The Silent Rhymes of a Snowflake
Page 12
Chapter 12
*
Genesis
Second Galaxy Day is here. I’ve continued my work in the orchards every Sunday, but since that first time, I’ve been careful to make it back inside every night before the doors close. I’ve had some awkward run-ins with Doctor Hutchinson, but overall, I think everyone has moved on from that day. Everyone except me.
But working in Pavana is peaceful and relaxing. I enjoy it because it gives me some quiet silence to sort through my many thoughts. Sometimes I wish I could have been assigned there instead of the diamond mine here on Erimos.
I wait for Silas at the atrium like we discussed. This was supposed to be our first official “date” and I took this as an opportunity to wear my make-up for the first time.
Sometimes my memories confuse me so much. Like today—I remembered how to apply makeup, but it was still extremely hard for me to do. I applied my eyeliner unevenly and had to start over. It isn’t supposed to take over an hour to apply makeup, but I was cursing the mirror for forty-five minutes before I even looked decent. I was almost late to meet him.
Overthinking it can drive you batty. I don’t intend to wear makeup very often, but I assume that like everything else I will get better at it over time and learn not to question my memories.
I have decided that my fear of the unknown is irrational. Of course Silas and I are perfect for each other so I’ve set aside my anxious feelings that if we dated our friendship would forever change. I’ve become convinced that even though CGC has lied to us about the condition Earth, perhaps it is for a reputable cause. I’ve been preoccupied with other things and like the death of the girl that first day in the Sugar Pit, the night in the orchard seems to slip away the more I try to think about it.
I’ve set aside Paxton’s warning, cryptic and mysterious as it was. I have decided to love Silas if that is what he truly wants. And I think we could be happy.
I was able to buy the emerald dress I wanted so badly. It was expensive, but when I see myself in it I feel like it was worth it. It is a knee-length dress, tight-fitting through the middle and flaring out at the ends. The brooch on its one shoulder is made of diamond snowflakes enwrapped in a circle. There are three more brooches that grace the side. When I move into the light it sparkles and I feel more beautiful than I think I have ever been—both in this life and in my memories.
At the atrium, I walk slowly and listen to the gentle whoosh of my dress as it moves from side to side. Surely it will impress Silas, but as soon as I see him I can sense that something’s wrong. He doesn’t comment on the way I look at all and it hurts my feelings. He feels distant and reserved.
Our recent conversations replay in my head and I try to think if I did something to offend him, but all my memories of us together are only light and fun.
There was the joke I made yesterday about him smacking his bubblegum like a valley girl, but usually Silas can take a joke as well as he can dish it out.
What could be wrong with him? I know he’s been happier with his job. They moved him from baker to kitchen intake—which is still in the kitchen, but now he’s one of the select few who has access to a computer. He seems at home there printing labels and typing all day. Things have been going so well until now.
“So…our first date!” My words, however exaggerated, are sincere. Hopeful even.
But he is mute all the way to the ballroom—even when he offers his arm to me so I can walk up the steps in my heels without falling over. This feels so natural. So right. How can he be second-guessing everything now that I’ve finally agreed to it?
When we reach the ballroom, we walk inside and see Doctor Elliott on a beautifully constructed platform in the center of the room, surrounded by lights and roses.
“Thank you all for coming to discovery of the Second Galaxy! July twentieth--it is a day that made history. The day that mankind was rewarded for our scientific labors and years of research when two life-sustaining planets were found. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Earth was on the verge of killing itself and because of you…”
He stops to motion to all the snowflakes. “Because of our snowflake volunteers it lives! Earth is being reborn and our dreams are a success. Earth will never overcrowd itself or struggle for peace because now—now we can expand across the galaxies. The snowflake program grows by the day and with each expansion we see progress. The last years of the program have been exciting, but I believe that in this sixth year we’re going to see things we have never seen before or even dreamed possible. Now, I’d like to toast to the snowflakes of our two amazing planets—Erimos and Pavana!”
Everyone cheers. I appreciate that our hard work is being acknowledged—sometimes it feels like we get overlooked as some kind of workforce full of nameless drones, but today I feel accomplished. Ember didn’t come to the ball, but I wonder if he wouldn’t hate Elliot and the staff of CGC quite so much if she had. Right now CGC doesn’t really seem all that bad.
Silas doesn’t clap or even look very alive at this moment and I’m getting irritated. I confront him, nervously.
“You seem a little off today.” I tell him. “Is everything all right, Silas?”
I lightly touch his elbow, but he keeps walking.
I’ve never seen him behave this way. “Please talk to me, Silas. In the short time I’ve been here I have never held anything back from you. Please don’t shut me out.”
Urgency punctuates every word and still he attempts to ignore me.
His eyes carry intense pain and something else…anger. Why is he angry with me? He pulls me into a lounge just outside the ballroom. I can tell that he is eager to get his worries off his chest, but doesn’t know how to begin. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Silas, it’s me. You can just talk to me.” I continue to press him and he concedes. He plants both hands firmly on my shoulders and looks into my eyes with such force that I can barely hold his gaze. He is scaring me just a little.
