‘Deal.’ Anna squeezed her hand tightly.
Rosa got out of the car and jogged over to the pharmacy. She might have let her sister down before, but Anna wouldn’t have to worry about that this time.
And nor would her child, with Rosa as their auntie.
* * *
Something was up with Rosa.
Jude surveyed her over the rack of Scrabble tiles, ignoring the letters and potential words to consider the woman sitting across from him instead. On either side of him, Sancia and Ernest Gray were debating whether whatever obscure word the professor had come up with existed in the Oxford English Dictionary. Jude was fairly sure it didn’t—the professor was a terrible Scrabble cheat.
The bigger mystery to him was what Rosa was thinking about.
Whatever it was, it had distracted her completely, all evening. She’d barely responded to his hand on her hip as they walked to the table, she’d had nothing to say over dinner, and now she’d barely managed more than a three-letter word all game.
Scrabble, Jude had discovered to his surprise, was the one area of the world where Professor Gray and his youngest daughter actually seemed to connect. He and Sancia usually just muddled through trying to keep up. They both fought for every tile, every triple word score, every definition.
But not tonight.
Suddenly Rosa looked up, her attention drawn by something by the darkened arch leading out of the courtyard. Jude twisted in his seat to try and see what had distracted her.
Anna. Of course. And Leo, leading her away.
Jude turned back to Rosa to see an unfamiliar look on her face. Part hope, part fear, and all uncertainty.
‘I’m going to go and fetch my dictionary,’ Sancia said, rising from her seat. The professor followed her, arguing that since it probably wasn’t the Oxford English Dictionary it wouldn’t count, anyway.
Jude waited until the others were safely inside the villa before he slid over to Sancia’s chair and reached for Rosa’s hand.
‘What’s up?’
‘Hmm?’ Rosa turned to him, blinking. ‘Nothing.’
‘Liar.’ She’d never lied to him before, that he knew of. Let him believe things that wouldn’t happen, sure, but that was his false hope, not her fault. Now he was really worried.
But Rosa looked down at the table and said, ‘Sorry. You’re right. It’s just... I’m not sure it’s my secret to tell.’
Something relaxed inside him. That he, of all people, could understand. ‘That’s fine. But if it’ll help to talk about it...you know I’m not one to share other people’s stories.’
‘I do know.’ Rosa gave him a warm smile, then glanced back towards the villa. ‘Come on, let’s go. Take a walk or something.’
‘You always talk better when we’re walking.’
Rosa shrugged, getting to her feet. ‘You know me. I work better in action.’
‘I do,’ Jude said, and realised it was true.
He knew Rosa, in a way he wasn’t sure he’d ever known anyone else. He’d thought it was just because she lived life out loud, her every action proclaiming exactly who she was. But others—her own family—still didn’t seem to understand her, even with a lifetime of observing her.
So maybe it was just something about their connection.
Maybe it was just him, and just her.
She led him along the winding path that trailed around the island, through lush foliage and flowers, past the bright white bungalows and their freshly painted shutters, skirting the beaches and waterfronts. When they came too close to the bridal bungalow, Rosa tugged his hand to take a different trail, one that led them away from the laughter and the chatter.
Rosa still wasn’t talking, Jude realised. The romantic walk in the moonlight was nice and all, but it wasn’t getting him any closer to figuring out what was on Rosa’s mind.
‘Is it Sylvie?’ he asked, figuring he had to start somewhere. ‘Has she said anything?’
‘Who?’ Rosa looked up, surprised. ‘Oh, no. Not her.’
Of course. Because that would mean her actually being affected by his ex-girlfriend being on the island, and they’d both been very clear that this wasn’t that kind of relationship.
Then he remembered the way she’d watched Anna and Leo leaving the courtyard. ‘Your sister, then?’
Rosa didn’t answer that time, which was how Jude knew he’d got it right.
