort to teach me how to swim. I had an additional secret weapon now.

  After dinner, I went straight to bed. My mother came to check on me, but I pretended I was already asleep, so she left again. I just didn’t want to deal with any more talk of my choices right now.

  I tried to think how many days it’d take me to learn to transform. It shouldn’t take too long; I was a fast learner, that was my luck because my dad wasn’t very patient, I knew that. I hoped I wouldn’t get on his nerves too much, but that shouldn’t be the case. I guessed it would maybe take a week before being able to transform into a fox properly; Lower generally didn’t take very long to learn to transform, I knew that.

  It turned out I was right. After a week I had myself fully under control. I had only messed up once, on the second day of the training.

  “Concentrate. See the fox you want to be in your thoughts,” my father said.

  I tried to visualise the image of a brown fox in my mind, but my father was growing impatient. I tried to focus, but I couldn’t.

  It frustrated him it took so long, and I wished I could transform faster so we could just get this over with and start the real training. Suddenly, my legs felt heavy. I opened my eyes and noticed I was looking at my surroundings with the eyes of a fox.

  This was very strange; I hadn’t noticed I had transformed. I looked down. As far as I could see, the upper part of my body was fully human. Apparently, only my eyes had changed into those of a fox and the lower part of my body had the legs of a fox. I even had a tail!

  What? This is weird… I’m thirsty… How is this even possible? There’s a human standing there… How can I be stuck in a shape between my forms? I’m standing here in the open… What am I even thinking? I should run away and find a place to hide…

  I was so confused. There were so many thoughts going around in my head. It was complete chaos, and I was unable to think straight.

  One part of my mind was fully human, and the other part of my mind was filled with the thoughts of a fox. I remembered who I had been before the transformation and that I had a human shape as well. But as a fox, I couldn’t think complex thoughts or feel complicated emotions. As a fox, life was only about survival.

  “No! How could you’ve let this happen? You must focus, Tatiana! Focus! Now you’re not useful at all, and you should wait until you’ve calmed down before trying to transform back into a human. You can’t come back to the village like this,” my father said, and he walked away towards the village.

  How could he leave me alone like this? I was scared and confused. What did I need to do? He must help me. But I couldn’t ask for his help, he had already disappeared.

  Okay. Focus. Think.

  He had said I couldn’t go to the village right now. No, that would be a terrible idea. I would scare everyone. I looked horrible, like I was a weird, failed experiment.

  I started walking around, but it was difficult to move.

  I was afraid I would be stuck in this shape forever, but when I started to think about it, I realised I should be able to transform into either shape anytime I wanted to. So, it was logical to think I’d get out of this shape as well. And my father had said I would get out of this shape if I calmed down and started to focus.

  After a full day of pacing back and forth and trying to calm down, I finally started to feel less scared and confused. I closed my eyes and concentrated on transforming into a human. When I opened my eyes, I was relieved to see I was fully human again. I had never been so happy.

  Nope, that experience hadn’t been fun or cool at all. I would learn from this experience and fully concentrate on my transformation the next time. I’d never let myself get distracted. I never wanted to go through this again.

  But now, a week later, I had myself fully under control. I hadn’t gotten stuck in a weird shape again. I wasn’t afraid to change into a fox. What had happened hadn’t scared me from trying to be a real shape-shifter. I wanted to be like the others. I had no other choice. If I couldn’t be a real shape-shifter, they would banish me to the human world. I had seen the human world and it was fun to stay there for a few days, but I didn’t want to live there forever. I already didn’t have much now, and I would have even less if I were bani
shed.

  The week had been tough for me, but I was happy because today was the day I’d meet Jon again. I knew it was dangerous to be friends with a Higher since I had heard stories of Higher killing Lower, but I appreciated his friendship. We had some fun together and it gave me a break from my daily life. I didn’t have many friends; the only two people I considered to be my friends were Vera and Jon. But I felt like I had more in common with Jon than with Vera.

  I left too late on purpose. I transformed and ran to the big river as a fox. He was already waiting for me. His back was facing me, which rather frustrated me. I snorted to draw his attention, and he turned around. I stepped out of the forest, so he could see me and sat down on my hind legs.

  I knew my figure was impressive. I was a giant fox. I was as big as a normal wolf – so not a shape-shifter. Jon put up his right index finger.

  “I have an idea. Follow me. Trust me. Wait, I’ll transform first,” he said.

  He walked past me into the forest. I wondered why he always hid himself when he wanted to transform, but I didn’t get much time to think about that because he had already showed up again.

  He ran to the chasm of the river valley and jumped.

  Four

  I grunted in surprise and carefully walked to the edge of the valley. His head and a part of his back floated above the water and he was treading the water slowly with his paws. He grunted, and I could hear my name through it; he was calling me. I jumped in the water, causing a huge splash when I landed. I tried to imitate Jon’s movements, but wasn’t totally sure if I was doing it right. I was already glad I could stay with my head above the water.

  Jon swam further. He found a cave and climbed inside. I followed him into it and shook the water out of my fur. I stretched my back and my paws, closing my eyes so I could concentrate on my transformation. When I opened my eyes, my transformation was complete, and I stood on human legs once more. Jon had already transformed. His back faced me. I coughed once to draw his attention, which succeeded. Turning around, he tilted his head.