“Genna, I cherish you.” He begins. “You are my best friend and we share everything together. I thought that meant that one day you and I might be married. Like Gavin and Nikki—that we could be happy.”
He lets go of me and begins pacing the room while he continues. “I’m not saying that’s how it would have turned out, but it was a possibility…for me anyway. I made an application for permission to date and it was declined. By Doctor Mitchell--with deepest apologies of course.”
At this he rolls his eyes. He knows I’ve been spending time with Doctor Mitchell—recounting my dreams and that over the months I’ve been here we have become friends.
Silas continues, “So I fought it--I went to Esther and asked her why. I appealed to Doctor Elliott. He told me that he was sorry, but that the reasons are a confidential aspect of the program. I asked him what would happen if we dated secretly and he said that they ‘see’ everything and I would be fined or reset if we disobeyed the decision.”
I don’t know what to say first. Do I address his pain or join in his anger about this outrageous breach of independence?
Of all the couples I have met in Erimos, none of them has ever been refused the partner of their choice and we had assumed that the dating application was just a formality.
This all seems so unfair. How could Pax do this? I thought he was jealous, but I didn’t know he was capable of this.
“Silas, I know this is hard, but it won’t change how close we are. You are my best friend and we’ll just—have to keep it that way.”
“It’s not just that, Genna. I can’t believe that I ever would have signed something that allowed these people to completely control my life and keep secrets about why. They tell me where to sleep, where to eat, where to work, who to date, and who to marry. There are so many questions that CGC won’t answer and I’m just tired of it! I won’t pretend I don’t see the inconsistencies of this place. I just want someone to tell me who I am and why I came here—and then I want to bring them down.”
“Hah—this is what you call ‘life’? I know we don’t understand all of our memories or…or…dreams that we see in the night, but I don’t think this is what living was supposed to feel like. How can you be ok with this?”
I know he’s getting angry with me so I think for a while before I answer.
“I’m ok with it because—Pax, er, Doctor Mitchell seems to think it’s the secrets that protect us.”
I knew it was the wrong time to bring up Paxton. Why did I do that?
“Pax? You’re on a first name basis now? No wonder my request was denied.” If he wasn’t angry with me before then he is now.
“I can find the information I want if I look hard enough—even if I have to fight to find it. You can close your eyes if you want to and pretend there’s nothing wrong.”
His tone changes from anger to sadness as his eyes bore a tunnel through me. “I wish you were on my side, Genna. But, I hope you enjoy your comfortable life. Because of Doctor Mitchell, I won’t be part of it now.”
He storms out of the lounge without joining in the ball. I know that more than the denial by Paxton, he’s upset that I’m not as angry as he thinks I should be. I’m not completely against him, either. Truth is, I don’t know what I am. But then, that’s been the problem all along, it seems.
I walk into the ballroom and try to join the party, but I know it will be a futile endeavor. Just the same, I spent a fortune on this dress; I don’t want it to be wasted. The ballroom is decorated beautifully with twinkle lights that must resemble the deep night the space explorers ventured into in order to find Erimos. Dark, uncertain—I admire them for taking a leap of faith.
At the appetizer table, an incredibly tall young man approaches me.
“Is, um…is Ember here?” He inquires nervously.
“I don’t think she came down. This isn’t really her thing.” I laugh as I recall the conversation I had with her when I tried to get her to come along.
“Oh. I was hoping she’d change her mind. I’m Daniel. Will you tell her I said ‘hello’?”
“Sure.” I should be confused, but I can see through his shy face in an instant. I’m afraid he’s only in for a heartbreak, though.
A stranger asks me to dance with him and I accept, but my thoughts are not on him and after a while he notices that I’m not listening to him talk so he stops dancing with me.
I’m miserable. Grabbing the clutch I bought to match this stupid dress, I start to leave, but just as I do, I see Pax out of the corner of my eye. He’s leaning up against a wall and has probably been watching me all evening. I get that feeling anyway.
Our eyes lock, and I turn the other way to storm out. He knows why.
He follows me out into the corridor where I was just with Silas.
“Genna! Genna, I know why you’re mad at me and I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I whip around with all the force of a tornado. “You wouldn’t even tell him why…you won’t tell me why and you’re sorry? You’re sorry for an awful lot of things, Doctor Mitchell, but you never seem to try to make things right.”
“If you only knew how much I wanted to.” He tells me.
“Well, it isn’t good enough anymore. You say that I’m special. Prove it.”
I blink for a second and suddenly Paxton has crossed the small space between us and pulled my face into his in a kiss. My mind stutters as I try to decide if I want to kiss him back or not. This is not the kind of proof I was expecting, but I just can’t bring myself to push him away.
When he does finally pull away from me, he touches his forehead to mine without opening his eyes. Indecision ripples through his shaking hands.
“I will.” His concession comes out like a whisper and I almost miss it. “I will tell you why you can’t be with Silas. But it will only lead to more questions and I can’t answer all of them. Are you sure you want that?”
