Naked, Rosa stretched out on Jude’s bed and gazed back at him, watching as he created something entirely new, something just for her. After a few lines, he looked up and met her gaze, and suddenly it wasn’t her lack of clothes that made her feel exposed.
It was his eyes. The way he looked deep into the heart of her, the way no one else ever managed. She kept moving, kept talking, kept living, and no one ever kept up with her well enough to see the truth in her. But with Jude, she was frozen. Motionless. Naked—physically and emotionally.
He saw everything. And he sang it back to her.
Rosa wasn’t sure if that was terrifying or wonderful.
Maybe it was both.
The song came to an end, but Jude’s gaze didn’t leave hers. ‘That what you wanted?’
‘Yes,’ she said, even though she wasn’t sure she should have asked for it. ‘At least, the first part of what I wanted.’
‘Oh? What’s the second part?’ Jude asked, but she could tell from his smile that he already knew.
Still, she opened her arms to him to make it clear. ‘You. Here. Now.’
Jude put his guitar back in its case, closing it hurriedly. ‘I can do that.’
* * *
‘You know, we’re really, really good at that,’ Jude said, running his hands over the smooth expanses of Rosa’s skin, just because he could. For now, she was all his, here in his bed, in his arms. Like a song he never wanted to end.
‘We really are.’ Rosa twisted in his arms so she faced him, pressing a kiss against his chest.
He wanted to say it. Wanted to tell her that it didn’t have to end, that she didn’t have to run. That they could try a life together, for real, this time.
But he’d already said it all in his song. He’d poured his every emotion, every thought into that melody and those lyrics, sung his heart to her. She knew it all already. And if it didn’t change her mind, he still needed to be able to walk away with his heart intact.
So he said nothing.
‘Anna’s decided to stay on the island,’ Rosa said, suddenly, bringing Jude back to the here and now.
‘Really? Because of the baby?’
‘I guess.’
‘You sound confused.’ Was it just the idea of voluntarily staying on one sleepy island for ever that confused her? Or was there something more to this?
‘No... I get it. I think.’ Rosa sighed, and pulled away, sitting up and tugging the sheet up over her body, which Jude thought was a crying shame. ‘No, I don’t. As long as I can remember, Anna wanted to be an academic like Dad, living in Oxford, researching, writing her books and teaching her students. And now...she’s changing her whole life.’
‘Love makes us do strange things.’ Jude’s throat felt tight as he said it.
Rosa gave him a strange look. ‘Leo’s not staying with her.’
‘I meant the love of her baby,’ Jude explained. ‘Although...she’s heartbroken, remember. She probably imagined a whole future with Leo and now she’s reassessing. She’s finding a new future for a new her.’
‘You sound like you know what she’s going through,’ Rosa said, curiously. ‘Who did you love?’
‘You.’ He’d said it before he even realised he was going to. The horror in Rosa’s eyes made it clear he had to take it back, though. And fast. ‘Once, anyway. I mean, when you left last time. But that was a long time ago now.’ He kept his voice as casual as he could, a careful eye on Rosa’s face to watch the shock and fear subsiding.
‘Yes. A long time ago.’ Something flashed across her face though, something deeper than the horror.
‘What?’ Sitting up, he pulled her close again, needing her touch. ‘What is it?’
‘When I left... I did it badly, I know that.’
‘It was a long time ago, Rosa. It doesn’t matter now.’ Even if she’d stayed, what would it have changed, really? Gareth would still have died, that much he realised now, seeing her again. She’d given him some peace with that, at least. But if she’d come back, how long would it have lasted? Another month? A year, if he was lucky? The axe would have fallen sooner or later, and later would have only hurt more.
‘But that’s the thing—it does.’ She looked up into his eyes. ‘I need to explain.’
‘You already have,’ Jude pointed out. ‘You told me exactly why you left.’ And to be honest, he wasn’t sure he could hear it again—listen to her say how little he’d meant to her that she moved on without a backward glance, just because she didn’t like to stay in one place too long.
