Trust

by Sherri Hayes

  Stephan leaned back, brushing the hair away from my face with his fingers. “May I kiss you?”

  I nodded.

  As soon as I’d given him the green light, Stephan bent his head and caressed my lips with his. It was featherlight . . . cautious.

  “I love you,” he murmured before pressing his mouth firmly against mine. Within seconds, the outside world ceased to exist. The only thing that mattered was this. Him.

  My hands searched for purchase against the skin of his back. I wanted closer, to feel more. As if reading my thoughts, he ran his tongue along my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I opened my mouth, and his tongue slipped inside to begin its gentle exploration.

  I wanted to keep kissing him forever, but before I knew it, he was ending it. His breathing was exaggerated, as was my own, as he rested his forehead against mine. “If we don’t stop, I’m going to end up stripping you of your clothes and taking you on that bed there.”

  Right then, that sounded perfect. I’d missed him so much. All I wanted was to feel him over me again, his body pressing me possessively into the mattress.

  He groaned. “That’s not helping, Brianna. Ross is still downstairs. I’m surprised he hasn’t come looking for you yet.”

  My enthusiasm faded. I’d forgotten about Cal. He wasn’t going to like that Stephan and I had made up. “I should go talk to him.”

  Reluctantly, I stepped away from Stephan and headed toward the door.

  “Wait.”

  I stopped and turned back around to face Stephan.

  “Move back in with me.”

  “What?”

  “Move back in with me. Here. You can stay in your old room if you want, just come back home. I’ve missed you like crazy, and this separation hasn’t been good for either of us.” He paused. “Even before my stupidity.”

  The offer was tempting. As great as Cal and Jade had been to me, Cal’s house had never felt like home. My home was with Stephan. Even though my address had changed, that never had. “What about the reporters?”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  Stephan took hold of my hands, stepping closer.

  “You hardly ever go out alone anyway, and there is security here. You’d be safe.” He placed my arms around his waist and held my face in his hands. “We’ll figure it out. Together this time. Just say you’ll come home.”

  I didn’t want to say no, so I didn’t. “Okay.”

  He smiled, his face alight with his obvious joy at my answer. “You’ll move back in?”

  I smiled back at him. “Yes.”

  Stephan placed a hard kiss on my mouth before grabbing my hand and heading downstairs. Now I just had to tell Cal and Jade. I wasn’t all that worried about Jade, but Cal . . . that was an entirely different story. I just hoped that, in the end, he’d be happy for me.

  Chapter 27

  Brianna

  “I think that’s the last of it.” Jade placed her hands on her hips. She hadn’t said much when Cal and I returned to the house and I’d explained that I was moving back in with Stephan. Unlike Cal, who repeatedly gave his opinion on the matter. Stephan had wanted me to stay, but given how Cal was reacting, I’d thought it best to go and come back later with Jade. I didn’t want them fighting again.

  When she continued to stand there watching me, I started to think something was wrong. “What is it?”

  For a long moment, she didn’t say anything. “I’m just worried maybe this is happening too fast. Yesterday you weren’t even speaking to him, and now here you are moving back in. Even Emma said she didn’t think this was a great idea.”

  Emma, my lawyer, had stopped by Cal’s while we were packing up my things. I’d been so focused on other stuff that I’d forgotten it was Saturday and that she’d be stopping by to check on me and give me an update as she usually did.

  “I don’t want to be away from him.”

  She nodded. “I know that. And I don’t know what I’d do if our situations were reversed.” Jade dropped her arms and came to stand in front of me. “Just promise me you’ll stay in touch, okay?”

  “I will.”

  Jade hugged me tight for a minute before stepping back. She looked over my shoulder into the main room. “Then again, I don’t know if Cal would let you do anything else.”

  “He’s really mad at me.”

  “No. He’s not mad at you. He’s furious with Stephan. In his mind, Stephan coerced you somehow into moving back in with him.”

  “But he didn’t.”

  She brushed a loose piece of hair away from my face gently, meeting my gaze. “I’m not sure Cal’s opinion on that will ever change. He views you as the little sister he never had. I don’t know if you are aware of this or not, but there have been nights when he’s woken up from nightmares yelling your name. When I asked him about it, he said it’s always the same. You’re in this dark place. He can see you, but for some reason he can never get to you.” Jade sighed. “I think on some level he feels responsible for what happened to you. I know it’s irrational, and I think he does, too, but you can’t change how you feel.”

  I glanced out into the living room. Although I couldn’t see Stephan from where I was standing, I could see Cal. He was glaring at something off to his left, and I knew that it had to be Stephan. “Should I talk to him about it?”

  “Maybe. But not now. Even if you tried, I’m not sure he’d listen. He’s so caught up in his own anger.”

  Nodding, I helped her put away the suitcases we’d used to bring everything over and then walked back out into the main room with her. I felt as if I needed to do something to mend this rift with Cal. He’d gone out of his way to help me over the last few months. I didn’t want to leave him feeling as if I didn’t appreciate it.

