A Ring Through Time

by Pulman, Felicity

  ‘No!’ I round on her. ‘Promise me you won’t say anything to Mother and Father,’ I whisper fiercely. ‘This is our secret, yours and mine.’

  ‘I promise.’ Her voice is plaintive as she continues. ‘But can’t I also look at them? I recognise that tall, black-haired convict. He is the handsome violinist, isn’t he? I would like to see him again!’

  ‘No!’ I give Susannah a hard pinch. ‘This is dangerous for us and also for the convicts. Swear on our mother’s life that you will not say anything about it to anyone.’

  I wait, prepared to walk on if she refuses.

  ‘Oh, all right then. I swear.’

  I relax, knowing that Susannah will keep her word. I bend once more to look through the hole in the fence. Cormac is nowhere in sight! I squint downwards, and am relieved to see him squatting on his haunches and industriously digging. At once, I crouch down to be close to him. Her face alight with eagerness, Susannah drops down beside me.

  ‘Hello, Cormac,’ I murmur, to let him know that I am here and that it is all right to talk. I finger the ring in my pocket, wondering how I might give it to him. It is too large to poke through the spyhole, and besides, it is too dangerous with Susannah here as a witness.

  ‘Are there two of you here today?’ Cormac asks.

  ‘Yes. My sister, Susannah, is here with me.’

  I shoot a sharp glance at Susannah, who is staring at me with wide eyes and an open mouth.

  ‘I can’t stay here long for we are closely watched today,’ he whispers. ‘I just wanted to tell you that if it’s ever possible for me to slip away, I shall wait for you where we last met.’

  I am instantly afraid on his behalf. ‘No, it is too dangerous. You will be missed, and then what will happen to you?’

  ‘Don’t you go worrying your pretty little head about me, darlin’, it’s the luck of the Irish I have.’ He chuckles, then adds more soberly, ‘I’ll think of something. I can always talk my way out of trouble.’

  ‘You over there! What do you think you’re playing at?’

  The sudden roar startles all of us. I put my hand on Susannah’s arm, motioning her to be quiet. We stay crouched down beside the fence.

  I hear Cormac’s innocent voice, ‘Sure, and I was just singing one of me mammy’s songs from old Ireland, sir.’ And before the overseer can say anything more, he launches into a mournful rendition.

  ‘In Derry Vale, beside the singing river,

  So oft I strayed, ah, many years ago …’

  The song is cut off by the sound of a blow and another roar. ‘You’ve heard the commandant’s orders. No singing. Now get back to work! Over here, where I can keep an eye on you.’

  The tramp of footsteps tells me that Cormac has gone, but I know we must stay where we are for a while longer. I put my fingers to my lips to emphasise the danger of our being overheard, and stay crouched down, keeping a tight hold on Susannah.

  ‘No singing?’ Susannah looks troubled. ‘Surely Father cannot be so cruel as to forbid such a small thing that might cheer up the convicts and make their lives a little easier to bear?’

  ‘Father’s way with the prisoners is not the same as his way with us,’ I whisper. ‘The convicts hate him, and so, I fear, do many of the men under him. He has already threatened Reverend Rogers with dismissal, and Elizabeth tells me that she fears for her own father’s future here.’

  ‘So how well do you know this Cormac?’ Susannah asks. ‘How often have you crept out to meet him?’

  ‘Not often.’ I hesitate. ‘It is just that we share a love of music. I am still hoping to persuade Father to let Cormac give me lessons.’

  ‘Does Jack Cartwright know about this?’

  ‘No.’ I give her a little shake. ‘And you are not to tell him. It is none of his concern.’

  Susannah pulls a face. We stay silent for a time until she springs to her feet and stretches, yawning noisily. ‘I’m getting cramp,’ she complains.

  ‘Sshh!’ I hiss angrily. Can’t she see that she is putting Cormac in jeopardy? I stand up and point along the fence line, indicating which way we should go, before putting my finger to my lips once more in warning.

  Together, we creep quietly along the fence. We have not gone far when Susannah stumbles into a shearwater’s burrow and wrenches her ankle. ‘Ouch!’