‘What did she do?’ He could feel his irritation with Rosa’s sister rising. Whatever their differences, Rosa had busted a gut helping her get the island ready for the wedding, and Anna had still managed to find fault at every turn.
‘She got pregnant,’ Rosa said, her voice soft, and all of Jude’s anger faded away in an instant.
‘Are you sure?’
Rosa shook her head. ‘I took her to buy the test last night. She didn’t tell me the outcome but...you saw her with Leo this evening. I could tell from her face, she was going to tell him. So I guess it must have been positive.’
‘Wow.’ Suddenly, a terrible thought occurred to him, and he tugged her to face him. ‘Wait, do we need to—’
Rosa interrupted him with a shake of her head. ‘It’s fine.’
‘No, but I mean, I know we’ve been careful since, but that first time. In the sea...’
‘Jude. It’s covered. Trust me. With travelling the world and all the different time zones, my body got so confused the doctor put me on a contraceptive injection anyway. There’s no chance, this time.’
‘Right. Okay, then.’ Jude was almost certain that the feeling coursing through him was relief. Just relief. Because disappointment would have been crazy.
If Rosa got pregnant, would she stay? Or, more importantly, would she ever forgive him?
He couldn’t think about those impossibilities now.
‘How do you think Leo will react?’ he asked, instead.
‘Anna seemed pretty sure the answer to that is “badly”.’ She sighed, dropping down to sit on one of the brightly painted benches that studded the island path at points where the view was even more spectacular than the average La Isla Marina vista. ‘But he’s an idiot if he doesn’t just marry her and live happily ever after.’
‘I never thought I’d hear you advocating settling down and living the traditional life,’ Jude observed. He sat beside her, and she took his hand in hers, absently playing with his fingers.
‘Well, not for me,’ Rosa admitted. ‘But you’ve seen the two of them together. How they look at each other. To start, I thought Leo was just playing her, but now... I think he genuinely loves her. I just hope he realises that, too.’
‘So do I,’ Jude said, although he wasn’t fully thinking of Anna and Leo.
He was thinking about Rosa. How fiercely he’d fallen for her, three years ago. How the love that had turned to shock and anger had become an aching loss, until he found her again. How, even now, even when he was protecting his heart the best he knew how, he knew it was going to hurt, when she left again.
This time, he realised, he would have to leave first. He needed to make that decision, take that control. It was the only way he’d ever be able to live with it.
‘I have to admit, though,’ Rosa said, staring out at the calm sea before them, ‘I am kind of looking forward to being an auntie.’
‘You’ll be the cool auntie who sends them awesome gifts from all over the world, from places they couldn’t even imagine from their boring house in Oxford.’
‘Exactly!’ Rosa flashed him a grin. ‘And maybe...maybe they’ll come here on holiday, and I can join them. Like we used to when we were kids.’
‘You think you’ll come back to the island more often, now?’ Jude asked, surprised.
‘Maybe.’ Because there was never any certainty with Rosa, was there? ‘I mean, it’s the only place that’s ever really felt like h
ome.’
And suddenly, sitting in the moonlight, talking about someone else’s child, Jude realised he knew exactly how she felt.
Only, for him, home wasn’t a place.
It was a person.
CHAPTER TEN
ALMOST THERE.
Just over twenty-four hours now until the wedding, and Rosa had ticked off the last of the day’s jobs on her accursed clipboard. The groom and his family had arrived, and the Spanish-style lunch they’d arranged for the whole wedding party had been a huge success. Four courses over several hours followed by much-needed siestas had made the perfect introduction to the island, and Anna and Rosa had planned for beach games and a much more informal supper to be served at the beach later that evening. The informal evening would not only be fun, but crucially it gave the island staff plenty of time to prepare for the next day, when another hundred guests were due to arrive, and for the wedding ceremony itself, which would begin at seven o’clock tomorrow night.