“Yes.” I tell him.
Will this be another half-truth? Enough of an answer to get me to leave him alone? Or will it be just enough to keep me coming back for more?
Chapter 13
*
Dr. Mitchell
It’s not like I didn’t know this was a dumb thing to do. On Earth there was an old saying “Slip of the lip can sink a ship.”
Except in this case it’s not just a ship. It’s a whole corporation—the sustainability of two—three planets if you count Earth. All of that could sink because of a girl. And it doesn’t feel like a slip of the lip—it feels like falling head first down a mountain. And I want to.
Because I love her.
I know where my loyalties should lie-with CGC. The entire program could fall because of something I say—or don’t say in the next few minutes.
Because Genna is volatile. Not in an uncontrollably emotional way—not like a soap opera personality or a silly woman who will fly off the handle at the slightest hint of a broken dream.
No. She’s volatile because she’s curious. She’s determined. She has the ability to bring us all down, but she hasn’t seen her own potential yet. I’ve never encountered a snowflake so alive—so human.
It is dangerous to do what I’m about to do, but Genna is just as dangerous with her questions left unanswered. She’ll find them out one way or another and will probably burn this whole place down in the process. I’d rather let her know I’m on her side now before she finds out some other way.
I lead her back to my office where we can have some privacy. Everyone is gone anyway—attending the Second Galaxy day festivities.
As we slip in, I turn the light on and close the door. Anyone walking by will probably assume I’m just working late—which is, in fact, not unusual these days.
“You look very beautiful in that dress.” I can’t take my eyes off her. And really, someone had to tell her.
She blushes a little. I know that I get to her and it makes me feel good about myself for a moment.
But then I remember that with a word I will crush her. And that even if I don’t tell her everything right now, I can never have her without the full truth. She won’t stand for anything less.
Neither of us sits down. It’s like we both know that what’s coming can knock us off our feet, but we still want to be standing when it happens.
“Genna, you were right when you said I was jealous of Silas. I was jealous because he sees you everyday. You tell him your deepest thoughts without fear because he’s like you. You laugh with him so unreservedly. You know that I have secrets and that keeps you away from me. I should be proud of you for being so curious. And if I were smart I would stay away from you.”
I’m kind of embarrassed by my choice of words. I didn’t mean to sound like a hopeless puppy. The truth is, I could stay away from her—if I wanted to.
I’ve never been one to believe in fatalistic love. Some people think it sounds romantic, but wouldn’t it be better to just admit that I want to be near her? That’s the truth of it, after all.
“I want to have you close, Genna. You want the truth and that’s it. The first part anyway—that I will lay down my reputation and risk everything I have to give you what you need.”
She’s motionless—waiting for the proof.
My hands are shaking but I know I’m too far in to turn back now. “I care for you—deeply and that made it all the harder for me to tell Silas that he could never have you. I knew it would hurt you, but I didn’t do it out of spite. I did it because…”
“Because why? Don’t you dare leave me hanging now!” She shouts.
“You may not believe me. And even if you do, things between us will never be the same. It’s like jumping off a cliff, Genna. You can’t just go back.”
“Jump then.” Her voice is soft now—like a music
note lightly clinging to an echo. She takes my hand—she knows that as of this moment we are in this together.
“I told him ‘no’ because he’s your brother.”
* * *
“How is that possible?” Her voice tells me she’s in disbelief, but she knows it’s true. It all finally makes sense to her—the magnetic attraction, the birthday they share, the denial of his dating request. She takes a step back adding some distance between us.
She’s angry—I knew she would be.
“How could you know and not tell me?”
Again—Genna thinks so much more like everyone else than the other snowflakes do. She captures real emotions and fits them together like pieces of a puzzle. I knew she would ask me that—because she’s quick.
“My job is—complicated. I told you that you would have more questions. I told you I wouldn’t give you the answers. I can tell you that you are from Atlanta, Georgia and so is Silas. And Ember. She’s your sister, by the way.” I hadn’t planned to tell her that part, but she may as well know.
At this news, Genna doesn’t even seem surprised, but she turns around and I know she’s holding back tears—afraid to let me see. She doesn’t even want me close anymore.
For the first time, I’m worried that in her anger, she might betray me to the upper-level staff--just to get even. Her nature is not vindictive—neither are her memories, but Genna is advanced.
I feel like a terrible person right now. Maybe I would deserve whatever she had to dish out.
As if she had read my mind, Genna sniffs back her tears and tells me, “I won’t try to get you in trouble, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Now I feel even worse for being concerned about my own self-preservation.
“But I intend to find the answers on my own. I will find
out what’s going on--why you all lied to us about Earth, why you all keep us in the dark.”
“I never lied to you about Earth, Genna.”
“Yes, you did.” She cries. “That night I fell asleep in the orchard, I overheard a conversation from a flight crew bringing in supplies to Pavana. Earth hasn’t been destroyed—it’s alive and well. That’s why you don’t want us leaving the Core after dark—you don’t want us to know!”