  Crossing the room, I made my way over to Cal. As I neared, his expression softened, and I realized Jade was right. He wasn’t mad at me. His anger was directed solely at Stephan.

  Taking Jade’s advice, I didn’t try to reason with him. Instead, I circled my arms around his waist and squeezed. “Thank you.”

  Cal held his body rigid. I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to react at all to my gesture, but then he relaxed his stance and rested his hands lightly on my back. He didn’t reply, but it was enough for now. I didn’t have many friends, and I didn’t want to lose the ones I had.

  Jade and Cal didn’t stay long after that. I could tell Cal didn’t want to leave, but Jade reminded him they’d both see me Friday afternoon to take me to my appointment with Dr. Perkins. Stephan and I hadn’t discussed my continued visits with the psychiatrist. I knew he wasn’t crazy about my going.

  I stood watching the closed door after Cal and Jade left. They no longer appeared on the security monitor, so I was watching a screenshot of the empty hall.

  Stephan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I leaned back into him, enjoying the feeling of being in his embrace once again. Oh, how I’d missed that.

  “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

  “Yes.”

  “But?”

  “I feel as if I did something wrong.”

  He stepped back some and turned me to face him. “Have you changed your mind about moving back in?”

  I shook my head. That was the last thing I wanted him to think. “No. I want to be with you.”

  Stephan pulled me closer so that our chests were touching. He grazed his fingers against my cheek before tilting my chin up. “Then what is it?”

  “I don’t like to see Cal so upset.”

  “Is he ever not upset?” The right side of Stephan’s mouth curled up slightly, so I knew he was trying to make a joke.

  “Sometimes.”

  At my serious expression, Stephan sighed. “He doesn’t like me, and I’m not sure he ever will. I think that’s something we’re both going to have to accept.”

  “I know.”

  He kissed the tip of my nose. “Maybe in time—when he sees you’re happy—he’ll learn to at least t
olerate me.”

  I nodded but didn’t say anything. Even though I wanted what Stephan suggested, I wasn’t holding my breath. Cal was extremely stubborn, and given what he’d experienced with his neighbor, I wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to accept my relationship with Stephan.

  “Come on, let’s get some lunch, and then I have to get some work done.”

  Frowning, I looked up at him. “You have to go into work today?”

  Stephan placed a quick kiss on my lips before leading me into the kitchen. “I went in for a couple of hours after you left this morning. Unfortunately, there are some things going on right now that require my attention. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone in at all and helped you move.”

  His news only made me feel worse.

  “Hey,” he said, placing the items he’d removed from the refrigerator on the counter. “Stop with the sulking. I chose to be here today when you returned with your things. That was my choice, not yours, so none of this feeling guilty. It was not your decision to make, Brianna.”

  I glanced down at the floor. “I could have waited.”

  He didn’t like that response. “No. I want you here with me. I didn’t want to wait, and I hope you didn’t either.”

  Looking up, I could see he meant every word. “No. I didn’t. I just don’t want to be a burden. I’ve already—”

  “Brianna, let’s get one thing straight right now. You are not now, nor have you ever been a burden to me. Do you understand? Never.”

  “Even when I have my panic attacks and you have to change your plans because of me?”

  He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest. “Even then.”

  Stephan kissed the top of my head before letting go. “Come on. I’m getting hungry, and I want to spend some time with you tonight. Just the two of us. I’ve missed that.”

  I smiled up at him, happier than I’d been in a while. “Me, too.”

  Stephan

  Sitting in front of my laptop going through e-mails was the last thing I wanted to be doing. Brianna was watching television in the living room, and I wanted to be right there with her. It took great effort on my part to keep my hands to myself while Ross and Jade were here. Of course, I could have thrown caution to the wind and given in to my impulses. Typically I would have done just that where Ross was concerned, but today was different. I could tell he was itching for an excuse to have another physical confrontation with me. Brianna didn’t need to deal with that on top of everything else.

  I’d told Michael, Lily, Doug, and Erik to keep me apprised of the situation with Greta, Megan, and Greta’s grandson, Frankie. They’d divided the duties, trying to do a complete and thorough job by the time the board met again on Friday. Megan was suspended and told a decision regarding her fate, along with her boyfriend’s, would be forthcoming and that if they cooperated, no charges would be filed. She seemed to be on board for the time being. Frankie was more reluctant, but it seemed Michael’s initial meeting with him had changed his tune.

  Movement drew my attention to Brianna. She walked toward me tentatively. “What do you need, sweetheart?”

  She seemed hesitant. “I was just wondering if you wanted me to cook dinner?”

  I glanced down at the clock. It was already four thirty. I was at least an hour away from being finished.

  Pushing my chair away from the table, I stood, stretching. Dining room chairs weren’t meant for long, drawn-out work sessions. I hadn’t wanted to go upstairs and leave her down here alone, though. Not yet.

  I reached for her, pulling her to me. “That would be wonderful.”