‘I didn’t tell you everything.’
Her quiet words stopped his brain in its tracks. Leaning back against the pillows, he pulled her down with him, holding her tight against his shoulder. ‘Tell me now?’ He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it, but he knew he needed to know it.
Rosa nodded, her hair brushing his skin. And Jude waited to hear the truth.
‘When I left, for my abuelo’s funeral... I planned to come back. I was going to come back to you.’
It was as if the world starting falling into place. As a discordant tune became a melody as the right notes were played instead.
He’d known it wasn’t right. Known there was something wrong about her leaving like that. Their connection had been too strong for her to sever it so thoughtlessly.
Yes, he’d known that Rosa wouldn’t stay for ever. She wasn’t the sort of woman to settle down, and he’d accepted that. But he’d expected more from her than for her to just drop out of his life—that was the part that had haunted him for the past three years.
And now, it seemed, he was about to learn the truth about why.
‘Why didn’t you?’ he asked, dreading and needing the answer in equal measure.
‘Because I was scared,’ Rosa admitted. ‘What I felt for you...it was all-encompassing, and it scared me. When I was with you, I couldn’t think about anything else. Couldn’t remember who I was, what I wanted out of life. I was afraid that if I came back to you I wouldn’t be able to leave again, and I knew I needed to, if I wanted to follow my dreams. And then—’ She broke off.
‘What?’ He needed it all. Every detail. Even as his body buzzed with the knowledge that it wasn’t just him. She’d felt it, too.
Whether she admitted it or not, Rosa had loved him, too. And it still hadn’t been enough for her to stay.
‘I was late. My body...all the stress of the funeral, and the fight with Anna, I guess it got to it. I was two weeks late and I thought...’
‘You thought you were pregnant.’ For a moment, the image of a tiny little girl with Rosa’s dark eyes and hair flashed through his head. There’s no chance, this time. That was what she’d said, when he’d asked if they needed to be concerned. And this was what she’d meant.
How could he not have seen that?
‘I wasn’t,’ Rosa said, quickly dispelling the image. ‘But the thought that I could have been... I realised how careless we’d been. How when I was with you I set aside everything I wanted for myself, every dream I had, every promise I’d made to myself that I wouldn’t get tied down to a life of someone else’s choosing, like Mama and Anna did. I forgot everything that made me Rosa, and that terrified me. So I ran.’
The worst part was, it all made perfect sense, in a Rosa sort of way. Of course she had run.
‘I wish you’d been able to tell me, back then.’ Jude’s head was still spinning, imagining a world in which she might have done.
How could things have been different? Was there any way this could have ended differently?
Knowing Rosa, and knowing himself, he suspected not.
He’d been chasing fame, and she’d been chasing freedom. They couldn’t have done that together, not really. He could never have asked Rosa to chase his dreams with him instead of hers, and she could never have asked him to abandon his, either. Espe
cially not after Gareth died, and he had two people’s dreams to chase already.
The worst part was, nothing had changed. They were the same people they’d been three years ago.
There was still only one way this could all end.
‘I wish I had, too,’ Rosa said. ‘I know it wouldn’t have changed anything, but still... I wish I hadn’t left things the way I did.’
Jude rolled over so she was lying underneath him. ‘I think we’ve more than made up for it, the last couple of weeks. Don’t you think?’
‘Definitely.’ Rosa smiled up at him, so sweetly that he had to kiss her. ‘But we could probably stand to make up a few more times, before we leave. Don’t you think?’
That, Jude decided, was a question better answered with action, than words.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE WEDDING WAS PERFECT.
The sun shone down on the evening service, while Valentina and Todd took their vows with laughter and joy in between the serious moments. The actual, legal part of the ceremony, Rosa knew, had been completed in New York a week or so ago. So technically, Valentina and Todd were already tied to each other for life. But today was the day that mattered most to them—the day where they confirmed that commitment to everyone who mattered to them. When they stood proud and said, ‘I’ve made my decision. It’s this person for me. For ever.’