  She sinks down onto the ground, groaning with pain. Alarmed, I bend over her. We are still out of sight of the guard and the convicts, but I know that we shall have to take a direct route back to the house now, for I doubt my sister will be able to walk in any comfort. The guard will certainly see us. I just hope he does not have wits enough to connect us with Cormac.

  ‘Here, hold on to me.’ I put an arm around Susannah’s waist and pull her upright.

  Susannah leans heavily on me, limping badly. As we move out of cover and into the open once more, I risk a quick glance behind me. The guard is looking directly at us, his expression thoughtful. I shudder with fear, but force myself to give him a saucy wink. At once he smiles openly at me. I nod and turn my back, continuing to support Susannah in her painful progress back to the house.

  ‘I am sorry I spoiled your tête-à-tête,’ Susannah murmurs.

  ‘That’s not what it was!’

  ‘Come on, Alice, I may be younger than you, but I am not stupid. I heard what the convict said to you. I certainly won’t say anything to Mother or Father — or to Jack — but I think you are playing a very dangerous game indeed. You are taking such a risk, both of you!’

  ‘Don’t you start,’ I warn. ‘I have already heard all this from Elizabeth.’

  ‘She knows? Why did you tell her and not me?’

  ‘She guessed, that’s why. And I know she sometimes speaks to the convicts so she understands how grim their lives are — which is more than can be said for my own family!’

  ‘I understand,’ Susannah says. ‘I just don’t see any point in dwelling on it. There is nothing we can do to change Father’s attitude towards them.’

  ‘But we should protest about it all the same,’ I say fiercely.

  ‘Like you did? And did he listen to you?’

  I huff in disgust, although I know my sister speaks the truth.

  After receiving a scolding from Mother for venturing out without a guard to protect us, I do not dare to sneak out again. Instead, feeling penitent, I sit beside Susannah and entertain her with games of cards and chess, while periodically changing the cold flannel that binds her swollen ankle.

  ‘I shall look silly if the officers call on us tonight,’ she complains.

  ‘Not at all,’ I contradict her. ‘You will look pale and interesting stretched out on the sofa like that. You will bring out all their chivalrous instincts.’

  Susannah’s laughter tells me what she thinks of that suggestion. ‘No doubt Jack will be among their number if they come.’ She is suddenly thoughtful. ‘Of course! You don’t want Jack for a beau, you want —’

  ‘Sshh!’ I clamp a hand over her mouth. ‘Don’t be such a stupid fool,’ I hiss furiously.

  Susannah pulls away. ‘You don’t have to waste time entertaining me,’ she snaps. ‘Obviously I am far too stupid to be good company.’

  ‘Now you are being stupid.’ I glare at her.

  Susannah glares back. She gathers up the cards and thrusts them back into the box, then turns to stare out of the window, ignoring me.

  Annoyed with her, and with the situation, I rise and come to my room. It is a good opportunity to update my diary without interference. I take the hair ring out of my pocket and secrete it between the pages. Will I ever have the chance to be alone with Cormac so that I may give it to him?

  I remember his promise, and my mood brightens a little. Somehow we shall manage to meet. We must. I imagine his face as I give him my ring. Perhaps we will kiss again? I sink down onto my bed, feeling hot and shaky as I remember how he held me. I want to see him again so badly I can hardly bear it.

  Please let it be soon, I plead silently.
I make a vow that, whenever the next opportunity arises to be with him, I shall be ready to seize it.

  Wednesday

  Father is missing from table when we sit down to breakfast.

  ‘There is some unrest at the convict barracks,’ Mother explains. ‘Alice, will you say grace, my dear?’

  As I murmur the prayer, I remember Cormac’s whispered promise. Will he be able to slip away if the barracks are in uproar? Is he waiting for me in the cemetery even now?

  I shiver with excitement as I utter the final words: ‘And may the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, be with us always, Amen.’ Reflecting on the words of the prayer, it seems to me that Christ’s presence is nowhere on Norfolk Island. Perhaps He has abandoned us all. I am quite sure that the convicts share my view.

  I am rushing through breakfast, anxious to make my escape, when a muted roar comes from the barracks. Alarmed, I jump up from the table and go outside to investigate.