  Placing a soft kiss on her lips, I reluctantly went back to my makeshift desk. The sooner I got done, the sooner I could have her back in my arms.

  Dinner was delicious. I’d missed Brianna’s cooking, but more importantly, I’d missed eating supper with her. Her presence alone seemed to lessen the stress of dealing with what was going on at the foundation. I wasn’t sure if she would ever completely understand the profound effect she had on me.

  After helping her take the dishes into the kitchen and loading them into the dishwasher, I led her into the living room and over to my chair. I sat and pulled her down with me. She quickly snuggled close, getting into her favorite position. It was impossible to describe how good something as simple as having her sit with me in my chair again felt. There were no words that would do it justice.

  I let us both enjoy the moment for a while before starting the conversation I knew we needed to have. “How are you feeling?”

  She released a relaxed sigh as she wiggled closer, pressing her nose against my neck. “Good.”

  Pressing a kiss to her temple, I inhaled the coconut sent of her hair. It amazed me, all the simple things I’d missed. “Now that you’re back home, there are some things we need to talk about.”

  “Okay.” I was a little surprised by the lack of fear in her voice. She sounded utterly content.

  There was so much I wanted to say—a lot that needed to be said. I decided to start with something simple. “Did you and Jade get everything situated in your room earlier?”

  “Yes. She helped me put all the clothes away.”

  “Good.” I ran my fingers through her hair gently. It was almost as if I had to remind myself that this was real, that she was home with me. “The room is yours, Brianna. You can do with it what you wish. If you want to paint it a different color, get new furniture, just let me know and we’ll get it arranged how you want it. It’s your space to do whatever you want with.”

  Brianna was playing with the buttons on my dress shirt and then suddenly stopped.

  “What is it?”

  “Does that mean I’m not going to be sleeping in your bed?”

  I breathed a sigh of relief without even realizing how much the thought that she might not want to share my bed right away had plagued me. “That’s up to you. If you’d rather sleep in your room for a while, I’d understand, but I want you with me, Brianna, and that includes having you in my bed.”

  She gripped my shirt briefly before going back to toying with my buttons. “I want to be with you, too.”

  Cupping her cheek, I guided her mouth to mine. Her lips were soft and pliant as I applied a gentle suction. I was torn between wanting to deepen the kiss and devour her and the need to make sure all was right between us before I took that next step.

  Ending the kiss before things got too carried away, I tucked her head back into the crook of my neck. Brianna’s enthusiasm when it came to our physical contact never helped quell my desire for her. “We need to talk about how we move forward in our relationship. Are you ready to do that?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  I inhaled a deep breath. It was the first time she’d called me Sir since our fallout. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. “Do you remember the rules I gave you at Ross’s?”

  “Yes.”

  “What were they?”

  “Eat three meals a day. Cook dinner every night. And e-mail you my journal before I go to bed.”

  “Good girl.” I caressed her hair lovingly, letting her know I was pleased. “I want you to keep doing those things with one slight alteration. Since you’re back home now, I’ve left a new journal in your nightstand for you to use. I still expect you to write in it every day, and I want you to present it to me every evening at dinner.”

  I felt her swallow hard. “Okay.”

  “Does that make you nervous?”

  “A little.”

  “Why?”

  She shifted against me and brought her hand up to graze the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. “You’ll be reading it in front of me.”

  I smiled. “Yes. And?”

  “And what if I write something that makes you angry?”

  “Then we deal with it as we always do.” I made her look at me. “Brianna, there is nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you. Stop worrying about what my reaction might be. This journal is to help
both of us. It will give me insight into your thoughts and feelings on what’s going on in our lives and whatever we may do in our relationship. If something you write upsets me, we’ll talk about it—simple as that.”

  Brianna glanced down. “I didn’t like being . . .”

  She sighed.

  I waited.

  “I didn’t like not knowing if you’d lied to me or not. It hurt so much.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and I took her face between my hands. With our noses touching, I met her gaze. “What happened was my fault, Brianna. Mine. You had every right to feel as you did. Although I’ll do my best not to make the same mistake again, I can’t promise that I’ll never mess up.”

  “I know.”

  We stayed that way for a while, watching each other and taking in what we’d both almost lost. I would do my best to make sure that never happened again.

  Brianna and I spent the rest of the evening sitting in my chair, talking, and touching. By the time we made it into my bedroom, I was about to explode. Guiding her into the bathroom, I turned on the shower and began removing her clothing. I watched her closely, looking for any signs that she wasn’t ready—that this wasn’t what she wanted—but there weren’t any. Brianna appeared as ready as I was to reconnect in this most physical way.

  My erection stood proud the moment I released it from the confines of my dress pants. I’d been hard for most of the evening but I’d been ignoring my needs so we could talk things out. We still had a long way to go. She’d forgiven me, but whether she admitted it or not, a level of trust had been broken. I had to rebuild that, and it would take time. After guiding her into the large marble stall we’d shared many times before, I reached for the shower gel and began to wash her.