Rosa tried to imagine being that sure of anything, but the only thing that came to mind was Jude. And they both already knew that wasn’t an option. So instead, she decided to just enjoy the day.
Valentina looked more beautiful than ever, Rosa thought, in her designer dress. The white bodice clung to her curves before flaring out into a full, knee-length skirt. But it was the sheer overdress with its embroidered flowers, bold and beautiful in a red that matched the bridesmaids’ dresses, that really made it something special.
Rosa took a perverse pleasure in the fact that Sylvie’s dress clashed horribly with her hair.
Her own lemon-yellow sundress was maybe a little casual for such a celebrity wedding, but she hadn’t exactly packed for the occasion. She’d made an extra effort with her hair, though, braiding it carefully and threading tiny white flowers through it. If she was here as Jude’s date, even just for the day, she wanted to look as if she belonged with him.
And Jude was, quite frankly, breathtaking. While the groom’s party were all in pale linen suits, Jude wore a darker charcoal suit in the same light material. His white shirt was open at the collar and his skin, while darkened a little by his time on the island, was still pale enough to make his blue eyes blaze against it, and the darkness of his hair.
It was strange, being at the wedding as a guest instead of an employee of the island. Stranger still to see Anna in her uniform of dark skirt and white blouse, her dark hair pulled severely back. Rosa kept wanting to go and help—to fetch more ice, or fix a torn hem, or mop up a spill. But instead, her job for the day was to hang off Jude’s arm, look pretty and annoy his ex.
She could do that. For one day, anyway. For one day, it was a novelty. Any more, though, and she knew she’d be bored rigid.
As the sky darkened, the party went on. Food was served, music was played, speeches made. Valentina and Todd had already performed their first dance—a very location-appropriate tango, with enough heat in it that Rosa had caught Jude’s eye and made a mental promise for later.
‘Jude!’ Valentina approached them, her hand still tightly clutching Todd’s. She was beaming, happiness glowing from every inch of her. ‘Isn’t everything going wonderfully?’
‘It’s been a beautiful day,’ Jude agreed, his hand resting on Rosa’s thigh.
‘And it’s not over yet! Speaking of which... Since you’re here, do you think you might be able to treat us to a song or two? Since it is my wedding day...’
Jude laughed. ‘How can I refuse a request from the bride? Especially since I gatecrashed your wedding in the first place.’ He smiled at Rosa. ‘As long as you’re okay here alone?’
‘Absolutely.’ Rosa relaxed further back into her chair. ‘I’m going to sit here and keep eating these dessert canapés. You can come roll me into bed when you’re done.’
‘It’s a deal.’ Jude pressed a kiss to her lips, and disappeared off to fetch his guitar.
‘You realise that when he goes back to New York he’ll forget all about you.’ Rosa’s spine stiffened as Sylvie slipped into Jude’s abandoned chair. ‘When he’s deep in his music he forgets almost everything.’
Rosa shrugged. ‘That’s not a problem for us.’
‘Because you’re so different?’ Sylvie’s laughter was sharp and ugly. ‘Trust me, every woman thinks that.’
‘No,’ Rosa said, patiently. ‘Because when he goes back to New York I’ll be heading off somewhere else, on my next assignment. Russia, I think, this time.’
That, at least, seemed to surprise her. ‘You’re not planning on coming to New York with him if he asks?’
‘He won’t ask,’ Rosa said, with certainty. ‘Mostly because he knows I won’t go. I have my life and he has his. It just so happens that they both intersected here for a while. That’s all.’
‘Do you honestly believe that you’ll walk away from here and forget all about him?’
‘Maybe not forget,’ Rosa admitted. After all, she’d never forgotten him in the three years they were apart. There was no reason to imagine she would this time. ‘But I have plenty of other things in my life to focus on. I can’t see me having time to pine, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
Except for all those nights, alone in a hotel room or a tent, remembering. Those were always the hardest.