Rosa had to admit, Anna had pulled off a near miracle. The island looked perfect. Every bungalow was ready and—thanks to her and Jude—every tree had fairy lights threaded through it, and the pagoda and central area were set up for the ceremony and party. Anna had confirmed that Valentina’s dress had arrived that day, escorted by a dressmaker who would stay until Valentina was dressed, and last time Rosa had checked in on the kitchens Sancia had been harassing the chefs from Barcelona who were setting up. Fortunately her mother was easily distracted, and the chefs seemed to be working remarkably amicably with the island’s own cooks.
Valentina glowed with happiness, her groom’s wealthy parents were happy, and the bridesmaids—except for Sylvie—full of nothing but praise.
In summary, they were ready. Which meant Rosa was officially free to pursue her own interests for the rest of the evening—namely, Jude.
At least, she was once she’d reported in to her lord and master, Anna.
Rosa smiled to herself as she made her way up the path to the main villa. Actually, things between her and her sister were better than they had been in years—since before their mother left, even. Rosa had managed to get Anna alone the day before and get the full story from her. Yes, she was pregnant. No, she wasn’t marrying Leo and living happily ever after. But she seemed content, all the same. As if the life within her had settled her—given her a focus that mattered to her, rather than keeping other people satisfied, as she seemed to with her work, or looking after their father.
Part of Rosa worried that Anna was just getting tied down in a new way, but the more reasonable part of her knew that this was different. A baby was different, especially for Anna.
But she couldn’t stop remembering those terrifying weeks when she’d believed she might be pregnant with Jude’s child. Then, at twenty-three, it had felt like the end of the world—a shackle on her life before she’d even figured out how she wanted to live it.
Now, three years and an awful lot of experience on, she wondered if it might feel different.
Not that she intended to find out. She had plans, still. Life still to live, adventures still to have.
When she’d left him, and La Isla Marina, and everything else behind last time it had been to find her life. The one no one else in the world could live but her. The person she was meant to be, even. And, over the last three years, she’d found it. She had a career she loved, that fulfilled her—and allowed her to keep moving, to experience new places and cultures and lives. She met more people from more different walks of life in a month than many people met in their whole existence. She never had to slow down to wait for someone else to catch up, never had to modulate her expectations or her impulses to satisfy someone else. She could be exactly who she was, without judgement. Or at least, without hanging around long enough to hear or care about any judgement anyone passed on her choices.
She had exactly what she’d wanted. Yes, it could be lonely, occasionally. But the benefits outweighed the negatives, right? And if, sometimes, she wondered if it was enough, well, as long as she kept moving she could push those thoughts aside. She didn’t want what Anna seemed to—to settle down in one place and live one life with one man. And even then, Leo didn’t seem as if he was going to give Anna her happy ever after. If St Anna couldn’t make love work, what hope was there for her screw-up little sister?
And besides, even if Rosa and Jude had that sort of relationship—the for ever kind—she couldn’t live his life. She couldn’t smile politely at self-important celebrities and people trying to tell her what to do. She wasn’t that person.
Jude, surprisingly, seemed to be. She’d thought he’d be raging against the requirements and constraints, but it seemed that he liked the fame more than he liked the freedom. Or maybe he just stuck with it for the sake of Gareth’s memory. Out of guilt for the promise he broke.
Whatever his reasons, Rosa was never going to be that way. She couldn’t be that woman he needed by his side, always.
Even if she wanted to be.
The villa was lit up with tiny lanterns, bright spots in the darkness illuminating the happiness and love that filled the island for Valentina’s wedding. Rosa wished some of it could spread to Anna and Leo, but she knew that if it didn’t, Anna would be okay. She was strong, and she could organise her way out of any situation.
Anna would be fine.