  ‘What is going on?’ Susannah hobbles out to join me; her ankle is still swollen and sore.

  A shot rings out: a warning to stay indoors and out of trouble. Mother appears beside us, clutching William. Her white face betrays her concern.

  ‘Some prisoners may have escaped again,’ she says, and gives a visible shudder. ‘You are not to leave the house today, girls, do you understand?’

  Will Cormac risk going to the cemetery for the sake of spending time alone with me? I know I have to take the same chance. I cast a quick glance at the sentry keeping watch.

  ‘There is nothing to see out here,’ I say, and hustle Mother and William inside, out of the way. But I keep hold of Susannah.

  ‘Will you do something for me?’ I whisper. ‘Will you go out and talk to the sentry for a few minutes?’

  ‘What should I say?’

  ‘I don’t care. Anything. Ask him what he had for breakfast. Ask him how he likes living on the island. Ask him if he has a sweetheart back home. Just make sure he keeps looking at you and not at the house.’

  ‘Why? What are you up to, Alice?’

  ‘Never you mind. Just do it. And if Mother asks, tell her I have gone to my room to work on my sketches.’

  I give my sister a little push in the guard’s direction. To my great relief, Susannah limps towards him. Soon, her clear voice comes back to me. ‘Do you know what the trouble is up at the barracks?’

  I waste no more time, but run to fetch the ring of hair. I slip down the stairs into the cellar and out through the side door. To my relief, there is no-one about to see me. It seems that people are either obeying the order to stay inside or are at the convict barracks dealing with whatever problem has arisen there. I hurry towards the cemetery, tense with excitement, but also with dread that Cormac might not be waiting for me. Worse, someone else might be there instead, someone on the run and so desperate to escape that he would cut me down rather than have me bear witness against him.

  I reach the screen of the manchineel trees in safety and, mindful of their poisonous touch, ease my way between them towards the place where I met Cormac before. He is here! Without thinking about it, I throw myself into his arms and feel them close about me in a loving embrace. It is like coming home, I think, giddy with relief that I am close to him once more.

  ‘Cormac,’ I whisper, and at once he lets me go. I feel in my pocket for the ring of pale golden hair, and hold it out. ‘It is my turn to give something to you,’ I say.

  He takes it, a slow smile curving his lips. ‘For me?’ he says softly, his tone full of wonder as he holds up the token for a closer examination.

  ‘I have your ring here.’ I touch the place between my breasts where the ring hangs on its golden chain.

  ‘And I shall keep yours close to my heart, and safe,’ he tells me, and puts it into his pocket.

  I reach for his hand and hold it to my breast so that he may feel for himself the circle of his ring. His touch ignites in me a heat and a hunger that I have never known before. I feel him tremble too, and I understand his need, although he is careful to keep some distance between us. I hesitate, half-fearing and half-longing for what may happen next. Time stretches to an infinity of possibilities.

  Finally, I open my arms to him and he pulls me in close, so close it is as if we are in one skin. I draw in a breath of distress as I feel the bony ridges of his back beneath my fingers. He is so thin. But the arms that hold me are strong with purpose. His mouth comes down on mine in a kiss that speaks of love, and longing.

  I have never been with a man before, but what I feel for Cormac seems so right, so natural, that when he places his hand once more on my breast, I make no demur. Although innocent in experience, I know well enough what happens between men and women in the marriage bed. Yet we are not married.

  The thought comes into my mind, but I dismiss it. I know that our love can never be blessed by the church, but I believe that what I feel for Cormac must surely be blessed in the sight of God. Fate has brought us together, and while my father would do all in his power to keep us apart, Cormac is here with me now. And the day is sweet, and wild with promise. I am determined not to waste a moment of it.

  Words are too plain to speak of the act of love, but my heart is filled with wonder and joy.

  ‘I love you, Cormac O’Brien,’ I whisper, as we lie entwined together on the soft grass afterwards. ‘I shall never love another as I love you.’

  He strokes my cheek, his touch so gentle that I want to cry. ‘You are my heart and my life,’ he says.