‘Worried? No.’ Sylvie gave her a shark-bright smile. ‘Relieved. If you’re out of the picture in New York that gives me an opening.’
‘Even if he forgets you for his music?’ Rosa ignored the burning feeling in her chest that started when she imagined Jude and Sylvie together in New York. He wouldn’t go back to her, would he? Not after everything she’d done. ‘Do you think he’ll even want to see you, after all the stories you sold about him?’
Sylvie dismissed both concerns with a wave of her hand. ‘Honestly, it’s more about the picture than the truth. As long as he’s seen with me enough to get our photo everywhere it’s good for both of us. The rest is almost beside the point.’
Beside the point. All the wonderful things she’d shared with Jude were, to Sylvie, unimportant beside his fame.
How could she ever explain to someone like that how Jude’s fame was the least attractive thing about him, to her? Because it was his celebrity, his success, that meant he was tied to a life that would mean she would always have to follow. To be Jude Alexander’s partner, instead of her own person.
And she couldn’t do that.
A cheer went up around the crowd as Jude stepped onto the small makeshift stage the traditional Spanish band had used earlier. Sylvie disappeared, off into the crowd, presumably to be seen with someone more deserving. And Rosa settled back down to listen to Jude play.
He started with a familiar song—one of The Swifts’ most classic numbers, but played in an acoustic style that rendered it almost something different altogether. Rosa had listened to plenty of Jude’s band’s music—it was hard to avoid anywhere where music was played, like hotel bars and supermarkets, not to mention the car radio. Sometimes, when she really wanted to torture herself, she’d even look him up online and read interviews with him, looking for the man she’d once known. The photos she’d taken on tour with them, what seemed like a lifetime ago now, showed a different man altogether, she always thought. Before fame hit, and the Jude the public saw became more polished, more careful.
But she’d never heard the songs this way before—just Jude and his guitar. There was so much more emotion in the music, she thought. They felt raw, but real, without all the production and eff
ects added to the finished pieces.
She preferred them this way, she decided. But maybe that wasn’t surprising. She preferred the man playing them to the one Sylvie described as Jude in New York.
The next song he played, though, sounded different again. Mostly because the last time she’d heard it, Gareth had been the one singing it. Rosa caught Jude’s eye and saw all the emotions there. Had he ever even played this song since Gareth’s death? Probably not, knowing Jude.
But maybe it was time. He’d said he wanted to find closure on the island, to face his demons. Coming to terms with what had happened to Gareth had to be a big part of that.
Rosa hoped it was helping. She wanted Jude happy, even if she wouldn’t be there to see it.
Suddenly, Leo pulled a chair up next to her. ‘Where’s Anna?’
‘I thought you were leaving.’ Rosa stared at her sister’s ex with loathing. Hadn’t he told Anna he’d be leaving the island the minute the speeches were over? If he had nothing more to offer, then as far as Rosa was concerned, the sooner he left, the better.
‘I need to speak to Anna.’
‘Maybe she doesn’t want to speak to you.’ And even if she did, maybe she shouldn’t.
‘Maybe,’ Leo acknowledged. ‘It’s important, Rosa, please.’
Rosa sat staring at the stage, at Jude. She didn’t want Anna to have to wait three years for closure, as they had. ‘She’ll be back at the villa. She’s overseeing the clean-up and packing.’
‘Packing?’
‘She’s heading back to Oxford tomorrow.’ Leaving Rosa to manage the week of post-wedding festivities Valentina had requested. Yay. Except, right now, Rosa couldn’t deny her sister anything. Not if it meant Anna finally finding the life she wanted.
‘I thought she was staying here?’ Leo sounded surprised.
‘Mama wants her to go back and think about it. It’s a huge change. Everyone just wants her to be sure. To make sure she’s doing it for the right reasons.’ She gave him a sidelong glance.
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