Rosa stepped through into the courtyard, and saw her sister bending to kiss her parents, one at a time. Which was unusual on many levels. Firstly, Anna wasn’t a usually demonstrative person that way, and Rosa knew she didn’t intend to tell their parents about the pregnancy until after the wedding, so it couldn’t be that. Add in the ongoing weirdness of their estranged parents apparently spending all their time together again, after ten years apart, and Rosa was just baffled. What had happened to her dysfunctional, tension-inducing family? At least she knew what to expect from them. The new dynamics just confused her. Where was she supposed to fit in? Or maybe she wasn’t. After all, she’d be gone again soon, and they could all carry on without her, in Oxford and Spain. Rosa knew when she wasn’t needed.
She raised an eyebrow at Anna. ‘It all looks very cosy in here—everything all right?’
‘Everything’s good,’ Anna said. ‘I was just discussing the possibility of staying on the island. After all, it’s never been one person’s job to run it before.’
Rosa’s eyes widened, a hundred questions jostling for attention in her mind while she tried—and failed—to choose one. ‘But... Oxford...? Book...? Dad...? Here?’
‘Quite,’ Anna said enigmatically. ‘Did you put the volleyball net up, Rosa? Don’t worry, I’ll go. I could do with some fresh air.’
And then she was gone, before Rosa could confirm that, yes, actually, she had put the net up. And also, what the hell?
Anna, staying on La Isla Marina, with their mother—and possibly their father, given how things were going—and her baby.
Anna, who for the last decade had focussed on exactly the same sort of academic success that had driven their father for so long—and driven their parents apart.
Maybe this was proof that people could change, after all. And for some reason, it made Rosa incredibly uncomfortable.
If Anna could change, did that mean she could? More to the point, that she should?
No. Rosa had fought too hard to be exactly who she was to give it up now.
‘I’m going to go and help her,’ Rosa said, but her parents weren’t even listening. They were lost in their own conversation.
Rosa walked back out onto the island proper and sucked in a deep breath. Anna didn’t need her help, because there was nothing to help with. Everything was done and ready, and the staff they had in place would be running the events perfectly. If Anna was there, she didn’t need Rosa’s help.
So she turned away from the public areas and all the fun wedding events, and headed down th
e path towards Jude’s bungalow by the sea, hoping she could lose herself in his arms for a while, and forget all the questions buzzing in her head.
* * *
Jude was sitting at the patio table when she arrived, his guitar resting on his knee as he noted something down in the brown leather notebook on the table.
Rosa leant against the wall of the bungalow and watched him as he picked out a melody on the strings, before stopping to write down something else. He was so handsome. Beautiful, even, in a way she’d never imagined a man could be. If she had her camera with her, she’d frame him against the night sky, the fairy lights behind him, highlighting the planes and shadows of that beautiful face.
It seemed strange now, to remember that he hadn’t always been the star. The frontman of The Swifts, taking all the praise and glory. When he’d been in Gareth’s shadow, others had barely even seemed to notice him.
But to Rosa, Jude had always been that bright, shining star in the darkness.
‘Working?’ she asked, softly, so as not to startle him.
Jude looked up and smiled. ‘Playing, really.’
He strummed the melody again, carrying on for longer this time, the music almost familiar somehow.
‘Do I know that one?’ she asked, slipping into the seat opposite him.
‘Parts of it, probably,’ Jude admitted. ‘It’s a variation on a theme—I’m playing around with some of the local music here.’
‘For the new album?’
Jude shook his head, looking down at the strings so his dark hair fell across his forehead. ‘Just for me, really. I doubt the rest of the band would think this fitted with our brand.’
‘Brand?’ Rosa pulled a face. It always came back to that for him, it seemed. Trying to fit into a mould that he’d outgrown, even if he didn’t realise it. ‘Can’t you just play the music you like?’
‘Apparently not. At least, not back in New York. Here, however...’ He strummed the strings again, making Rosa smile.
‘Play me a song. One just for me.’
‘Sure.’ As he started to play Rosa stood up and made her way through the open patio doors into the bungalow bedroom, stripping her dress from her body as she went. The music stuttered for a second, then continued, Jude lifting his voice to join it, singing of beauty and life and water and sun.
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