  He stares at me intently, as if to memorise every part of me. I should feel embarrassed to have a man scrutinise me so carefully, but I do not. I have given myself to him, and I rejoice to know that just as I am his, so he has become my own.

  ‘Alice, there is something I need to —’

  ‘No!’ I summon all the courage I can muster. ‘If you have a wife or a sweetheart waiting for you, she is far away. We are here, together. Nothing you can say will make any difference to how I feel about you.’

  There’s a twinkle of amusement in Cormac’s eyes. ‘There’s no wife or sweetheart, Alice. Only you. But I —’

  ‘I already know all that I need to know about you, Cormac,’ I interrupt again. Nevertheless, I feel a rush of relief as I reach up to kiss his cheek. ‘And I hope with all my heart that some day it may be possible for us to make a life together.’

  ‘Some day.’ Cormac echoes my wish and draws me into a close embrace once more.

  When he speaks again, his voice is gruff and his concern shows in his eyes. ‘You’ve been absent from your home for too long.’

  I am instantly alarmed. ‘I am sorry. I should not have come to you. You are the one in danger, not I.’

  The sweetness of our loving has wiped his desperate circumstances from my mind. I wonder how I could have forgotten, and can only pray that I have not put his safety in jeopardy.

  Cormac shakes his head in fierce denial. ‘This is like a glorious dream, and I would not have any part of it different from how it is. In truth, I wish I might never wake.’ He frowns, betraying his anxiety. ‘But it is I who must ask your pardon. I should not —’

  ‘Sshh.’ I put a finger to his lips. ‘This is a glorious dream for me too,’ I whisper. ‘But you must go now, and quickly. I pray that your absence has not been noted.’

  ‘No,’ he says. ‘You must go, for it is far more likely that you have been missed from your home, whereas who would miss me among almost a thousand convicts? I shall stay here until the gangs are out and working again. When I deem it safe, I shall slip out and join one or other of them, and pretend I was with them all along. Have no fears about me, Alice. My concern is for you, not for me.’

  I nod, understanding his reasoning, although I cannot help feeling fear on his account. Nevertheless, I quickly straighten my gown and my hair, then grip his hand hard in a last loving farewell.

  After a cautious look around to make sure I am unobserved, I slip through the trees and out onto the road. There are people a
bout now, coming and going, and I lift my head and pretend a jauntiness I do not feel as I stroll back to the house as if I have been merely taking the air. Inside, I am a jumble of emotions. Now that I am away from Cormac, I can hardly believe what has just taken place. Although I do not regret it in the least, I feel some concern regarding the consequences, for my mother has told me what happens in the marriage bed and how a baby may result.

  More than anything I feel the glow of loving and being loved. What has happened between us has changed my life forever. I know now that I can never marry for convenience; I could never share my life with anyone other than Cormac. My steps slow as I ponder the future. If I intercede on Cormac’s behalf with my father, will he listen to my pleas? Common sense tells me that I would be wasting my breath. I clasp my hands together as if in prayer and walk on, forcing myself to move slowly, although I want to skip, to run, to shout with joy. I wonder if my family will notice any difference in me. Have I been marked by what I have done?

  Two stationary figures ahead catch my eye. They seem familiar. As I saunter on, I realise with a stab of alarm that they are apparently waiting for me. My alarm deepens as I get closer and recognise the men. One is the guard who was on duty in my father’s allotment, who reprimanded Cormac for talking and then observed Susannah and me walking back to the house after my sister sprained her ankle. The other is Baldock, who apparently has my father’s favour. Have they noticed the direction I have come from? What if Cormac has already been missed? I am suddenly terrified that they will go to the cemetery to investigate, especially if the guard remembers the incident at the allotment and makes a connection between Cormac and me. I wish that I had thought to bring my sketchbook. I cast about for something to say, some other excuse that will lead them in the wrong direction.

  Baldock raises his hand in a half-salute and smiles at me. His companion catches hold of his sleeve and mutters something, so low that I cannot hear it.

  ‘It’s not safe to be out alone, Miss Alice. Shall I escort you home?’

  I hate the oily obsequiousness of Baldock’s tone.